General Art Slammin' Salmon's Stupid Zelda Fanfic

[LittleGumball]

I hope I never post another one of these ever again.

I've been having writer's block on anything and everything I'm writing that's important, so I started a really dumb fanfic. :3 Read it or don't, I don't really care, and I'm actually not really feeling like posting this, but I should stop being self-conscious about my writing if I wanna get published irl someday. So here's part of my dumb fanfic, I'm actually stuck on this too, I really don't know what I was going for with this, haha. Like everything I've ever written, I know the end and the beginning and I can't fill in the middle. Yay! Enjoy... or not. Probably the latter.
By the way, this starts out boring. As is with everything I write. ^^

Part One​

This is it. The ultimate moment of glory. My time to shine. If I don’t pull this off, we’re all done for. Finished. Goners. Out of luck. Beaten.

Dead.

As I jump through the air and draw back my arm, I recall my adventure. How I got here. It all flashes before my eyes just one more time…

The first time I met him was the first day in approximately four years I had broken my schedule. I had a steady schedule at my job as a cashier for a local convenience store, which paid well due to my hard work, experience, and, if I’m being completely honest here, sucking up to the higher-ups. I followed that strictly. My twelve-to-nine schedule was nice, it gave me plenty of room for leisure time and staying up late and sleeping in. On Saturdays I worked from eleven o’clock to four, and on Sundays I worked from ten to five. I always dreaded waking up on a Sunday.

Saturdays were the days I took my dog to the park. Sundays were when I would go out and do something with my roommate, who would always drag me to some movie that was usually boring or go out to some restaurant when there were clearly leftovers in the fridge that we could have instead, or to some event place that I couldn’t care less about. At literally all other times of the day, I was asleep or on my computer.

That Thursday afternoon, I was sick of my new boss telling me what to do. I had been there a whole year and a half longer than she had, and I was sick of her constant nagging, so I left my shift, ignoring her threats to fire me or dock my pay or whatever it was this time. I knew it was a mistake, but I really didn’t want to have to deal with her that day. I walked the three miles home, collected my dog from my apartment, and went to the dog park. I purchased a bagel from a vendor I had never seen before because I was feeling dangerous.

“Look at me, Sam,” I said to my dog, staring out at the other people playing with their pets. He looked at me, and I looked at him. “I’m breaking schedule. Can you believe it? It’s 3:30 on a Thursday and I’m not at work. I’m here with you. Isn’t it exciting?”

He was, in fact, excited, despite the lack of color in my tone.

I walked until I found a bench to sit on and planted myself on it, still watching the other people. It was disgustingly happy. I should have been a part of it, but I wasn’t feeling up to it just then.

My dog sniffed the trees around me as I ate my bland bagel. When he returned, I tore off a piece of it and fed it to him. “Hope you like it better than I do, bud,” I told him. He sat, licked his doggy lips happily, and stared at me hopefully, the edge of his tail sweeping the ground in anticipation. I considered giving him more, but petted him instead. My gaze returned to the people running and throwing things and the man in green that was watching me and the children and all the different types of dogs barking and running around.

…Wait a second. That guy was watching me.

I turned my head sharply toward him. Yes, he was definitely looking straight at me, because when I looked at him he began to walk toward me.

I had a sinking feeling, but I was going to stand my ground no matter what. Nothing would hurt me as long as I wasn’t dumb, and if there’s one thing I’m not, it’s dumb.

“Sam,” I murmured, “in case something happens, I want you to know that I love you very much, and I’m sorry I haven’t been feeding you treats lately, I’ve just been too lazy to buy them. And I’m sorry if you get kicked out of the apartment because I’m the only one that loves you.”

Sam wasn’t paying very much attention to me. He was too busy growling at my visitor. “Stop that,” the man snapped when he was in vocal range. Instantly Sam obeyed.

I opened my mouth to yell at this… guy for talking to my best friend that way, but he cut across me before I could even make a noise. “Excuse me, I hope I’m not bothering you or anything, but I was wondering if you could help me out with something,” he said to me kindly. He smiled a little bit.

But smiling wasn’t going to calm the beast. “No,” I replied flatly.

He seemed taken aback. “I… really, it shouldn’t take too long, I just want to –”

“No.”

We stared at each other as I rested my hand Sam’s head. He had lovely blue eyes. Once I really looked at him, I realized he would have been kind of good-looking, if it hadn’t been for the silly green garb and the rudeness to my dog.

“Look, miss, I think we started out on the wrong foot here. My name is –”

“Look, sir, I don’t care what your name is. I’m not going to help you out. I don’t have time, I shouldn’t even be here in the first place, and you were rude to the most important thing in my life. So far you haven’t exactly made the best impression.” I offered the most sardonic, condescending smile I could muster up.

The man’s face shifted from friendly to fierce. “Listen to me,” he hissed, leaning toward me threateningly. “I need your help here. Specifically yours. If you don’t help me out everyone will die.”

I dismissed him with a ‘pfft,’ which really riled him up. “Come on, really? I’m not making this up; you wanna see why I’m telling the truth? I can prove it to you, just give me a chance!”

“Yeah?” I asked lazily, raising my eyebrows. “How, Mr. Urgent?”

“For the record, my name is Link. And I can show you if you’ll come with me to a certain –”

“Why does it require me getting up? I don’t want to –”

“Well you’re gonna have to! Does Hyrule’s destiny really depend on such a lazy girl?”

