Do you believe that platonic relationships are genuine?

[Triforce King]

Sooo I was just surfing YouTube videos when I came across this one.(Warning this video contains strong language) Anyway it got me think about platonic relationships and what our society thinks about the subject, but before that I think I need to explain what the definition of platonic means for those who don't know. The word platonic means that a relationship that is only a friendship and doesn't involve sexual activity. An example of platonic is the type of friendship shared by a man and a woman who are married to other people. Anywho in our day and age there still a lot of people that believe in the double standard that men and women can't just be friends, or in other words have a platonic relationships. On the men side people believe that you either gay or just using the friend card to get into her pants. And for the women side, they believe you either gullible or just a slut. Other people believe that it's human nature for men and women to be sexually attracted to each other, making them believe that platonic relationships are fake. Despite all of that, there are still people in this world who believes that the opposite sex or same sex can have a intimate relationship without it being sexual. So I'm curious to know what you guys and gals think about this topic.

 

[DekuNut]

I've had a number of platonic relationships where I haven't even considered hitting on them. They're real things, though it can be hard to tell the difference between them and liking someone at times. I was in a relationship with someone for about 8 months before we realized that we were just close friends and nothing more. During those 8 months there was no kissing, no hand holding, and no hiding the zucchini. So we just decided to go back to the whole friendship thing because that's really what we were.

 

[Justac00lguy]

Sure. I don't mind platonic relationships, but I'll admit there's always that lingering thought of "do I have feelings here or?". It's annoying because I can never determine whether it's genuine or whether it's just that stereotypical society mindset of: girl+boy=sex

 

[Dan]

I came to this thread with my lab coat on as fast as I could! Let me say now, and this isn't just anecdotal evidence I bring to the table but hardcore science. All relationships between man and woman are based around sex. You can delude yourself as much as you want but you can't tell me as a man you wouldn't want to bang your hot friend.

Just look at this blog, platonic? I think not! http://zeldadungeon.net/forum/xfa-blog-entry/hi-friends.97/

 

[Dio]

I don't think a man can be friends with a hot girl and not want anything to happen. You can tell straight away when you see someone if you find them attractive or not. If you become friends with them nothing changes. You are still attracted to them.

If a man saw a girl and weren't attracted to them and then became friends. It might be he never becomes attracted to her. Though she could have been attracted to him all along.

I think it would be very rare for friendships between man and woman to be completely platonic. One side will often be attracted to the other or have fantasized about doing the do with them and would be up for doing the do with them, and I think particularly the male side.

 

[Dan]

I don't think a man can be friends with a hot girl and not want anything to happen. You can tell straight away when you see someone if you find them attractive or not. If you become friends with them nothing changes. You are still attracted to them.

If a man saw a girl and weren't attracted to them and then became friends. It might be he never becomes attracted to her. Though she could have been attracted to him all along.

I think it would be very rare for friendships between man and woman to be completely platonic. One side will often be attracted to the other or have fantasized about doing the do with them and would be up for doing the do with them, and I think particularly the male side.

Some points well made Deus, I may even give you your very own lab coat should you keep this up. Let's not forget that personalities can also effect the way you physically see a person, so friendships = sex appeal ^25% mmmmm.

 

[Dio]

Some points well made Deus, I may even give you your very own lab coat should you keep this up. Let's not forget that personalities can also effect the way you physically see a person, so friendships = sex appeal ^25% mmmmm.

Yes absolutely. Once you become friends with someone you never thought of as attractive you may begin to see attractive qualities in them which could push you towards wanting to pursue more than friendship.

There are also those out there who aren't sexually attracted to people unless they have an emotional connection to them.

 

[Jamie]

I doubt there are many male/female relationships (or male/male if y'all swing that way (lesbians are a myth)) that both parties are attractive and neither thinks of sexual relations with the other, but there are plenty that people don't actually want to act on those thoughts.

 

[kokirion]

I don't think a man can be friends with a hot girl and not want anything to happen. You can tell straight away when you see someone if you find them attractive or not. If you become friends with them nothing changes. You are still attracted to them.

If a man saw a girl and weren't attracted to them and then became friends. It might be he never becomes attracted to her. Though she could have been attracted to him all along.

I think it would be very rare for friendships between man and woman to be completely platonic. One side will often be attracted to the other or have fantasized about doing the do with them and would be up for doing the do with them, and I think particularly the male side.

I see your point but I don't fuuuully agree.

