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Chuck Norris Jokes


The One
Sep 3, 2009
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f**k down.

That's the only one I know.


Jan 23, 2009
Point blank, On Your Six.
You know, give it rest. Chuck Norris can't hit that backside of a barn with a rock.

....because every time he throws it, the air pressure causes the whole d**n thing to fall down.

Just heard that one today.
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The One
Sep 3, 2009
Chuck Norris was in the original Street Fighter, but was removed due to a glitch which made every button do a roundhouse kick. When asked about the glitch, he replied "That's not a glitch."

Haha that one's a little longer.
Good stuff, folks.
Jan 3, 2009
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f**k down.

That's the only one I know.

Watch the language. The rules state you can't swear even with stars.

Chuck Norris once died in a car accident. Death and Fate were fired the next day.


Time for waffles
Jul 9, 2009
Los Angeles
Iron Man once raced Superman to the moon. The winner was Chuck Norris.

This one is a tiny bit graphic but I think it is too funny so if you don't like it ignore it:
Chuck Norris lost his virginty before his father.


Chuck Norris beat medusa in a staring contest, and walked back out the door.

Niko Bellic 817

GH3: Legends of Rock
Apr 24, 2009
When Chuck Norris stares down at a lake, it dries up.

Earthquakes occur when Chuck Norris punches the ground.

Chuck Norris can whisper and shout at the same time.

You can't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

When a snail sees Chuck Norris, it sprints at a hundred miles per hours.
Jan 3, 2009
Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups; he's too old.
There is no evolution or creation; just a list of creatures that can defeat Chuck Norris in combat. There are still protozoan creatures on the list.
Chuck Norris wasn't defeated by Bruce Lee; TKO losses don't result in defeat. Just trying too hard.


Forever I am Abandoned
Mar 2, 2010
In the middle of Kansas...
LOL. I LOVE Chuck Noriis jokes. Here are some I made myself! ^^

Chuck Norris doesn't have to do anything in order to get a Klondike Bar.

Chuck Norris was gonna be the last boss in SSBB but then they decided he shouldn't be in the game whatsover. Otherwise it would be impossible.

Barney got a visit from CN....thats why he is puple for his whole lifetime.



The epic turnip king
Feb 22, 2010
In a platypus
When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror,there's no reflection.There can never be a second Chuck Norris.

There used to be one America,until Chuck Norris round house kicked it.

Chuck Norris won Family Feud by himself.

Santa,you better put Chuck Norris on the Good list,or else.

Chuck Norriis is why the Dinosaurs are exstinct.

Chucky Cheeses was named after Chuck Norris after he discovered mozerella.


Feb 6, 2010
Bournemouth, UK
I love you SOOO much for making this thread!

Chuck Norris doesn't own a house. He goes into a house and people move out.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also smell hope, as in "I hope Chuck Norris doesn't roundhouse kick me!"

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes, Chuck Norris has 76, and they're all poisonous.

Google won't search for Chuck Norris cause it knows you can't find Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris finds you.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris did infact build Rome in a day.

If Chuck Norris stood infront of a scouter, it would read up to infinite, twice.

Chuck Norris does not get frost bite, Chuck Norris bites frost.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack, his heart is no where near stupid enough to attack him.

Aliens do indeed exist, they just know better than to visit a planet inhabited by Chuck Norris.

When Bruce Banner gets mad he becomes The Hulk, when Hulk gets mad he becomes Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris built a time machine to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris deflected them with his beard. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
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