[12:28:32 PM] Mother Helen the Bearded Nun: Hello, and welcome to the news with Arkvoodle.
[12:28:47 PM] Mother Helen the Bearded Nun: Today, a young canadian girl was arrested for the attempted kidnapping of over 500 Alpacas.
[12:29:14 PM] Mother Helen the Bearded Nun: The Alpacas were owned by a local farmer who could not comment on the situation in question as he was "Busy with his bros in the bureau"
[12:29:59 PM] Mother Helen the Bearded Nun: The female, who cannot be named due to legal restrictions, was motivated to kidnap the alpacas by the sheer fact that "THEY SO FUZZY AND ADORABLE", and ended with the scream of a long dead animal known as a pterodactyl.
[12:30:32 PM] Mother Helen the Bearded Nun: After resisting arrest, the female managed to break free and climb onto a nearby roof. From there she escaped into the forest and is still at large.
[12:30:52 PM] Mother Helen the Bearded Nun: Anyone with information on the girl's wherabouts can call local police on the number shown on the bottom of the screen.
[12:31:26 PM] Djinn: this story is scary
[12:31:37 PM] Destiny: I love this story
[12:31:51 PM] Mother Helen the Bearded Nun: The female is about 3ft, with long blonde hair that trails behind her. She has blue eyes and is most likely dressed in assassin gear. She enjoys eating air and is known to be a master of the pterodactyl scream. It is advised that she is approached with caution.
[12:32:00 PM] Wyatt: good thing we don't know any small, young Canadian girls
[12:32:04 PM] Destiny: good thing
[12:32:15 PM] Mother Helen the Bearded Nun: Moving on now. We go to our local correspondant Laquisha Poofpango who is on the scene right now. Laquisha, what can you tell us?
[12:32:29 PM] Wyatt: Laquisha got ate
[12:32:40 PM] Mother Helen the Bearded Nun: **** be up in my crunk gurl. There be po-lice errywhere and damn ***** I be seruslay trippin
[12:32:45 PM] Mother Helen the Bearded Nun: Thank you Laquisha.
[12:33:25 PM] Mother Helen the Bearded Nun: Well, we're just out of time here folks. This concludes our broadcast for the evening. Join us again at 9 for our hour long special on the ravenous canadian wilds. I'm Arkvoodle. Happy hunting.
[12:33:30 PM] Mother Helen the Bearded Nun: BA BA BA BA DOO DOO