He seemed startled by his own words, and I took advantage of this moment. “Link, is it? Look, buddy, I don’t have time for this. Just tell me why you need me and what I need to do and I’ll see if I deem it “worthy” enough to attend to. Got it? I shouldn’t be here, I have a job with a whiny boss that I’m supposed to be doing, and I might just get fired anyway, so you know what? Let’s go on an adventure, hon.”

His blue eyes met mine. “Uh… what?”

“You have five seconds to tell me where to go, Link.”

He straightened his posture and looked down at me. He still wasn’t making a very good impression. “You know that chapel next to the bowling alley?”

I hadn't been there in a very long time, but I’d seen it many times on the way to doing something dumb with my roommate. “Yeah, you mean that St. Paul’s place or whatever? Yeah, why?”

This stranger – there was no way he could have a name like Link, I mean, come on – grinned at me. “You’ve never been to the back room, have you?”

Yeah… a little creepy. “Never seen past the color of the front door. Again, why?”

“Come with me and you’ll find out.” He winked – again, creepy – before turning and walking away toward the direction of the chapel.

I sighed. “Come on, Sam,” I said, rising to my feet and ruffling the fur on my dog’s head. I tossed aside the bagel and followed the man in green. “I’ve got nothing better to do, and Sarah’s gonna be pretty mad when I get back no matter how long I’ve been gone. Just keep on your toes, yeah?”

Sam barked happily. Well, if he was excited then I might as well be too. I allowed myself a momentary smirk. This could be fun.

When we finally reached the chapel the mystery man glanced back for the first time. “So you did come,” he said when I stepped up next to him. “Good. Let’s head in.”

He pushed open the door and went straight in. I took a deep breath. It had been a very long time since I had been this close to a holy place. I steeled my nerves and pushed the door wide open to make sure nothing would surprise me. It creaked forward on its hinges. Spooky, but not unsettling enough to make me turn back. It was only a chapel. An abandoned one, yes, and for good reason, but it was just a building.

“Just a building,” I muttered to myself. “Just a building…”

One foot inside. Sam barreled in past me and started sniffing everywhere, tail wagging. “Well that kind of ruined the moment,” I said to myself. It seemed to be safe now that Sam was in there investigating everything. He hadn’t barked or growled yet so I put the other foot inside.

I could already feel the ghosts pulling at my clothes, whispering into my ears, passing through my hair. It was almost like they were actually real.

“Ghosts aren’t real,” I said quietly but firmly, closing my eyes and clenching my fists. “It’s just my imagination going crazy. There aren’t really any ghosts here. They’re not real. They’re not real…”

“Hey!” the stranger shouted from in front of a distant doorway, making me jump. “You coming or what?”

I scowled across the room at him as his echoes died down. “Give me a moment,” I responded, staring at the exact pathway I was going to take. All I had to do was…

“No! Just get over here!”

…ignore all the distractions. There were no ghosts because there was no such thing as ghosts. Clearly Sam was okay with everything because he hadn’t barked yet, only whined with excitement. The stranger could wait because I needed to do this on my own time, or else I wouldn’t be able to fight the memories.

“Did you hear me? I’m talking to you!”

Yes, the shooting happened. Yes, it was horrible. Yes, I was the person who found it first. Yes, I saw it. Yes, there was blood and bodies everywhere. No, there was no culprit to be found. No, for the umpteenth time, he was not going to find me and finish me off. Yes, this place was cleaned. No, there is no such thing as ghosts. Yes, I am okay. Yes, I will be okay.

While I was busy closing my eyes and dealing with my painfully good memory, my good buddy old pal “Link” swept me up off my feet and carried me to the door he wanted to go through. “You’re taking too long,” he said over my yelling and struggling with a half smile of triumph.

“Put me down!” I screamed over and over, my voice reverberating back to me a hundred times off the domed ceiling.

“Okay, okay!” He obliged. We were two steps away from his stupid door. “Jeez, woman, you should have warned me you were gonna freak out.”

“Excuse me,” I started with a biting tone, “but I have a bit of a history that I need to deal with here before I can do anything, and I hate being picked up so don’t you ever do that again, do you hear me, son?!”

Without realizing it, I had gotten louder and louder as I kept talking. “Sorry,” the stranger muttered when my echoes had stopped speaking to each other. He did his best to avoid my gaze.

Sam trotted over to me and nudged his head under my hand to force me to pet him. “So are we gonna go, or what?” I asked.

The man in green glanced at me, then jerked his head toward the door with yet another mad grin on his face. “Let’s go.”

He threw the door open and I followed him inside. What I saw was not at all what I expected. There was a large mirror that served as the wall furthest from me. The room was dark, but the mirror emitted a faint glow that dimly lit up the place. Scribbled on the walls were drawings and symbols that I couldn’t interpret even if I tried. Evenly spaced along the two side walls were many ancient statues of birds. There was a large sheet that looked like the sail of a boat hanging from the ceiling. I could hear music and horses whinnying even though there was nothing I could see to make the sounds.

I tried to speak, but realized my mouth was hanging open. I shut it, swallowed, and tried again. “What is this?”

“I have no idea,” my companion told me honestly, “but all I know is our destination lies through that mirror right there.”

