General Art The Tracelium Charm

[blue-eyes]

I agree with Rainy. Your writing is amazing, and I felt like I was there. I liked the Traceliums, and the way they were introduced :nod: I enjoyed this chapter, and I can't wait to contention reading more of it

 

[Ⓡⓔⓖⓘⓝⓛⓔⓘⓕ]

Oh, this was your best update yet, Chilfo. Not because of Rad's appearance, no, but because you didn't commit the mistakes you were making back then with the whole tense shifting. It is good to see how well you've taken feedback to heart, I can see that you put a lot of effort. Continue this greatness. And btw, I can't wait to see how Narinia uses that flower. I could ask you whether Rad will show up again, but I will not, because I will continue reading the story and find out myself.

 

[Go_Skyward]

Fffffffffff. You're writing is so beautiful!! D; goodness, it's so good! lol... its almost like a book you would pick up at the book store and it would be one of those best sellers... kind of things. So good.

Now I'm just rambling. I love this xD

 

[Azure Sage]

Title drop! I kind of imagined Traceliums to be some sort of jewel, because of the word "charm" in the title. But flowers are interesting too! And so is that Rad guy! To think Narinia would stumble upon the house of the very man she had been looking for. What a lucky girl! I'm interested in seeing what she'll do with the Tracelium. Will she use it on Shannon, or will she try to find the prince and use it on him? :O I can't wait to find out!

All in all, this was a great chapter! I'm dying to read the next part! Keep up the awesome work!

 

[Chilfo Freeze]

Wow, quite interesting, seems like Rad might have a crafty side.

Crafty indeed, Myriad! Glad you liked it.

I always love your writing. <3 You give so much detail, yet not much at all. It really takes me to where everything is happening. ^^ Can't wait for more!

Thank you! It's nice to know that you feel as if you're within the story itself; that's what I aim for with my style. ^^

I agree with Rainy. Your writing is amazing, and I felt like I was there. I liked the Traceliums, and the way they were introduced :nod: I enjoyed this chapter, and I can't wait to contention reading more of it

Again, thanks! It actually took me a while to think of a way to introduce the flower, but I'm glad you enjoyed the way I did it!

Oh, this was your best update yet, Chilfo. Not because of Rad's appearance, no, but because you didn't commit the mistakes you were making back then with the whole tense shifting. It is good to see how well you've taken feedback to heart, I can see that you put a lot of effort. Continue this greatness. And btw, I can't wait to see how Narinia uses that flower. I could ask you whether Rad will show up again, but I will not, because I will continue reading the story and find out myself.

Yay! It's awesome that you say so, because I really did strive to remove any of the errors that you had found in my previous chapters. You'll figure out soon enough what Narinia does; and Radamanthys will surely be showing up again

Fffffffffff. You're writing is so beautiful!! D; goodness, it's so good! lol... its almost like a book you would pick up at the book store and it would be one of those best sellers... kind of things. So good.

Now I'm just rambling. I love this xD

Wowza! Why, thank you! It feels good to know that you feel that way, but I'm sure that my writing is not at that level But nonetheless, thanks! ^^

Title drop! I kind of imagined Traceliums to be some sort of jewel, because of the word "charm" in the title. But flowers are interesting too! And so is that Rad guy! To think Narinia would stumble upon the house of the very man she had been looking for. What a lucky girl! I'm interested in seeing what she'll do with the Tracelium. Will she use it on Shannon, or will she try to find the prince and use it on him? :O I can't wait to find out!

All in all, this was a great chapter! I'm dying to read the next part! Keep up the awesome work!

Yes, sir! Name drop indeed. You'll have to keep reading to find out what happens! And - I'm going to sound repetitive - thank you!

To all who read: The next chapter will be up this coming weekend! Not sure which day; it may even be up on Friday the 27th! Stay tuned

 

[Myriadviper42]

Dang it, you got my hopes up. Ah well, sure to be good.

 

[Ⓡⓔⓖⓘⓝⓛⓔⓘⓕ]

You fooled me too, Chilfo.

