- Joined
- Jun 15, 2020
- Location
- Canada
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True American Hero
By J. Jonah Jameson
Last night Colonel John Jameson III, known as Trip amongst his friends, had his life tragically and prematurely ended. Trip was days shy of making history as the youngest astronaut to orbit the earth. While police are considering multiple avenues at this time including Communist sabotage of the US’s space program, there are still no hard details into why his life was cut short. Here at the Bugle, though, we take a look back at the life of a real American Hero. Trip had a childhood much like any other, at least at the start. Born to J. Jonah and Joan Jameson, he seemed like any typical child would under two loving and attentive parents. But then tragedy struck the Jameson family for the first time when his mother was murdered by a masked gunman in an eerily similar set of circumstances to Trip’s own death. J. Jonah took her death hard and threw himself into his work, but fiercely loved his son and made sure to tell anybody and everybody about it. It can be said that Trip took a similar path of grief and emulated his father, throwing himself into his studies. This allowed Trip to graduate with honors from High School with nothing but open potential in front of him. But Trip chose to serve his country instead of joining the Ivy Leagues. Applying the same level of dedication to his duty as he did his school work as a boy, Trip quickly gained recognition, commendations, and rank in the United States Air Force. In five short years, he already achieved the rank of Colonel and was accepted into the NASA program, both previously unheard of tasks. And in the past year since his acceptance Trip has spent almost all his time preparing to blast into space and the history books as the youngest Astronaut in space, beating out Ghermon Titov by almost a year. To our dear Trip, wherever you are among the stars now, rest easy. We will Fly, Fight, Win in your stead. Semper Supra.
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Letters to the Editor
Anonymous said:
Dear Anonymous,
That's quite an accusation you're leveling. While I can confirm that Turin is Foswell, I cannot confirm that he is the Big Man and he's made no admission to being the Big Man to us. I believe it is fairly plausible that he is, in fact, the "Big Man", but we'll need to do more research to know for sure.
-Ed.
Adrian Toomes said:
Dear Adrian,
Rest in peace, Caps, you will be missed. We will remember you as the hero you wanted to be.
-Ed.
Anonymous said:
Dear Anonymous,
Interesting stuff, if this is true someone might have attempted to kill SMS last night. Ex was trying to lynch him yesterday, but that could be unrelated.
-Ed.
Anonymous said:
Dear Anonymous,
This seems unlikely given how hard it would be to coordinate that sort of thing.
-Ed.
Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man said:
Dear Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man,
I saw you on TV last night, good stuff. Wish you the best of luck and hope you can be a help to Town!
-Ed.
Dear Trusted Source,Anonymous said:
It looks like some sort of NPC or PC hitman was used to carry out this kill. I am willing to vouch that this letter is from an individual whose analysis is likely to be trustworthy.
-Ed.
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Editor's Note — Salutations Sandman!
By Joseph "Robbie" Robertson
Dear Readers,
Today, we have received word that the escaped fugitive Flint Marko has been sighted returning to New York City. According to authorities, Flint was given the properties of sand by a nuclear test explosion and now goes by the name "Sandman". These powers render him virtually indestructible.
Zinger has given us the below comic for reference:
The fact that Sandman is just now entering the city could suggest that his identity is either of the exiled players (Aaarrrgh or Mint Elv) or it could even suggest that their identity is DuskyBlue who has as of publication not yet left the Unknown Player Pool.
Keep up the good work everyone,
Robbie Robertson
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF OF THE DAILY BUGLE
Contact Us
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Gangster's Gathering Gummed-up by Green Goblin!
By Frederick Foswell
This past night, your trusty reporter managed to acquire an invitation to an exclusive gathering of so-called underworld Dons—a meeting that was meant to unite the various Mafia factions and being peace to the city. On the very short list of guests was none other than our host, the eminent businessman Wilson Fisk, as well as a swarthy fellow by the name of Joe Hammerhead—and of course, your truly. This reporter is not sure why he was invited, but with big names like this you know whatever happens is bound to be newsworthy.
However, things did not proceed past pleasantries before an unexpected visitor crashed the party—none other than the Green Goblin! From his perch atop his goblin glider, he claimed that he was in control of an entire cult of goblin adherents, and would stop at nothing to convert every last Mafia-aligned player he could find. Those who did not allow themselves to become part of his cult, he sneered, could expect to find a pumpkin bomb in their bed one of these nights.
With his threats made, he exited the gathering as quickly as he'd entered it, leaving those in attendance stunned. What would the introduction of this new masked menace mean for the peace and stability of the city?
The Daily Bugle's own Robbie Robertson had this to say regarding the meeting, "According to a reliable source, there are multiple mafia dons who are enemies to each other. Allegedly, these dons are Hammerhead, Fisk, and the Big Man. Based on my colleague's account of events, we can gather that Fisk is KoD, the Big Man is Foswell/Turin, and Hammerhead is ExLight. These players may be Mafia-aligned or may be Origin-aligned or whatever else given the gang war that is playing out. The Kingpin account changes hands, but only one player has access to it at a time. Mafia players are armed with weapons and can pierce protections. Some sources claimed the meeting was most likely called by Killjoy but other sources have also claimed that the meeting was called by KoD. The meeting resulted in a shaky truce between the various Mafia syndicates, though it's said that KoD bullied his way through the meeting so it's unclear how lasting this alliance will be."
