The Official ZD Jokes Thread

[pkfroce]

What did the fish magician say when he pulled out a deck of cards?

Spoiler

PICK A COD ANY COD.

 

[Batman]

I went to a really emotional wedding the other day.

Even the cake was in tiers.

 

[LinkIsSexy]

Two radio antennae got married. The wedding was okay but the reception was great.

Q: Why does Ariel wear seashells?

Spoiler

A: Cause A shells and B shells are too small.

 

[Mellow Ezlo]

A Canadian walks into a bar.

The end.

 

[Spiritual Mask Salesman]

Obama

 

[Triforce King]

Ok so one day Ariel was swimming in the sea when prince Eric's seamen spotted Ariel opening her legs while she practicing her breaststroke, Getting excited from not seeing a woman in days prince Eric's seamen was trying to get Ariel on his ship called The Moldy Dick, but Eric's seamen accidentally fell on Ariel. The seamen asked Ariel if she was ok, Ariel said I'm ok, but there sure are a lot of you guys, the seamen was smiling proudly. The seamen ask Ariel would you like to ride on top of our ship? Ariel was surprise of how big the ship was, she blush and said I would love to. So prince Eric and his seamen help Ariel get on top of the ship. 30 minutes later prince Eric said to Ariel are you enjoying yourself, I'm sure am said Ariel smiling widely. So the two decided to call it a night and sleep in a bed together. The next day, prince Eric drop Ariel at her place, Ariel kiss the prince goodbye then went home. When she got in her room she started itching, when she scratch the itchy area a bunch of crabs with red eyes and dreadlocks came running out yelling NO MON! Ariel screamed Aaaahhhh!!! Who are you! That's when Flounder and Sebastian came swimming in. Ariel where have you been? said Sebastian. Breddas, sister! Sebastian said, what are you doing here? Next thing you know the crabs start swimming towards Sebastian saying no time no see Bredda, what's up mon, where the other redheads at! What's going on Ariel said. Ariel, Flounder I would like you to meet my family Smokey, Mary Jane, and Jurassic Blunt. Hey Sebastian got any weeeeed? said Jurassic Blunt. How dare you say that in front of the king's daughter! That's it you all are being punish, come with me. Sebastian and his family went out the room, as soon as he closed the door he said Ha, ha! Come on guys I know the best stash under the sea! Last one there is a designated swimmer. WE GOTTA GET THAT WEED MON! I wonder where those crabs came from? Said Flounder. Probably from prince Eric and his seamen, said Ariel. Flounder:

 

[Mercedes]

A deer walks out of a gay bar and exclaims, "Damn I just blew 30 bucks in there."

 

[Triforce King]

A deer walks out of a gay bar and exclaims, "Damn I just blew 30 bucks in there."

XD

 

[pkfroce]

What does a pirate say on his 80th birthday?

Spoiler

AYE MATEY.

 

[DARK MASTER]

I think this is highly appropriate for this website and thread.

 

[Triforce King]

When the rioters in Ferguson Missouri cried F@#% the police, Ice Cube cried tears of joy.

 

[(◕‿◕✿)]

DARK MASTER

 

[Mercedes]

A rich man and a poor man are sitting on a bench together, and they start talking about their anniversaries coming up and what they are giving their wives. The rich man says "I got her a Ferrari and a diamond necklace, so if she doesn't like the necklace she can drive the Ferrari to return it". The poor man said "well I got my wife a pair of slippers and a dildo, so if she doesn't like the slippers she can go **** herself".

 

[Terminus]

"Leaving" posts.

 

[Triforce King]

DODGE!