I stared at him. “…Through the mirror?” I asked, making sure I heard him correctly.

“Yes. Through the mirror.”

“You mean, like… through the mirror? As in walking right through it?”

He sighed. “Yes.”

Without really realizing what I was doing, I stepped toward the mirror cautiously. I put out a shaking hand to try and touch it, but thought better of it and lowered my arm again. Maybe I should wait for instructions.

Even Sam was amazed. He sniffed at the mirror’s edge curiously. I gently pushed his nose back so he wouldn’t accidentally touch it. “No, Sam,” I whispered absentmindedly, staring intently at the mirror, which seemed to reflect the room I was in as well as another grassy area if I looked deeper into it.

“Link” stepped up next to me. “Wanna go through it?” he asked mischievously. His voice was also hushed. It was strange how the room made us want to be quieter. Maybe it was a respect thing. I remember telling myself to research this strangeness someday.

“Yes I do,” I murmured, trying to see what was going on past my own reflection. It was like this mirror was the gateway to another world.

“You have to be touching me in order to stay safe,” he instructed. I nodded without looking at him. He tentatively took my hand, and with the other he latched onto Sam’s collar.

Wait a minute. Gateway to another world? No, no, no, I shouldn’t do this, I couldn’t do this, I had a life, I had a roommate, this was too wild…

Too late.

“Come on, lady!” my companion said ecstatically and pulled Sam and I through the mirror and into whatever was on the other side.

 

[Dragoncat]

One of those our world and a portal to another world things? Never really gotten into fanfics like that, but cool.

With the mirror, I'm thinking this is TP era...but I guess I'll just have to wait and see. You write first person well Keep going!

 

[Mido]

Great gazoo! I like this fanfic!

Your use of perspective is definitely the greatest part of your work here! It makes the characters really pop out!

I would recommend that when you can, go for it! Keep the story rolling! :yes:

From a guy who's been in Writer's Block since 2011 -Mido

 

[LittleGumball]

Part Two​

It was like going underwater, but without the water. Sound was muted. No, not muted, more muffled, like I was wearing thick earmuffs. Everything was blurry so I shut my eyes, but what I saw looked silvery or shiny and there were trails behind whatever moved. I forced my legs to go forward, following wherever I was lead. I thought I could hear faint moans, groans, and growls of some sort of monsters but I couldn’t be sure. Why would there be monsters inside of a magic mirror passage?

Well, duh, I scolded myself. It’s a passage between worlds, not a pleasant trolley ride to the nearest mound of puppies on a Sunday morning.

We spilled out of the mirror, and I knew I would have fallen flat on my face if I hadn’t been holding onto the weirdo’s hand. I’m not sure if “spill” is the right word for exiting that strange corridor, but it’s the best way I can describe it.

All around us was the grassy area I’d faintly seen on the other side of the mirror. It was like a meadow, with patches of tall grass but mostly a lawn stretching out for miles in every direction, it seemed. And then I turned to my right and saw the entrance to a cave. Well that nature joy was short lived. This cave opened about twenty feet high and ten feet wide. I couldn’t see very far into it due to the dense darkness that lurked inside of it. I was immediately filled with a sense of awe, wonder, fear, and curiosity. I took a step toward it, and then Sam bounded forward and started sniffing at the entrance with his tail wagging like he’d never been outside before.

“We’re going in here, right?” I asked brightly, slowly moving toward the cavern.

“Link” chuckled and then took me by the elbow and turned me around to face the meadow. “Oh no, no, no, lady,” he told me, beginning to walk. “No, our destination is this way.”

I dug my heels into the ground. “Okay, my name is Jane. Not lady. It’s Jane. You can read the name tag if you like, it’s right here on my shirt,” I added, pointing out the cursive letters on my shirt. “Also, I want to go in the cave. Can I go in the cave, please?”

He jerked me forward, and I lost balance, so I yielded two steps and then resisted again once I regained my balance. “No!” he grunted, glaring at me. Such beautiful eyes. “That’s a very dangerous place, and it’s not our destination!”

“Yeah, you’re not sellin’ me on it, Link,” I said dryly, fighting against his strength, which was an honorable feat for me despite my severe lack of any upper body strength at all.

He heaved and dragged me forward a few more steps. He was clearly toying with me, giving me false hope that I could win and all, because I could tell he was holding back. “I don’t care. That place isn’t for you, I’ve already been in there, and I know it’s a bad place. I couldn’t clear it of monsters; they kept popping up out of nowhere…”

“Monsters?” I asked. “Sam, get over here!”

As my dog trotted over the weirdo tugged on my arm again. “Yes, monsters. Ones with weapons, ones with sharp appendages, ones made out of fire, ones made out of darkness…”

I took advantage of my awkwardly sweaty arm and twisted out of his grip. “TOTALLY CHECKING THIS OUT!” I yelled.

I was three steps away from the edge of the stone when “Link” grabbed the back of my shirt and tossed me on the ground. I landed heavily on my back. Ignoring my cry of pain, he crouched and leaned into my face aggressively. “When I say ‘don’t go in there, it’s dangerous,’ I mean if you go in there you will die, because I won’t be coming with you to protect you. Do you understand me?”

“Yes sir,” I mumbled, staring into his eyes, my own wide with shock.

