General Art The Tracelium Charm

[*M i d n a*]

It's good, but you unbalance your writing by shifting styles. I've only seen a few peeps here do that, Rainy and I dunno who else. My advice for you is to simply use one writing style and stick to it. Here's what I am referring to:

A knock on the glass of her window breaks her out of her reverie. Narinia is surprised to see Hanna in a crouched position, waiting for her to open the window. Narinia smiles and opens the latch, grateful to see Hanna there.

"Shh, quiet! I just got thrown in here," Narinia admonishes Hanna for her loud entrance. Hanna throws her hand forward nonchalantly, blowing it off.

"Hey, don't worry about it." To make Narinia feel better, she kept her voice low. "What do you say we get outta here - walk around the town a bit? You haven't been out in ages." Hanna looked Narinia up and down, scrutinizing her raggedy clothing. Narinia shrugged in response, not too sure. "Oh, come on. I'll get you back in time so that you won't have any trouble." Narinia raised her eyebrow at her. "Promise!"

If you don't get what I mean, in the last bolded sentence/paragraph you went back to the original writing style that you began with.

 

[Chilfo Freeze]

If you don't get what I mean, in the last bolded sentence/paragraph you went back to the original writing style that you began with.

I went back over this post from the last time I read it, and I do understand! I do have a problem with constantly changing tenses, but I will be looking out for that this time around, so thank you!

Alright, people! This a long one! Despite this fact, I hope you enjoy!

Chapter Two​

Narinia woke to a squirrel scratching at her window. It was early morning, and yet her step-uncle would be mad if she was a minute late for her duties. She hastily climbed out of her cot and pulled the sheets up, making it look half-way decent. She then ran down the stairs and took her place at the small dining table that held bread and butter. The step-uncle stood behind his seat. Narinia could hear his foot tapping on the floor, signaling his impatience. She winced.

"Well, well. Look who took a hefty amount of time to get ready this morning." The step-uncle took a piece of bread from the table, put no butter on it, and tossed it at Narinia. "One piece, that's it. Now off to your work. Now!" Narinia did as he demanded.

She arranged the jewelry in the display case, setting up the silvers and the golds seperately. Her step-uncle hated it when she color-coded, and she always got a whipping for that one. She had learned her lesson, and reluctantly began to do what he wanted instead. Her hands were fiddling with the chain on a silver necklace when someone came into the store. She stood up. The someone was a guy, and he was handsome from what she could see. He had on a hood, and she could catch a bit of a gleem in his vivid green eyes.

"Hello miss. I was wondering if you could help me find the perfect gift." He looked at her, and the look in his eyes made Narinia's knees falter just a bit. Perfect gift? Why, me of course, she thought to herself, but then quickly banished the thought. She had business to attend to.

"Well, I have to say that's kind of vague," she said, smiling and gazing at him from beneath her lashes. "We have these lovely pendants suited for any occasion-"

"No, I need something that says 'always'... do you have that?" He had cut her off and Narinia was a bit surprised, but nonetheless, she carried on.

"May I ask who the lucky madam is?" She was truly curious, and the male made a soft grunt of approval and smiled.

"If I knew her, I'd tell you." He shook his head once. "She is to be here at noon tomorrow, and I am to wed her in a few weeks."

Narinia's eyes smoothly assessed his face, and she found a bit of worry etched upon his brow. "Maybe something for good luck perhaps, instead of something so filled with commitment?"

"Why do you say that?" The man tilted his head with curiosity.

"How do you know of 'always' with this woman when you have never met her?" Narinia responded with a question and the man took it with consideration.

"You are right, in a way." He smiled again, and Narinia's heart quickened. She wondered if he could hear her heartbeat; to her, it filled the room.

Narinia averted her eyes and she began to trail her hand along the display case. "Why not one of these pearls-" she had been cut off once again, but this time by the clambering of a dish upon the floor. Her step-uncle had entered the room, staring at the man. He bent to one knee quickly.

"Your majesty, Prince Dylan. It's an honor to have you in our shoppe." He bowed his head.

Narinia looked from the man, to her step-uncle, then back again. Her eyes widened and she inhaled sharply as she sank to the ground behind the counter.

"Your majesty, I am so sorry for not seeing this before." Narinia shook her head at herself. How had she not known? Narinia glanced up at the prince, who looked a little sheepish.

