The (bad) Advice thread

[Kylo Ken]

I got accepted into all 3 of my top picks for college. Which one should I go to?

Obviously, you're not aiming high enough. Choose neither and keep applying to better schools.


I'm starting to gain weight, what should I do?

 

[TheFourthTriangle]

Just eat nothing whatsoever until you are slim again (or until you die, whichever comes first).

I'm saving to build a new PC, but it's taking too long. How can I earn lots of money fast and legally?

 

[linkypete]

It's not illegal if you don't get caught.

I just got a new phone and I need to learn how to use it. Is there a quick way to learn?

 

[Misty]

Insert the phone into a southern orifice and gain the knowledge via osmosis.

I'm hungry still, how should I ignore this?

 

[linkypete]

There is no escape. Eat everyone around you.

I have a lot of homework, I'm sleep deprived, and it is 1 am, but this 2 hour long gamexplain analysis is really tempting me right now. What to do?

 

[Woyogoyo]

Rob a convenience store.

I'm going to Rome in a week. Any advice on what to pack?

 

[Dio]

Don't pack anything. You'll need all the space for the cheap booze and ***s you are going to bring back. Just buy inexpensive shirts and toothbrush when you are out there and leave them behind when you come home.

This clown is lurking behind one of the bushes in my garden, what should I do?

 

[el :BeoWolf:]

Go pet it like a dog, and then leave food out so more come by.

How do I mow the lawn faster?

 

[Mipha]

Do it like him:

how do I get free money?

 

[Woyogoyo]

Rob a bank.

What should I have for dinner?

 

[Mipha]

Tortured souls of the damned


How do I make the BESTEMOTES come back

 

[Woyogoyo]

Contemplate the nature of the universe for a while.

How do I keep my lamp from falling over?

 

[TheFourthTriangle]

Hire a hunchback to stand beside it and prop it up.

I want to start a fitness pls and build some muscle but I can't seem to find enough motivation. What do I do?

 

[linkypete]

Watch one punch man and take that training advice

I don't know what I want for my birthday and it's really soon. What do I do?

 

[Woyogoyo]

Get high and drunk, then commit suicide in the most entertaining way possible.

What should I get my little brother for his birthday?