“Good.” He stood and held out his hand to me. I tentatively grasped it, fearing he would hurt me again, but instead he helped me gently to my feet. “Sorry I had to hurt you to get your attention.”

“Thanks for apologizing.” We looked at each other. Same nudged his head under my hand again.

“Link” continued toward the meadow after a moment, and I trailed behind him like a puppy, and Sam trailed after me like the good best friend he is.

A few yards in he stopped and pointed at a small tombstone on the ground. “What does this say?” he asked.

I looked at him blankly. “Can’t you read?” I inquired.

“Not this.”

“But it’s plain English!”

“Exactly! I don’t read English, I read Hylian.”

I scoffed and muttered “Okay” before squatting and closely examining the stone. I briefly considered pretending it said something like "I don't want to be immortal through my work, I want to be immortal through not dying" before immediately deciding against it. There were three separate sentences. “‘From far away it comes but it is felt nearby. Eyes are dragged open. Enchanting words open the way.’” I looked up at the weirdo. “I don’t get it.”

“I don’t either,” he said, frowning. He put his hand under his chin, presumably thinking.

“Whatever, this is dumb. I told you the cave was the right choice.”

I got no farther than half a step before he exclaimed “Wait! I’ve got it!”

I stared at him. He stared hard at the tombstone like he could read it. “The lines are separated, right? They could be step-by-step instructions on how to show the way! ‘From far away it comes but it is felt nearby,’ that could be the wind; I have a thing for that. ‘Eyes are dragged open,’ well, we’ll see, and ‘Enchanting words open the way,’ I know an incantation for that. We’re gold!”

He switched his gaze to mine, and my vacant look must have tipped him off that I had no idea what he was talking about because he yanked me to my feet and pointed in the opposite direction. “Look!” I turned around but didn’t see anything. Confused, I glanced back and in his hands was a large… instrument. I had no idea what it was or how to describe it, especially because all I could think about in my head was where that thing had come from and how he had retrieved it so fast. “Just watch and learn, Jane honey. I’m about to blow your mind.”

“Wait!” I said frantically, cutting off whatever he was about to do. His grin died and he shot a glare at me. “It says far away.”

“It’s just describing what wind is…”

“It says far away!”

“Okay, okay!” The genius walked all the way back to the front of the cave. “Far enough for you?” he asked sarcastically. “Now get behind me.”

I called Sam and did as I was told. “Link” turned a knob and air gushed out of the thing with such force it nearly bent the greenery flat. At first nothing happened, but he kept it up like his life depended on it. Eventually something began to materialize; or, rather, the invisibility over the thing was being blown away, bit by bit, like water being blow-dried off something. Whatever it was, it was huge.

As the final scraps were being liberated, I realized what it was: a very large doorway. Grayish-black all over. Spikes and everything. There were even dragons along the top.

This… This was where evil was seated behind. Even I could tell that.

I heard a laugh from my good buddy old pal. “Welcome to Ganon’s Lair, Jane.”

 

[Mellow Ezlo]

So... the main character is Natalie Portman?

Woah bro, I had no idea you were a writer! I'm liking what you have so far, it has an interesting perspective. Keep the story coming!

 

[LittleGumball]

Part Three​

I stood, gaping at the thing. There was nothing more intimidating that I’d even heard of, let alone seen. My companion took a few steps toward it slowly, but I stopped him. “There’s still two more steps,” I whispered, not taking my eyes off of the door.

“Oh yeah, huh.” He stepped back and then forward and in his hands was another strange device that I couldn’t describe and had no name for. Closing one gorgeous eye, he aimed the thing toward the door and fired. Something pointy shot out and wrapped around the arm of one of the dragons. It retracted, bringing the butt end of it – and my stranger – toward it. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Sam take a few steps forward. He was just as confused as I was about this. I petted him as “Link” scrambled around the opulent décor of the gigantic door. We watched him hang precariously off of seemingly impossible handholds and swing himself over to the point where the two dragon heads faced each other toward the top. With almost superhuman strength he pulled his body up and sat on one of the heads. He waved happily at us before hopping to his feet and examining the sight laid out in front of him. I did so as well. It appeared to me that he had to open the eyes of the dragons somehow, but how on this mother-loving earth was he going to do that?

“Look away!” he shouted. I sighed and did so, since apparently he put his things away every time I did. Sure enough, when I turned back to look he had a bow and a quiver of arrows out. He aimed an arrow at the dragon across from him and let it fly. My stomach lurched with fear that it would rebound and hit him, but instead it bounced harmlessly to the ground. Not the right thing to do. He glanced over at me and I took the hint. I stared at my feet for a moment, and when I returned my gaze to him he had what clearly (despite the distance I was standing from it) looked like a small bomb in his hands. He tossed it gently onto the other dragon’s head and darted down the neck of the one he was standing on. My eyes widened in terror but the explosion was small as well. It also was just as ineffective as the arrow.

“Third time’s the charm,” I muttered to Sam, whose body was trembling under my hand. This time when I looked up to watch “Link” he was wielding a rather large hammer. “What are you doing?” I hollered. Surely this wouldn’t work. Even from far away I could see the grin he gave me as he raised the hammer above his head. I winced as he brought it down on his dragon’s nose.

