The (bad) Advice thread

[12345]

There is a good song for people sharing the problem.


I get angry easily, what can I do to avoid kickin' someone in their face?

 

[Daemoniz]

Kick them in the balls.

I want a snack but don't feel like getting it, what do I do to get the snack anyway?

 

[Triforce King]

train your dog to get the snacks for you.

What can I say to piss a Zelda fan off?

 

[12345]

Call every single elf-lookin' sword-swingin' boy donning a green tunic "Zelda".

I got an exam coming up i less than four hours from now, what should I do if I wanna ace that?

 

[linkypete]

The best way to do it is to sleep until you take it, then draw inappropriate pictures all over the scantron. The proctors love it.

I really want to ask this girl out, but I don't know how. Any advice?

 

[Doc]

Cut letters out of a magazine explaining how you love her and think she's beautiful and sneak them into her purse/car. It shows you're creative, yet mysterious.

I really want to get in shape for the summer, but I don't know how.

 

[TheFourthTriangle]

Make a protein shake from raw red meat, fish, eggs and muscle steroids. You want at least 8.5 litres, and make sure you drink it all at once.

I want to write a book combining two unrelated genres. Any idea which ones and why?

 

[Siniru]

Oh I know romance and horror! Because everyone knows what happens to couples in horror movies. Just make sure you make the romance obnoxiously cheesy and fluffy beforehand ^^

Hm...Help my friend is a cat and she can speak to me I am totally not crazy right?

 

[linkypete]

Yes, you are totally not crazy. I would advise that you yell it from the rooftops.

I need ideas for a good community service project.

 

[Djinn]

This one time I got arrested and the judge gave me community service. So really just roam around naked for a while in a neighborhood until the cops show up. Then the judge will have lots of ideas for your community service. They even have a court appointed guy that keeps up with it for you.

I got this red spot on my arm, should I do something about that?

 

[linkypete]

There's nothing you can do. I suggest grabbing the nearest sharp object and begin immediate amputation.

So I did what was suggested for my community service problem, but the judge said that I need to serve 18 months in prison for "sexual assault" because I was just trying to help a woman carry her groceries, but she ran off screaming before I could even offer my service. What should I do now?

 

[Siniru]

Follow her and try an convince her that you are totally not a sexual predator. Maybe even doing an awkward run would make you look more innocent.

Help I am obsessed with fictional characters and I can't deal with people because I keep forgetting birthdays and all that...

 

[linkypete]

People are hindering your relationship with the characters. Kill them all.

I'm supposed to "personalize" a notebook. How should I do it?

 

[Skunk]

Give it lots of attention, talk to it all the time, especially in public, and make sure no one hurts its feelings. You're personalizing that notebook, so gosh darn people better treat it like it's a person.

I'm not sure what to major in in college. How do I decide on a major?

 

[linkypete]

Take a list of all the possible majors, put them through a random number generator, and there ya go.

I got accepted into all 3 of my top picks for college. Which one should I go to?