The only thing Zerris could hear over his own wailing and sobbing was the sound of military-grade vehicles parking and boots clomping onto the scene.
"What the hell happened?" an old man of no younger than eighty-five asked as his wheelchair was rolled up next to Dr. Who. "Why's there a bear ass sticking out of the gutter?"
"Hello to you, too, Bill," Dr. Who said, the humo(u)r in his voice sapped completely.
"Oh, you're the Doctor? Wow... I...
wow..."
Dr. Who turned to the old man. His mutton chops were white, and the hair on his head was grey and receding. The old officer was amazed at the Time Lord's dashing, youthful appearance. That hair just
had to be a wig, he thought.
"This is turning into something of a reunion for me," said Dr. Who, trying to take his mind off of the tragedy. "I've got Bobby in the TARDIS. Remember him? The Australian kid who told you about the War on Terror before it happened? Not a kid anymore, of course..."
"It took me a long time to forgive you for lying to me, Doc." Bill wiped a tear from his aged eye.
Munchie squeaked something in Alfonso's ear. Alfonso turned and squinted at Bill for a few seconds. "You're Bill Filer?" Anyone who recognized that name perked up.
"When I heard the Doctor was here, I had to stop by... we go way back, y'see." Filer cleared his throat and shifted in his chair. "First, that Axos stuff in the seventies, with that Master guy... then that stuff with the
Mars Observer probe; you didn't look hardly a day older even though it'd been twenty years... can you believe Kramer's passed away?"
"I feel like I just saw her yesterday," Dr. Who said, having just seen her yesterday, relatively speaking. "Anyways, after Bob clobbered the Ice Warriors, I didn't see you again until after I'd ditched Bobby and returned to UNIT, before catching radiation poisoning from a giant spider and finally getting some color back into my hair, not to mention the curls... when did we next see each other? Founding the Filer Institute in '05, after that horrible disaster on the New Jersey turnpike?"
"Your endorsement was vital, Doctor," Filer said, "I still don't know how you did it."
Dr. Who smiled meekly and grasped a pocket watch on his person. "I'm...
influential among political types..."
"I don't know how to ask this, but..." Filer paused. "Have we been through that trouble with the President, Ed Sheeran, and the Terrible Zodin?"
"Ed Sheeran's the President?" the Doctor asked innocently.
"I'll take that as a no," Filer chuckled. "That means you weren't at the nightclub with General Sanchez Resurrected a few hours ago. At least, not yet. Not for many, many centuries."
"I hope so," the Doctor said. "I'd like to keep this body for a while. I liked the previous model,
whom you can read about the adventures of in this blog, but the height and the hair are a non-negotiable upgrade. And these
shoes-"
"Shut up."
Dr. Who and Bill Filer turned to Zerris. He had risen to his feet, and was staring angrily at the Doctor. The tears were still streaming down his face, but the mourning of his deceased love had been postponed. "Excuse me?"
"Shut. Up. It's your fault. All of this. It's all your fault."
"Zerris, please," Dr. Who said calmly, "I know I've kept my cards close to my chest, but I've been trying to prevent all of this. I tried to stop the Arconians from reaching Earth, and when that failed, I tried to stop them once they got here. I'm sorry about Cayde. I promise that the ones responsible won't go unpunished."
"
YOU'RE THE ONE RESPONSIBLE!" Zerris finally exploded. "YOU DERAILED ALL OF THIS! WE HAD IT ALL UNDER CONTROL UNTIL YOU SHOWED UP! EVERYTHING MADE SENSE UNTIL YOU GOT HERE! NOBODY ASKED FOR YOUR INTERRUPTION, BUT HERE YOU ARE ANYWAY! YOU'VE DONE NOTHING BUT SPOUT VAGUE GIBBERISH AND GET THE GOVERNMENT INVOLVED!!
YOU GOT MY GIRLFRIEND KILLED!!"
Dr. Who quietly turned to a UNIT officer. "The girl's body has to be incinerated. Scatter the ashes. Nothing can remain of her body, lest it falls into the wrong hands. Not Area 51, not the Arconians, not Faction Paradox, not the trolls of Alternia. Her body must be completely destroyed."
"What about the clone, sir?"
"Make sure she lives happily ever after," the Doctor said. "Make sure
everyone gets a happy ending. That's an
order."
Dr. Who turned away. He nodded to Bill Filer, with the mutual understanding that they'd see each other again. He then stepped back into the TARDIS, where Bob Fett was collapsed in a heap on the floor.
"All of it... storming the bunker of Magnus Greel, discovering the weakness of the Cybermen, the probe and the Ice Warriors, Karfel, the Master, all of it... that was
you? You're the Doctor?"
Dr. Who pulled a red lever on the TARDIS console to close the doors. With a wheezing, groaning sound, the TARDIS dematerialized into the vortex, never to be seen again.
Bill Filer was wheeled away. Alfonso (and Munchie) caught up with him after a few seconds of awkward staring.
"Hey, uh, I know this is a bad time, but I'm an alien without a ride home, and I was just wondering..."