It’s 3am and I woke up to a lot of pain in wounds in mouth and neck
. Cant sleep. I took a painkiller but have to wait till it kicks in before even thinking about getting any sleep. Now terrifying thoughts are running in mind. Worrying if I’ll ever recover from the damage cancer left behind. Being not able to speak clearly makes me think if I have to change my career. That troubles me... how I’m going to teach students in lectures if speaking stays like this... Not able to eat properly is making me lose weight. I look like a skeleton. Im afraid if cancer still is inside me. Just waiting to hit me again. Im disappointed how my body let me down by failing to stay healthy. I really did not expect to be in that shape Im now before my thirties. I feel Im fragile and decayed. Before illness I had everything just fine. I had found a good balance in life and I was very happy. Suddenly everything changed. Now pain starts to fade away. These opiates I got for the pain are great.