The (bad) Advice thread

[Squirrel]

Connect a tube to the exhaust pipe of your car and feed it through the window. Then get in the car and close your eyes..


My roof is leaking. What do I do?

 

[Link Floyd]

Kill a squirrel and stuff it's corpse in the crack in the wall.

I want to move away. Where should I go?

 

[SavageWizzrobe]

(A) The moon, because you'll be the first one to live there. Not to mention the beautiful views! It'll be really expensive, but don't worry about that, because on the moon there is no need for money.

(Q) My car broke down. How can I fix it?

 

[Fiery Klongo]

(A) Buy a corvette. Trust me I have thought this through.

(Q) I need to get some cocoa. where should I get it?

 

[Zelda18]

(A) The Black Market. Only the greatest from the world's best dealers!

(Q) I need a new computer. Mine's way to slow. Where do people get good computers?

 

[linkypete]

(A) try an antique shop. they have the mostt cutting-edge computers to date there.

(Q) I am shaking from a sugar high and I cannot stop. What do I do?

 

[12345]

Answer: Counter it by taking in a lot of salt. A very good way to do this is by eating at McDonalds. Order their large-sized french fries and you would be raking in tremendous amount of salt like no tomorrow.

Question: I will be going someplace else from my home, and I will have to abandon my friends and family. How should I say goodbye to them?

 

[Zelda18]

(A) you don't have to say good bye, just abandon them, and never look back!

(Q) I stubbed my toe and it hurts like crazy. How should I stop the pain?

 

[12345]

Answer: Get a pen
and stab your hand with it. There, the pain in your hand is much greater than your toe, thus making the pain from stubbing your toe minor in comparison.

Question: A friend of mine is in severe pain right now as she broke her ankle. Is there any way that I can cheer her up?

 

[Fiery Klongo]

Answer: Break your ankle as well and show her! That always works for me!

Question: I lost my phone someplace in my house, how should I find it?

 

[12345]

Answer: I am terribly sorry to be frank with you, but a phone cannot phone you or the police for help. The merciful option for your phone is to blow your house up and start a new life with a newer phone.

Question: How do I make everyone stop smoking around my neighbourhood?

 

[Beauts]

Answer: advise them to replace one addiction with another, in this case, replace nicotine with crack

Question: I have a scar on my face, how best do I cover it?

 

[12345]

Answer: To hide a spy, it would be best for him to actually be within a crowd of people. Gling by that logic, get more scars, and they would be less palpable than one another.

Question: My shower is too hot whenever I turn it on, what should I do?

 

[linkypete]

Answer: never shower again!

Question: all of my friends have shiny pokemon and I don't. what do I do?

 

[Pen]

Answer: You should paint a shiny Garchomp on the screen of your game system and show people that you have a shiny now........... oh **** wait, shiny Garchomp looks just like regular Garchomp......... :\

Question: I want the power to be able to teleport wherever I want. What should I do?