The Official ZD Jokes Thread

[Zelda18]

"When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?"
"Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?"
"If a man with multiple personality disorder threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?"

 

[Night Owl]

Well there's this pirate who walks into a bar and orders a drink.
While preparing the drink the bartender asks, "Why is there a piece of paper towel on your head?"
The pirate replies "Argh! There be a Bounty on my head."

 

[Dan]

What did the truck say to the any at the park?
"Nice legs"

 

[Dio]

Not driving your car to keep miles low for the resale value is like not pounding your girl to keep her fresh for the next guy.

 

[Dio]

For the past ten years I have been receiving valentines cards from the same secret admirer. So I was pretty upset not to get one this year.

First my Gran dies and now this.

 

[Dio]

In Kentucky, what do divorces and tornados have in common? Either way, someone is going to lose a trailer.

 

[DARK MASTER]

In Kentucky, what do divorces and tornados have in common? Either way, someone is going to lose a trailer.

I feel like you really hauled that one in.

 

[Mipha]

In Kentucky, what do divorces and tornados have in common? Either way, someone is going to lose a trailer.

I dont get the divorce and trailer part.

 

[Dio]

I dont get the divorce and trailer part.

People have trailers in Kentucky and a tornado will suck it up and you will lose it.

If you get a divorce you will also lose it because your partner will get half of your posessions.

 

[Dio]

If Adam and Eve had been Chinese then we would still be in paradise because they would have eaten the snake and not the apple.

 

[Dio]

Your vagina should be called Jasmine because it's always got Aladdin.

 

[Mipha]

Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I’ll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby. "I can’t leave," the doctor says. ‘But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground." The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony. ‘What did the doctor say?" the victim asks. "He says you’re gonna die."

 

[Dio]

Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably ****.

 

[Dio]

People who get offended when I breastfeed in public can shut the **** up.

What I am doing is perfectly natural and strengthens the bond between me and my dog.

 

[Dan]

The digger key on my emac has gone haywire.

That's because I forgot to IRON it.