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Things That Are on Your Mind

Cfrock

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In just over two weeks my mum and I are going to London to see Harry Potter and the Cursed Child on stage. She bought the tickets as a Christmas present and she seems really excited about the whole thing. I'm... not. I want to be, but this whole thing shines a light on a lot more than it should. And it's not just because Cursed Child is a terrible story in every conceivable way. I've maintained since reading the script that seeing it performed would be a very different experience. While the story will still be irretrievably bad, the staging itself might be worth the price of admission. I guess I'll finally be able to put that to the test.

It's two things that are stopping me from being pleased about what I recognise as a big gesture. First, is the impact this has had on what little self-esteem I had. I'm twenty-eight years old, going to see a play of a children's book franchise with my mum. That idea, that image, just sticks in my throat. I can't help but feel as though I should be taking a girlfriend to go see it. It wouldn't be unreasonable to be taking a wife, even my own kids. But instead my mum is taking me, a grown man. I can't help but feel infantilised by it, and I'm already embarrassed to an extent. It's put the stagnation of my entire life under a spotlight and my whole reaction has been to crumble. I feel like a child, and not in a carefree, whimsical way. At 28 my brother had a daughter. At 28 my mum had two sons. I have friends my age who have been married for years. And I'm here, exactly where I was when I was seventeen with no sign of anything changing. No drive to make any change. I feel like the end already came and I didn't have the common decency to leave when I was supposed to. My mum took me to see the old movies when I was a child. Now she's taking me to see the play as an adult. It's as though my constant disappointment with my entire life has been underlined for emphasis.

The second is that I can see how much this means to my mum. She got me other Harry Potter themed items for Christmas including a wallet and an egg cup. For my last birthday she got us ticket to visit the Harry Potter studios in London. She talks about seeing the new Fantastic Beasts movies a lot. And I mean, I do like Harry Potter, but it feels as though this is the only way my mum can think of to relate to me. It's like this is the only thing she knows about me, the only thing she can connect to me through. And I know that's because I've been so closed off and distant for so many years. It's like... It's like there's so little of me that even my own mum can't relate to me without using Harry Potter as a proxy, all because I was really into it as a child. That's how far back she has to go to thing of something I had any kind of enthusiasm for, any passion. The last thing she can remember that made me happy. I know she means well, I know she's trying to make me happy, and there is a heartbroken part of me that's grateful to her for trying to reach out. It's just that my mind can't get over the hump of the negative side to that, that understanding that I'm an incomplete person.

I just needed to get that down somewhere. Here's as good a place as any, I guess. Keep it strong, ZD x
 

Spirit

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In just over two weeks my mum and I are going to London to see Harry Potter and the Cursed Child on stage. She bought the tickets as a Christmas present and she seems really excited about the whole thing. I'm... not. I want to be, but this whole thing shines a light on a lot more than it should. And it's not just because Cursed Child is a terrible story in every conceivable way. I've maintained since reading the script that seeing it performed would be a very different experience. While the story will still be irretrievably bad, the staging itself might be worth the price of admission. I guess I'll finally be able to put that to the test.

It's two things that are stopping me from being pleased about what I recognise as a big gesture. First, is the impact this has had on what little self-esteem I had. I'm twenty-eight years old, going to see a play of a children's book franchise with my mum. That idea, that image, just sticks in my throat. I can't help but feel as though I should be taking a girlfriend to go see it. It wouldn't be unreasonable to be taking a wife, even my own kids. But instead my mum is taking me, a grown man. I can't help but feel infantilised by it, and I'm already embarrassed to an extent. It's put the stagnation of my entire life under a spotlight and my whole reaction has been to crumble. I feel like a child, and not in a carefree, whimsical way. At 28 my brother had a daughter. At 28 my mum had two sons. I have friends my age who have been married for years. And I'm here, exactly where I was when I was seventeen with no sign of anything changing. No drive to make any change. I feel like the end already came and I didn't have the common decency to leave when I was supposed to. My mum took me to see the old movies when I was a child. Now she's taking me to see the play as an adult. It's as though my constant disappointment with my entire life has been underlined for emphasis.