Oh well, back to waiting eh? Haha *gets back in the cage*

 

[Chilfo Freeze]

Yay, new chapter!

Chapter Four​

It was gorgeous; simply flawless. Narinia's eyes grazed the petals of the Tracelium, inspecting every beautiful detail. The plentiful shades of purple brought about a kind of glow, although she wasn't sure if the colors were exuding that certain glow or not. That mysterious radiance was faint but shockingly white, enveloping the flower and dispersing an aura of intrigue for anyone who caught a glimpse of it. Narinia relished the moments that she laid eyes upon it, for it was not only beautiful, but it had a special charm as well.

Narinia held the flower gingerly in her hand as she unlocked the door to the shoppe and stepped inside. As she turned around to head up the stairs, she looked up to see Shannon frozen in place behind the display counter. He had his hand wrapped around a silver necklace, but he quickly dropped it, letting it tumble onto the shelf. Narinia raised her eyebrow, putting one hand on her hip and sashaying to the side.

"What are you doing there, Shannon?" Narinia slowly started to walk forward, letting Shannon sweat it out a bit. She stopped at the front of the display counter, putting her hand without the Tracelium on top, eyeing him from head to toe.

"Hey, Narinia! Where'd you go? You weren't here when I woke-"

"Stop. Just... please don't even try. I know you were about to steal that necklace." On cue, she pointed to the silver necklace that now looked to be scratched due to Shannon's careless-ness.

Shannon sighed, standing back up from his stooping position, putting both of his own hands on the display counter. He hovered closer to Narinia, replying, "Yes. Yes I was. It was the best opportunity I've ever had. Yet you, miss. You have impeccable timing." Shannon reached out his finger and tapped Narinia's nose once, smiling while he did so.

Narinia swatted his hand away, then began to make her way around the counter and up to Shannon, making sure to gently place the Tracelium out of reach. Narinia's sudden movements surprised Shannon, and he started to back away slowly, accidentally knocking over a broom all the while. Narinia pointed a finger and poked him in the chest, pushing him back.

"You... I give you food. I give you a place to sleep... all while risking my own safety," Narinia began to yell, her eyes tearing up at the corners, "and this is how you repay me? By stealing from me?" Upon speaking the last few words, she put her hands at her sides and refrained from physical contact, stepping back. She simply couldn't believe him. How rude, sly and vulgar could one man be?

Shannon straightened his back and averted his eyes from her tear-stricken face, not wanting to see such an emotion. He couldn't stand when women cried; he always had a soft spot for that, and he didn't know why. He frowned a bit, then looked back at Narinia, letting his dirty blonde hair fall in front of his eyes.

"I- okay, look. I'm sorry, alright?" He held his focus on Narinia, wanting to let her know that he meant what he was saying. "This was... wrong of me, okay? I admit it, and for that, I am sorry."

Narinia looked up at him, her brown eyes searching his face for true reparation, and to her surprise, she found it. His eyes gave him away; they had been constantly flicking around the room, avoiding her at all costs, but when he stated his apology, they finally landed on her. That seemed to her to be a true apology. She turned around, picked up the Tracelium and went into the kitchen without saying another word to him.

Shannon stood where he was, momentarily confused. He then followed her, peeking around the corner to see what she was doing.

"Hey, uh. Are we alright? You know, about the whole 'stealing' thing?" He continued to glance at her from around the corner, keeping distance.

Narinia walked over to a cupboard, pulled out a slightly cracked cup and placed the flower within. The petals of the flower hung over the rim of the cup, but not so much that it would droop. Narinia made sure of that. She then walked to the corner of the room where a couple buckets full of water sat upon the floor. She dipped the cup in, filling it with just enough water to support the flower. Placing her finished product on the counter, she turned back around to Shannon.

"Yes, we are alright. I accept your apology." Narinia then grabbed the cup from the counter and headed to the stairs, carefully holding it out in front of her while going up the steps. Shannon followed her, intrigued. Once in her room, she placed it on her nightstand, and she sat on the bed, watching it.