"Please, you don't have to do that," he said, his green eyes searching for anything but the proper manners that Narinia was giving him. His dark brown hair swept over his eyes for a second, and he pushed it out of his sight. Narinia stood up slowly then, as did her step-uncle.

"I must be on my way." The Prince shifted towards the door to the streets. "I wish I could submit a special order, but I only have a day." He nodded at Narinia's step-uncle, then he caught Narinia's gaze.

"Your name, miss?"

"Narinia," she said, squeaking a bit on the last syllable. Her eyes wavered, and she stood still.

"You show great promise in this shoppe," the Prince then turned to her step-uncle. "Let that be known." The look that he gave her step-uncle was one she hadn't seen from him yet. It was almost a warning to him - his eyes squinted a bit and his brows furrowed at her step-uncle. But just as instantly the look came, it also vanished.

The Prince turned and opened the door. "Good day, Narinia." Just like that, he was gone, a cloak with a hood vanishing down the cobblestone street.

***​

"Alright, you're done. Just put the soap away and throw the dirty water out in the alley, and then you'll be fine." The step-uncle continued with his usual day-to-day banter.

"Yes, sir." Narinia picked up the pale of brown, musty water and walked through the house to the back door. She walked over to the storm drain at the side of the pathway, and she poured out the contents of the pale. From a distance, she heard quick footsteps that seemed to get louder. Whoever it was, he or she was getting closer, and Narinia sidled up behind a metal staircase. There happened to be an escapee and a pursuer, and the latter caught the former's shoulder, throwing him back.

"You! I told you that you needed to find something to sell!" The pursuer pointed a finger at the escapee, who had dirty blonde hair that matched his equally dirty clothes. He spoke up.

"Yeah? Well maybe you should give me some time to do that!" He spat the words in the other's direction. The pursuer grew angrier and clutched at the man's shirt at his chest.

"We've given you time! You've got two days. Two days you bring us something good, and then you'll be let go. But we need our money, damnit!" At that, he let go of his shirt, leaving it wrinkled, as if it was a remembrance of what he had just said to him. Then, he left, turning and walking away.

The escapee looked at the ground and started mumbling to himself. Narinia didn't know what to do, but she had to get back before her step-uncle became even angrier, so she stepped out into the alleyway. The man looked at her, a bit shocked that someone had been there the whole time. Then, his eyes lit up, as if he had a grand idea.

"You- you don't happen to have food, do you? Oh, that's rude of me," he shook his head, clearly admonishing himself. Narinia just wanted to run, but for some reason she stayed.

"I'm Shannon. Shannon Wolfe, that is." He held out his hand, and Narinia eyed it. "I won't bite," he said with a crooked smile.

Narinia took his hand and shook it once, then broke the contact immediately. It was her turn to speak.

"I'm sorry for your situation... listen." She knew this would sound insane and a bit wierd, but she said it anyway. "Can you get on top of this roof? If you can, find the only window it has that protrudes, and I'll be there with food." She then turned on her heel and walked briskly into her house. Shannon was left with a bit of confusion, but he did as he was told. He was too hungry not to.

Narinia scurried through the hallways of her house and made sure to avoid her step-uncle's room. He was already fast asleep, so with that advantage, she snuck into the kitchen and filled her arms with a loaf of bread. She prayed that her step-uncle wouldn't notice come morning.

She ran up the stairs as stealthily as she could, closed the door to her room behind her, and opened the latch to her window. Shannon had done what she told him, and he was crouched upon the ledge.

"May I?" Without an answer, he swung into her room and landed gracefully. He looked at the bread in her arms, and he almost drooled, but he stopped himself. It had been a while since he had a freshly-baked good.

Narinia broke off a piece of bread and handed it to him. "Take a seat," Narinia said as she plopped herself onto her cot and patted the spot beside her. This was an unusual week for her. The only people she ever saw were her family and Hanna every once in a while, let alone two guys in one day. She brushed it off to the side, trying to think nothing of it, but it was kind of exciting.

"Thanks." Shannon sat beside her and leaned back, savoring the bread right down to the last crumb. It was so good, and the rest of the loaf that Narinia held in her hand was tantalizing to him. "I was actually going to ask if I could stay here for a night... I have no place else to go."

"That's fine with me, I'll take you in for tonight, but you have to sleep on the floor." She gestured to his ratty clothing that was tattered and stained, and he shrugged in response.