Third time’s the charm, indeed. There was a great tremor within the dragon, and it began to peel itself off of the door from the tail up. Realizing that something was about to go seriously wrong, he leaped over to the other dragon, but was a little too short. I gasped, like maybe that would help him, and… somehow my non-existent magic worked! He stuck his hand in the stone dragon’s mouth, latched onto a wicked-looking fang, bashed the nostrils above him, and swung over its head and onto its neck, sliding all the way down to the ground, nearly losing his balance at the live tail.

Why he didn’t leave one untouched until the first was dealt with, I had no idea.

The dragons were both fully awake by now, and they were extremely unhappy. I think I would be a little miffed too, if someone punched me in the nose while I was sleeping. They slithered down off the door on their tiny, scrawny legs, then unfurled their great stone wings simultaneously, both releasing dirt and pebbles that had collected in their crevasses. One of them roared, the other snapped his jaws, and I fainted.

When I awoke, all I could see was a mass of yellow fur. My eyes traveled up to see Sam sitting by me, perfectly straight, guarding me from the dragons. I nearly cried with gratitude and the sheer loyalty he had, but that would have made me even more embarrassed (crying and fainting at the same time would have been devastating for my ego), so I held it in and slowly sat up, using my dog for support. He had always been my best friend, or at least, he had been for the last eight years, and even in a strange world facing creatures I didn’t think existed he still tried to protect me.

Mr. Muscle was doing likewise, except he had self-preservation on his mind as well. I have to give him props for trying, though, because he was holding up rather well considering he had to fight two – TWO – dragons at the same time and whenever one would get within a certain range of Sam and I he would attract its attention with an arrow that he would shoot with deadly accuracy. I examined his pattern. It was an effective one, however slow it might be: He would dodge each and every attack thrown at him, even fire that one of them managed to cough up, and then when a dragon head would get close to him he would smash it with the hammer. Eventually a couple scales fell off of the neck area of one of them, so within the span of two seconds he dropped the hammer, drew a sword from a scabbard at his back, and slashed at the skin beneath the scales. It screeched, convulsed, and bled all over before crash landing into the ground sort of near Sam and I and the cave. Now that one was down, the other went a little crazy. It began to move faster and belch up little spurts of fire and flail wildly with its little claws. This did absolutely nothing to Link’s resolve. He simply picked up the hammer, calmly walked forward, sidestepped when he saw the signs of the remaining foe about to puke fire, and swung his hammer hard. He hit the dragon so hard its face slammed into the ground, and the rest of its body followed. Some scales were loose. He smiled grimly before finishing that one off too.

When it was all over, he slowly turned to face me, panting. “Now that is how you kill a dragon,” he told me steadily.

He fell face first on the ground.

I hurried to my feet and dashed to his side, not without stumbling. Sam followed right behind me. I knelt next to Link and flipped him over, asking and asking and asking if he was okay.

“I’m fine, Jane, I’m just a little tired,” he told me firmly, opening his eyes to look straight into mine. I held my hand out to him, but he refused it. “Just let me rest for a bit.”

“So you’re not a god with everlasting stamina?” I teased, glancing over at the door.

He huffed out a “hah” for me.

We sat there in silence as Link regained his strength. At some point after he realized I was no longer in any danger, Sam got bored and started sniffing around the area, steering very clear from the bodies of the dragons except to stop by their heads occasionally and growl like he was the one that had defeated them.

“Time for step three?” I asked when Link sat up wearily.

“Sure.” He rose and offered me his hand. I was the better person and took it.

With the most somber demeanor I’ve ever seen, he stepped forward and stood courageously in front of the monster doors. I moved to stand next to him, even though I was shaking a little from both excitement and fear. He opened his mouth and announced something in a language I’ve never heard before.

There was a rumbling sound and the earth shook slightly. I grabbed Link’s arm for stability and the two of us watched the doors open away from us, slowly, slowly, like they were being dragged open by a horde of slaves. Behind us, Sam was freaking out, barking like his life depended on it, never staying still, even hiding behind the dragon bodies. The doors revealed a dark, hilly landscape, with knee-high grass in most places and nearly black clouds blanketing the sky. My immediate impulse was to back away and go home through that blasted mirror, but I had to stay strong, because Link wasn’t about to back down and take me home. “Wanna go?” Link asked quietly.

I didn’t. But I so did. I turned around to find my dog. “Sam!” I shouted. More barking. “Sam, come on, let’s go!” Whining and barking and crying.

Looks like I had to put him behind me.

Suddenly feeling very alone, I took hold of Link’s arm again. “Will he be safe out here?” I asked grimly, staring at the scene through the doorway.

“Should be, as long as he doesn’t leave,” Link replied.

“Better hope he doesn’t get bored.” I looked at my new friend. “Let’s go.”

I let him take the first step, and we carefully walked forward toward our fate. When we cleared the way, the doors heaved shut again, all by themselves. Creepy as all get-out. I scanned the place, looking for something, anything that I could look at. There was nothing, only Link and the doors. “I’m scared,” I instinctively whispered.

“Don’t let go of me,” he replied just as quietly.

I complied happily. There was no way I was going to abandon my only defense in this terrifying new area. That would just be stupid.

We cautiously, slowly, gingerly took a few more steps. The intensity of the situation was going to kill me but there was no retreating now. “If we get separated,” Link began, but I cut him off.

“You told me not to let go, so I won’t let go,” I hissed, still frantically searching for some sign of danger other than the ominous feeling the environment gave me.