Growing up as bi, I always found this a strange topic. For me it's not so much only the opposite sex that I could be attracted to, and so graduately I've stopped seeing the opposite sex as only in the glasses of sexual appeal. I feel that many men tend to primarily look to other men for potential friends and to every other girl as potential lovers. If I would do that being bi, I would have 0 friends... From my perspective, I think this is therefore a bit of a cultural thing. I understand it. When you grow up girls are seen as more mysterious (and they think the same about guys). Especially for younger ages girls tend to hang out more with girls and guys also with other guys. Most people have more in common with people from their own gender so that's why they hang out more with their own gender than with the opposite gender. And when you're looking for a potential lover you're not gonna waste your time in making 100s of friendships with the opposite sex. And so of course you'd be curious when an attractive person of the other sex would approach you, are they perhaps interested in you, could they be a potential partner?
But yeah, like I said, if I would have that mentality than I would be unable to develop deep friendships with almost anyone. What I developed instead are 2 simple things that define for me the difference between potential lovers and other people: different from what you might expect I actually became more picky. I have specific types. You either are my type or you're not. You can be very attractive but if you're not my type I'm not that interested. And I almost never fall in love with friends. For me friends feel like "my own gender" xD

If someone is completely my type then no, I just cannot be friends, there will always be more between us. Sometimes people are on the edge, in certain circumstances something could happen and in others not. In this case it just depends how it starts. My current best friend is a girl and she is freaking hot. She's always been this "she miiight be my type" kind of person, an being so attractive in the beginning that did play a role. But due to circumstances it never really developed, we started to hang out around the same time that she got her current boyfriend. So it was never that much of an option to pursue it anyway. And since we met I've had huge crushes on other people myself that completely overshadowed my attraction to her. Nowadays that attraction mostly disappeared, it feels weird to think about her in a sexual way. But that's because she is such a good friend, it feels more like she is a sibling, and being attracted to her would thus feel a bit incestual...

I do think there is a difference between having male and female friends. That is because you don't assume a guy is/can be attracted to you. When you get close that never comes up in your mind. And the same for me. Even if I would still find him somewhat attractive, I would never see him in such a light because I assume that's not even a possibility. Therefore I find it more easy to make male friends. When I befriend a girl, not only is there that question whether I could be attracted to her, but also what she thinks about me. And when we get closer the question of what I mean to her is always on my mind.

tl;dr: But yeah, i think platonic friendships definitely exist. I have plenty of them (male and female). But I do understand why people would doubt their feasibility, and I think that's mostly a cultural thing. If you're in love with someone you won't be able to platonically befriend them. And even if you're not in love with them, under the right circumstances you probably always can fall in love though. And many guys pretty much allow this to happen I think, what makes having guy-girl friendships difficult. For me I constructed my own limits, and so I probably just don't allow a lot of romance and sexual interest to happen. And so for those who fall outside of my limits our friendships are pretty platonic.

 

[Misty]

My answer is definitely. I grew up with a father who ran a gaming and comic store. I've been a tomboy my whole life even if my outer manner of appearance has matured from the days of jeans+sundress+backwards hat. It's really just a sad fact that most girls do not share any of my interests or if they do share them, it is not to the nerdy and obsessive degree which I do. (I blame being raised primarily around men, I think it ended up making me rather masculine.)

Thus, it has always seemed quite obvious to me to primarily interact with males as friends. Not to say I haven't had female friends, I do, but largely my friendship pie chart is made of guys. Usually, it has been helpful that most of them were between 2-4 years older because it helped foster the "little sister/big brother" vibe that helped keep things platonic. I tend to agree that for the early part of the friendship, there is some awkward figuring things out period where both parties aren't sure if the attraction is friendship or romantic -- it seems rare there isn't some stage like that. But imo, there is usually some obvious "getting past it" moment that both parties could point out (sometimes, unspoken, but sometimes an actual conversation.) Once you get past that stage, I don't really think you go back or wonder very much about the other person in a sexual manner. It just becomes straight up friendship.

Do I agree a lot of guys/girls use the friendship premise as a way to get involved and attempt for the romantic thing...yeah. Absolutely. Happens regularly even. But I think you can always tell them apart because they act like a potential partner, always paying for stuff or offering to help you with things you didn't ask for help with that would be family or partner range stuff, or other bleeding obvious "I want to be your mate" actions. The people who cannot tell which it is usually play it safe and act like a friend would.

Do these friendships sometimes end up as romances? Yeah, I guess that's easy to see happening too. Some of it because when you spend that much time with someone and are that close, it is both easier and emotionally deceptive to just make it a relationship. Some because the rest of society will apply incredible and frustrating pressure for you to be together. They'll constantly talk cattily and in that gossipy tone about you two hanging out or how you are together. When enough people start talking like that, it plays with your brain and makes you think there must be something you're missing about how the other person interacts that they see.