"Better than the streets." He hopped off the bed and made his way to a small pile of folded up blankets upon a dresser. He took a couple and proceeded to attempt to make a bed on the floor. Narinia watched with amusement. As soon as he finished, he looked back up at her and pushed his blonde hair out of his eyes to reveal his green, vivid eyes. Narinia blushed at the thought of the Prince's green eyes as well.

"Hey, uh. You gonna eat the rest of that?" He pointed to the half of the loaf that she still had. She shook her head and tossed it to him. He smiled, his teeth unexpectantly white compared to his countenance. Shannon ate the bread with much delight.

"You sleep there, and in the morning I will promise breakfast. You can't stay any longer though. My step-uncle will see that food is missing, and I don't want to be punished." Narinia slipped under the covers of her cot, laying in her bed so that she faced away from Shannon. She heard some shuffling, and Shannon was soon comfortable in his bed as well. He never responded to her last statement. She respected him for that.

Soon, sleep claimed both Narinia's and Shannon's eyes, but not before Narinia shuffled throught the events of the day in her mind. It was wild compared to the norm. She had met two guys, both on the opposite ends of the societal spectrum, and yet they both were down-to-earth and gentle. She momentarily blushed as she remembered the Prince, but she knew she would never see him again; not in the way she wanted to anyway.

Yet, even with that eventful day, she still kept one thing in the back of her mind - or rather, one person. She had yet to figure out the man in the shoppe at the end of the street. Thus, she vowed to visit his shoppe the next day, and see what he was all about.

 

[blue-eyes]

Amazing. And I'm a prince? Wow, shocking. I only noticed one mistake, where you said color-coated. Isn't that supposed to be color-coded? But anyway, I loved it, and I can't wait for chapters to come.

 

[Go_Skyward]

THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL! Of course, I think you did Shannon's personality very well. In my cannon, he's pretty much the definition of a rich computer programmer. But in this story, you made a twist, a poor commoner. I like it. I think his personality is pretty spot on. I love it... along with the rest of the chapter of course! Lol. c:

 

[Azure Sage]

Excellent chapter as usual! Narinia must feel honored to have met someone as important as the prince! And now I find myself curious about not only Narinia's mother but the royal family as well, and the country and the town Narinia lives in. You don't really seem to explain where the story is taking place, so I would suggest touching on that a bit soon. If you already had a plan for that, then that's fine, don't mind me! I'm also dying to know more about Shannon's predicament. By the way, Shannon is a funny name for a guy.

I can't wait for more. Keep 'em coming, Chilfo! ^-^

 

[Go_Skyward]

I'm also dying to know more about Shannon's predicament. By the way, Shannon is a funny name for a guy.

o!!!! But he's my baby! I looked it up! Its a boys name... I think... oh gawsh...

 

[Myriadviper42]

Excellent chapter, only thing is that you misspelled pursuer.

 

[Raindrop14]

This was exellent! <3 I really love your detail and the way you describe people's looks and stuff. ^^ I really can't wait for more!

 

[*M i d n a*]

I read this earlier and have caught up. You did improve much from your last time, but you still shifted tenses once, I believe. It's good, though, the story is moving along great, keep up the good work. I wonder whether Shannon will be related to the prince later in time. Oh, btw, there was a Shannon in my class, a guy, so the name wasn't new to me. God job with it, Chilfo. ~Gobligotchi

 

[Chilfo Freeze]

Amazing. And I'm a prince? Wow, shocking. I only noticed one mistake, where you said color-coated. Isn't that supposed to be color-coded? But anyway, I loved it, and I can't wait for chapters to come.

Yes, your character turned out to be the prince! Also, I did end up changing that mistake. I couldn't tell you why I put "coated" instead of "coded", so thank you!

THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL! Of course, I think you did Shannon's personality very well. In my cannon, he's pretty much the definition of a rich computer programmer. But in this story, you made a twist, a poor commoner. I like it. I think his personality is pretty spot on. I love it... along with the rest of the chapter of course! Lol. c:

Thank you! I'm glad I captured him as well as you wanted. And, I'm all about twists in a story.

Excellent chapter as usual! Narinia must feel honored to have met someone as important as the prince! And now I find myself curious about not only Narinia's mother but the royal family as well, and the country and the town Narinia lives in. You don't really seem to explain where the story is taking place, so I would suggest touching on that a bit soon. If you already had a plan for that, then that's fine, don't mind me! I'm also dying to know more about Shannon's predicament. By the way, Shannon is a funny name for a guy.