The Daily Bugle reached out to ExLight and KoD for comment via Wire Transfer and did not receive any comment at the time of publication.
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JJJ's Rants — Super Circle Jerk
By J. Jonah Jameson
The cops wanna say Commies killed my boy. Maybe. Doubtful. I’ve seen the red fear in inaction before, it’s an easy scape goat. But what really killed my boy are these god damn vigilantes that are taking up our resources. Instead of having the FBI keeping an eye out for acts of terrorism, their focus is divided between doing that and trying to capture these hooded jokers. Meanwhile John gets taken out right outside a government building while some jackass in a red and blue costume spent half the night beating a petty thug up. And where was the hot head that tore up Fisk’s office the other day? Nowhere to be seen. Good on you for looking out “heroes”. Enough is enough and it’s time for a change. Let’s make a good old fashioned citizens arrest. Let’s show these chumps that we aren’t here for them to stroke their egos with. If Red and Blue wants to be the face for last nights debacle, let ‘em. Let’s recap his crimes. Beating up a crook is still unlawfully beating someone up when you aren’t protected by the shield. So that’s Assault. Vigilantism itself is still illegal. Then you have his reckless disregard for anything other than the punk he decided to chase, so that’s Negligent Homicide when you consider he could have been stopping two murders and letting the boys in blue do their jobs. I’ve hired ex-cons with smaller rap sheets and this guy has only been on the scene for a night! So let’s see this menace put in it’s place. Let’s see justice served. And to help incentivize that, I’m willing to offer up $100,000 to the party or parties that see to it that Justice finds this punk.
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9
By Ned Leeds
A journalist who seems convinced of his own rugged good looks discovered last night that, at the time of the report, before Night ended (after Abigail returned to her original role but before Lain returned to the active player pool) there were a total of 9 Town-aligned players in the active player pool. Are the mafia aligned players willing and able to work with town to discover and take down the supervillains? Who is the real threat to our lovely New York City? As journalists we can only report the facts, and it seems we don't have enough confirmed facts to answer these pressing questions. But if I may present an opinion: I hope as many of us as possible can work together and beat these terrors.
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Introducing—Sandman!
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Classifieds - The Daily Bugle is now Hiring!
The Daily Bugle is looking to hire a photographer, reporters, and possibly other staff.
Please write a Letter to the Editor validated by your character name with your character name, player name, alignment, desired salary and anything you'd like to say about why you think we should hire you.
Application enclosed below.
Application said:
Classifieds - Lab Assistant Jobs at E.S.U!
Have you been wasting your daily & nightly ability activations because you haven't got a clue what you should be spending them on?
Or maybe you just don't have the time to bother with sending the Mod an action now and then?
Are you in need of money? Perhaps unemployed and looking for work?
How would you like to solve all these problems at once?
Now you can!
One of our most distinguished biochemistry professors at Empire State University is seeking a Lab Assistant.
You don't need to know anything about biochemistry at all yourselves, you'll be taking care of the more mundane responsibilities so as to leave more time for the professor to focus on the work that really matters.
And you'll be paid for this simple work! Trade in actions that you probably weren't using effectively anyway for money you can spend on yourselves later. Passive income, you don't have to do anything. A great bargain!
Flexible hours. Work Days, work Nights, or work both! Whatever you prefer. And rates are negotiable!
Who knows, you might even learn a thing or two about advanced biochemistry in the process.
Interested? Reach out to your local Mod today and say you'd like that E.S.U. job as a Lab Assistant, and he'll put you in touch with the right people. We look forward to hearing from you!
Smear Campaign
The Daily Bugle is running a Smear Campaign against @Captan_Lunch. This is a public service announcement.
Captan_Lunch is a real bad dude. A menace to society, even! And you should really believe what you read about him here in the paper because the Daily Bugle is never wrong about these things, and they have endorsed this smear campaign! Don't trust him. Heck, let's put him behind bars!
FOR THE REST OF THE DAY, CAPTAN_LUNCH HAS A -1 PENALTY TO HIS THRESHOLD.
Puzzle Corner
Daily Bugle Wordle (CLICK LINK)
Daily Rumor
This hints that the Vulture is in action. Unfortunately, he died before he could take flight for real.
Solicitation
PLEASE BE SURE TO REACT TO THE DAILY BUGLE AND SEND A LETTER TO THE EDITOR EVERY DAY TO KEEP OUR BUSINESS SUCCESSFUL. THANK YOU FROM ALL OF US AT THE DAILY BUGLE.
– Page 12 –
Daily Funny
Calvin and Hobbes
Nancy
Heathcliff
Daily Bugle Archives
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