onebizarrekai
gay energy
Okay, so I had an old story that was called the Legend of Rina. Guess what happened to it? The computer it was on crashed and the data is lost forever.
So I started a new story on my mom's laptop.
Be aware that this story is pretty much %100 parody. So don't get all angry.
And just so you know, this story is FINISHED. Completely. I'm working on the next one right now.
Please read this. I'm proud of it and most of my stories are ignored.
This first chapter is not one of the best. Don't expect the whole story to be like this.
One more thing: I wrote this before the Son of Neptune came out, as it is mentioned in the story.
The Legend of Crap: Ocarina of Time
Chapter 1: The First Adventure
“I have been protecting this forest for a heck long time. I’m 400 years old, and I’m a tree. You have no idea how annoying it is to be in one place your whole entire life. AHEM. Anyway, I’m the Deku Tree and I protect the forest because you can’t trust a bunch of children to take care of themselves,” a tree said. “Those kids are called the Kokiri. Some are sweet and nice and some are a pain in the butt to deal with. Each of the Kokiri have guardian fairies to protect them while I’m sleeping, being lazy or for any other reason. Stupidly, the fairies belonging to the annoying Kokiri are just the same and don’t help much, but it’s too late for me to take them away, as they are all so attached to them. However…” the Deku Tree paused. “… there is one boy without a fairy.”
-
-
“Navi, oh Navi, where art thou?” the Deku Tree called. “Get over here.”
Navi, the blue fairy, flew up to him. “Really? Where art thou?” she asked disbelievingly.
“Quiet. I need you to be the fairy of the boy without a fairy.”
“Why does it have to be me?”
“BECAUSE I SAID SO. NOW GO GET HIM.”
“Eep!” Navi flew away in a flash and into the village.
Ironically, even though Link was the only one living off the ground (you needed a ladder to get into his house), it took Navi ten minutes to find his house.
“Hey,” Navi started. “Wake up!” She smacked Link in the face.
“AHH!! BURGLAR!!” Link screamed. He picked up his pillow and started trying to beat Navi with it. She took the pillow from him and hit him again. “Huh? What?”
“I’m Navi your guardian fairy.”
“Really?! I can finally have all my wishes granted!”
“No, you idiot! Fairies in this game don’t grant wishes.”
Link snapped his fingers, “Dang it.”
“Come on, we have to go see the Deku Tree. Now.” Navi dragged Link out the door and tossed him off the porch.
“AUGH! MY SPLEEN!!” Link screamed.
“Link! Are you okay?” Saria gasped, running up to him quickly.
“Nope!”
“Honestly…” Navi muttered. “Now come on, we have to go see the Deku Tree no matter what stands in our path.”
-
-
“Stop right there!” Mido yelled. “Have you some king of business with the Deku Tree?”
“Yes,” Navi said.
“Well too bad! You ain’t going one step past this point!” Mido paused. “…*Unless you are to get a sword and shield!”
“So that we can kill you?”
“Yes! I mean, no! If you can get a sword and shield I will let you pass.”
“Fine.”
-
-
“HELP!! THE BOULDER JUST BROKE FIVE OF MY BONES!” Link screamed.
After sending Link to the hospital, he returned to the tunnel and obtained the Kokiri Sword.
Link got the Kokiri Sword!
Afterwards, Link headed to the Kokiri Store.
“Hello there, Link! Would you like to buy something? I have this girly pink hat!” the store owner pointed to a cap. “I also have this yellow glow stick, a dirty spoon, a broken cell phone, a stolen pair of ripped boots, and a copy of the Lost Hero--”
“Really?!” Navi gasped. “I’ve been looking for a copy of that book forever! It’s really hard to get books when there isn’t a book store or library nearby!”
“--In Korean.”
“Really? Are you serious? Korean? Do you seriously think that anybody in this forest can speak Korean, or even bother buying a book in that language?”
Suddenly a Kokiri walked in. “Hello there, store keeper! I heard you have a copy of the Lost Hero in Korean! May I buy it? I can speak Korean!”
Navi sighed.
Once the Kokiri left with his new copy of the Lost Hero in Korean…
“Can I buy a Deku shield?” Link finally asked.
“That will be 40 rupees!” the store owner answered.
Link stared into his wallet. No rupees. He stared wide eyed at it. “Do you mind looking that way while I steal one?”
