I feel happy, sad, jealous, selfish, loved, hurt, and crumbling all at once. This truly is awful. There are few things I hate in life, and not knowing what to call this feeling of many feelings is one. I'm kind of scared right now. I keep trying to tell myself my feelings are irrational, but I don't quite know if they're irrational or why I'm feeling them is. Regardless, this is all very strange and uncomfortable. The icing on the cake is that there's really one or two people who could maybe possibly help me get my head in better order, and communication with them is not quite an option. Maybe more tears will help.