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This is the best part of Boo's Pizza, right here. Unironically.

*Meanwhile, an unknown observer watched these events transpire through his inexplicable crystal ball. He found this universe quite entertaining, and a worthwhile way to spend his time before being inevitably snatched by a featureless black trapezoid.* Alternate Wart: Go on, Siy! Fight back! I...

*Walter suddenly stopped her.* Walter Carbanzo: Wait. What's that? *Walter points at a strange object in the sky.* Mart: Oh, come on, Carbanzo. You expect me to fall for that? *The object, a featureless black trapezoid, began homing in on Cayde and Walter.* Walter Carbanzo: It's coming...

*Mart chuckles. Walter appears and begins blasting at Mart with his laser pistols. Mart calmly deflects the beams with his lightsaber.* Mart: That would've been funny if it weren't so pathetic. Maybe I can give you some motivation... *Mart extends his non-lightsaber hand and hurled a mighty...

*Mart, in spite of his incredible power, was unable to react in time. The blade struck him in the shoulder. He ceased electrocuting Benjamin Harrison, who was pretty well electrocuted by that point. Mart staggered, seething in pain.* Mart: Ah, Ms. Shilen, we meet again! ...I think. Wait, have...

*Meanwhile, Cayde is being thoroughly shaken by Walter Carbanzo, who really needs her to return to her senses.* Walter Carbanzo: Come on, Cayde, now's our chance! Mart's distracted! We can take him down quickly and go home!

*Walter sighs and leans against the wall, waiting for Cayde to return to her senses. He then hears the voices of Mart and Benjamin Harrison coming from outside.* Mart: This is exciting, you know? I can't imagine a single threat in the entire universe that could impede my grand conquest now! You...

*Walter rolls his eyes and starts following a trail of bloody footprints towards the back door.* Walter Carbanzo: We're in no condition for a fight right now. We'll have to take Mart by surprise, which isn't easy.

Yeah I'm not gonna be able to keep up with the trial arc at the rate you guys are posting lol. Forget Dayra was ever there *Walter tactlessly grabbed a dirty bowl filled with unclean water out of the sink and splashed it on Cayde's face.* Walter Carbanzo: Wake up, and keep your eyes away from...

*Walter flips out and quickly grabs Cayde before she hits the floor. That is, he grabs her with his bloodstained hands, getting Hermey's blood all over Cayde.* Walter Carbanzo: I should find where Hermey kept his towels... *And at this perfect moment, the lizard man Mike Dayra, formerly known...

Walter Carbanzo: Not much to do now... we have to find Mart and deliver justice. *Walter stood up, his hands dramatically covered in Hermey's blood. So stoic. So cool.*

Hermey: It would suck... really bad... if I were the Last Jedi... Brain Ghost Dirk: I'm gonna be honest. I completely forgot what we were doing here. Last I knew, Hermey was a puppet from a movie. I don't know what movie but I know he was a puppet. I like puppets. Hermey: Who's this...

*Mart (or perhaps his apprentice, Benjamin Harrison, twenty-third President of the United States) had left a cardboard cutout of Mart pointing towards the back door of the house. Mart and Harrison could be seen through a broken window, standing in the infinite back yard that was the Gobi Desert...

*Whatever fire there had been had been extinguished. The whole house was unsightly. It was clear that there had been a nasty fight. Walter rushed in without hesitation and began searching.* Walter Carbanzo: HERMEY! ARE YOU IN HERE!? *Coughing could be heard coming from the kitchen. Walter ran...

*After what felt like the longest walk ever, they finally reached the door to Hermey's house... which was already open.* Brain Ghost Dirk: Does anyone else smell smoke? Walter Carbanzo: Oh, no...

Walter Carbanzo: Yes, if Kermit was a former Jedi and Fat Kermit was from Super Mario Bros. 2.

Walter Carbanzo: But Mart is different. He's much thinner, for a start.

Walter Carbanzo: Oh, believe me, I'm all for peaceful solutions. Just don't expect Mart to go down without a fight.

Walter Carbanzo: ...or possibly kill...

*Sailor Sam, Dieter, Doctor Mario, and Bobby do not follow.* Doctor Mario: We're staying here. Dieter: Call us if you need help. Brain Ghost Dirk: I'm coming along, though. I mean, obviously.

*Sailor Sam's boat finally docked outside Hermey's house. Or whatever the plan was.* Walter Carbanzo: That trip felt like it took months!

Brain Ghost Dirk: I am a figment of your imagination. I am also a figment of Walter's imagination. The ghosts of Christmas past, present and future sent me here to guide you in this trying time. You are about to undergo a series of incredibly difficult trials. Walter Carbanzo: Cayde, have you...

*Walter, drinking directly out of a jug of milk, appears behind Cayde.* Walter Carbanzo: Hey, Cayde. Hello, Brain Ghost Dirk. Brain Ghost Dirk: Hello, Walter Carbanzo.

*It was in this dire time of need that Cayde was met by a "helpful" spirit guide.* Brain Ghost Dirk: Hey. I'm Dirk Strider from Homestuck. I'm here to talk to you about diabeetus, and maybe also your car's extended warranty.

