The Official ZD Jokes Thread
- Thread starter Batman
- Start date
LinkIsSexy
Kissing Link is like chocolate; rich and sweet.
Did you hear about the standoff between the two grammar professors? It was past tense.
EDIT: I remembered another one...
Q: What has eighteen legs and catches flies?
EDIT: I remembered another one...
Q: What has eighteen legs and catches flies?
A: A baseball team.
Last edited:
Triforce King
Pathfinder for life
- Joined
- Jul 10, 2011
Batman
Not all those who wander are lost...
During my prostate examination the other day, I asked my doctor "where should I put my pants?"
"Over there by mine" was not the answer I was expecting.
"Over there by mine" was not the answer I was expecting.
A guy walks into a bar and sees a tiny man playing a tiny piano.
After ordering a drink, the bartender tells him that the bar is home to a magical genie that can grant any wish. So the man takes the opportunity to make a wish.
"I wish for a million bucks". Poof. Out come a million ducks.
The man is confused. The bartender tells him that the genie mishears wishes sometimes. "I never asked for a 12-inch pianist" he says.
After ordering a drink, the bartender tells him that the bar is home to a magical genie that can grant any wish. So the man takes the opportunity to make a wish.
"I wish for a million bucks". Poof. Out come a million ducks.
The man is confused. The bartender tells him that the genie mishears wishes sometimes. "I never asked for a 12-inch pianist" he says.
snakeoiltanker
Wake Up!
- Joined
- Nov 13, 2012
- Location
- Ohio
What do you call a Nun in a wheel chair?
Virgin Mobile
linkypete
I am the very model of a modern major-general
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
Batman
Not all those who wander are lost...
I got jumped by five black guys in Baltimore tonight.
The car started right up but they said I'd need a new battery.
The car started right up but they said I'd need a new battery.
Also, there was a shoe store that was looted, not a single pair of work boots was taken.
Ho Chow calls into work and say " Hey, I no come to work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach pain and leg hurts, I no come work.
The boss says "You know something Ho Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask her for sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later Ho Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon... You got very nice house."
The boss says "You know something Ho Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask her for sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later Ho Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon... You got very nice house."
A Doctor asks a pregnant prostitute "Do you know who the father is? "
The prostiture replies "Oh for goodness sake! If you ate a can of beans do you know which one made you fart?"
The prostiture replies "Oh for goodness sake! If you ate a can of beans do you know which one made you fart?"
- Joined
- Apr 5, 2015
I was playing Mortal Kombat on my PS3 with the
loud music banging through my eardrums.
Suddenly, it all went quiet!
I took my headphones off, thinking to myself,
"Why did I buy this cheap junk that doesn't last?"
I, out of frustration, kicked my flatscreen TV.
It fell onto a cushion, and I quickly set it back to resume my game
.
"Oh great, I just broke my TV! It's got no sound now!"
Great, just great. Both, my headphones and the TV's busted.
I then decided to take myself out for a stroll to get some fresh air.
"Man... why's it so quiet today? I hear nothing..."
loud music banging through my eardrums.
Suddenly, it all went quiet!
I took my headphones off, thinking to myself,
"Why did I buy this cheap junk that doesn't last?"
I, out of frustration, kicked my flatscreen TV.
It fell onto a cushion, and I quickly set it back to resume my game
.
"Oh great, I just broke my TV! It's got no sound now!"
Great, just great. Both, my headphones and the TV's busted.
I then decided to take myself out for a stroll to get some fresh air.
"Man... why's it so quiet today? I hear nothing..."
This guy lost his hearing.