“No problem!” the store keeper looked at the wall while Link took a Deku Shield and skipped out of the store. Navi face palmed.
“I swear, there isn’t a single smart person in this forest except for Saria. I can’t believe that guy was selling a copy of the Lost Hero in Korean. I have to hurry up and read that book before The Son of Neptune comes out.”
-
-
“Hey, Guy-I-Want-To-Kill, we brought a sword and shield,” Navi told Mido.
“Gosh darn it! Well, I guess I’ll have to let you pass. But only if you--” Mido started, but was interrupted with Navi pointing Link’s sword at him. “OKAY YOU CAN PASS!!” Mido ran away.
-
-
“HAI THAR GREAT DEKU TREEEE!!” Link shouted the minute they entered the meadow.
“Link! It’s about time you get here!” the Deku Tree yelled.
“Oh, he had to go to the hospital because he got run over by a boulder,” Navi said.
“I see. So, long story short, I was cursed by a man who wanted to take my treasure, and I’m going to die if the curse isn’t broken soon.”
“How do you break the curse?”
Over in the corner, Link was busy eating a cookie for no reason.
“Go inside me and kill the parasite that is causing the curse.” Navi sighed.
“I don’t want to…” Link complained.
“I will give you something shiny if you do.”
“Shiny? I like shiny. Do you like shiny? Cookie likes shiny too. I like cookie. Shiny cookie.” Link pet his cookie and then shoved it in his mouth.
“Anyway… Enter mah boi!” The Deku Tree opened his mouth.
“EEK! The talking tree thinks I’m a shiny cookie!”
The Deku Tree and Navi face palmed.
-
-
“OH MY FREAK SPIIIDEERR!!!” Link screamed and hid behind Navi. “I wonder if it likes shiny cookies!” Link walked up to the spider and offered it a cookie. The spider bit him. “Owchies! I guess not.”
-
-
After some time, Link finally got to the room with the slingshot.
Link got the Slingshot!
“What does it do?” Link wondered. “Launches shiny cookies?”
“Why are you so stupid?” Navi asked him with a sigh.
“I like shiny cookies.”
“COOKIES AREN’T SHINY!”
“Yes! I know! Cookies aren’t shiny. Shiny cookies are shiny.”
“…”
-
-
“Okay okay okay!” a Deku Scrub yelled when Navi almost stabbed him. “If you spare me, I’ll give you some valuable information!”
“Let’s go camping,” Link said.
“Up ahead, my brothers are guarding the entrance to a door. They won’t let you by unless you strike them in a certain order.”
“I’ll get the sleeping bags!” Link picked up some sticks.
“The order is 231! I’m not telling you again so remember it.”
“Do we have tents?”
“SHUT UP, LINK!” Navi screamed at Link. “WE AREN’T GOING CAMPING!”
-
-
“Look! A river!” Link jumped into a hole and into the pool below.
“Goodness, Link, you need medical help or something.”
“Hehehe! Do you have any more shiny cookies?”
“I think you had too much sugar this morning!”
“I ate two cupcakes, a pie, an entire box of cream puffs and a full bottle of soda.”
“I wonder what he’s like when he’s not on a sugar rush…”
“COOKIE!!” Link ran into a wall. “The blue moss hauuuunts me.” Link tilted his head and his eye twitched.
“Okay, that was just creepy,” Navi muttered.
“Blue moss gives you random hallucinations.”
“Isn’t that from Phineas and Ferb?”
“Yep.”
Link glanced at the Deku Scrubs furiously trying to shoot nuts at him, but failing horribly.
“Look! Bakers!” Link exclaimed. He ran over to them, but they hid in their flowers. “HEY!! COME OUT SO I CAN EAT ALL YOUR SHINY COOKIES!!” Link pulled up the flowers, but the Deku Scrubs somehow remained in the ground.
“Oh snap!” one of the Deku Scrubs yelled. “Now we’re stuck in the ground!”
“GIMME YER COOKIES!!” Link stomped on each of their heads.
“We don’t have any cookies!” the second Deku Scrub told him.
“COOOOOOOOOOOOKKKKKIIIIIESS!!!”
Fortunately, Navi found a frying pan on the ground and hit Link with it.
“Oh, thank Farore you did that,” the first Deku Scrub said.
“He’s on a serious sugar rush and is randomly hallucinating, so he’s a bit crazy right now,” Navi explained.
“Oh. No wonder.”