I can't wait for more. Keep 'em coming, Chilfo! ^-^

Oh, I have a plan for that! Patience, Azure. Time will tell.

Excellent chapter, only thing is that you misspelled pursuer.

Thank you, Myriad! I fixed the spelling error.

This was exellent! <3 I really love your detail and the way you describe people's looks and stuff. ^^ I really can't wait for more!

I adore detail. <3 Thanks so much, Rainy!

I read this earlier and have caught up. You did improve much from your last time, but you still shifted tenses once, I believe. It's good, though, the story is moving along great, keep up the good work. I wonder whether Shannon will be related to the prince later in time. Oh, btw, there was a Shannon in my class, a guy, so the name wasn't new to me. God job with it, Chilfo. ~Gobligotchi

I made sure to keep an eye out for tense changes. I'll have to find that mistake, it may bother me! Thanks so much!

To all: The next chapter will be up soon! It may be posted before this weekend... we'll see!

 

[*M i d n a*]

I understand, so I took the time to bring it forth just in case you wish to deal with it. And I took the time to point out two other mistakes, if you call them that.

The pursuer look angered and clutched at the man's shirt at his chest. (not look, rather looked is what you want here, or you could use seemed as well)

Shannon had did what she told him, and he was crouched upon the ledge. (had done)

It's been a while since he's had a freshly-baked good. (This is the tense that I am talking about. It's should be It had or It'd, but I'd go with the former. And he's should be he'd)

Anyway, hope that helps you, Chilly. Like I said, it's looking great.

 

[Ganondork]

Okay, I'm entirely caught up. With that being said, you do need a little bit of work to be done on your writing.

Let's begin with the first issue that Atsuma already noticed; tenses. You seem to switch tenses often, and this generally makes the story weaker and far more confusing. Being completely honest, I think it's a lot harder to write in present tense than it is to do it in past tense. So I would recommended staying in past tense; it's easier, and in my opinion, looks better. I really can't name any books I like that are written in present tense. That's definitely worth noting.

With that being said, I think your terminology needs a bit of work. I would say you use sophisticated words - which is a start - but more interesting words are lacking. I had to read the chapters in sections, to be honest. I think your descriptions have something to do with it; you do them in large amounts, and then stop for awhile. Then you continue using a lot, and then stop. If you spread descriptions instead of doing them in enormous groups, then it will be more enjoyable to read. I would suggest going for the more colorful words than just larger words.

With all of this said, it's not a bad piece of writing by any means. It could just use a bit of work. I was going to get to this story anyway, but your asking me to read it for you gave me that extra push. Thank you for that.

 

[Chilfo Freeze]

Okay, I'm entirely caught up. With that being said, you do need a little bit of work to be done on your writing.

Let's begin with the first issue that Atsuma already noticed; tenses. You seem to switch tenses often, and this generally makes the story weaker and far more confusing. Being completely honest, I think it's a lot harder to write in present tense than it is to do it in past tense. So I would recommended staying in past tense; it's easier, and in my opinion, looks better. I really can't name any books I like that are written in present tense. That's definitely worth noting.

With that being said, I think your terminology needs a bit of work. I would say you use sophisticated words - which is a start - but more interesting words are lacking. I had to read the chapters in sections, to be honest. I think your descriptions have something to do with it; you do them in large amounts, and then stop for awhile. Then you continue using a lot, and then stop. If you spread descriptions instead of doing them in enormous groups, then it will be more enjoyable to read. I would suggest going for the more colorful words than just larger words.

With all of this said, it's not a bad piece of writing by any means. It could just use a bit of work. I was going to get to this story anyway, but your asking me to read it for you gave me that extra push. Thank you for that.

I gave you my thanks over VM's, but I'll be modest and say it here too. Thank you! Means a bunch that you could catch up on my story and critique it for me as well.

Chapter Three​

Early morning came quickly, and when Narinia opened her eyes, the sun promised a day full of light. She glanced over at the direction of Shannon, seeing that he was still sound asleep. She giggled at the position he was in; both knees bent up to his chest, as if he was a little child that was still afraid of the dark. Narinia sighed and swung her feet onto the floor, attempting to make as little noise as possible. Like every day, she pulled the sheets up on her cot and made her way downstairs for her daily dosage of her step-uncle's wrath.

Narinia walked to her place at the dining room table, noticing that her step-uncle was not where he usually was when she arrived. She was puzzled, and she didn't know whether to move or not; that would be all it would take for her to get a whipping from him. She scanned the room, her eyes eventually landing on a ripped piece of paper on the corner of the dining table. Narinia hurriedly grabbed the paper, wanting to read it before her step-uncle came near.

Narinia,
Today, I have been asked to make a trip to Singeton - the next town over from Purbeck. I have been called upon to repair a piece of jewelry for a noble. I will be back tomorrow. Do not forget your duties or there will be trouble.
- George

Narinia visibly relaxed, letting her shoulders slouch. She could not remember the last time that her step-uncle had left the shop for a few hours, let alone for a whole day. Purbeck - being the town that they lived in - was a hefty 50 to 100 miles away from Singeton. A slow smile crept upon her lips as she began to realize that she was free to do whatever she pleased. Of course, she had her daily duties to take care of, but otherwise, she was as free as a bird soaring in the open skies. This was a new feeling, and she wasn't going to let it go to waste.

Grabbing an apple from the kitchen and her coat and shoes from the closet near the back door, she hastily made her way out into the merchant street. Many people were bustling about; orphans playing jacks in the street, mothers carrying their crying babies and hushing them, beggars and paupers on the corners asking for money. Sometimes they would even go as far as bartering, trading their coat for half of a loaf of stale bread. Narinia silently thanked the heavens that she was not so low on the social ladder. She also thanked the heavens for her jacket - she would start to need it on these windy autumn days.

Narinia made her way to the end of the street, keeping in mind the man that she had met at the shoppe of trinkets. Her curiosity had peaked since the day before, and she couldn't stay away any longer. She bobbed and weaved through the crowds of people, coming upon the entrance of the shoppe when she stopped, her feet falling to a halt.

There was a sign posted on the entrance - "CLOSED". Narinia slowly began to shake her head in confusion and side-stepped to the gallery window, putting her hands up to the glass and peering inside. It was true. The shoppe had been cleaned out. The only objects that remained were the mere shelves and cases to hold the trinkets; nothing more. Narinia slowly stepped back, completely taken aback. She was so very curious, and yet the closing of the shoppe stripped her of being able to find out the mystery of the man behind that counter. Narinia hung her hands at her sides and began to walk, kicking pebbles on the cobblestone street as she went.

What had she missed? Narinia started to feel like she should have known that the shoppe was going to close, but how could she have known? It wasn't her fault that she had failed to realize that the shoppe was not doing well. She felt as if it was her fault, her mood instantly becoming dim. She didn't know why she blamed herself. It was silly to think that she could have caused it. It had nothing to do with her, so she walked on, contemplating any other reasons for its' sudden closing.

Narinia was not conscious of just how far she had walked, but when she finally came to her senses, she didn't know where she happened to be. The outskirts of Purbeck? She looked around, craning her neck and turning in circles, trying to see if she could find anything that looked familiar, when in the distance, she saw a house.

It wasn't just any old house that you see on a day-to-day basis. As Narinia gradually walked closer, she caught a better glimpse of the house around a couple of branches that caved into her line of vision. The house was set about 50 feet back from the gravelly road that she happened upon. It was big. The house loomed on the property, its dark details making it look much bigger than it appeared. The house was black, which made a stark contrast against the vivid colors of the autumn leaves. No one would be able to see it in the night unless perchance that lights were turned on. Narinia started to make her way up the walkway a bit hesitantly.

She walked up the steps, taking a few seconds before knocking on the door before her. Glancing to the side, she noticed a pot of flowers. They were gorgeous, displaying various shades of purple. Raspberry, lavender... all of the purple shades creating a vivid glow. Narinia soaked in the beauty, then turned back to the front door, sucking in her breath and holding it.

"Why are you even doing this?! You have absolutely no reason to - you don't even know who lives here!" Narinia scolded herself in her head as the door creaked open.

There he was. The man from the shoppe, standing only a few feet in front of her eyes, wearing nothing but black clothing from head to toe. Narinia looked up at his face to see that his eyes were wide with bewilderment.

"Can I help you?" The man spoke almost as a whisper, but not quite.

