General Art Phoenix Flames

[blue-eyes]

Here it is, my new story. If you signed up in Another Story Sign Ups, this is it. More action and stuff will happen later in, like 1-2 chapters from now or something

Chapter 1: The Beginning​

Elliot woke up and walked to his closet, and grabbed his red tunic. He heard a loud Kaw, and he opened his window. His red hawk, Zuko, flew in and landed on his shoulder.

Elliot looked around his room. He had a bed in one of the corners, and that was about all. The floor was a dark brown wood, and the walls were the same. There was a door opposite the bed, and the closet was next to the door.

Elliot’s room was on the second floor of his family’s house, and there was a tree branch that he could jump on to exit his room.

He jumped to the branch and climbed down the tree. Just then, he saw his front door slam shut. He walked through it, and he saw two men with swords attack his parents. He ran at them, only to be suspended in the air by his arms in the air by one of them, while the other one wounded his parents.

“Let go of me!” Elliot said angrily, and the man released his arms, only to grab him again.

“LET GO OF ME!!” Elliot yelled, and fire encased his arms in the shape of wings. He swung his arms, killing both men with the fire, which then disappeared. His Dad handed him a key and a note. Elliot ran outside, and yelled for the healers. They came and took his parents to the medical building and Elliot walked into his house again.

Elliot opened the note, which had -the key is to a secret tunnel that leads to a secret room, which has the rest of the information you need to know. The door is hidden in your closet.- scrawled on it. Elliot ran to his room, and found the tunnel. He went through it, and found the room, which had a red short sword, and a note that said -you’re the hero who will save the world. This sword can channel your fire powers through it. You will need to find the others with powers, and learn their abilities. Your hawk, Zuko, can assist you. Go to the blacksmith in Lorgavis and show him your sword.- Elliot exited the room, his orange eyes reflecting the light, and his blonde hair also shining. He started to go toward Lorgavis, with Zuko sitting on his shoulder

 

[Myriadviper42]

Well, pretty good, but it seemed a bit too casual sounding, and then it went too quickly to having his parents attacked, but still, it was good. Keep it up.

 

[Elvenknight]

I like it. It's a little too quick at changing scenes, in my opinion, but your basic plot sounds like it will turn out excellant!

 

[gerudogirl]

very nice! interesting chapter, a bit short, but very nice.

 

[Keyari]

Interesting, very very interesting. I wonder how this story will turn out! It has a good story line, very little errors, and a good amount of detail. Very good job! Can't wait for the next chapter!

 

[Master Sword13]

Nice job, BEB! (See how I got it right this time? Cool, eh?) I agree with the others that things seemed a bit too quick. But I can't wait for the rest!

 

[blue-eyes]

Chapter 2: Tahsha Sensia​

Elliot walked into Lorgavis, looking for the blacksmith. He stopped next to a girl about his age, who had Sandy Blonde hair, waist length,wearing a violet evening gown, tights to her thighs, and it flares out after her thighs, Amethyst earrings and necklace shaped like the moon.

“Do you know where the blacksmith is?” Elliot asked, looking at her.

“Yes, it is over there,” She said, pointing to a small stone building around 50 feet away.

Elliot thanked her and started running toward the building. He entered it, and looked at the blacksmith. He was around 30, and he was very muscular. “Excuse me, but do you know about this sword?” Elliot asked, drawing and showing him the red short sword.

“You’re … you’re …. You’re the Hero!” He said, “You are seeking the ones with powers, you go find Tahsha Sensia, she has amazing healing powers. She has Sandy Blonde hair…” but Elliot had already left, knowing who she was.

He reached her, and not waiting for a reply, he yelled, “Come with me! No time to explain!” And he ran outside the city, into the field, which had a forest to the north, a mountain to the east, an ocean to the west, and the city to the south, Tahsha trailing close behind him.

Elliot stopped, panting, and he sat down. “So, why did I need to follow you?” Tahsha asked.

“Because you are one of the few people on this planet with powers, and I am the one who is supposed to save the world,” Elliot said, and Tahsha sat down with him.

“So, you are the Phoenix. I thought that was only a myth.” Tahsha said, laying back.

“What do you mean?” Elliot asked, watching Zuko fly around.

“You haven’t heard the story? Well I guess I’ll tell you it. Long in the past, many people had powers like us. But then, an evil man who was seeking power made a long, thin blade called the Blade of the Heartless. When he killed someone with powers, the wielder of the sword gained them. He executed almost all of the beings with powers when a man with extraordinary fire powers came and fought him. He lost, but he did learn how to gain others powers without killing them. He was called the Phoenix. He gathered all the powered beings and gained their abilities, which he then used to kill the man. Now, another man is killing the last of the powered beings, and you have the Phoenix Blade, and the fire abilities. I know this because if you did not and you wielded that blade, you would be dead.” Tahsha told her story, and Elliot listened to her.

“Thank you for telling me this, and will you help me defeat him, I need all the help I can get” Elliot asked, and Tahsha said she would. They were going to decide what to do to find the other powered being tomorrow.

 

[Keyari]

And ere enters Mirrom. I can't wait for my character to appear! Great job so far B-E-B!

 

[blue-eyes]

You're character (I think) is coming in in one or 2 chapters

 

[Myriadviper42]

Quite good, seemed a bit slower paced than the other one, but I like that. Good job.

 

[Master Sword13]

Nice job, BEB. Keep up the good work!

 

[amaterasu]

great job. can't wait for the

Spoiler

fight between Chailyn and Elliot,

like we talked about in the sb

 

[Ganondork]

hmm it's a bit too fast-paced and too much done in a single sentence. take your time with writing, it can't be rushed.

 

[amaterasu]

i do admit, i have to agree with him. Run-on sentences are a bad habit of mine, but I can't really seem to fix them. I might just be over critisizing my own work though.

 

[*M i d n a*]

For an eleven year old your writing is top-notch! I am amazed, good going, love your story, and I love the short chapters, reminds me of Josie's own cool story. Keep up the good work.