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God-King of Teh Intarwebz
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Zelda Art The Legend of Crap: Ocarina of Time
- Thread starter onebizarrekai
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onebizarrekai
gay energy
Already am. (lol)
The Legend of Crap: Ocarina of Time
Chapter 6: The Grand Master At Picking Locks
Previously on The Legend of Crap, Link stole the Hookshot, Navi was naggy, Saria predicted Ingo’s actions and the three got Epona.
Now for Chapter Six.
“Oh no! Ganondorf has taken over the Kokiri Forest too!” Link exclaimed once they entered the forest. “Monsters are everywhere!”
“Not for long!” Saria said, drawing her sword and cutting a giant Deku Baba. It grew back immediantly. “Well crap.”
“I guess they’ll go away once we beat the Forest Temple,” Navi suggested.
“To the Forest Temple!”
-
-
“Halt! Stop right there!” Mido yelled, blocking their way to one of the paths in the Lost Woods. “Have you some kind of business at the Forest Temple?”
“Yes,” Saria replied.
“Well I can’t let you pass! I promised Saria that I would never…*let…” Mido glanced at Saria. “Oh.”
“What the heck are you talking about? You didn’t promise Saria anything, she’s been gone this whole time,” Link stated.
“LINK!” Saria shouted.
“Oh yeah. So you can’t pass!” Mido said. Saria hissed at him and before he knew it he was pinned to the ground with a sword at his neck. “Okay okay okay! You can go through!”
Saria sheathed her sword, “Honestly, Mido. Why do you do such ******** things?”
-
-
“I think the Forest Temple was right around…” Saria started as they entered the Sacred Forest Meadow. “Here, at the end of the meadow.”
“You’ve been there before?” Navi asked.
“No, but I’ve been here before. Where else is it going to be besides the end of the Lost Woods?”
“In a mysterious hole with mountains of pie and cream puffs surrounding it?” Link said.
“… No…”
“Look! A giant pig!” Link pointed to one of the Moblins in the narrow paths. “Maybe he has pie.”
“Wait, Link--!” Navi started.
Link walked up to the Moblin, “Hello there! Do you have any pie?”
“As a matter of fact, I do!” the Moblin replied, holding up an apple pie. “I’m not going to be eating it becasue I’m supposed to be guarding the temple, so you can have it if you want!”
“Wow! Thanks!” Link took the pie from the Moblin. “I’m off to the temple now. Do you mind lifting me up there so I can easily avoid the rest of the monsters?”
“Sure thing!” The Moblin put Link onto the ledge where none of the Moblins could see him.
“Thanks!”
“Wait a second… Oh crap, Ganondorf is going to fire me.”
-
-
Right when they entered the meadow, Sheik dropped from the sky.
“Ah! Raining ninjas!” Link screamed.
“The flow of time is always cruel,” Sheik said.”Its speed seems different for each person, but no one can change it. A thing that doesn’t change with time is a memory of younger days…*In order to come back here again, play the Minuet of Forest.” Sheik took out his harp.
“What does that have to do with the memory of younger days?” Saria asked.
“I have no idea. I was given a script. Now play the Minuet of Forest already.” Sheik played the Minuet of Forest on the harp and Saria played it on her ocarina.
“So this song basically lets us warp whenever we want?”
“Yes.”
“What’s the point of that? If we’re already here, that’s useless.”
“What if you’re doing a side quest?”
“Meh.”
“Saria, you’re here all the time,” Navi said. “You used to sneak out here and play your ocarina for hours.”
“I SAID MEH!”
Navi sighed.
-
-
“It’s the Forest Temple,” Navi said. “Who knows what we might face.”
“HOLY CRAP! What is that?” Saria yelled and pointed to a bunch of Poes taking fire from torches near an elevator. They all went their seperate ways. “What just happened?”
“FOLLOW THEM GHOSTIES!” Link yelled.
“But we don’t know where the heck they went.”
“WHATEVER!”
-
-
After many puzzles later, they finally made it to the mini boss room. A Stalfos dropped from the ceiling.
“AH! LIVING DEAD!” Link screamed.
“…*Where did it just come from…?” Navi wondered, looking at the ceiling. There was absolutely nothing up there except for the ceiling itself.
“Oh crap!” the Stalfos yelled. “They’re finding us out!”
Suddenly the Stalfos disappeared and a chest appeared in the middle of the room. Unfortuently, there was a hole in the middle of the room and it fell down.
“Oh snap,” Navi muttered.
“NOO!! MY TREASURE CHEST!!” Link cried. He jumped down the hole.
“… Did Link just commit suicide for a chest?” Saria asked.
Link got a Fairy Bow!
“Wow!” Link’s voice echoed. “There’s a basement and I see a boss door! But it’s locked!”
“Well crap.” Saria paused. “Well maybe if we just picked the lock a bit…”
A few minutes later, Saria and Navi were both in the basement as well with a giant lock lying on the floor.
“The grand master at picking locks,” Saria laughed.
“What!!” Navi yelled. “If you’re a master at picking locks, why couldn’t we have just picked all the other locks we’ve found instead of us wasting time finding keys?!”
“Too lazy to.”
Navi sighed.
The door opened and the three entered the room. They walked up a staircase and into an area with a bunch of paintings surrounding it. Spikes shot up behind them.
“Oh crap,” Saria muttered. “That can’t be good.”
“Muahahaha, I am evil!” Ganondorf said, appearing out of no where.
“Ganondorf? Aren’t you supposed to be the final boss?”
“Actually…” Ganondorf took off a mask to reveal a skull on fire. “I’m his phantom. The more pathetic version.”
“OH NOEZ!!” Link screamed. “DIE DIE DIE!!” He constantly threw bombs at Phantom Ganondorf until he was defeated.
“Good Din!” Ganondorf’s voice muttered. “That was way too easy! That phantom was a worthless creation! I will banish it in the gap between dimensions!”
“Is that even allowed?” Navi asked.
“I don’t know, but it’s possible because I’m evil! Muahahahahaha!”
Phantom Ganondorf’s burning body was thrown into a black hole. Then a Heart Container appeared in the middle of the room.
Link got a Heart Container!
“Yay!” Link cheered. Then he skipped into the blue light and appeared in the Chamber of Sages.
“YOU’RE THE SAGE?” Link and Navi gasped, looking at Saria in front of them, on the Forest Sage platform.
“Yes, turns out I’m the Sage of the Forest…” Saria stated.
“You’re supposed to give them a medallion,” Rauru said.
“What’s the point? I already travel with them so giving them a medallion is utterly useless. I can just hold onto it.”
“You have to give them a medallion. It doesn’t exist until you give it to them.”
“Oh, whatever.”
Link got the Forest Medallion!
“Oh yay!” Link cheered. “And it smells refreshingly like mint!”
“Really, Link? Really?” Navi said.
Then they were teleported back to the Kokiri Forest in the Great Deku Tree’s meadow.
“Oh… Great Deku Tree…” Link began to cry when he saw the dead and grey Deku Tree.
“Wait a second…” Navi started. “If he died with his mouth open and it stayed open…*How is it closed again?”
“They probably just don’t want you to go back into the first dungeon in the future,” Saria said.
Link sobbed as he walked closer to the dead Deku Tree. Then, suddenly, a plant popped up in front of him, knocking him back.
“Hi there!” the plant greeted. “I’m the Deku Tree sprout!”
“The Great Deku Tree has a child?” Navi asked.
“Because you and Saria broke the curse on the Forest Temple, I can grow and flourish! Thanks a lot! Have you seen your old friends? None of them recognized you with your grown up body, did they?”
“I didn’t ever talk to any of them,” Link said, but the sprout ignored him.
“That’s because Kokiri never grow up! Even after seven years, they’re still kids!”
“Like Never Land children!”
“You must be wondering why only you have grown up! Well, as you might have alerady guessed, you are not a Kokiri! You are actually a Hylian! I am happy to finally reveal this secret to you!”
“WUT?”
“What do you mean, finally?” Saria asked.
“I inherit all the Great Deku Tree’s knowledge,” the Deku Tree sprout told her.
“Then can you tell me where the Great Deku Tree hid my burrito that one day long ago?”
“He threw it into a dimensional portal where it hit Doctor Doofenshmirtz in the head.”
“Our dimension is connected to the Phineas and Ferb dimension?”
“I don’t know…”
“YOU DIDN’T ACTUALLY INHERIT THE INFORMATION! YOU JUST STOLE THE DEKU TREE’S JOURNAL THAT HE APPARENTLY HAD!”
“Whatever! Anyway, some time ago, before the King of Hyrule unified this country, there was a fierce war in our world. One day, to escape from the fires of the war, a Hylian mother and her baby boy entered this forbidden forest. The mother was gravely injured… Her only choice was to entrust the child to the Deku Tree, the guardian spirit of the forest. The Deku Tree could sense that this was a child of destiny, whose fate would affect the entire world, so he took in into the forest. After the mother passed away, the baby was raised as a Kokiri. And now, finally, the day of destiny has come!”
“I’m sorry, what?” Link asked, playing cards with Navi and Saria.
“Oh, for the love of… Just go and save Hyrule from Ganondorf.”
“Okee dokee!”
And they set off to the exit of the forest.
-
-
onebizarrekai
gay energy
Sorry for the double post, but I've been waiting for somebody to post so I could update for a long time. I'm coming to the final battle of Majora's Mask already and I really want to hurry up and get this story done with.
The Legend of Crap: Ocarina of Time
Chapter 7: Bang Bang Maxwell’s Silver Hammer
Previously on The Legend of Crap, Link was dumb, Navi was boring, Saria revealed her secret powers of picking locks and Ganondorf stated his evilosity.
Now for Chapter Seven.
“WEEE!! WE’RE RIDING A HORSE!! YAYZ!” Link cheered as Epona galloped across the field to Kakariko Village. “WE’RE GOING TO KAKAKAKAKOKOKOKO VILLAGE!!”
“It’s freakin’ Kakariko for the last time!” Navi yelled.
“I think that maybe we should do some side quests before we go to the Fire Temple,” Saria said.
“NO SIDE QUESTS!” Link shouted.
“I’m serious, Link! What if they really help us?”
“Meh meh meh!”
-
-
The minute they entered Kakariko Village, Saria and Navi found Link talking to Anju.
“I’ve bred a new type of Cucco!” Anju said. “I call it the Pocket Cucco because it’s really small. You seem like a good Cucco raiser, why don’t you take one and tell me later how its doing? I’ll give you a prize that will lead you into a very long side quest!”
“Really?” Link asked. “Of course I’ll do it!”
Navi and Saria sighed.
Link borrowed the Pocket Egg!
“Come and tell me when it hatches!” Anju told him.
-
-
“Where did all these rocks come from?” Link wondered as they started up the trail to Death Mountain. A rolling boulder crushed him. “AUGH! IT’S SO AGONIZING!”
-
-
“Oh my Din! Where are all the Gorons?” Link gasped.
“Look, there’s one right there,” Saria said and pointed to one rapidly rolling around the 3rd floor.
“Hey! Stop!” Link jumped in the way of the Goron. It turned around.
“We’re going to have to go the rough way…” Saria pulled out the bomb bag.
After many failures in trying to stop the Goron with a bomb, they finally caught him and made him stop.
“How could you do this to me?” the Goron asked, still rolled up. “You, you’re Ganondorf’s servant! Hear my name and tremble! I am Link! Hero of the Gorons!”
“You dare steal my name?” Link said to the Goron.
“What? Your name is also Link?” Link the Goron unrolled. “Then you must be the legendary Dodongo Buster and Hero, Link! My dad is Darunia… Do you remember him? Dad named me Link after you, because you’re so brave!”
“LIAR!” Saria yelled. “How could he possibly say that?”
“What?”
“I’m the one who destroyed the Dodongos! Link did absolutely nothing!”
“But…*but… He’s never done anything?”
“He did kill Phantom Ganondorf all by himself,” Navi said.
“But he’s not a Dodongo Buster, is he.”
“Don’t worry, kiddo. At least it’s not a dumb name like Hippy.”
“Why would my dad name me that?”
“It’s part of the game. Darunia automatically names you whatever Link’s name was no matter how dumb it is.”
“Wow.”
“So where are all the Gorons?”
“They all got kidnapped and locked up in the Fire Temple while my dad out shopping for pie.”
“I thought you only ate rocks,” Saria stated.
“He wanted to try something different for a change. Anyway, all the Gorons are going to be fed to the evil dragon Volvagia if we don’t save them! My dad tried to go and save them, but he hasn’t come back yet. I’m really worried about him! I’ll give you these heat resistant clothes so you can help!”
Link and Saria got Goron Tunics!
“Weird, you designed them in our exact clothes,” Saria spoke.
“We did that on purpose just in case.”
Link stood there for a moment, “… How the heck did you predict what my size was going to be when I was seventeen?”
“I didn’t make them, okay? Now get a move on to the Fire Temple. It’s in Death Mountain Crater. There’s a secret passage from my dad’s room behind a giant statue.”
“The one he always stands in front of?” Navi asked.
“Yeah. Now please, just hurry up. I don’t want our race to become extinct.”
“Okay!” Link said, skipping to Darunia’s room, unfortunetly forgetting about the stairs and crashing down onto the 2nd floor.
Once they entered into the Death Mountain Crater and made it past a broken bridge using the Hookshot(which took absolutely forever because Link has horrible aim), Sheik dropped down from the sky.
“Where did you just come from?” Saria asked. “You just fell in front of us but there’s no ceiling. Same thing for back at the Sacred Forest Meadow.”
“I have my ways,” Sheik replied.
“Hey! I just realized I’m kind of hungry.” Saria took out some marshmallows. Because of how hot it was in there, they all roasted very quickly over the lava.
“How can you ever be hungry again after eating Jabu Jabu?” Navi asked.
“Meh.”
“Anyway…” Sheik started. “It is something that grows over time…*a true friendship. A feeling in the heart that becomes even stronger over time… The passion of friendship will know which way to go…*This song is dedicated to the power of the heart… Listen to the Bolero of Fire.” Sheik pulled out his harp and played a tune.
Seconds passed.
“What? Play the dumb song on your ocarina already!”
“You told us to listen to the song, not play it,” Saria said.
“PLAY THE SONG!”
“Okay okay!” Saria took out her ocarina and played the song.
“This song will warp you back here. I’ll see you again, unfortunetly…” Sheik tossed a Deku Nut and vanished.
“I don’t think he likes us…” Link stated.
“Oh well, let’s go and beat the Fire Temple,” Navi spoke.
-
-
“OH MY CRAP!” Darunia screamed once Link, Saria and Navi entered the room in the Fire Temple. “I haven’t seen you guys for seven years! Where the heck have you been?”
“Sealed in the Sacred Realm,” Saria replied.
“Anyway, no time to talk now. My people are in danger of being eaten! I have to go slay the dragon. I don’t have the hammer, but I guess I’ll try and get through…”
“Wait! Can’t we go kill the dragon instead? At least we’re armed.”
“I’m the leader of the Gorons! I have to be the one to kill the dragon. Now go free all the Gorons while I try to kill the dragon.”
Darunia went into the locked boss door and locked it behind him.
“What the crap…” Saria muttered.
“Well, looks like we have to go save all the Gorons,” Navi said.
“What’s the point of that? Can’t we just break into the boss room like we did the last temple?” Link asked.
“No, we need the weapon we find in this temple.”
“The hammer?”
“Probably.”
-
-
After many long and boring puzzles, they finally got to the treasure chest with the item in it.
Link lifted the lid of the chest.
Link got Maxwell’s Silver Hammer!
“Cool,” Saria said.
-
-
Once they got back down into the room where they met Darunia, Saria started picking the lock to the boss door with the Kokiri Sword.
“Dude, it’s so unfair how Darunia went right through the door like it was a normal, unlocked door,” Navi said.
“He needed to get in somehow,” Saria replied.
There was a click and the lock fell on top of Link.
“… Ow,” Link mumbled.
After five minutes of trying to get the lock off of Link, they finally managed to and entered the boss room.
“I don’t see Darunia anywhere,” Navi stated.
“Maybe he fell in the lava and was burnt to crisp,” Link suggested.
“Oh come on, Link. Everybody knows that Gorons can walk on lava,” Saria told him.
“I didn’t!” Navi yelled.
“Well, whatever. Now you know.”
Once they jumped over a platform and onto the big one with many lava holes on it, the one behind them sank.
“Well crap. Looks like we won’t be going back.”
All of a sudden, Volvagia popped out of one of the lava holes.
“How deep are those things?” Link asked. From experiances in the temple, he knew that they could walk on lava for a few seconds with that tunic on. He put his foot in it. It sank about half an inch. Then he pulled it out again.
“Duuuuuuuuuuude…” Saria said. “How the crap is Volvagia fitting into those things?”
“Muahahahaha!” Volvagia laughed, its head sticking out of one of the holes. “I am evil!”
“We know. Now go kill him, Link.”
Link pulled out Maxwell’s Silver Hammer and hid it behind his back, “Hey dragon thing, I have a present for you…”
“Really? Where is it?” Volvagia asked as Link walked closer towards him.
“Just close your eyes and don’t move and I’ll give it to you!”
“Oh boy!” Volvagia covered his eyes. Link smashed it in the head with the hammer over and over.
“AUGH!!”
“You’ve been pwned!” Link hit it one more time and it flew in the air, burnt to crisp and its bones fell to the ground.
“Wow,” Saria exclaimed. “I didn’t expect that kind of death from a hammer.”
Link got a Heart Container!
“You did it, Link!” Navi said. “Now let’s go to the Chamber of Sages so that we can get out of this dumb temple!” Navi shoved him into the blue light where they appeared back in the Chamber of Sages with Darunia in front of him.
“Just as I thought,” Saria stated. “I knew Darunia would be the Sage of Fire. Who else would it be anyway?”
“Biggoron?” Darunia suggested.
“You’re the sage! You’re not supposed to suggest things.”
“Hey, I just remembered something!” Link exclaimed.
“Remembered what?”
“Remember back in that scene cut when I disappeared and when I knew what we were supposed to do without me listening?”
Flashback!
“Hey, where’s Link?” Saria wondered once they entered the Goron City.
Somehow, Link had gotten behind some rocks near them. He put on a secret agent hat and ran into a nearby room.
“LIIIINK!” a background voice said.
Link sat down in a chair.
“Agent L, Doctor Ganondorf is up to his old tricks again,” a giant Goron spoke. “He’s blocked up the food storage of the Gorons and filled it with Dodongos so now we’re starving to death. Go destroy that boulder and kill the Dodongos and the leader will surely reward you. Good luck, Agent L!”
And with that, Link ran back out of the room, took off the hat and walked back up to Saria and Navi.
“Oh there you are, Link,” Saria said.
Link made a platypus noise.
End of Flashback!
“A giant Goron told you what to do and you remembered?” Saria asked disbelievingly.
“You aren’t actually a secret agent, are you?” Navi questioned.
“The secret agent part was just to be funny.”
“ANYWAY…” Darunia started. “Accept this medallion.”
Link got the Fire Medallion!
“Wow! It feels warm!” Link exclaimed in a Pikachu-like voice.
And Link, Navi and Saria were warped out of the Chamber of Sages. They appeared back in Death Mountain Crater.
“So I guess we’re going to the Water Temple now,” Navi stated.
Thunder boomed in the background.
-
-
The Legend of Crap: Ocarina of Time
Chapter 7: Bang Bang Maxwell’s Silver Hammer
Previously on The Legend of Crap, Link was dumb, Navi was boring, Saria revealed her secret powers of picking locks and Ganondorf stated his evilosity.
Now for Chapter Seven.
“WEEE!! WE’RE RIDING A HORSE!! YAYZ!” Link cheered as Epona galloped across the field to Kakariko Village. “WE’RE GOING TO KAKAKAKAKOKOKOKO VILLAGE!!”
“It’s freakin’ Kakariko for the last time!” Navi yelled.
“I think that maybe we should do some side quests before we go to the Fire Temple,” Saria said.
“NO SIDE QUESTS!” Link shouted.
“I’m serious, Link! What if they really help us?”
“Meh meh meh!”
-
-
The minute they entered Kakariko Village, Saria and Navi found Link talking to Anju.
“I’ve bred a new type of Cucco!” Anju said. “I call it the Pocket Cucco because it’s really small. You seem like a good Cucco raiser, why don’t you take one and tell me later how its doing? I’ll give you a prize that will lead you into a very long side quest!”
“Really?” Link asked. “Of course I’ll do it!”
Navi and Saria sighed.
Link borrowed the Pocket Egg!
“Come and tell me when it hatches!” Anju told him.
-
-
“Where did all these rocks come from?” Link wondered as they started up the trail to Death Mountain. A rolling boulder crushed him. “AUGH! IT’S SO AGONIZING!”
-
-
“Oh my Din! Where are all the Gorons?” Link gasped.
“Look, there’s one right there,” Saria said and pointed to one rapidly rolling around the 3rd floor.
“Hey! Stop!” Link jumped in the way of the Goron. It turned around.
“We’re going to have to go the rough way…” Saria pulled out the bomb bag.
After many failures in trying to stop the Goron with a bomb, they finally caught him and made him stop.
“How could you do this to me?” the Goron asked, still rolled up. “You, you’re Ganondorf’s servant! Hear my name and tremble! I am Link! Hero of the Gorons!”
“You dare steal my name?” Link said to the Goron.
“What? Your name is also Link?” Link the Goron unrolled. “Then you must be the legendary Dodongo Buster and Hero, Link! My dad is Darunia… Do you remember him? Dad named me Link after you, because you’re so brave!”
“LIAR!” Saria yelled. “How could he possibly say that?”
“What?”
“I’m the one who destroyed the Dodongos! Link did absolutely nothing!”
“But…*but… He’s never done anything?”
“He did kill Phantom Ganondorf all by himself,” Navi said.
“But he’s not a Dodongo Buster, is he.”
“Don’t worry, kiddo. At least it’s not a dumb name like Hippy.”
“Why would my dad name me that?”
“It’s part of the game. Darunia automatically names you whatever Link’s name was no matter how dumb it is.”
“Wow.”
“So where are all the Gorons?”
“They all got kidnapped and locked up in the Fire Temple while my dad out shopping for pie.”
“I thought you only ate rocks,” Saria stated.
“He wanted to try something different for a change. Anyway, all the Gorons are going to be fed to the evil dragon Volvagia if we don’t save them! My dad tried to go and save them, but he hasn’t come back yet. I’m really worried about him! I’ll give you these heat resistant clothes so you can help!”
Link and Saria got Goron Tunics!
“Weird, you designed them in our exact clothes,” Saria spoke.
“We did that on purpose just in case.”
Link stood there for a moment, “… How the heck did you predict what my size was going to be when I was seventeen?”
“I didn’t make them, okay? Now get a move on to the Fire Temple. It’s in Death Mountain Crater. There’s a secret passage from my dad’s room behind a giant statue.”
“The one he always stands in front of?” Navi asked.
“Yeah. Now please, just hurry up. I don’t want our race to become extinct.”
“Okay!” Link said, skipping to Darunia’s room, unfortunetly forgetting about the stairs and crashing down onto the 2nd floor.
Once they entered into the Death Mountain Crater and made it past a broken bridge using the Hookshot(which took absolutely forever because Link has horrible aim), Sheik dropped down from the sky.
“Where did you just come from?” Saria asked. “You just fell in front of us but there’s no ceiling. Same thing for back at the Sacred Forest Meadow.”
“I have my ways,” Sheik replied.
“Hey! I just realized I’m kind of hungry.” Saria took out some marshmallows. Because of how hot it was in there, they all roasted very quickly over the lava.
“How can you ever be hungry again after eating Jabu Jabu?” Navi asked.
“Meh.”
“Anyway…” Sheik started. “It is something that grows over time…*a true friendship. A feeling in the heart that becomes even stronger over time… The passion of friendship will know which way to go…*This song is dedicated to the power of the heart… Listen to the Bolero of Fire.” Sheik pulled out his harp and played a tune.
Seconds passed.
“What? Play the dumb song on your ocarina already!”
“You told us to listen to the song, not play it,” Saria said.
“PLAY THE SONG!”
“Okay okay!” Saria took out her ocarina and played the song.
“This song will warp you back here. I’ll see you again, unfortunetly…” Sheik tossed a Deku Nut and vanished.
“I don’t think he likes us…” Link stated.
“Oh well, let’s go and beat the Fire Temple,” Navi spoke.
-
-
“OH MY CRAP!” Darunia screamed once Link, Saria and Navi entered the room in the Fire Temple. “I haven’t seen you guys for seven years! Where the heck have you been?”
“Sealed in the Sacred Realm,” Saria replied.
“Anyway, no time to talk now. My people are in danger of being eaten! I have to go slay the dragon. I don’t have the hammer, but I guess I’ll try and get through…”
“Wait! Can’t we go kill the dragon instead? At least we’re armed.”
“I’m the leader of the Gorons! I have to be the one to kill the dragon. Now go free all the Gorons while I try to kill the dragon.”
Darunia went into the locked boss door and locked it behind him.
“What the crap…” Saria muttered.
“Well, looks like we have to go save all the Gorons,” Navi said.
“What’s the point of that? Can’t we just break into the boss room like we did the last temple?” Link asked.
“No, we need the weapon we find in this temple.”
“The hammer?”
“Probably.”
-
-
After many long and boring puzzles, they finally got to the treasure chest with the item in it.
Link lifted the lid of the chest.
Link got Maxwell’s Silver Hammer!
“Cool,” Saria said.
-
-
Once they got back down into the room where they met Darunia, Saria started picking the lock to the boss door with the Kokiri Sword.
“Dude, it’s so unfair how Darunia went right through the door like it was a normal, unlocked door,” Navi said.
“He needed to get in somehow,” Saria replied.
There was a click and the lock fell on top of Link.
“… Ow,” Link mumbled.
After five minutes of trying to get the lock off of Link, they finally managed to and entered the boss room.
“I don’t see Darunia anywhere,” Navi stated.
“Maybe he fell in the lava and was burnt to crisp,” Link suggested.
“Oh come on, Link. Everybody knows that Gorons can walk on lava,” Saria told him.
“I didn’t!” Navi yelled.
“Well, whatever. Now you know.”
Once they jumped over a platform and onto the big one with many lava holes on it, the one behind them sank.
“Well crap. Looks like we won’t be going back.”
All of a sudden, Volvagia popped out of one of the lava holes.
“How deep are those things?” Link asked. From experiances in the temple, he knew that they could walk on lava for a few seconds with that tunic on. He put his foot in it. It sank about half an inch. Then he pulled it out again.
“Duuuuuuuuuuude…” Saria said. “How the crap is Volvagia fitting into those things?”
“Muahahahaha!” Volvagia laughed, its head sticking out of one of the holes. “I am evil!”
“We know. Now go kill him, Link.”
Link pulled out Maxwell’s Silver Hammer and hid it behind his back, “Hey dragon thing, I have a present for you…”
“Really? Where is it?” Volvagia asked as Link walked closer towards him.
“Just close your eyes and don’t move and I’ll give it to you!”
“Oh boy!” Volvagia covered his eyes. Link smashed it in the head with the hammer over and over.
“AUGH!!”
“You’ve been pwned!” Link hit it one more time and it flew in the air, burnt to crisp and its bones fell to the ground.
“Wow,” Saria exclaimed. “I didn’t expect that kind of death from a hammer.”
Link got a Heart Container!
“You did it, Link!” Navi said. “Now let’s go to the Chamber of Sages so that we can get out of this dumb temple!” Navi shoved him into the blue light where they appeared back in the Chamber of Sages with Darunia in front of him.
“Just as I thought,” Saria stated. “I knew Darunia would be the Sage of Fire. Who else would it be anyway?”
“Biggoron?” Darunia suggested.
“You’re the sage! You’re not supposed to suggest things.”
“Hey, I just remembered something!” Link exclaimed.
“Remembered what?”
“Remember back in that scene cut when I disappeared and when I knew what we were supposed to do without me listening?”
Flashback!
“Hey, where’s Link?” Saria wondered once they entered the Goron City.
Somehow, Link had gotten behind some rocks near them. He put on a secret agent hat and ran into a nearby room.
“LIIIINK!” a background voice said.
Link sat down in a chair.
“Agent L, Doctor Ganondorf is up to his old tricks again,” a giant Goron spoke. “He’s blocked up the food storage of the Gorons and filled it with Dodongos so now we’re starving to death. Go destroy that boulder and kill the Dodongos and the leader will surely reward you. Good luck, Agent L!”
And with that, Link ran back out of the room, took off the hat and walked back up to Saria and Navi.
“Oh there you are, Link,” Saria said.
Link made a platypus noise.
End of Flashback!
“A giant Goron told you what to do and you remembered?” Saria asked disbelievingly.
“You aren’t actually a secret agent, are you?” Navi questioned.
“The secret agent part was just to be funny.”
“ANYWAY…” Darunia started. “Accept this medallion.”
Link got the Fire Medallion!
“Wow! It feels warm!” Link exclaimed in a Pikachu-like voice.
And Link, Navi and Saria were warped out of the Chamber of Sages. They appeared back in Death Mountain Crater.
“So I guess we’re going to the Water Temple now,” Navi stated.
Thunder boomed in the background.
-
-
Last edited:
Myriadviper42
Fulcrum Agent
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2010
- Location
- Control
Lol, loved it. Sorry I didn't comment on this, it's awesome, loved the Phineas and Ferb throwout, at least. 
onebizarrekai
gay energy
The Legend of Crap: Ocarina of Time
Chapter 8: Side Quests, Mah Boi
Previously on The Legend of Crap, Link was crushed by a rock, Navi was pretty boring, Saria roasted marshmallows and really nothing exciting happened.
Now for Chapter Eight.
“Soooo…” Saria started. “Because the Water Temple seems kind of dramatic, I really think we should do side quests to prepare first.”
“Fine, fine, fine,” Link muttered.
Suddenly Navi flew over to a bunch of rocks.
“What’s up, Navi?”
“…*???” Navi looked at the rocks confusingly.
“Mind talking?” Saria asked, annoyed.
“I think there’s something behind these rocks.”
“Maybe there is!” Link said. He ran over to the rocks and hit them with Maxwell’s Silver Hammer until they broke. There was a cave behind them. “Ooh! Navi, you have magic senses!”
“I’m a fairy, you idiot. Of course I have magic senses.”
One step into the cave and they all saw they’re worst fear.
A Great Fairy Fountain.
“NOOOOOO!!!” Link, Navi and Saria all screamed.
The Great Fairy came out of the fountain. “Oh my goodness! I haven’t had a visitor since a Goron came in here seven years ago. Then he got so scared when he saw me that he covered the entrance of my fountain with rocks so nobody would ever have to see me again. I wonder why?” the Great Fairy said.
“Because you’re a freakin’ nude,” Saria replied. “And you’re hideous!”
“I am the Great Fairy of Wisdom by the way! Accept this gift I am going to present to you for visiting me! It’s going to be really good because it’s been so long!”
Link and Saria got bigger Magic Meters!
“But we hardly ever use magic!” Link stated.
“It’ll be useful later in life, when you get magic arrows.”
“We get magic arrows? Awesome! When?”
The Great Fairy cackled hideously and went back into the fountain.
“…” The trio was silent.
-
-
“Okay, so now where are we heading?” Navi asked.
“I dunno,” Link replied.
Suddenly Death Mountain erupted a bunch of volcano dust. A man stuck on a rooftop fell back in surprise. But because this is a parody, I’ll have him fall off the roof instead.
“AUGH!! MAH BACK!” the man screeched.
-
-
“Why the heck are we back at the Temple of Time?” Navi asked.
“I had a sudden sensation to come here,” Link said, walking into the room behind the Door of Time. Sheik was there. “How long have you been waiting here?”
“I’ve been here ever since you went forward in time. I have clones to stalk you,” Sheik replied sarcastically.
“Seriously?!”
“No. I just got here five minutes ago. Did you seriously think I have clones?”
“Well, I thought maybe you were Naruto or something for a second.”
“Whatever. I’m here because I need to tell you something important.”
“Like what?”
“You pulled out the Master Sword and went forward in time seven years, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Has it ever occured to you what might happen if you put the sword back?”
“Nope.”
Sheik sighed, “If you put the sword back, you go backward in time seven years.”
“How does that make sense?” Navi asked. “Actually, I think it’ll be better off if I don’t ask that question.”
“Times will come when you need to travel back in time. In order to return here, play the Prelude of Light.” Sheik took his harp out and played the Prelude of Light.
“Oh, so there’s a song for here too?”
Saria pulled her ocarina out and repeated it.
“I’ll see you again,” Sheik said. He tossed a Deku Nut and vanished into thin air. Or he just hid on the ceiling until the left because it isn’t really possible to disappear that quickly.
“So where now?” Saria questioned.
“You wanted to do side quests, you tell me,” Link said. “Gasp!”
The egg Link was incubating hatched!
The Pocket Cucco crowed.
“Hey! Let’s go back to Kakariko Village and tell the cucco lady,” Saria suggested.
-
-
“Why do I hear incredibly loud snoring coming from this house?” Navi wondered.
“Maybe Talon doesn’t know Ingo went back to normal,” Link stated.
“How would you know if Ingo went back to normal?”
“Well, actually… Y’know how I disappeared on the way to the Temple of Time?”
“Hey, where’s Link?” Saria wondered.
Link snuk behind a tree, put on a secret agent hat and a hole appeared in the tree. He fell into it and appeared back in that room from the Goron City.
“Agent L,” the same Goron started. “Docter Ganondorf’s evil mother and aunt had brainwashed Ingo from the Lon Lon Ranch. Since you took that horse from the ranch, he has returned to normal. If you ever find Talon, tell him that he can go back. That is all.”
Link fell through a hole and appeared back in Hyrule Field.
“Oh, there you are Link,” Saria said. “Where were you?”
“The secret agent thing again?” Navi asked.
“Yeah,” Link answered. “Just forget it. I know that Ingo is back to normal.”
They walked into the house where the loud snoring was coming from Talon was sleeping on a bed.
“Goodness!” a woman yelled. “He’s been sleeping ever since he got here and won’t wake up to anything. How, I have absolutely no idea!”
“How long has he been here?” Navi asked, probably going to regret the answer.
“A WHOLE FREAKING YEAR!”
Link, Navi and Saria stared at Talon, wide eyed.
“That is almost as scary as the Great Fairy,” Saria stated.
“Hahaha, you rhymed,” Link giggled.
“Shut up.”
“WAKEY WAKEY!” Link took out his Pocket Cucco. It crowed so loudly that Ganondorf could hear it from his castle.
“What in tarnation!?” Talon yelled, getting up immediantly. “Can’t you let a guy get a little shut eye around here?!”
“NO!” everybody in the room screamed immediantly.
“You’ve been sleeping for an entire year!” the woman shouted.
“Ingo took over the Lon Lon Ranch and they call it Ingo Ranch nowawayds. I was kicked out of there, and look at me now! My girl, Malon, still works at the ranch. I’m worried about her…” Talon said.
“That’s why we woke you up! Ingo is back to normal!” Link told him.
“You saved Malon? Thanks! I’m goin’ back to the ranch, then! Yeehah!” Talon broke down the door by running into it and left the village.
“…*I’m shocked,” the woman stated.
“Yeah. He sleeps for a year and has the energy of somebody who who just drank two whole bottles of soda.”
“What about two whole bottles of soda?” Link asked, chugging down the last of a bottle of soda. “This is my second one.”
“Oh crap.”
-
-
“Hey! Miss Cucco Lady person!” Link called. “The Cucco hatched.” He held out the cucco in his hands.
“Oh, your Cucco looks pretty happy! He must awakenened an extremely lazy guy!” Anju stated.
“Yes. Yes he did.”
“You’re a good Cucco Keeper! I’ll give you a rare, valuable Cucco, if you’re interested…*Its name is Cojiro, and it used to be my brother’s Cucco. Its blue body is quite charming. It’s so cute! Since my brother has gone, it’s strange, but Cojiro has stopped crowing.”
“Well maybe he’s sad, duh,” Saria said.
“Do you want to keep Cojiro?”
“Okay! Awesome!”
Link returned the Pocket Cucco and got Cojiro in return!
“Please take good care of him!” Anju said.
“Hey! I want to test out a song that I learned from Sheik!” Link stated and took out the Ocarina of Time. He played the Minuet of Forest and the three appeared at the Sacred Forest Meadow. “Well whaddaya know! It works!”
“So how are we going to get back to Kakariko?”
Suddenly Cojiro crowed.
“Ah! The cucco lady lied to me!” Link exclaimed. “She said the cucco didn’t crow anymore.”
Then Cojiro crowed again.
“Stop crowing. It’s loud!” Navi ordered.
Cojiro crowed again. He hopped out of Link’s arms and started to fly down the path, even though chickens aren’t supposed to fly. I guess Cuccos are different.
“Follow the flying cucco!” Link said. He chased Cojiro away. He was so occupied at chasing the Cucco that he completely ignored and avoided the giant Moblin.
-
-
Much time later, he finally got into a certain part of the woods. An ugly man was sitting by a tall stump. Cojiro crowed loudest of all.
“Cojiro? Why? Normally only a nice guy like me can tame you… Which means…” the ugly punk guy started.
“I didn’t tame him, I’ve only had him for a little while…” Link said, but the guy ignored him.
“You…*You must be a nice guy! Must be! You must be!!”
“Oh yeah, I’m super nice! I’m so nice that Ganondorf seems evil!”
“Link, Ganondorf is evil,” Navi told him.
“ANYWAY! Please Mr. Nice Guy! Please! Deliver this stuff to the old hag in the potion shop in Kakariko Village!” the punk guy pleaded.
“What potion shop? I don’t remember there being a potion shop there,” Link stated. “The potion shop in Castle Town may have moved there, though. Maybe the old hag is a part time worker--”
“Be quiet. There is another potion shop in Kakariko Village that is owned by an old hag. It’s behind the one your talking about. Now take this mushroom to the old hag! This will disappear if you take too long, so you gotta hurry!”
“Okay!”
Link got an Odd Mushroom!
“A fresh mushroom like this is sure to spoil quickly,” Saria told Link. “Take it to the Kakariko Potion Shop, quick!”
“But my Cucco!” Link complained, looking at Cojiro in the punk guy’s arms.
“COME ON!” Saria dragged him out.
-
-
“Hey, old hag person! We brought you a mushroom,” Saria stated, walking up to the old lady. She held it out. “Hurry up and use it before it spoils.”
“Sniff sniff sniff!” the old lady said. “What a mustardious smell! You must have something!”
“Mustardious? What the crap?”
“What? It smells like mustard.”
Saria sniffed the mushroom. “I’ve lived in the forest all my life and I never realized that… Anyway, some weird punk guy in the woods gave us this mushroom and told us to give it to you.”
“…*That bum! He had to go into the forest…”
“JUST TAKE THE DUMB MUSHROOM BEFORE WE RUN OUT OF TIME!”
“…*I see.” The old hag took the mushroom and dumped it into a cauldron. “If you see that foof, give this to him. It is the strongest medicine I have ever produced. However, this potion will not work on a monster…”
Saria recieved an Odd Potion!
“Now take it to that foof.”
“Foof? You’re a weird old hag…” Saria stated.
“SHADDAP FOOF AND GIVE IT TO HIM!”
“Okay, okay…”
-
-
“Hey! Ugly punk…*guy…” Link started, running into the area where he was. The guy wasn’t there anymore. Instead, there was a Kokiri. “Oh my Din! You were dressed up as the punk guy so that you could get us to make that potion and then you would steal it from us!”
“What the heck are you talking about?” the Kokiri, named Fado, asked. “That guy isn’t here anymore. Anybody who comes into the forest will be lost. Everybody will become a Stalfos. Everybody, Stalfos. So, he’s not here anymore. Only his saw is left. Hee hee.”
“How come you aren’t a Stalfos then?”
“Because I’m a Kokiri.”
“Hey!” a Skull Kid yelled. “If everybody becomes Stalfos, how do Skull Kids turn up?”
“It’s all complicated, and I won’t bother explaining.”
“So anyway… Why are you here?” Navi questioned.
“Hey!! That potion is made of forest mushrooms! Give it back!” Fado tried to snatch the potion from Saria.
“EXCUSE ME! Stealing things from fellow Kokiri?” Saria gasped. “What do you want with this potion?”
“It’s made of forest mushrooms.”
“I live here. I have a right to have a potion with forest mushrooms in it.”
“Saria,” Navi started. “What do you plan on doing with that potion if that guy has turned into a Stalfos and you don’t even know what it does?”
“What does she plan on doing with it? She respects Mido. You can’t trust people who respect Mido.”
“This is part of a side quest, Saria. You have to give her the potion.”
“Fine. Take the dumb potion.” Saria shoved the potion into Fado’s face and stole the saw. She sprinted to the exit.
Saria returned the Odd Potion and stole the Poacher’s Saw!
“Hey! I was going to keep that saw!” Fado yelled.
“Screw you!” Saria shouted back.
-
-
Don't ask how Navi knows what to do in the side quest. I just realized it didn't make very much sense, because she doesn't have a strategy guide. … Yet.
Chapter 8: Side Quests, Mah Boi
Previously on The Legend of Crap, Link was crushed by a rock, Navi was pretty boring, Saria roasted marshmallows and really nothing exciting happened.
Now for Chapter Eight.
“Soooo…” Saria started. “Because the Water Temple seems kind of dramatic, I really think we should do side quests to prepare first.”
“Fine, fine, fine,” Link muttered.
Suddenly Navi flew over to a bunch of rocks.
“What’s up, Navi?”
“…*???” Navi looked at the rocks confusingly.
“Mind talking?” Saria asked, annoyed.
“I think there’s something behind these rocks.”
“Maybe there is!” Link said. He ran over to the rocks and hit them with Maxwell’s Silver Hammer until they broke. There was a cave behind them. “Ooh! Navi, you have magic senses!”
“I’m a fairy, you idiot. Of course I have magic senses.”
One step into the cave and they all saw they’re worst fear.
A Great Fairy Fountain.
“NOOOOOO!!!” Link, Navi and Saria all screamed.
The Great Fairy came out of the fountain. “Oh my goodness! I haven’t had a visitor since a Goron came in here seven years ago. Then he got so scared when he saw me that he covered the entrance of my fountain with rocks so nobody would ever have to see me again. I wonder why?” the Great Fairy said.
“Because you’re a freakin’ nude,” Saria replied. “And you’re hideous!”
“I am the Great Fairy of Wisdom by the way! Accept this gift I am going to present to you for visiting me! It’s going to be really good because it’s been so long!”
Link and Saria got bigger Magic Meters!
“But we hardly ever use magic!” Link stated.
“It’ll be useful later in life, when you get magic arrows.”
“We get magic arrows? Awesome! When?”
The Great Fairy cackled hideously and went back into the fountain.
“…” The trio was silent.
-
-
“Okay, so now where are we heading?” Navi asked.
“I dunno,” Link replied.
Suddenly Death Mountain erupted a bunch of volcano dust. A man stuck on a rooftop fell back in surprise. But because this is a parody, I’ll have him fall off the roof instead.
“AUGH!! MAH BACK!” the man screeched.
-
-
“Why the heck are we back at the Temple of Time?” Navi asked.
“I had a sudden sensation to come here,” Link said, walking into the room behind the Door of Time. Sheik was there. “How long have you been waiting here?”
“I’ve been here ever since you went forward in time. I have clones to stalk you,” Sheik replied sarcastically.
“Seriously?!”
“No. I just got here five minutes ago. Did you seriously think I have clones?”
“Well, I thought maybe you were Naruto or something for a second.”
“Whatever. I’m here because I need to tell you something important.”
“Like what?”
“You pulled out the Master Sword and went forward in time seven years, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Has it ever occured to you what might happen if you put the sword back?”
“Nope.”
Sheik sighed, “If you put the sword back, you go backward in time seven years.”
“How does that make sense?” Navi asked. “Actually, I think it’ll be better off if I don’t ask that question.”
“Times will come when you need to travel back in time. In order to return here, play the Prelude of Light.” Sheik took his harp out and played the Prelude of Light.
“Oh, so there’s a song for here too?”
Saria pulled her ocarina out and repeated it.
“I’ll see you again,” Sheik said. He tossed a Deku Nut and vanished into thin air. Or he just hid on the ceiling until the left because it isn’t really possible to disappear that quickly.
“So where now?” Saria questioned.
“You wanted to do side quests, you tell me,” Link said. “Gasp!”
The egg Link was incubating hatched!
The Pocket Cucco crowed.
“Hey! Let’s go back to Kakariko Village and tell the cucco lady,” Saria suggested.
-
-
“Why do I hear incredibly loud snoring coming from this house?” Navi wondered.
“Maybe Talon doesn’t know Ingo went back to normal,” Link stated.
“How would you know if Ingo went back to normal?”
“Well, actually… Y’know how I disappeared on the way to the Temple of Time?”
“Hey, where’s Link?” Saria wondered.
Link snuk behind a tree, put on a secret agent hat and a hole appeared in the tree. He fell into it and appeared back in that room from the Goron City.
“Agent L,” the same Goron started. “Docter Ganondorf’s evil mother and aunt had brainwashed Ingo from the Lon Lon Ranch. Since you took that horse from the ranch, he has returned to normal. If you ever find Talon, tell him that he can go back. That is all.”
Link fell through a hole and appeared back in Hyrule Field.
“Oh, there you are Link,” Saria said. “Where were you?”
“The secret agent thing again?” Navi asked.
“Yeah,” Link answered. “Just forget it. I know that Ingo is back to normal.”
They walked into the house where the loud snoring was coming from Talon was sleeping on a bed.
“Goodness!” a woman yelled. “He’s been sleeping ever since he got here and won’t wake up to anything. How, I have absolutely no idea!”
“How long has he been here?” Navi asked, probably going to regret the answer.
“A WHOLE FREAKING YEAR!”
Link, Navi and Saria stared at Talon, wide eyed.
“That is almost as scary as the Great Fairy,” Saria stated.
“Hahaha, you rhymed,” Link giggled.
“Shut up.”
“WAKEY WAKEY!” Link took out his Pocket Cucco. It crowed so loudly that Ganondorf could hear it from his castle.
“What in tarnation!?” Talon yelled, getting up immediantly. “Can’t you let a guy get a little shut eye around here?!”
“NO!” everybody in the room screamed immediantly.
“You’ve been sleeping for an entire year!” the woman shouted.
“Ingo took over the Lon Lon Ranch and they call it Ingo Ranch nowawayds. I was kicked out of there, and look at me now! My girl, Malon, still works at the ranch. I’m worried about her…” Talon said.
“That’s why we woke you up! Ingo is back to normal!” Link told him.
“You saved Malon? Thanks! I’m goin’ back to the ranch, then! Yeehah!” Talon broke down the door by running into it and left the village.
“…*I’m shocked,” the woman stated.
“Yeah. He sleeps for a year and has the energy of somebody who who just drank two whole bottles of soda.”
“What about two whole bottles of soda?” Link asked, chugging down the last of a bottle of soda. “This is my second one.”
“Oh crap.”
-
-
“Hey! Miss Cucco Lady person!” Link called. “The Cucco hatched.” He held out the cucco in his hands.
“Oh, your Cucco looks pretty happy! He must awakenened an extremely lazy guy!” Anju stated.
“Yes. Yes he did.”
“You’re a good Cucco Keeper! I’ll give you a rare, valuable Cucco, if you’re interested…*Its name is Cojiro, and it used to be my brother’s Cucco. Its blue body is quite charming. It’s so cute! Since my brother has gone, it’s strange, but Cojiro has stopped crowing.”
“Well maybe he’s sad, duh,” Saria said.
“Do you want to keep Cojiro?”
“Okay! Awesome!”
Link returned the Pocket Cucco and got Cojiro in return!
“Please take good care of him!” Anju said.
“Hey! I want to test out a song that I learned from Sheik!” Link stated and took out the Ocarina of Time. He played the Minuet of Forest and the three appeared at the Sacred Forest Meadow. “Well whaddaya know! It works!”
“So how are we going to get back to Kakariko?”
Suddenly Cojiro crowed.
“Ah! The cucco lady lied to me!” Link exclaimed. “She said the cucco didn’t crow anymore.”
Then Cojiro crowed again.
“Stop crowing. It’s loud!” Navi ordered.
Cojiro crowed again. He hopped out of Link’s arms and started to fly down the path, even though chickens aren’t supposed to fly. I guess Cuccos are different.
“Follow the flying cucco!” Link said. He chased Cojiro away. He was so occupied at chasing the Cucco that he completely ignored and avoided the giant Moblin.
-
-
Much time later, he finally got into a certain part of the woods. An ugly man was sitting by a tall stump. Cojiro crowed loudest of all.
“Cojiro? Why? Normally only a nice guy like me can tame you… Which means…” the ugly punk guy started.
“I didn’t tame him, I’ve only had him for a little while…” Link said, but the guy ignored him.
“You…*You must be a nice guy! Must be! You must be!!”
“Oh yeah, I’m super nice! I’m so nice that Ganondorf seems evil!”
“Link, Ganondorf is evil,” Navi told him.
“ANYWAY! Please Mr. Nice Guy! Please! Deliver this stuff to the old hag in the potion shop in Kakariko Village!” the punk guy pleaded.
“What potion shop? I don’t remember there being a potion shop there,” Link stated. “The potion shop in Castle Town may have moved there, though. Maybe the old hag is a part time worker--”
“Be quiet. There is another potion shop in Kakariko Village that is owned by an old hag. It’s behind the one your talking about. Now take this mushroom to the old hag! This will disappear if you take too long, so you gotta hurry!”
“Okay!”
Link got an Odd Mushroom!
“A fresh mushroom like this is sure to spoil quickly,” Saria told Link. “Take it to the Kakariko Potion Shop, quick!”
“But my Cucco!” Link complained, looking at Cojiro in the punk guy’s arms.
“COME ON!” Saria dragged him out.
-
-
“Hey, old hag person! We brought you a mushroom,” Saria stated, walking up to the old lady. She held it out. “Hurry up and use it before it spoils.”
“Sniff sniff sniff!” the old lady said. “What a mustardious smell! You must have something!”
“Mustardious? What the crap?”
“What? It smells like mustard.”
Saria sniffed the mushroom. “I’ve lived in the forest all my life and I never realized that… Anyway, some weird punk guy in the woods gave us this mushroom and told us to give it to you.”
“…*That bum! He had to go into the forest…”
“JUST TAKE THE DUMB MUSHROOM BEFORE WE RUN OUT OF TIME!”
“…*I see.” The old hag took the mushroom and dumped it into a cauldron. “If you see that foof, give this to him. It is the strongest medicine I have ever produced. However, this potion will not work on a monster…”
Saria recieved an Odd Potion!
“Now take it to that foof.”
“Foof? You’re a weird old hag…” Saria stated.
“SHADDAP FOOF AND GIVE IT TO HIM!”
“Okay, okay…”
-
-
“Hey! Ugly punk…*guy…” Link started, running into the area where he was. The guy wasn’t there anymore. Instead, there was a Kokiri. “Oh my Din! You were dressed up as the punk guy so that you could get us to make that potion and then you would steal it from us!”
“What the heck are you talking about?” the Kokiri, named Fado, asked. “That guy isn’t here anymore. Anybody who comes into the forest will be lost. Everybody will become a Stalfos. Everybody, Stalfos. So, he’s not here anymore. Only his saw is left. Hee hee.”
“How come you aren’t a Stalfos then?”
“Because I’m a Kokiri.”
“Hey!” a Skull Kid yelled. “If everybody becomes Stalfos, how do Skull Kids turn up?”
“It’s all complicated, and I won’t bother explaining.”
“So anyway… Why are you here?” Navi questioned.
“Hey!! That potion is made of forest mushrooms! Give it back!” Fado tried to snatch the potion from Saria.
“EXCUSE ME! Stealing things from fellow Kokiri?” Saria gasped. “What do you want with this potion?”
“It’s made of forest mushrooms.”
“I live here. I have a right to have a potion with forest mushrooms in it.”
“Saria,” Navi started. “What do you plan on doing with that potion if that guy has turned into a Stalfos and you don’t even know what it does?”
“What does she plan on doing with it? She respects Mido. You can’t trust people who respect Mido.”
“This is part of a side quest, Saria. You have to give her the potion.”
“Fine. Take the dumb potion.” Saria shoved the potion into Fado’s face and stole the saw. She sprinted to the exit.
Saria returned the Odd Potion and stole the Poacher’s Saw!
“Hey! I was going to keep that saw!” Fado yelled.
“Screw you!” Saria shouted back.
-
-
Don't ask how Navi knows what to do in the side quest. I just realized it didn't make very much sense, because she doesn't have a strategy guide. … Yet.
Libk
Spaceballs: The Mafia Player
Is this still going on or has the writer left?
- Joined
- Dec 21, 2011
- Location
- California
Please continue this story!
Please do not reply to a topic which hasn't a serious reply for a while. It looks like Marine has left since her latest post here was on 2/25. If she returns she will update her thread I think