The (bad) Advice thread

[Mipha]

(A) Buy a five hundred gigawat particle collider from Modify.com and attach it to your TV. This will allow you to watch shows from other dimension. Also, make sure the particle collider has a twelve meter switch or it will just backfire.

(Q) How to travel to Equestria/Hyrule/Midlle Earth/ etc.?

 

[HeroOfTime]

(A) Travel to your nearest magic teleporter store, and buy a magic teleporter. Then smash it to pieces (preferably with a large hammer) and reassemble it. Once it is reassembled, you would ideally be able to instantly teleport to any magical nonexistent worlds. Since it runs on the incredibly scarce killa-jig energy, you will be unable to return. However, as long as you got it reassembled properly, you should end up at your intended destination, and not some prehistoric place where you must be constantly on the run from dinosaurs.

(Q) I'm getting over a cold, and my nose is always running. How do I stop it?

 

[Justac00lguy]

(a) chop it off with a rusty knife

(q) I've just ran over a cat, what do I do?

 

[linkypete]

(a) If you're hungry, eat it.

(q) My best friend doesn't want to play smash bros with me. What do I do?

 

[SavageWizzrobe]

(Q) If someone doesn't want to play Smash with you, that someone isn't your best friend. Go find a new one.

(A) I have a bad cough that won't go away. What should I do to relieve it?

 

[TheRockinStallion]

(A) Swallow a handful of thumbtacks to scratch that itch.

(Q) I'm too chicken to tell this girl that I like her. What do I do?

 

[Jamie]

A. Strip naked in front of her and dance the macarena.

Q. I'm struggling in one of my classes. How do I catch up?

 

[Spiritual Mask Salesman]

A. Play videogames all night, never sleep, and just party all night and day bro.

Q.I have to go to work in about three hours, what should I do when it comes time to be at work?

 

[Beauts]

A. Play videogames all night, never sleep, and just party all night and day bro.

Q.I have to go to work in about three hours, what should I do when it comes time to be at work?

A. Fashion yourself a bra out of a coconut and strut down the street like you own that catwalk

Q. I can't sleep, what should I do?

 

[Link Floyd]

A. Run down the street naked screaming "AYIYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA"

Q. I'm allergic to soap but I need to take a shower 'cause I smell like dog butt. What should I do?

 

[Djinn]

A. Not a problem, this is exactly why they make those little pine tree shaped scented air fresheners. For people who have an aversion of soap but still need to be perfectly pine fresh for their day. Just buy a few cases of them and rum them all over your body until you are a fresh pine forest proudly standing against the senses of all those around you in small enclosed spaces. Not a single person will once mention that dog smell at all for at least 4 square blocks of your person. Or ever again if you get enough of them.

Q. Dear community, my roof leaks and I think it might rain tonight. What should I do?

 

[Spiritual Mask Salesman]

A. Not a problem, this is exactly why they make those little pine tree shaped scented air fresheners. For people who have an aversion of soap but still need to be perfectly pine fresh for their day. Just buy a few cases of them and rum them all over your body until you are a fresh pine forest proudly standing against the senses of all those around you in small enclosed spaces. Not a single person will once mention that dog smell at all for at least 4 square blocks of your person. Or ever again if you get enough of them.

Q. Dear community, my roof leaks and I think it might rain tonight. What should I do?

A. Go up on your roof and tear down your entire roof. Come meet me and together we'll use our magical powers to put a magical invisable roof over your house. You'll be able to soak up a lot of sun, and don't you even worry about that rain.

Q. My friend's car tire is flat, what should we do?

 

[Zelda18]

(A)Pop the rest so the poor tire won't feel lonely.

(Q) I "accidentally" smacked my brother and now I have to apologize, what's the best way to go about doing that?

 

[SavageWizzrobe]

(A) Buy him everything he wants and needs, including a new car and a new house. That's the best apology ever. Oh, and by the way, you can afford all of that. Debt is not a real thing, it's only in your head. Also, he'll give you the same thing in return.

(Q) I'm gaining too much weight. What should I do?

 

[Zelda18]

(A) you should do nothing. Problem solved. By doing nothing regularly, you should stop gaining weight. Remember though, this only works if you do nothing!

(Q) my dog just died. his name was Hero. What would you guys suggest I should do for a funeral to honor a Hero?