-
-
“EEK OMG SPIDER!! KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT!!” Link screamed and ran around in circles when he saw Gohma.
“Use your slingshot!” Navi told him. So Link tossed his slingshot at Gohma. “That’s not what I meant!”
But it happened to hit Gohma’s eye and killed it. Gohma fell to the ground and disintegrated. Afterwards, a blue light and a Heart Container appeared.
Link got a Heart Container!
-
-
“LOL OH HAI GREAT DEKU TREE!!” Link yelled so loud that everyone in the forest had to cover their ears as it echoed for five minutes. Then Link fell asleep.
“That was awfully loud!” the Deku Tree stated.
“At least he’s finally lost all his energy from being on a sugar rush,” Navi said.
“Well, now that you’ve finished, I might as well tell you that you did that for nothing and that I’m going to die anyway because I was doomed before you started.”
“SAY WHAT?”
“Look at the bright side! At least you get a prize.”
“Wut?” Link said, getting immediantly up from his sleep. The Kokiri Emerald dropped on his head.
Link got the Kokiri’s Emerald!
“Ooh! Shiny.” Link polished it with a rag he had in his pocket.
“Take that stone, Kokiri’s Emerald, to Princess Zelda, mah boi,” the Deku Tree told him.
“Why?” Navi asked.
“You’ll figure it out. Good bye, mah boi and Navi!” And with that, the Deku Tree died.
“No! Great Deku Tree!” Link gasped.
“Link, let’s get out of here,” Navi told him.
“Great Deku Treeeee!!” Link sat down and cried for a moment, and then got up again as if nothing happened. “Let’s go see the princess!”
Then, all of a sudden, they appeared on the bridge.
Saria jumped. “EEK! How the crap did you get out here so quickly!?” she yelled.
“We’re going to see the princess!” Link exclaimed.
“Well, I wouldn’t exactly say that it's safe for you to go with just your fairy, so I guess I’ll come with you on your journey.”
“YES!” Navi yelled.
“Also, my fairy was cut out of the story.”
“YES AGAIN! Now I won’t have somebody stalking me all the time!”
“IT’S TIME TO SEE THE PRINCESS!! YAY!!” Link jumped off the bridge.
“Get the rope…” Navi mumbled.
-
-
Tell me what you think and I'll post more.
So I started a new story on my mom's laptop.
Be aware that this story is pretty much %100 parody. So don't get all angry.
And just so you know, this story is FINISHED. Completely. I'm working on the next one right now.
Please read this. I'm proud of it and most of my stories are ignored.
This first chapter is not one of the best. Don't expect the whole story to be like this.
One more thing: I wrote this before the Son of Neptune came out, as it is mentioned in the story.
The Legend of Crap: Ocarina of Time
Chapter 1: The First Adventure
“I have been protecting this forest for a heck long time. I’m 400 years old, and I’m a tree. You have no idea how annoying it is to be in one place your whole entire life. AHEM. Anyway, I’m the Deku Tree and I protect the forest because you can’t trust a bunch of children to take care of themselves,” a tree said. “Those kids are called the Kokiri. Some are sweet and nice and some are a pain in the butt to deal with. Each of the Kokiri have guardian fairies to protect them while I’m sleeping, being lazy or for any other reason. Stupidly, the fairies belonging to the annoying Kokiri are just the same and don’t help much, but it’s too late for me to take them away, as they are all so attached to them. However…” the Deku Tree paused. “… there is one boy without a fairy.”
-
-
“Navi, oh Navi, where art thou?” the Deku Tree called. “Get over here.”
Navi, the blue fairy, flew up to him. “Really? Where art thou?” she asked disbelievingly.
“Quiet. I need you to be the fairy of the boy without a fairy.”
“Why does it have to be me?”
“BECAUSE I SAID SO. NOW GO GET HIM.”
“Eep!” Navi flew away in a flash and into the village.
Ironically, even though Link was the only one living off the ground (you needed a ladder to get into his house), it took Navi ten minutes to find his house.
“Hey,” Navi started. “Wake up!” She smacked Link in the face.
“AHH!! BURGLAR!!” Link screamed. He picked up his pillow and started trying to beat Navi with it. She took the pillow from him and hit him again. “Huh? What?”
“I’m Navi your guardian fairy.”
“Really?! I can finally have all my wishes granted!”
“No, you idiot! Fairies in this game don’t grant wishes.”
