Raindrop14
Soldier for Christ!
Woo! Great chapter! 
Can't wait for more!
Can't wait for more!
General Art The Tracelium Charm
- Thread starter Chilfo Freeze
- Start date
Myriadviper42
Fulcrum Agent
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2010
- Location
- Control
Sorry for not being on sooner to comment. Wow, this really is turning out nice. What I think will be interesting though, is how she finds out her mom was there....and is now dead.
Chilfo Freeze
Emma Jean Stone
Before I begin, I'd like to say a few things.
One - Thank you all for your comments/critiques/suggestions! Much of it has been taken into consideration, and that's so very helpful!
Two - I've realized that as I go along, my chapters get longer. I have to decided to shorten them up a bit.
Three - Due to this, I will be putting more series of events within each chapter, rather than explaining the events outright and forthwith.
Four - This doesn't mean I'll be getting rid of detail. Y'all know I love detail too much to do that.
So, without further ado:
She sat upon a stone bench in the garden, transfixed. Her little hands clenched the hard surface of the seat on either side. She stared out straight in front of her, the gaze floating over the patches of flowers and the trees in the distance. Her eyes landed on nothing in particular. Her small body was tense from head to toe.
Narinia couldn’t bear the suspense. The butler had sent her out into the garden in order to stay out of the ruckus. People were bustling inside her home; some having harsh, whispered conversations, others pacing about as if they didn’t know what to do with themselves. The only fragment of a conversation that she had heard before she was shooed away was this:
“Murdered, you say? Oh my.”
Her own mother, was it? Was that why she hadn’t seen her since the night before? Narinia started to believe in this thought more and more as she mulled over it. She didn’t want to believe it, and yet it seemed that this was the case.
Narinia then heard the click of a lock from the garden entrance. She didn’t look; her gaze still held upon the flowers in front of her.
A man she hadn’t seen before sat beside her on the bench.
“Narinia, correct?” He placed a hand on her shoulder. Narinia didn’t budge, but she listened.
“Your mother was a good woman. No need to cry, for she has a place in heaven now.”
At that, Narinia turned to the man, giving him an icy glare. The man wryly smiled, taking his hand off her shoulder.
“Now, now. No need to give me such a look. You should know, I am Avhan. I have stepped into your mother’s place as Arm of Justice.”
As he spoke, his eyes gleamed with an air of power, as if he could control Narinia with the flick of his wrist. Narinia wouldn’t cry in front of this man; he didn’t need that satisfaction from her, and she would never give it to him.
“A stronghold, you are… just like your mother; how nice.” Avhan stood up, scowling in Narinia’s direction. He tugged on his jacket, taking a few steps towards the house. “Until we meet again, Narinia.”
Narinia didn’t turn to watch him leave. She could hear his arrogant steps as he walked away, every tap of the foot claiming pride. He chuckled once before shutting her out in the garden.
The butler came out a few minutes later.
“Narinia… you have no relatives left within this household. You shall be transferred to live with your aunt and step-uncle in town.”
“My, what a wonderful lady I’ve conjured into my arms.”
He may have been wearing a mask, but Narinia could recognize those green eyes from anywhere. In fact, his black mask made his eyes shimmer like she’d never seen before. Her cheeks flushed, and she couldn’t think of anything to say in response.
The Prince laid a soft touch upon her cheek with the back of his hand. “Don’t go shy on me now.”
Narinia suddenly became aware that she was still holding the pocket watch that she had stolen from the noble. Frantic with this realization, she averted her eyes and slipped it into her sleeve.
This was one of the reasons that the Prince had taken Narinia from the noble. He had watched her as she nervously slipped a hand into his pocket to pull out a prize. He saw the look on her face as she did it. It was as if she had never done it before, and she was scared out of her wits.
“Ah, what’s this?” He gently grabbed her arm and slid his hand up her sleeve, pulling on the chain of the pocket watch. It slid out, and Narinia didn’t know what to do. She tried to tug her arm away, but the Prince kept a steady grip.
“I’m not going to admonish you,” he said lightly. He pulled her into his arms and started to sway back and forth with the music. “I’m just wondering… why?”
Narinia laid her head on his chest. She did not want to answer.
“I’m helping out a friend. It’s not for me. In case you didn’t realize, I have plenty of jewelry at the shoppe.” She grabbed the pocket watch from his midst and slipped it back into her sleeve.
