Do you believe that platonic relationships are genuine?

[Mipha]

Yes, and I don't see how they wouldn't be. Tbh, the people in those videos are absolute idiots.

 

[Jamie]

I think this is where I start splitting hairs, honestly. But I'll work with your question about why someone wouldn't kiss someone who they were sexually attracted to. You might find it ****e, but it's what I've got.

For some people, a lot of people even, possibly at its core, kissing and sex is a meaningful act inherently. If it weren't, you'd kiss just about anyone wouldn't you? But it seems like a lot of folks don't kiss just about anyone. Kissing and sex are expressions of vulnerability and intimacy with others. And even the types of kissing regularly break down into different categories. Compare the chaste kiss of a father to his daughter with that of a frenzied make-out between one night lovers. Clearly there is a difference. I'm going to suggest to you that difference isn't actually between the sexual and the platonic. I mean it is, but the real difference between those two things is the message being communicated.

In one case, the message is something about attraction, pleasure, lust, etc (lovers). In the other case, it is an appreciation of beauty, family, preciousness, etc. In one case, there is also an expression of a relationship which will continue to exist and acknowledges previous history (father/daughter). Not so with the lovers.

So you've half put to me "why would someone not kiss someone they were attracted to?". My answer is that A: Kissing and sex do carry fundamental meaning if only via communication and B: Perhaps you value communicating a message to that person more than you value your fancying them. Perhaps, you wish more than a sexual desire, to communicate something more significant.

I'm not sure if you've had a significant other who meant very much to you, but I think it is fair at least in my own life to estimate that of all the boys I've kissed, not all the boys received the same kiss or message. And in the case the boys who I kissed more than once, not every kiss was the same or sent the same message. There were many kisses devoid of sexual attraction and many that were, but all were in their own way romantic. Those kisses you'd call platonic were nothing like the pecks given to my brothers or parents. They were nothing like the ones given to best friends or friends.

Why? Well, I'm not exactly sure why. But I would say it is because I loved my boyfriend at the time in an intimate way that cannot be compared to the greatest friendships I've had. Something was fundamentally different about those kisses. I think it might have to do with the idea of a very close knit unit of "us" that is hoped to not be leaving. I think it has something to do with hoping for a life literally together. I think it has something to do with a sense of being a team without being in competition.

But why would I want to just be friends with someone I were attracted to? Because I realize somewhere in my head, that they aren't going to be that person. I realize that I am much better competing with them and pushing them in ways I never would to someone I wanted to be with in the other way. Because they've got loads more to offer me as a friend than they would as a significant other. Being a significant other is an entirely different commitment. That doesn't, however, hamper my ability to recognize their sexual attractiveness.

I think you're at least getting my personal viewpoint wrong, but I think you bring some different and interesting ideas into the discussion. But you have me all wrong here if you're trying to help explain to Deus my own views. I would kiss a female in a passionate, romantic way. I would not do the same with a man, even if I am sexually attracted to them. The thought of kissing a man grosses me out, but not having sexual relations with one. Again, I can't explain a why or how beyond this, it's just my orientation, and I think my orientation proves that asexuals can have functioning romantic relationships without sex, since the two are entirely separate for me.

 

[Misty]

I think you're at least getting my personal viewpoint wrong,

I was never explaining your view point. I'm not your secretary

But you have me all wrong here if you're trying to help explain to Deus my own views.

or your assistant.

I would kiss a female in a passionate, romantic way. I would not do the same with a man, even if I am sexually attracted to them. The thought of kissing a man grosses me out, but not having sexual relations with one. Again, I can't explain a why or how beyond this, it's just my orientation, and I think my orientation proves that asexuals can have functioning romantic relationships without sex, since the two are entirely separate for me.

or your mum.

 

[Jamie]

I was never explaining your view point. I'm not your secretary


or your assistant.



or your mum.

I assumed you were trying to explain myself further, since the question was directed at me. Luckily, I used the wonderful word, "if" to protect myself from sarcastic comments. But alright.

Really, I don't see why you had to be rude about it. All you had to say was that wasn't your intentions, no need to do the whole "I'm not your x" bit. Sorry for assuming wrong.

 

[Misty]

I assumed you were trying to explain myself further, since the question was directed at me.

Nah man, that's why I used the first person so much there. Questions on discussion threads are fair game in my mind for anyone who has a good answer, which I felt I did.

Luckily, I used the wonderful word, "if" to protect myself from sarcastic comments.

Just for my records, did you feel your use of if protected you from my sarcastic comments?

 

[Jamie]

Nah man, that's why I used the first person so much there. Questions on discussion threads are fair game in my mind for anyone who has a good answer, which I felt I did.



Just for my records, did you feel your use of if protected you from my sarcastic comments?

I just didn't see why you felt the need to add them, coulda just said I was wrong in a less rude way, especially since I did say "if" which sort of right away said that I wasn't saying you were trying to say my viewpoints, just if you were. Anyway, no point dwelling on this lol. Sorry for misrepresenting you or whatever

 

[snakeoiltanker]

As someone who sees sex as one of the least important things in a relationship, I say these are very genuine. Trust and attraction are paramount for a relationship to work. Usually (not always) when the sex is the best part of the relationship, priority and trust begin to slip. Getting you a good ride or die companion whether u make it official or not can be sone of the best relationships you will ever see, one that most couples become jelouse of. So if you find one be ready for the haters.

 

[Malia]

The first thing I'll have to define first in order to answer it properly is how exactly I define "friend." If I'm talking about people I classify as my closest and best friends, that being people I would trust with my life, I would defend against anything, and would do everything in my power to keep safe--that circle is very, very, very small, but it exists.

Scarce do I find a bond like that, but when I do, I guard it fiercely. The reason I point this out is almost always when I've found someone like this, the connection between us is almost instantaneous and at some points, addictive! And at the very start, it does in many ways feel like I'm falling in love, funnily enough. Over time, I can see I'm probably experiencing some degree of limerence, but even after that honeymoon-type phase passes, there's always an extremely deep affection between me and the other person.

Today, there are 3 people in my life in which I share a bond as I've described. For me, when I am fortunate and lucky enough to connect with someone like that, there's always a period where I do feel something beyond platonic, even if it does sort itself out later.

So to a degree, platonic friendships--and by friendship I mean that rare highest degree of loyalty I can feel for someone--is something that'll eventually happen, but something deeper is usually prior to it. Bizarre for me to explicitly type this even though I've known it for years, but there ya go.

If we take this down a notch and we're just talking about the spectrum of acquaintance, to someone I'm friendly with or someone I get along with fine, then yeah, certainly, platonic relationships exist for me, and that would classify as probably most relationships in my life. But should I refer to that exclusive group closer to my heart, then I won't deny that there were borderline romantic feelings at some point, even if I did settle them later.

 

[linkypete]

I definitely believe that. I just started my senior year at a new, very small school. Apparently the "tradition" here is that everyone needs to be in a romantic relationship with someone else. Since the second I moved here, many people have been trying to set me up with one girl who is now my best friend here, and neither of us want to ruin that with a romantic relationship. There is a lot of pressure for us to get together, but we are both trying to avoid that. But our platonic relationship is genuine.