Narinia had to think of something to say. She had no legitimate reason as to why she was there. "You... your the man from the shoppe at the end of the merchant street, correct?"

The man averted his eyes quickly, stumbling in his speech, "Yes - No! Damnit..." He sighed. "Yes, I am. Why does this concern you?"

"Well, I went to visit today and saw that your shoppe was closed," Narinia continued with her explanation, trying to make it sound rational, "I was... disappointed. I wanted to buy a couple things from there." She didn't know where she was going with this, but it was the best that she had. She occasionally looked off to the side so that the man couldn't catch any signs of lying. Every time she did so, she just so happened to look directly at the pot of flowers on the porch.

"I'm sorry to hear that," the man replied, taking notice of her interest in the flowers. He stepped out of his house, closing the door behind him. Narinia stepped back.

"I see you're taking quite a lot of interest in those flowers." He changed the subject, wanting to take the attention away from his failed shoppe. He gestured toward the flowers as he strided over to them. Narinia noticed something that she hadn't before; the sun glinted off of a scar that ran down his right cheek, from the crease of his eye to the tip of his chin. She tilted her head in wonder, then quickly looked away.

"They're lovely." Narinia eyed the man again, noticing that his dark, dusky eyes watched her with interest, scanning her face for she didn't know what. She stepped up to the flowers and began to place a hand upon one of the petals.

"I wouldn't do that." The man said earnestly, instantly grabbing Narinia's hand and halting it. Narinia quickly looked up at the man and pulled her hand back.

"Why so? Are they poisonous, sir?" Narinia's heart pounded faster; what was wrong with the flowers?

"You could say that; at least, that's how I would put it." The man pulled his hand back as well, decreasing the proximity to Narinia. "Don't call me "sir". My name is Radamanthys." He sighed, turning away from her and leaning up against the railing of the porch.

"Okay, Radamanthys. What do you mean you would "put it" that way? Are they truly poisonous?" Narinia started to sidle away from the plant, creating distance, becoming wary.

Radamanthys turned back towards her, running his hand through his short, black hair. "It's... difficult to explain. They're called Traceliums."

Narinia was not sufficient with just a name. "Tell me more."

Radamanthys raised an eyebrow and began to smirk, his lips quivering with amusement. "Alright."

He advanced on Narinia, pushing her back up against the front door. He put both of his hands right next to her head on either side and kept his face only mere inches away from hers. Narinia seized up in fear, her hands clutching her coat, eyes wide.

"If you touch the flowers," he began to run his finger down the length of her chin, starting at the base of her ear, "you can make the man of your dreams fall in love with you." Radamanthys smirked, watching Narinia's expression change as he spoke. His finger sent cold shivers down her spine.

"If you take a petal and stroke it once upon the skin of the man of your dreams, then voila," he backed away from Narinia and threw his hands up as if in celebration, "within a matter of minutes, he will realize that you are his one true love." Radamanthys gazed at Narinia, gauging her reaction. Narinia gave him the kind of reaction he was looking for; intrigue. Her jaw was dropped slightly, her eyes shining bright with an idea. Narinia slowly regained her balance and stood straight once again.

"Oh yeah? I've never heard of such a thing." Narinia crossed her arms, wanting to trick Radamanthys into thinking that she was not interested, when in fact, she wanted nothing more than to gain possession of one of the flowers.

"Hmm, that's a shame, because I've never been one to tell a lie." Radamanthys slowly started to circle around Narinia, prodding her on. He stood behind her and stooped, whispering in her ear, "You can take one, if you want."

Narinia's ears perked and her eyes shifted back and forth, contemplating. Without responding to him, she stepped up to the pot of flowers and took one in her hand. She turned around, looking Radamanthys directly in the eyes.

"I'll take your word for it. You owe me anyways, since your shoppe so inconveniently closed." Narinia shrugged, attempting to play the non-chalance card. She then strided past him and took the few steps down to his walkway, signaling that she was leaving.

"Thank you." Narinia turned back around and proceeded to leave Radamanthys behind.

As she walked away, Radamanthys opened his door and watched her leave. When she was out of ear-shot and half-way down the road, he replied.

"No, thank you."

 

[Myriadviper42]

Wow, quite interesting, seems like Rad might have a crafty side.

 

[Raindrop14]

I always love your writing. <3 You give so much detail, yet not much at all. It really takes me to where everything is happening. ^^ Can't wait for more!