Shannon walked in behind her, flopping himself down next to her on the bed. He leaned back on his hands and looked at her, "That flower seems to be quite the eye-catcher. Where'd you get it?"

Narinia hesitated to answer, but she did nonetheless. "It's pretty, isn't it? I went on a walk and I just... happened upon it."

"Oh yeah?" Shannon was interested, so he leaned forward to examine it closely. "What's that white glow about it? Never have I seen something like that," he said, tilting his head in pure curiosity.

"Well, I'm not sure..." Narinia knew exactly why it glowed, but Shannon didn't need to know. "That's why I decided to pick it up. The glow made it stand out from the other flowers around it." Narinia attempted to make up some substance to support her lying.

"Huh. That's crazy." Losing his initial interest, he leaned back again. "So, do you go the the Autumn Festival every year?" He was changing the subject, and Narinia was okay with that.

***​

The Autumn Festival was a magical, sensational time of year. The people of Purbeck - young and old, rich and poor - would all join together in the middle of town square for the celebration of the changing of the leaves. The Festival was always held at the prime time of the leaves changing colors. Everyone would dress in their best clothes. They'd dance and sing, with the joyful peasants producing music from all kinds of instruments; wooden flutes being the most popular. There'd be stands set up with vendors selling masks, which were required at the Autumn Festival. The mask represented a new identity, the people of Purbeck believed that the new colors of the leaves symbolized a new identity as well. Due to this, no one exactly knew who each other was, so all of the societal rules between the rich and the poor were forgotten for that one night. Anyone could dance with anyone and have a jovial time. One could perchance end up dancing with the Prince, for all she knew.

While the members of the town took pleasure in the Festival, the leaves would rustle from time to time, as if they were meant to join the humans in the occasion. The Autumn Festival was something that no Purbeck resident would ever want to miss.

***​

"No. My step-uncle has never let me attend it." Narinia was a bit saddened at this realization, so she proceeded to bow her head. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, it's the perfect time to do some pick-pocketing for us thieves." Shannon chuckled. "Yeah, those Royal Guards think they've got a good system going for protection, but they can never stop us."

Narinia turned her head to gaze at Shannon, letting her eyes show him that she was disgusted. "You pick-pocket during the Festival? When people are trying to have a good time?"

"Yes. It's the perfect opportunity, and a lot of us get rich real quick due to the Royal Family being there." Shannon shrugged as if he had told this to her many times before.

Narinia sat completely still at the mention of the Royal Family. She had not known that the Royal Family participated as well; she thought the Autumn Festival was only for the middle and lower classes. She stared at the wooden floor, her heart stammering in her chest. Her mind was unraveling with this unknown fact, and she was now fabricating an extraordinary - but extremely risky - idea.

"The... the Royal Family?" Narinia didn't move when she asked this question. She was still frozen in place.

Shannon watched her in amusement, his lips quirking up at the side. "Uh, yeah? Not a big deal, they go every year."

Narinia suddenly turned to face Shannon, her eyes wide and bright, and the sign of a smile on her lips.

"Take me to the Festival."

It was Shannon's turn to be surprised. He wasn't sure about this, but he was thinking that she could actually be of good use to him. He slowly started to nod, also starting to weave a plan of his own.

"Hmm... okay. One condition, though." Shannon raised up one finger in front of Narinia.

Narinia didn't care if there was a condition at this point or not. She wanted to get to that Autumn Festival. No, she didn't just want to go to it; she wanted the chance to dance with the Prince. Dance with him, and swipe one lone petal of the Tracelium upon his skin.

"I don't care, what is it?"

Shannon pulled back his finger and looked her in the eyes, becoming serious. His green eyes smoldered a bit as he said, "You help me pick-pocket."

Narinia winced at the proposition. She had never once committed a crime, and yet to see the Prince at the Autumn Festival meant that she had to commit a crime. She glanced away for a second, then looked back at Shannon.

"Why?"