*The boat began to pick up speed. Sailor Sam came over the PA system.* Sailor Sam: For those concerned, this vessel is increasing velocity in anticipation of a deliberate beaching. Do not be alarmed. *Walter complains, not that Sam can hear him.* Walter Carbanzo: There are better ways to do...

*Dieter wasn't (sea)faring much better.* Dieter: I don't feel well... Dr. Mario: Get away from me if you're going to vomit; we're not trying to get this ship quarantined. Dieter: Real nice. Doctor Mario, more like Doc Martin...

*On the boat, Sailor Sam makes his way to the cabin while Walter sits down on a seat outside, towards the front.*

Walter Carbanzo: Ah, the duality of man. *Walter follows Sam onto the boat. Bobby, Dieter and Dr. Mario lag behind Dr. Nefario, enjoying their Dippin' Dots.*

*Sam grunts cynically. Walter pats Cayde on the shoulder.* Walter Carbanzo: He's normally like that. Don't take it personally.

*Sailor Sam sneers at Cayde.* Sailor Sam: Everywhere I go, everyone think's I'm Paul McCartney. And then they say, "Oh, Sailor Sam, like from "Band on the Run" the Paul McCartney song, oh yeah... *Sam rambles aggressively for a while. Everyone else just kinda stands their awkwardly before...

Walter Carbanzo: Alright. Well, whenever you're ready, Sam's over there waiting. *Walter points in the general direction of a man who bears a striking resemblance to Paul McCartney.*

*Walter gives Cayde a thumbs up, but in a way that makes it a question, like, "All good?"*

*Walter pulls out his flipphone and tosses it to Cayde, hoping she'll catch it.* Walter Carbanzo: Of course. *Walter turns to Dieter, Doctor Mario and Bobby, who have all totally been there the entire time (they actually haven't and were at the nearby Dippin' Dots booth).* Walter Carbanzo...

*Walter struggles against the urge to also yawn, because as we all know, yawns are contagious.* Walter Carbanzo: I'd like to hope Mart will avoid any fighting. He wouldn't kill you unless it was in public, in front of his adoring, swindled and deceived fans.

It has been two years since the original Boo's Pizza thread began. *A mysterious shadowy figure (no not that one) steps up to a computer console and inputs some numbers. A gooey, mustachioed gentleman clad in red is summoned from seemingly nowhere.* Jimbo: Where am I? *The figure does not...

Walter Carbanzo: Quite probably, but we have to get to our destination soon. I fear we may already be too late...

*Walter nods, assuring himself that he was probably made aware of this at some point I'm too lazy to check.* Walter Carbanzo: A pleasure to have you on the team, Doctor. We must act quickly, for an innocent life is at stake. *The second Wartslayer, or so he may call himself, paused for a...

I'm returning early, big announcement coming on the fifteenth for those unaware *Walter made a deal with the legendary Mongolian seafarer Sailor Sam to take them to (insert geographical information about Mongolia that I got from Google Maps) where Hermey resided. He turned and spotted Dr...

I'll be real. I've been suffering from some really bad writer's block. I don't know how to contribute to BP anymore and my writing style has become little more than a dry caricature. Meanwhile, I've been struggling to weave Megacomic's plot threads together and find an artist who can commit to...

*Meanwhile, Walter examined his map of Mongolia, which he'd purchased from some guy named Friendly Floyd.* Walter Carbanzo: I certainly hope we're on the correct flight... Dieter: What are you implying? Walter Carbanzo: Well, you see, I just noticed that there's another Jargalan in Mongolia...

*On the plane, Walter, Dieter, Dr. Mario and Bobby took their seats. There were two columns of seats, with six seats in each row separated by an aisle. Walter, DM and Dieter took the left three, while Bobby and an unrelated passenger sat in the right, with an empty seat for Cayde.*

*Meanwhile, at the airport, the voice over the intercom called for Flight 307 (gee what a coincidence), the flight to Jargalan, Mongolia.*

Newman: Are you kidding me? We've been perfect good boys up in here!

Newman: Hello? Is this the hotel police? We're regular law breakers up here!

Bellhop: I honestly have no idea. But if I have to be the one who puts a stop to it this time... *The bellhop grimaces at the prospect.*

Walter Carbanzo: That adds up, I guess. *At the hotel, the Bellhop approaches the Hotel Desk Guy.* Bellhop: The bozos in Room 307 are making a ruckus again.

Walter Carbanzo: Don't worry about what I lost. Vincent made the choice to- wait... *But Walter decides not to ponder how Nefario could have known about his extrauniversal origin and simply gestures as if to say "nevermind".*

*Dr. Mario and Dieter are relieved.* Walter Carbanzo: Well, this certainly brings me back to the good old days of assembling an army of heroes to destroy an oversized Kermit. A pleasure to have you on the team.

*Meanwhile, Vincent Carbanzo is in the office of a local therapist. He is dressed in significantly more casual attire. Importantly, his goggles are nowhere to be seen.* Vincent Carbanzo: I trust that everything I'm about to say is confidential... Therapist: There's not much that can surprise...

Dr. Mario: I swear if I have to go in the luggage compartment Walter Carbanzo: I see. So, uh, does that mean you're joining the team to take down Mart? Dieter: I am going to kick over a trash can. Bobby Magicus: Please don't! I spent a lot of money on the trash!