Link snapped his fingers, “Dang it.”
“Come on, we have to go see the Deku Tree. Now.” Navi dragged Link out the door and tossed him off the porch.
“AUGH! MY SPLEEN!!” Link screamed.
“Link! Are you okay?” Saria gasped, running up to him quickly.
“Nope!”
“Honestly…” Navi muttered. “Now come on, we have to go see the Deku Tree no matter what stands in our path.”
-
-
“Stop right there!” Mido yelled. “Have you some king of business with the Deku Tree?”
“Yes,” Navi said.
“Well too bad! You ain’t going one step past this point!” Mido paused. “…*Unless you are to get a sword and shield!”
“So that we can kill you?”
“Yes! I mean, no! If you can get a sword and shield I will let you pass.”
“Fine.”
-
-
“HELP!! THE BOULDER JUST BROKE FIVE OF MY BONES!” Link screamed.
After sending Link to the hospital, he returned to the tunnel and obtained the Kokiri Sword.
Link got the Kokiri Sword!
Afterwards, Link headed to the Kokiri Store.
“Hello there, Link! Would you like to buy something? I have this girly pink hat!” the store owner pointed to a cap. “I also have this yellow glow stick, a dirty spoon, a broken cell phone, a stolen pair of ripped boots, and a copy of the Lost Hero--”
“Really?!” Navi gasped. “I’ve been looking for a copy of that book forever! It’s really hard to get books when there isn’t a book store or library nearby!”
“--In Korean.”
“Really? Are you serious? Korean? Do you seriously think that anybody in this forest can speak Korean, or even bother buying a book in that language?”
Suddenly a Kokiri walked in. “Hello there, store keeper! I heard you have a copy of the Lost Hero in Korean! May I buy it? I can speak Korean!”
Navi sighed.
Once the Kokiri left with his new copy of the Lost Hero in Korean…
“Can I buy a Deku shield?” Link finally asked.
“That will be 40 rupees!” the store owner answered.
Link stared into his wallet. No rupees. He stared wide eyed at it. “Do you mind looking that way while I steal one?”
“No problem!” the store keeper looked at the wall while Link took a Deku Shield and skipped out of the store. Navi face palmed.
“I swear, there isn’t a single smart person in this forest except for Saria. I can’t believe that guy was selling a copy of the Lost Hero in Korean. I have to hurry up and read that book before The Son of Neptune comes out.”
-
-
“Hey, Guy-I-Want-To-Kill, we brought a sword and shield,” Navi told Mido.
“Gosh darn it! Well, I guess I’ll have to let you pass. But only if you--” Mido started, but was interrupted with Navi pointing Link’s sword at him. “OKAY YOU CAN PASS!!” Mido ran away.
-
-
“HAI THAR GREAT DEKU TREEEE!!” Link shouted the minute they entered the meadow.
“Link! It’s about time you get here!” the Deku Tree yelled.
“Oh, he had to go to the hospital because he got run over by a boulder,” Navi said.
“I see. So, long story short, I was cursed by a man who wanted to take my treasure, and I’m going to die if the curse isn’t broken soon.”
“How do you break the curse?”
Over in the corner, Link was busy eating a cookie for no reason.
“Go inside me and kill the parasite that is causing the curse.” Navi sighed.
“I don’t want to…” Link complained.
“I will give you something shiny if you do.”
“Shiny? I like shiny. Do you like shiny? Cookie likes shiny too. I like cookie. Shiny cookie.” Link pet his cookie and then shoved it in his mouth.
“Anyway… Enter mah boi!” The Deku Tree opened his mouth.
“EEK! The talking tree thinks I’m a shiny cookie!”
The Deku Tree and Navi face palmed.
-
-
“OH MY FREAK SPIIIDEERR!!!” Link screamed and hid behind Navi. “I wonder if it likes shiny cookies!” Link walked up to the spider and offered it a cookie. The spider bit him. “Owchies! I guess not.”
-
-
After some time, Link finally got to the room with the slingshot.
Link got the Slingshot!
“What does it do?” Link wondered. “Launches shiny cookies?”
“Why are you so stupid?” Navi asked him with a sigh.
“I like shiny cookies.”
“COOKIES AREN’T SHINY!”
“Yes! I know! Cookies aren’t shiny. Shiny cookies are shiny.”
“…”
-
-
“Okay okay okay!” a Deku Scrub yelled when Navi almost stabbed him. “If you spare me, I’ll give you some valuable information!”
“Let’s go camping,” Link said.
“Up ahead, my brothers are guarding the entrance to a door. They won’t let you by unless you strike them in a certain order.”
“I’ll get the sleeping bags!” Link picked up some sticks.
“The order is 231! I’m not telling you again so remember it.”
“Do we have tents?”
“SHUT UP, LINK!” Navi screamed at Link. “WE AREN’T GOING CAMPING!”
-
-
“Look! A river!” Link jumped into a hole and into the pool below.
“Goodness, Link, you need medical help or something.”
“Hehehe! Do you have any more shiny cookies?”
“I think you had too much sugar this morning!”
“I ate two cupcakes, a pie, an entire box of cream puffs and a full bottle of soda.”
“I wonder what he’s like when he’s not on a sugar rush…”
“COOKIE!!” Link ran into a wall. “The blue moss hauuuunts me.” Link tilted his head and his eye twitched.
“Okay, that was just creepy,” Navi muttered.
“Blue moss gives you random hallucinations.”
“Isn’t that from Phineas and Ferb?”
“Yep.”
Link glanced at the Deku Scrubs furiously trying to shoot nuts at him, but failing horribly.
“Look! Bakers!” Link exclaimed. He ran over to them, but they hid in their flowers. “HEY!! COME OUT SO I CAN EAT ALL YOUR SHINY COOKIES!!” Link pulled up the flowers, but the Deku Scrubs somehow remained in the ground.
“Oh snap!” one of the Deku Scrubs yelled. “Now we’re stuck in the ground!”
“GIMME YER COOKIES!!” Link stomped on each of their heads.
“We don’t have any cookies!” the second Deku Scrub told him.
“COOOOOOOOOOOOKKKKKIIIIIESS!!!”
Fortunately, Navi found a frying pan on the ground and hit Link with it.
“Oh, thank Farore you did that,” the first Deku Scrub said.
“He’s on a serious sugar rush and is randomly hallucinating, so he’s a bit crazy right now,” Navi explained.
“Oh. No wonder.”
-
-
“EEK OMG SPIDER!! KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT!!” Link screamed and ran around in circles when he saw Gohma.
“Use your slingshot!” Navi told him. So Link tossed his slingshot at Gohma. “That’s not what I meant!”
But it happened to hit Gohma’s eye and killed it. Gohma fell to the ground and disintegrated. Afterwards, a blue light and a Heart Container appeared.
Link got a Heart Container!
-
-
“LOL OH HAI GREAT DEKU TREE!!” Link yelled so loud that everyone in the forest had to cover their ears as it echoed for five minutes. Then Link fell asleep.
“That was awfully loud!” the Deku Tree stated.
“At least he’s finally lost all his energy from being on a sugar rush,” Navi said.
“Well, now that you’ve finished, I might as well tell you that you did that for nothing and that I’m going to die anyway because I was doomed before you started.”
“SAY WHAT?”
“Look at the bright side! At least you get a prize.”
“Wut?” Link said, getting immediantly up from his sleep. The Kokiri Emerald dropped on his head.
Link got the Kokiri’s Emerald!
“Ooh! Shiny.” Link polished it with a rag he had in his pocket.
“Take that stone, Kokiri’s Emerald, to Princess Zelda, mah boi,” the Deku Tree told him.
“Why?” Navi asked.
“You’ll figure it out. Good bye, mah boi and Navi!” And with that, the Deku Tree died.
“No! Great Deku Tree!” Link gasped.
“Link, let’s get out of here,” Navi told him.
“Great Deku Treeeee!!” Link sat down and cried for a moment, and then got up again as if nothing happened. “Let’s go see the princess!”
Then, all of a sudden, they appeared on the bridge.
Saria jumped. “EEK! How the crap did you get out here so quickly!?” she yelled.
“We’re going to see the princess!” Link exclaimed.
“Well, I wouldn’t exactly say that it's safe for you to go with just your fairy, so I guess I’ll come with you on your journey.”
“YES!” Navi yelled.
“Also, my fairy was cut out of the story.”
“YES AGAIN! Now I won’t have somebody stalking me all the time!”
“IT’S TIME TO SEE THE PRINCESS!! YAY!!” Link jumped off the bridge.
“Get the rope…” Navi mumbled.
-
-
Tell me what you think and I'll post more.
Last edited: