Some gems from my teachers this year
"Have you ever seen somebody sneeze and they just have that look that everything has gone horribly wrong?"
"You can't draw a circle because you're not at peace with yourself. See, you start drawing the circle and everything is fine, but then you start thinking 'I have to close the circle', and then you chicken out."
"We're gonna watch a video about the Great Gatsby" *starts video* *video plays for a few seconds, then shuts off* "You guys getting a lot from this?"
*The teacher is acting a bit hyper* "There was a birthday celebration this morning where everyone got a big cupcake, and you guys are reaping the benefits of that"
"The principle said I should start smiling more when I make sarcastic comments or people won't get it and they'll just think I'm mean"
"I used to teach kindergarten. It makes you want to be a better person. High school does the opposite: it makes you want to be meaner"
"My lovelies, you are going to write an essay either supporting or refuting this statement." *puts writing prompt on the projector* Student:"Can we use our book?" Teacher:"No you cannot use your book!" *entire class sits in silence, not writing anything* "Ugh, you guys are pathetic. Fine, notes, books, whatever you have, go."
Student: "What are your thoughts on eating" Teacher: "I'm pretty good at it... I bite my cheek sometimes."
"I see you guys in the hall, and I feel like I should say hi, but I don't know who any of you are."
"You know those teachers that just go 'here's the formula, go do it?' I don't do that. I show you how it works first, then you learn the formula. I'm the grandfather in the room who, when you ask for the time, I have to explain how the whole watch works."