The Prince laughed whole-heartedly at her statement. He had a strong feeling that this was the girl he could come to learn about, rather than what she had become when her step-uncle had stated that he was the Prince. The primary problem was that his time was running out. In a mere couple of days, he would be married to Lilina. The first sight of Lilina had been nothing compared to the first sight of Narinia. Even with this in mind, he couldn’t change much about the fact that Lilina would be his wife. He wished so desperately that Narinia and Lilina could switch places at best. He would even wish for himself to be a peasant, if that’s what it would take for Dylan to learn more about Narinia.
This Prince had duties to withhold though. Both the kingdom and the town of Purbeck had eyes on him at all times. Alas, there wasn’t much he could do. One move in the wrong direction – such as having feelings for a peasant – would cause him some great turmoil within the town.
“A friend. I see.” The Prince didn’t have much time, because he knew that Lilina would search for and find him at any given second. He pulled Narinia away, holding her an arm’s length away. Narinia looked into his eyes, waiting. She kept the idea of the Tracelium in the back of her mind.
“Narinia, stay strong.”
Was he leaving her for good? The Prince left her with this one departing reply. When he turned around to leave, his hand lingered on her shoulder just long enough for her to reach for the petal of the Tracelium and swipe his hand with it once. Narinia waited for a second, expecting the Prince to turn around and pick her up into his arms.
This did not happen. He simply continued on his way.
“You fool.”
A dark, shadowy figure came up behind Narinia, speaking into her ear. It grabbed her hand, pulling her back through the crowds of people and into a dim alleyway. Narinia struggled in its grasp, trying to pull her hands away.
“Would you kindly stop struggling?”
The shadowy figure stepped into the light of a lantern, revealing itself. It was Radamanthys, dressed in all black, his eyes accompanying this fact.
“The flower only works when it’s fully intact. It doesn’t work when you’ve only plucked a petal and used it individually.” Radamanthys sighed, putting a hand to his head to ease an ache. He didn't look very pleased, and his tone made him sound that he was annoyed.
Narinia was beside herself with agitation and frustration. How was she supposed to know this? “You never told me that!” Narinia pointed at Radamanthys and became angry. She hadn’t known this, so now she felt like an imbecile for even trying to use the petal on the Prince.
Radamanthys could see that she was upset, but he could also see a bit of torment in her eyes. He lowered her hand and began to speak.
“You should use this flower on the one that has given you the most honesty. This will bring you true happiness in the end. Narinia,” he put his hands on her shoulders, gaining her full attention, “through the power of the Tracelium, I am able to tell when the relationship is trustworthy or not.”
Radamanthys then dropped his arms, letting them fall to his side. “All I have to say; choose wisely.”
As soon as he disappeared into the darkness of the alleyway, Narinia heard Shannon from behind.
“Hey, Narinia! So, how’d you do? Did you get anything good?” Shannon came running up to her, smiling with the look of success upon his face.
Narinia smiled up at him wondrously and pulled out the golden pocket watch from her sleeve. Shannon’s eyes lit up, and Narinia couldn’t help but smile a bit wider.
“Yeah, I think I did pretty well. You?”
“That’s amazing!” Shannon took the watch from her, handling it in his hands with care. He then stuffed it into his pocket. He then began to dig a hand into his other pocket, pulling out a couple silver necklaces and earrings. “Let’s just say I couldn’t get the chance to dance with the higher statuses that you did.” He sheepishly grinned, stuffing the jewelry back into his pocket. His gaze then landed back on Narinia. “Thank you, so much.”
Narinia gave Shannon a hug, wrapping her arms around his neck. “No problem.”
Narinia's thoughts flew in every direction possible. Radamanthys had told her to choose wisely, but what exactly did that mean? Was there something that she was missing? Had what he said to her meant that she had used the petal on the wrong guy, despite the power not being able to work? Was Radamanthys hinting at something? Narinia didn't know what to think, and because of this, her mind was hazy. Her thoughts were too scrambled to be put into any kind of order.
She would need time to come to a conclusion, but her time was ticking away quicker than she thought possible.
One - Thank you all for your comments/critiques/suggestions! Much of it has been taken into consideration, and that's so very helpful!
Two - I've realized that as I go along, my chapters get longer. I have to decided to shorten them up a bit.
Three - Due to this, I will be putting more series of events within each chapter, rather than explaining the events outright and forthwith.
Four - This doesn't mean I'll be getting rid of detail. Y'all know I love detail too much to do that.
So, without further ado:
Chapter 7
She sat upon a stone bench in the garden, transfixed. Her little hands clenched the hard surface of the seat on either side. She stared out straight in front of her, the gaze floating over the patches of flowers and the trees in the distance. Her eyes landed on nothing in particular. Her small body was tense from head to toe.
Narinia couldn’t bear the suspense. The butler had sent her out into the garden in order to stay out of the ruckus. People were bustling inside her home; some having harsh, whispered conversations, others pacing about as if they didn’t know what to do with themselves. The only fragment of a conversation that she had heard before she was shooed away was this:
“Murdered, you say? Oh my.”
Her own mother, was it? Was that why she hadn’t seen her since the night before? Narinia started to believe in this thought more and more as she mulled over it. She didn’t want to believe it, and yet it seemed that this was the case.
Narinia then heard the click of a lock from the garden entrance. She didn’t look; her gaze still held upon the flowers in front of her.
A man she hadn’t seen before sat beside her on the bench.
“Narinia, correct?” He placed a hand on her shoulder. Narinia didn’t budge, but she listened.
“Your mother was a good woman. No need to cry, for she has a place in heaven now.”
At that, Narinia turned to the man, giving him an icy glare. The man wryly smiled, taking his hand off her shoulder.
“Now, now. No need to give me such a look. You should know, I am Avhan. I have stepped into your mother’s place as Arm of Justice.”
As he spoke, his eyes gleamed with an air of power, as if he could control Narinia with the flick of his wrist. Narinia wouldn’t cry in front of this man; he didn’t need that satisfaction from her, and she would never give it to him.
“A stronghold, you are… just like your mother; how nice.” Avhan stood up, scowling in Narinia’s direction. He tugged on his jacket, taking a few steps towards the house. “Until we meet again, Narinia.”
Narinia didn’t turn to watch him leave. She could hear his arrogant steps as he walked away, every tap of the foot claiming pride. He chuckled once before shutting her out in the garden.
The butler came out a few minutes later.
“Narinia… you have no relatives left within this household. You shall be transferred to live with your aunt and step-uncle in town.”
***
“My, what a wonderful lady I’ve conjured into my arms.”
He may have been wearing a mask, but Narinia could recognize those green eyes from anywhere. In fact, his black mask made his eyes shimmer like she’d never seen before. Her cheeks flushed, and she couldn’t think of anything to say in response.
The Prince laid a soft touch upon her cheek with the back of his hand. “Don’t go shy on me now.”
Narinia suddenly became aware that she was still holding the pocket watch that she had stolen from the noble. Frantic with this realization, she averted her eyes and slipped it into her sleeve.
This was one of the reasons that the Prince had taken Narinia from the noble. He had watched her as she nervously slipped a hand into his pocket to pull out a prize. He saw the look on her face as she did it. It was as if she had never done it before, and she was scared out of her wits.
“Ah, what’s this?” He gently grabbed her arm and slid his hand up her sleeve, pulling on the chain of the pocket watch. It slid out, and Narinia didn’t know what to do. She tried to tug her arm away, but the Prince kept a steady grip.
“I’m not going to admonish you,” he said lightly. He pulled her into his arms and started to sway back and forth with the music. “I’m just wondering… why?”
Narinia laid her head on his chest. She did not want to answer.
“I’m helping out a friend. It’s not for me. In case you didn’t realize, I have plenty of jewelry at the shoppe.” She grabbed the pocket watch from his midst and slipped it back into her sleeve.
The Prince laughed whole-heartedly at her statement. He had a strong feeling that this was the girl he could come to learn about, rather than what she had become when her step-uncle had stated that he was the Prince. The primary problem was that his time was running out. In a mere couple of days, he would be married to Lilina. The first sight of Lilina had been nothing compared to the first sight of Narinia. Even with this in mind, he couldn’t change much about the fact that Lilina would be his wife. He wished so desperately that Narinia and Lilina could switch places at best. He would even wish for himself to be a peasant, if that’s what it would take for Dylan to learn more about Narinia.
This Prince had duties to withhold though. Both the kingdom and the town of Purbeck had eyes on him at all times. Alas, there wasn’t much he could do. One move in the wrong direction – such as having feelings for a peasant – would cause him some great turmoil within the town.
“A friend. I see.” The Prince didn’t have much time, because he knew that Lilina would search for and find him at any given second. He pulled Narinia away, holding her an arm’s length away. Narinia looked into his eyes, waiting. She kept the idea of the Tracelium in the back of her mind.
“Narinia, stay strong.”
Was he leaving her for good? The Prince left her with this one departing reply. When he turned around to leave, his hand lingered on her shoulder just long enough for her to reach for the petal of the Tracelium and swipe his hand with it once. Narinia waited for a second, expecting the Prince to turn around and pick her up into his arms.
This did not happen. He simply continued on his way.
“You fool.”
A dark, shadowy figure came up behind Narinia, speaking into her ear. It grabbed her hand, pulling her back through the crowds of people and into a dim alleyway. Narinia struggled in its grasp, trying to pull her hands away.
“Would you kindly stop struggling?”
The shadowy figure stepped into the light of a lantern, revealing itself. It was Radamanthys, dressed in all black, his eyes accompanying this fact.
“The flower only works when it’s fully intact. It doesn’t work when you’ve only plucked a petal and used it individually.” Radamanthys sighed, putting a hand to his head to ease an ache. He didn't look very pleased, and his tone made him sound that he was annoyed.
Narinia was beside herself with agitation and frustration. How was she supposed to know this? “You never told me that!” Narinia pointed at Radamanthys and became angry. She hadn’t known this, so now she felt like an imbecile for even trying to use the petal on the Prince.
Radamanthys could see that she was upset, but he could also see a bit of torment in her eyes. He lowered her hand and began to speak.
“You should use this flower on the one that has given you the most honesty. This will bring you true happiness in the end. Narinia,” he put his hands on her shoulders, gaining her full attention, “through the power of the Tracelium, I am able to tell when the relationship is trustworthy or not.”
Radamanthys then dropped his arms, letting them fall to his side. “All I have to say; choose wisely.”
As soon as he disappeared into the darkness of the alleyway, Narinia heard Shannon from behind.
“Hey, Narinia! So, how’d you do? Did you get anything good?” Shannon came running up to her, smiling with the look of success upon his face.
Narinia smiled up at him wondrously and pulled out the golden pocket watch from her sleeve. Shannon’s eyes lit up, and Narinia couldn’t help but smile a bit wider.
“Yeah, I think I did pretty well. You?”
“That’s amazing!” Shannon took the watch from her, handling it in his hands with care. He then stuffed it into his pocket. He then began to dig a hand into his other pocket, pulling out a couple silver necklaces and earrings. “Let’s just say I couldn’t get the chance to dance with the higher statuses that you did.” He sheepishly grinned, stuffing the jewelry back into his pocket. His gaze then landed back on Narinia. “Thank you, so much.”
Narinia gave Shannon a hug, wrapping her arms around his neck. “No problem.”
Narinia's thoughts flew in every direction possible. Radamanthys had told her to choose wisely, but what exactly did that mean? Was there something that she was missing? Had what he said to her meant that she had used the petal on the wrong guy, despite the power not being able to work? Was Radamanthys hinting at something? Narinia didn't know what to think, and because of this, her mind was hazy. Her thoughts were too scrambled to be put into any kind of order.
She would need time to come to a conclusion, but her time was ticking away quicker than she thought possible.
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I think you were referring to Radamanthys here, so shouldn't it be "he"?
THIS CHAPTER. ALL OF MY LOVE. Once again, amazing as usual! And once again, my love triangle senses are tingling. :brow: I can't wait to find out what happens next! Keep up the amazing work, Chilfo! :>
blue-eyes
Phoenix
- Joined
- Jul 28, 2010
- Location
- Among the stars
Amazing Chilfo! One of your best chapters yet. I'm still wondering how it will end.
Go_Skyward
Seek a door that carries a [9]
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2012
- Location
- Nevada Test Site
Awww yeaaahhh! Great chapter once again Chilfro!
I see no errors besides possibly the one Azure pointed out so c:
I see no errors besides possibly the one Azure pointed out so c:
Raindrop14
Soldier for Christ!
Oh my gosh! I loved this charpter!
I-
I can't wait for more!
I-
think it's Shannon. :3 <3
I can't wait for more!
*M i d n a*
Æsir Scribe
Good to see an update, Chilfo. It was good, I enjoyed it, and you know that I did not because of Rad's appearance in the story, but because I like the way the story is sounding. Nothing wrong this time, and I really wasn't looking for any typos or anything, but these two things don't make a lot sense to me. Que alguien me explique! (Someone explain!)
“Would you kindly stop struggling?” (Kindly? lol I know what you meant, but really? How about please, instead?
Narinia was beside herself. (What is that even supposed to mean?) As I kindly said: Que Alquien me Explique!
“Would you kindly stop struggling?” (Kindly? lol I know what you meant, but really? How about please, instead?
Narinia was beside herself. (What is that even supposed to mean?) As I kindly said: Que Alquien me Explique!