Chuck Norris Jokes

[Inflexus]

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and awesome martial arts abilities. Shortly after the transaction, he roundhoused' Satan in the face and took his soul back. Since the devil appreciates irony, they now play poker every wenesday night.

 

[Alter]

That's a good one, Inflexus.

chrisbg99, you just ruined the whole forum. Meh.

 

[Petman1325]

Alright, here is not much, but here I go.

The United States called off human cloning because if two Chuck Norris roundhouse kick each other, then the Universe would explode.

Chuck Norris doesn't have the Ctrl button on his Keyboard. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar, then the place exploded. So much awesomeness cannot be contained in one building.

Anyone who picks on Chuck Norris, in police code, is doing a code 11: a Suicide.

Chuck Norris was originally in Street Fighter, but the beta testers said that all he did was roundhouse kick. When Chuck Norris was asked about this, he said "That wasn't a glitch."

 

[Kybyrian]

Chuck Norris can spell his name with ten letters.

Chuck Norris has a third fist under his beard.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked somebody to the moon.

Bruce Lee didn't really kill Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris just had a cramp.

I'm bad at Chuck Norris jokes.

 

[Super Goombario]

Yeah, the only person to ever defeat Chuck is dead.

 

[chrisbg99]

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8k3uGzgZIs

 

[Kybyrian]

Chuck Norris is so awesome that he can bowl a 301.

Chuck Norris once bowled a gutter ball and hit 10 pins.

Chuck Norris doesn't roll the ball, he roundhouse kicks it into the pins.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a ball into the pins and every lane got a strike.

Yay for bowling.

Chuck Norris once got a virus and roundhouse kicked the side of the computer. The virus got so scared that it ran off and infected the sender's computer.

Chuck Norris has an Xbox 720.

Chuck Norris's Wii prints money.

 

[Made_Of_Win]

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.


There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.


Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.


Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.


Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.


Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.


Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.


Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.


When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.


Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.


There are TONS more I love.

 

[Inflexus]

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the Earth. Originally, his plan was to do it over the course of 10 relaxed days. Chuck Norris gave him a week.

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Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

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Naruto has 5 classes of Ninja: Genin, Chuunin, Jonin, Kage, and Chuck Norris.

 

[FalseDestiny]

Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man. His gift to Baby Jesus was the gift of Beard. Which Jesus proudly wore his whole life. Jealous at Jesus's favoritism the 3 wise men use their collective influence to get Chuck Norris written out of the Bible. They were later found dead due to Roundhouse kick related trauma.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is he replies " two seconds till." If you ask him "two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you before you can finish asking.

After reading the Surgeon General's warning on a box of cigarettes he proceeded to smoke 10 packs a day until he had every kind of cancer you can get from cigarettes. After that he walked up to Lance Armstrong, took a drink of water and said " Beat that."

 

[Vash03]

Chuck Norris round house kicks himself in the face when he needs a shave, the only thing that can cut Chuck Norris, is Chuck Norris.

The power it takes to power the country of Australia for an hour is equal to 1 CNRK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick.)

Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, water gets Chuck Norris.

At first there was nothing, then Chuck Norris round house kicked that nothing and told it to get a job, thus the history of the world.

 

[lonely_moon]

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

In the average living room there are 1 242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

^_^

 

[KrazyKyuubi]

Okay,

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

Chuck Norris doesn't have doors in his house. Just walls he walks through.

Chuck Norris won a staring contest with the sun.

Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.

When Chuck Norris jumps in water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.

On the first day God created the Earth. Before the first day, Chuck Norris created God.

 

[fredthehylian]

Chuck Norris ate nothing but Big Macs for a whole year. He lost 256 pounds.

Chuck Norris did the Thriller for Michael Jacksons 5th birthday.

Christians worship God. Satanists worship Satan. God and Satan worship Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris taught Spider Man to shot web.

The KKK dressed up like ghosts to try to scare Chuck Norris. He mistook them for trick or treat kids and treated them like every trick or treater. With roundhouse kicks. The KKK no longer exists.

 

[fiercedeity619]

it wasnt a meteor that killed the dinosaurs it was chuck norris

i dont know very many chuck norris jokes