“Yeah, but if that happens…”

I shot him a look and he clammed up, but not for long. At the next step we took we heard a laugh. A deep, condescending, cruel laugh.

 

[LittleGumball]

Part Four​

I was about to pee myself in fear.

“Link! How nice to see you once again.”

At least, that’s what I imagined him to say. I couldn’t understand a word that bass voice layered with silk and arsenic said.

We turned sharply to our right, and in front of us was a man with dark skin and red hair. He was dressed in armor and a black cape, the latter of which he removed and tossed to the side like a mere tissue. He kept talking, and I felt more and more awkward as the situation went on. It was like he had rehearsed an hour-long speech and was now reciting it for us, except I couldn’t understand a darn thing. Why wasn’t my big buddy Link saying anything? Why wasn’t he helping me out? And then just as I thought that he stepped in front of me and touched the sword at his back. Cool.

I still couldn’t make out what the creepy guy was saying but I could tell something very disturbing was going on by the way Link’s hand was clenching harder and harder around my arm. Pretty soon he was gonna cut off my circulation but this whole thing was extremely dramatic, so I was enjoying myself a lot despite being completely in the dark. And then his grip slackened for a brief moment and I knew something serious was up. The death hold returned with a vengeance and I saw him curl his fingers around the hilt of the sword. Not good. I grabbed his arm and stared at him intensely. He didn’t turn around to meet my eyes, only kept glaring, glaring, glaring at whoever that man was.

There was a pause and then the man said something that set my good buddy old pal into a burst of what I assumed was righteous fury and he fully drew and brandished his weapon, still not letting go of me. “Hey! Don’t let him get to you,” I said, hoping to encourage him. Unfortunately, it just sent him into a panic and drew the other guy’s attention to me.

“Ah, forgive my rudeness,” he told me with a slight bow of his ginger head. “In my haste to speak to our dear friend here, I had shamefully about your existence. Many apologies. My name is Ganondorf, and I will soon be the king of Hyrule, once I am rid of that meddling princess and her idiot errand boy here,” he finished, gesturing at my friend.

Oh he did not just say that.

“Excuse me, you listen here big boy,” I said, jerking out of Link’s hand and pointing a finger at Mr. High and Mighty. I took a few steps toward him and bellowed some strong words that I never expected to come out of my mouth.

Except for the tiny interruption of a very loud noise which startled the bajeebus out of me. I’ll admit to jumping, but I’m very proud of myself for not screaming. Even though nothing changed that I could see, I frantically looked around to see if something would appear that I hadn’t noticed. Zilch. I turned to face the villain of villains, who was smiling at me slyly. “That, dearie, was the sound of magic.”

“Magic? What kind of magic?” I asked tensely. Good thing I didn’t believe in magic (until now). Maybe if I believed it didn’t exist hard enough it would go away.

He said nothing, only kept smiling like a plastic doll in one of those suspense-horror films I never bothered to watch. Spooky.

I looked back at Link, wide-eyed, slightly petrified. He gave me a stare with those gorgeous blue eyes that were sparkling with what could be anger but I knew better. He certainly wouldn’t get mad at me for being the most absolute imbecile I could possibly be by blatantly defying his instructions. “What do I do?” I muttered. He took a step forward and indicated with every form of the motion that meant “no.” It would have been much easier if he, you know, said something, but he wasn’t talking to me for some reason. He couldn’t be that mad, otherwise he wouldn’t even try to give me instructions. Except I still couldn’t understand what he was trying to say. Evidently this was apparent by my facial expression because he rolled his eyes, stepped forward, and touched an invisible barrier that sent a shock through the whole dome which showed me the frighteningly small boundaries. It spanned about 30 yards. Unfortunately, said shock also hit Link and he was thrown backward onto the ground.

He stopped moving.

As I sat stone-still watching him, I heard some noise come from the direction of my newfound enemy. It was quite difficult but somehow I managed to tear my eyes off of my friend’s limp body to look at him. He was a pig. Scratch that, a large boar. Scratch that too, he was thrice the size of a warthog. I swayed on my feet a little but managed to stay conscious this time. Score another bravery point for me. I glanced back at Link to see if somehow he would get up and be ready to take this guy on while I wasn’t looking but he was still down. And then I noticed his sword on the ground, the blade sticking through where I had seen the border of the magical barrier attack Link. I don’t know how or why it was happening but I accepted it and slid the hilt toward me, gingerly gripping the flat part of the blade with two fingers. When I picked up the weapon I could feel power coursing through me. Interesting.

I still had absolutely no idea how to use this thing.

I looked up at the pig. It was stamping its enormous hooves on the ground, like a bull ready to charge. Then it hit me: IT WAS GOING TO CHARGE.

Suddenly it did. It bounded off the ground and sped toward me. My feet were planted firmly on the ground. Come on you idiot, move! I kept shouting to myself. I was frozen where I stood, totally unable to move, while it lumbered toward me, until I shifted my foot and I was free and I ran to the side and escaped with my everything intact. It crashed into the magical barrier and flew backward a few feet, landing on its side. I heard a noise behind me and whipped around, but it was just Link sitting up and trying to get my attention. He pointed at his chest and made slicing motions. I looked back at the big beast and didn’t see anything at first, until I realized that its leg was in the way. I ran around so I could see past it and there was a huge silvery scar in the thing’s chest. Might as well make use of the obvious weak point. I cautiously but quickly stepped up to it. With the most awkward motion I think I’ve ever made, I thrust the sword inside the scar. The beast shook with a sickening spasm, so I retreated, making sure to keep the sword in my hand at all times.