I also think it is entirely possible and even plausible to have a platonic relationship which acknowledges any sexual attraction which does exist. I think platonic is more of an action than a feeling inside. Choosing not to act on a sexual attraction towards another person, particularly if you are that close emotionally and physically, is more of a statement about the value of your platonic relationship than it is for people who never felt that draw in the first place.

 

[Emma]

Well I WAS going to make a post here last night from the perspective of being bi. But I got tired and decided to wait. Then @kokirion went and said just about everything I was going to say. So that'd be a yes. However, such things are unlikely to last long with people you really connect with. You're always going to want more. If someone is your type, then it's harder and harder to be happy with just being friends in this situation the more they fit your type. If someone is just your type, don't bring sex into it if you want to keep it as just good friends.

 

[Dio]

My answer is definitely. I grew up with a father who ran a gaming and comic store. I've been a tomboy my whole life even if my outer manner of appearance has matured from the days of jeans+sundress+backwards hat. It's really just a sad fact that most girls do not share any of my interests or if they do share them, it is not to the nerdy and obsessive degree which I do. (I blame being raised primarily around men, I think it ended up making me rather masculine.)

Thus, it has always seemed quite obvious to me to primarily interact with males as friends. Not to say I haven't had female friends, I do, but largely my friendship pie chart is made of guys. Usually, it has been helpful that most of them were between 2-4 years older because it helped foster the "little sister/big brother" vibe that helped keep things platonic. I tend to agree that for the early part of the friendship, there is some awkward figuring things out period where both parties aren't sure if the attraction is friendship or romantic -- it seems rare there isn't some stage like that. But imo, there is usually some obvious "getting past it" moment that both parties could point out (sometimes, unspoken, but sometimes an actual conversation.) Once you get past that stage, I don't really think you go back or wonder very much about the other person in a sexual manner. It just becomes straight up friendship.

Do I agree a lot of guys/girls use the friendship premise as a way to get involved and attempt for the romantic thing...yeah. Absolutely. Happens regularly even. But I think you can always tell them apart because they act like a potential partner, always paying for stuff or offering to help you with things you didn't ask for help with that would be family or partner range stuff, or other bleeding obvious "I want to be your mate" actions. The people who cannot tell which it is usually play it safe and act like a friend would.

Do these friendships sometimes end up as romances? Yeah, I guess that's easy to see happening too. Some of it because when you spend that much time with someone and are that close, it is both easier and emotionally deceptive to just make it a relationship. Some because the rest of society will apply incredible and frustrating pressure for you to be together. They'll constantly talk cattily and in that gossipy tone about you two hanging out or how you are together. When enough people start talking like that, it plays with your brain and makes you think there must be something you're missing about how the other person interacts that they see.

I also think it is entirely possible and even plausible to have a platonic relationship which acknowledges any sexual attraction which does exist. I think platonic is more of an action than a feeling inside. Choosing not to act on a sexual attraction towards another person, particularly if you are that close emotionally and physically, is more of a statement about the value of your platonic relationship than it is for people who never felt that draw in the first place.

If that attraction is there though, can that relationship still be truly platonic? I'm not sure it would be because there is still that underlying attraction. Even with those we are in a sexual relationship we don't just love them for the sole reason that we have sex with them. Couples sometimes do abstinence for whatever reason, for a challenge maybe. Both partners still want it and get the urges, they just don't do it. I think that is basically the relationship you described there at the end.

 

[DARK MASTER]

@Deus a platonic relationship is simply a relationship without sexual feeling and/or action. Perhaps the couple is very asexual? This is radically opposite of my desire, but I acknowledge its existence.

 

[Dio]

@Deus a platonic relationship is simply a relationship without sexual feeling and/or action. Perhaps the couple is very asexual? This is radically opposite of my desire, but I acknowledge its existence.

The original question asks if platonic relationships are genuine. If a platonic relationship is simply one without sex then they all are. I just looked the definition up in the good old Oxford Dictionary and it just says it is a relationship with no sex, it does not exclude sexual attraction. This means there is no such thing as a genuine or non genuine platonic relationship as you either have sex or you don't.

Misty mentioned where both people have sexual desires for each other but choose not to actually do it. Saying it was an action not a feeling. From looking it up that seems to be the case.

 

[DARK MASTER]

@Deus denotative definitions just describe generally agreed usages, such as our Merriam dictionary denoting lack of romance as platonic, but meanings and concepts we get from meanings really capture my interest.

- I believe one can have a relationship without sexual thoughts for their partner.

Deus, how often do you think this actually occurs?