Not much I can say, my points are just flying over your head at this point. Never said it was irrelevant. Never said don't defend yourself. It's the WAY you are doing it that I think is causing a problem. The approaches I suggest are defending it - it's defending it by proxy. You're just going about your day and not letting it get to you. Though, that doesn't make them irrelevant - you have to consider why they feel that way instead of defending like crazy. Sometimes, there is no defense. You're simply wrong and you have to accept that and learn from it. I haven't seen you able to admit you were wrong yet, even as you derailed a thread.
We strongly disagree on the derailment part. There was an issue I felt was important and you didn't want it discussed when it wasn't your place to say what can and couldn't be. Especially when that thread was made by a member of this site about their concerns, and not by you. If you started that thread, then you saying "this isn't relevant" would have carried more weight. But as it stands, you simply appeared to have used your influence to try to bury an issue you didn't want discussed. I won't "admit I'm wrong" when I wasn't just to make people feel better. And I doubt you've read all my posts in these threads because I very clearly discussed where I was wrong. A speciifc case was with Jamie and what his role was in the big issues we had last year. I even publcily apologized to him several times about my being mistaken. So I would very much appreciate it if you would please stop saying I haven't done that when I very clearly did, plain for all to see.
Much respect Matt. You do some fantastic work. But honestly, if what I am saying isn't sinking in, I can't do much to help you out. You ultimately control you. What you've been doing (and is apparent) for years hasn't been working. I am suggesting a different approach. You don't have to do it, but doing the same thing defending yourself and expecting differnt end results... didn't that once get called the definition of insanity? You're not insane, but you can't seem to recognize what you've been doing isn't working. That's on you.
I did say, more than once, that I don't completely disagree. I do think in an entirely private situation with no personal investment, that it's entirely right. Someone calls me a PoS on a comments section on a YouTube video discussing a current issue because they don't agree with my opinion? Pfft, what do I care? I do exactly what you have been saying, moved on with my life without giving them the time of day or a second thought.
But you know full well that that's an entirely different situation from this. This is important to me. Paid job or passionate hobby, it means the same. I've dedicated years of my life to it and being able to do that actually helped me get out of a depression. It's not something I can simply just ignore. It's not a passing moronic insult from a YouTube comment troglodyte. It's from people I have to be around all the time that I can't simply just ignore. Especially when I have responsibilities.
Here's the thing- reputations are things of our own creation. If someone is unwilling or unable to see how their actions affect other people, then there is nothing we can do. The best course of action is to simply not let what other people say bother you and move on.
At this point, let us not make this thread into something it isn't. This isn't about silencing ideas or opinions. This is about behavior, especially behavior of staff, that has been allowed to go on for some time. If a staff member is unable to take criticism for his or her behavior, then at this point, one would also have to question whether or not that person is fit for their position any longer. However, that too is a conversation for another day. You can have an idea. You can have an opinion. You can't shove those ideas or opinions down people's throats by harassing them in a thread until they get tired of responding, nor can you derail a thread by spewing things that ultimately don't matter.
There's two ways to go about responding to criticism—you can go on acting like you're a repressed victim and make everyone dislike you even more, or you can read what they're saying carefully, reflect on it, and change your behavior. At the heart of it all, most of us want certain behaviors to stop. We want the toxic arguments to stop. We want the thread derailments to stop. That's all anyone participating in this thread has ever wanted.
Thank you very much for your responses, Nate. They really hit the nail right on the head.
Since you opened this thread with very personal insults directed squarely at me, I think it's very much a part of it. If you didn't want it to be discussed, you shouldn't have made the insults.
Instead of "stop derailing threads, you're being a problem!" how about a nice simple "hey, Matt, I'm sorry I made those assumptions about you and dragged them into this conversation to make my point. I appologize, I would really like to discuss these things here instead, could we do that?" Something to that effect. It's polite, and it alleviates the anger that the initial comments instigated, and it moves the topic forward in a direction you're looking for without making anyone feel threatened or cornered.
Does anyone else have any more suggestions they wish to share regarding the rules?
I think the ZD rules as they stand are suitable for our needs. What is lacking is clear and proper language that they fully apply to staff too and that they will not be an exception. That simple change can address the bulk of these concerns without a major rewrite. As far as additions are concerned, I think we need to add something about both staff and regular members giving each other the benefit of the doubt. When things start to look heated, people should try to not assume the worst in each other and instead try to focus on the topic. Most of our problems and dramas come out of someone assuming something about someone, insulting them over it, and then a stupid back and forth, such as the one we've been enjoying here, that only ends with both sides being pissed off and thinking much less of each other. And both feeling entirely justified in thinking how irrational and unreasonable the other is being. And how exactly does that help us in the slightest? Some caution and benefit of the doubt can go a long way. For staff, they should be encouraged to tell people who are complaining to be more calm, and they should not jump to conclusions about people too quickly. It's a simple addition that could help us a lot.