The thing scrambled to its feet and glared at me. I suddenly realized I had no idea where the magical boundaries were. Swearing under my breath, I prepared for when Miss Piggy was going to come at me again. It pawed (hoofed?) the ground again, took three steps, and leaped into the air.

…What.

I quickly looked back at Link for help. He pointed upward. Oh. Wilbur was going to land on top of me. I kept an eye on the flying pig and then somehow managed to dodge its plummeting path, steering clear of the magic barrier by sheer luck. The impact of the landing stunned the creature and it fell onto its side again. Once more I stepped toward the scar and awkwardly stabbed it. It squealed and shook again, and once more I fell back, looking around desperately for some hint of the magical barrier line so I could have half an idea of where not to step.

Now the tainted bacon was moving faster. Oh boy. This could be bad, and by bad I mean deadly. I froze again, sort of near where my buddy Link was standing, and stared wide-eyed at the beast in front of me. It charged. It was too smart to fall for the old run-to-the-side trick. I remembered there was still a magic man inside of that pig brain somewhere. But what if I tried something different…? As it bowled toward me I took in the biggest breath I could muster in order to steel my nerves. You can do this, I told myself, actually building up my own confidence for once. Come on, Jane. You’re brave, I promise. Just be ready and time it perfectly… Come on… You got this, hon…

Just before the tusks reached my nose I ducked and dove underneath the thing’s belly. It slammed into the magic wall again, and again it soared backward a few feet before once more landing heavily on its side. It was now or never. I scrambled to my feet, dashed to the scar, and drove my point home. More squeals and seizures. I backed away again, trembling a little myself.

Wilbur struggled to its feet, panting and grunting and snorting. It was seriously still up? How? I’d already hit it three times! How durable was this thing? Unfortunately it seemed to be more durable than me, I could barely move due to exhaustion.

Suddenly it was convulsing and shaking and screaming with pain. My eyes went wide with concern and fear. The magical barrier started flashing and disappearing in what appeared to be a crumbling fashion except without the crumbs falling off. The pig beast thing began to shrink and contort back into a human. Suddenly I was very, very glad I hadn’t seen his transformation from human thing to pig beast. He was back to being plain old Ganondorf, except I suppose Ganondorf wasn’t quite as plain as I’d originally thought despite the voice of golden, silky poison.

He’s on his knees. His face is tilted toward the dark earth. “In the end,” he says through his labored breathing, “you will all kneel.” He jerks his head up slightly and his gold-colored eyes meet mine. He takes in a huge breath and extends his arm a little, gathering up what seems to be magical energy.

I don’t hesitate. Not even for a moment.

Time seems to slow down. With the very last ounce of energy I have left, I push my feet off the ground, take two very large steps toward him, and jump, raising my arm with the sword in it as if to strike. Because I will strike him.

My brief reverie finishes, and as I wonder how I went through all that so fast in my head, I bring my arm down and slash into his chest.

Except I miss and hit his armor.

 

[Sadia]

:clap:

I'd gush more, but this is great stuff man!! ^^ Keep at it!

 

[LittleGumball]

Part Five​

The clang I hear is the most devastating sound I could ever hear. My arm rebounds and my body barrels into his. He catches me and gives in about an inch before hurling me onto my back.

Ouch.

He smiles down grimly at me as I grunt and groan, totally unable to move because of the pain and exhaustion combination. “I’d like to say you’re the first sacrifice made on my journey to kingship, but then I would be lying, and I wouldn’t lie to you.” He snaps his fingers and a sword comes out of nowhere and appears in his hand. “Not on your deathbed.”

He draws his arm back and something amazing happens. A beam of light shoots from somewhere to my left and hits him square in the face. Talk about Deus Ex Machina, except I don’t think a machine did this. Ganondorf falls to the ground, or at least I assume he does, I can’t keep my eyes open after that sight. For a moment I think I’m hallucinating but I feel a rough hand gently remove the sword from mine and another hand picking me up off the ground and dragging me backward. “You’re gonna be fine,” someone (I assume it’s the person dragging me) whispers to me. Is… Is that Link?

I open my weary eyes and see his staring down at me, concern lacing his gaze. He offers a reassuring smile and the corners of my mouth twitch. That’s about as much as I can muster. He gingerly sets me down and dashes toward our enemy. As soon as he leaps over the remains of the magical barrier it flares upward and creates a dome again.

Well, since it appears my work here is done, I might as well take a nap.

When I close my eyes I can swear I can see two people in there, but that would be impossible. It was just Link and the former pig man and me, and I was out here and not in that stupid battle arena. Circle. Thing. Whatever it is.

I hear all the sounds of battle, but I can’t be bothered trying to decipher them. I am in pain and I am exhausted and I am three hundred percent done with all of this. I fade out of consciousness. When I wake up, I feel strangely energized, so I sit up slowly (so I don’t get a head rush – look at me, thinking ahead) and examine the battlefield. There are, in fact, three people inside of that circle thingy. One of them is a girl. Hey, wait a second; I thought I was the girl in this! Dumb broad, who does she think she is?