The second is that I can see how much this means to my mum. She got me other Harry Potter themed items for Christmas including a wallet and an egg cup. For my last birthday she got us ticket to visit the Harry Potter studios in London. She talks about seeing the new Fantastic Beasts movies a lot. And I mean, I do like Harry Potter, but it feels as though this is the only way my mum can think of to relate to me. It's like this is the only thing she knows about me, the only thing she can connect to me through. And I know that's because I've been so closed off and distant for so many years. It's like... It's like there's so little of me that even my own mum can't relate to me without using Harry Potter as a proxy, all because I was really into it as a child. That's how far back she has to go to thing of something I had any kind of enthusiasm for, any passion. The last thing she can remember that made me happy. I know she means well, I know she's trying to make me happy, and there is a heartbroken part of me that's grateful to her for trying to reach out. It's just that my mind can't get over the hump of the negative side to that, that understanding that I'm an incomplete person.

I just needed to get that down somewhere. Here's as good a place as any, I guess. Keep it strong, ZD x
Aww hun :hug:

I can relate to a lot of this. My earliest memories are of playing the original Zelda. Now i'm in my thirties and I'm still playing Zelda and the most interesting thing in my life is waiting to see what the next Zelda is like.

All my ambitions have crumbled and I am no different now than when I was when I first played Zelda. It feels like my life is done and I'm just waiting for it to end.

As someone with no family it is a nice thought that someone related to you is trying to make you happy even if she is out of date with your interests. My guys took me to see the Zelda orchestra in 2017 and I felt very similar to how you're feeling now; I shouldn't have travelled miles to watch a stage full of people celebrate something I love... i should have travelled miles to be on the stage to help celebrate something I love.
That feeling of heartbroken-ness got me too but I took memories of the event itself and the fun times we had in London and kept them as a positive to help me ignore how i was feeling inside... but it was hard to do and I can still feel the heartbreak.

It'll be difficult, especially since The Cursed Child is crap, but I hope you can take some positive memories away with you. Even just being able to spend time with someone who is trying to make you happy will be something.

On the plus side, theatre magic is amazing. I saw Phantom of the Opera and the tricks they did to transform the stage was incredible (go see it if you can). They made me believe they'd transformed the stage into a real lake, truly amazing. So I hope Cursed Child at least has something like that you could take away with you as a memory.

:hug:
 
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Mamono101

生きることは痛みを知ること。
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Just read the phrase "disease appropriation" in relation to an actor without a disease playing a role where the main character has a disease, and wondering whether society is actually OK sometimes.
 

Alita the Pun

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Just got the call from my aunt. There’s nothing more the hospital can do for my dad and they’re sending him home with hospice. I have no idea how I’m going to get through this.
I'm so sorry Meesh, I couldn't imagine what you are going through right now. If you are ok with it, I will be praying for you and your family. I'm always here to talk if you need to. :hug:
 

Nagasa

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Just got the call from my aunt. There’s nothing more the hospital can do for my dad and they’re sending him home with hospice. I have no idea how I’m going to get through this.
Best wishes to you and your family. This is definitely a very hard time for you and if you need anything, don’t ever hesitate to talk to us. You are amazing and you will get through this. Take care.
 

Vanessa28

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Just got the call from my aunt. There’s nothing more the hospital can do for my dad and they’re sending him home with hospice. I have no idea how I’m going to get through this.
I'm so sorry hun :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug: I so wish I could do something for you but all I can do is offering my shoulder for you to cry on. Whenever you need you talk -no matter how often- you can always reach out to us. We're all here to help you
 

Dio

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Just got the call from my aunt. There’s nothing more the hospital can do for my dad and they’re sending him home with hospice. I have no idea how I’m going to get through this.
Sorry to hear that about your dad. Hope you can make the most of the rest of your time with him and make it special <3
 

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