LinkIsSexy
Kissing Link is like chocolate; rich and sweet.
Q: Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
Thanks @Himura Kenshin!
A: Because every time she gets to 69, she gets a frog in her throat.
Thanks @Himura Kenshin!
The Official ZD Jokes Thread
- Thread starter Batman
- Start date
There is a pickle, a cucumber, and a dick all sitting at a table talking about how their lives suck.
The cucumber says, “My life sucks. When I get big, fat, and juicy they cut me up and put me in salads.”
Then the pickle said, “You think that sucks. I used to be like you, but when I get big, fat, and juicy they spice me up and put me and our kindred in jars of vinager.”
Last the dick said, “My life sucks the most, when I get big, fat, and juicy they stick me in a dark, tight, wet room - bang my head against the walls until I throw up and pass out.”
The cucumber says, “My life sucks. When I get big, fat, and juicy they cut me up and put me in salads.”
Then the pickle said, “You think that sucks. I used to be like you, but when I get big, fat, and juicy they spice me up and put me and our kindred in jars of vinager.”
Last the dick said, “My life sucks the most, when I get big, fat, and juicy they stick me in a dark, tight, wet room - bang my head against the walls until I throw up and pass out.”
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Batman
Not all those who wander are lost...
Did you hear about the crazy Mexican train thief?
He had loco motives.
I was going to tell you all a Mexican joke, but that would be crossing the border.
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. The blonde driver dug into her purse and was getting progressively more agitaded.
"What does it look like?" She finally asked. The policewoman replied: "It's square and has your picture on it." The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is." She said. The blonde police woman look at it and handed it back saying "You can go. I didn't realize you were a cop...
"What does it look like?" She finally asked. The policewoman replied: "It's square and has your picture on it." The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is." She said. The blonde police woman look at it and handed it back saying "You can go. I didn't realize you were a cop...
Batman
Not all those who wander are lost...
This joke is dedicated to @Curmudgeon .
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Guys, I've finally stopped drinking for good. No more.
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Guys, I've finally stopped drinking for good. No more.
Now I drink for evil.
Triforce King
Pathfinder for life
- Joined
- Jul 10, 2011
Batman
Not all those who wander are lost...
My great-grandmother lived to be 106 years old and she never needed glasses.
She always just drank straight from the bottle.
- Joined
- Mar 13, 2014
- Location
- United States
Why did the pianist drop a piano down a mineshaft?
He/she wanted to hear a flat minor!
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Did you hear about George? He had his whole left side of his body cut off in a machine accident.
But I heard hes doin al-RIGHT.
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I would share all my anti jokes...
But they're too bad.
He/she wanted to hear a flat minor!
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Did you hear about George? He had his whole left side of his body cut off in a machine accident.
But I heard hes doin al-RIGHT.
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I would share all my anti jokes...
But they're too bad.
Batman
Not all those who wander are lost...
- Joined
- Mar 13, 2014
- Location
- United States
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
I... Lost my tractor...
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What do you call a person who sells drugs on a daily basis?
A pharmacist
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Why do my cheeks hurt?
Because I have been smiling way too much today.
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Why is 6 afraid of 7?
You where expecting me to say "because 7 "ate" 9". Well I can tell you that number don't have feelings and therefore can not be afraid.
They are only a concept to give something a value.
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Did you know that none of these jokes are supposed to be funny?
No, I didn't, I'm laughing so hard that I just had milk come out of my nose and I haven't drank any milk recently.
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Did someone say MILK?
No.
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I... Lost my tractor...
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What do you call a person who sells drugs on a daily basis?
A pharmacist
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Why do my cheeks hurt?
Because I have been smiling way too much today.
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Why is 6 afraid of 7?
You where expecting me to say "because 7 "ate" 9". Well I can tell you that number don't have feelings and therefore can not be afraid.
They are only a concept to give something a value.
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Did you know that none of these jokes are supposed to be funny?
No, I didn't, I'm laughing so hard that I just had milk come out of my nose and I haven't drank any milk recently.
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Did someone say MILK?
No.
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Batman
Not all those who wander are lost...
These are called anti-jokes. Which might be my favorite kind of jokes. For example:
What do you call a bunch of black kids on a swing set?
Children playing.
or
Why can't Helen Keller ride a bike?
She's dead.