Oh, maybe she’s the dumb broad who sent that freaking beam of light into Ganondorf’s face. I realize this when she readies an arrow and it glows. She yells something weird, but Link seems to understand and he knocks back Ganondorf’s arm. I don’t get it; he’ll recover too quickly for anything to happen… But the lady shoots that glowing arrow right into his forehead and I figure it lowers his defenses because not only does the magical wall flash upon impact, his arms go to his sides with clenched fists. This is the moment in which Link strikes. Unlike me, he hits his target right where he should.

At once Link and his comrade step back. I watch, slack-jawed, as Ganondorf stares Link straight in the face. He mutters something I can’t hear before falling to his knees, and then forward onto the ground, arms spread-eagle.

Link and his lady friend look at each other and grin. The girl excitedly starts talking in gibberish, and I tune out while gazing at the (dead?) body in front of them. Do they even notice if he’s dead? Wait… did I just help them kill a man? What did he do to deserve this? What if I’m a bad guy?

I glance up at Link, who’s looking back at me. He seems to understand how I feel because he nods at the lady and she steps forward and offers me a hand up. Nah, I can get up by myself, thanks very much. I heave myself to my feet, brush myself off, and meet her steady gaze. Cool, I’m brave enough to look her in the eyes. She lifts her chin a little, probably because I disgraced her or whatever by not letting her help me up, and says “Hello, stranger. My name is Zelda. I am the Princess of this land, Hyrule.”

Oh.

“Link has told me of your courage, and I commend you for it.” Ugh, royalty speech. Super boring. Is she recapping? “…was trying to steal my throne and turn the kingdom into a breeding ground for evil…” Does she mean Ganondorf? So then I shouldn’t feel bad about him dying, right?

“Do you have any questions?” she finished.

Oh, you were talking? I think to myself. “No.”

“Good. Let us return you to your home, then.”

She has kind of a dreamy voice. I dwell on this as the dynamic duo walk me through the doors, which scrape open as we approach it, and into the meadow. Warrior princess with a gentle voice, huh? Weird, if you ask me. Then again, what about this whole thing isn’t weird?

Sam greets me by booking it over to my side and running into me, nearly knocking me over. “I missed you too,” I mutter, putting my hand out to pet him. I barely touch his head before he dashes over to Link and rubs himself on my new friend’s legs like a very large cat. I sigh and look over at the princess, who’s looking down her nose at my best friend, watching him carefully.

“I should get home,” I announce when Sam returns to me. They look at each other and nod, which slightly worries me, but I don’t think anything of it.

“Farewell, Link,” says the dumb broad.

Link opens his mouth a little like he’s about to reply, then apparently thinks better of it and turns to me and smiles awkwardly. He steps forward and takes hold of both my arm and Sam’s collar. With a final over-the-shoulder glance at Miss Prissy, we walk to the mirror, take a deep breath, and plunge into the depths of the mirror, where if I look close enough I can see a dingy room filled with statues and the sail of a boat hanging from the ceiling. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to ignore the sounds of the unknown creatures inside the mirror and push forward, eventually spilling out of the mirror again.

We’re back in my territory now. Where everything is mercifully normal. “What do you say we go back, huh?” I say, turning to face Link with a small grin. Except he isn’t smiling. In fact, he looks rather sad. I take this as bad news. “What’s up?” I ask, frowning with concern.

He looks at me with those gorgeous, round, bright blue eyes. “I can’t go any further. This is goodbye.”

“Oh.” That’s all I can think to say, and I feel bad, but what else do I say? I’ve known this guy for barely any time at all. And yet I’ve grown a sort of attachment to him. Ugh. What do I say? Umm… “I guess I’ll miss you.”

He laughs sadly, and I do too because that was pretty pathetic. Such a poor attempt at a farewell. “See you around, except… I won’t.”

I bite my lip. “Yeah… see ya.”

For a moment we just stand there, so I step forward and hug him hard. He barely has time to reciprocate the action before I release him. “Yup. See you around, kid.” Why did I call him kid? I quickly turn tail and walk stiffly out the door, Sam trailing behind me.

“Thank you,” he says as the door closes.

“I’ll never forget you.” I hope it didn’t shut before I was done… because I’m not embarrassing myself more by saying it again. Either way, the truth was spoken.

Just before the door to the outside of the chapel, I look down at Sam. “Come on, bud. Time to go home.” I straighten my back, hold my head high, and walk out the door with confidence. Time to face my problems. Time to face New Boss and tell her what’s what.

Time to possibly get fired and ruin my schedule. But I don’t really care. What’s life without a little something to stir it up every once in a while?





~fin.

 

[Pen]

Hey Gummy! I just now read through your fanfic, and I really enjoyed it! All of the parts were entertaining and at times hilarious in a great way. My two favourite parts are the first and the fifth, which is perfect since (to me at least) the beginning and the ending of a story are the two most important parts! Throughout the story I enjoyed the way you described everything. Thanks to the way you wrote, it was easy for me as the reader to imagine all of the characters as well as the different places. Oh, and I thought the parting at the very end was really well written. It really made me feel with the characters.

In my opinion this wasn't at all a "stupid" Zelda fanfic. In fact, I was inspired by it! As soon as I find the time, I might try making a fanfic of my own. ^^