"It's simple, really. A lovely lady like yourself can recieve the attention of many young suitors." Shannon's eyes still smoldered, showing that he believed his plan would work quite well. "Not just the attention of the poor suitors though, oh no. Everyone will be masked, so who's to say that an upperclass gentleman won't sweep you off your feet? Or even," Shannon got closer to Narinia, winking and saying, "the Prince of the Royal Family? Once they dance with you, you'll have the absolute perfect time to delicately 'liberate' these men from their personal belongings."

Narinia wasn't too sure about his proposition, but she surely liked the sound of dancing with the Prince, despite the fact that she would have to steal from him.

"It's a deal, then." She stuck out her hand, and Shannon smiled broadly while reaching out his hand and shaking hers with vigor. He then stood up from the bed and held out his hand for her to take.

"Alright, then," he said, producing a smile, "first things first. We need to steal you a dress."

 

[Myriadviper42]

Wow. That's pretty good, Chilfo. Seems like a lot of interesting things will happen next chapter, what with the autumn festival and all. Good job.

 

[Raindrop14]

Ooh! She's going to steal to dance with the prince! I can't wait for the next chapter!

 

[Ⓡⓔⓖⓘⓝⓛⓔⓘⓕ]

This flowed as great as ever, Chilfo. I only have two things to talk to you about. The following word in this sentence didn't seem appropriate to me, but it is just me, you can leave it there, as it also works since it is a character who is speaking. In my case, I would have used very instead of real.

"Yes. It's the perfect opportunity, and a lot of us get rich real quick due to the Royal Family being there."

My case: "Yes. It's the perfect opportunity, and a lot of us get rich very quickly due to the Royal Family being there."

And Also, I thought that you didn't need the *** when you gave details about the Autumn Festival. Your explanation to that is just part of the flow of the story. I tend to use that when there tends to be a break in the story, you know, to separate stuff when detailing aspects about two or three different characters who are sharing the same chapter and taking action at the same time, or at least taking action one after another.

But you are fine, it doesn't affect it, really.

Great job, Chilfo. This was another memorable update, particularly because Shannon managed to make Narinia agree to even steal. I can't wait to read more. ^^

 

[Azure Sage]

Ooooh, naughty Shannon! Hahah, busted! I really like how you describe the characters' emotions and their actions, it's very realistic. I can picture it clearly in my head! This Autumn Festival sounds interesting, too. And... I TOTALLY CALLED IT! I KNEW SHE PLANNED TO USE THE TRACELIUM ON THE PRINCE! Man, she meets him once, and she's willing to resort to criminal activity just to dance with him. Slow your roll, honey!

Shannon is turning out to be an interesting character! I'm still curious about that predicament he was in when we first met him, I wonder if that will turn up again soon. Maybe when he tried to steal from Narinia, he planned to use that necklace to resolve that predicament! You know, as collateral! :O Either way, I'm interested in seeing how well of a pick-pocketing team Narinia and Shannon will make.

I just love it, Chilfo! I wish I had this many loyal readers for my fan fiction. :I lol Keep up the amazing work! The next chapter can't come out soon enough!

 

[MikauIncarnate]

Wow, this is really good. I opened it just so that I could see what the title meant (I was thinking charm like a spell) and you got me hooked. I can't wait for the next chapter. Only one thing, lol. "Wha-la" is spelled "Voila." And you have absolutely no idea how much that made me laugh. haha. Anyway, awesome job.

 

[blue-eyes]

Amazing. I read it, and ever since she got the Tracelium I had an idea in my head, and I bet myself a dollar if I got it right. NOt sure how that works but.... Amazing writing, you are really talented!

 

[Go_Skyward]

Oh my gosh, Chilfro! Can you read my mind or something? I've said this before but you made Shannon PERFECT! The thief role is good for him, because he has the personality to back it up c: you are nailing all the actions and personality traits of him, love it

Anyways, the story itself is still VERY well done, thus far, I like it. I kind of figured that she would use it on the prince because. Prince = money, marrying Prince = no more uncle xD. I love it and can't wait to see what you do next c: