Utilizing the sword and shield that Shiro motivated me to retrieve, I somehow plunge the used toilet with said materials, and obtain the Triumph Forks. The Triforce smells kind of funny....
Wrong pig man! I used the other pig to make bacon. Three strips in specific: The Tri-Bacon of Power, the Tri-Bacon of Wisdom, and the Tri-Bacon of Courage.
The people complain that they have no power since the triforce has no real power when not whole. The people are starving so I offer to trade them food for the triforce pieces. Acquiring the Triforce in a capitalist grab for power.
Still questioning how you smashed bacon and an all-powerful artifact with a simple hammer, I bite at the Red Army members until they return my bacon.
Nobody takes my bacon.