Rate the Last Movie That You Watched

[Spirit]

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor - 5/10

Please don't be the one Spirit was thinking of, I just remembered this one years later

I'm not saying that Branden Fraser is a bad actor, I'm just saying that he's a bad actor...

...Or maybe it has more to do with the movies he's in overall and how utterly droll they can be (looking at you, Journey to the Center of the Earth) and the mere fact that he's typecast as a do-it-all action movie hero, minus the charisma. Now, Dragon Emperor isn't all bad because the action, setpieces, and choreography are top-notch (bar that one kung-fu sequence), but the film sets itself up for disappointment with a wonky betrayal followed by some egregious pacing issues, a hackneyed script, and nigh-blatantly rushed special effects. The CGI really glares out at you, especially towards the end, like statues being plastered upon a realistic backdrop and calling it a wrap. Other times, the effects honestly aren't too bad, such as when the yetis show up and appear more human than the zombie allies, but I distinctly recall having a suspension of disbelief moment when the emperor transformed into a dragon/hydra/wyvern (oh yeah, it's in the title), and then later turns into a giant horned sasquatch (well, didn't see that coming). Talk about the titular Mummy shape-shifting into various mythological creatures and not having an existential crisis...

As for the characters, it's gonna be a 50/50 split just like the unfortunate score I'd settled on after the credits started rolling. Characters are the glue that holds the story and every other slapped-together piece in my eyes--and hearkening back to the script, this is really where things fall flat. For example, Branden Fraser plays the jack-trader sort, Rick, who can do it all: fight, shoot, and stab for 40% of the time and then spit out vapid one-liners the rest of the time. Here's the problem, though: Every other character is expected to do the exact same thing, resulting in a steam-rolled menagerie of cobbled-up story/action bits and tacky witticisms. Well, the lead female's brother, who owns a night club in China and just along for the ride more or less, is the obvious exception. I mean, if you're going to tag along, then you might as well make yourself useful rather than cower in the corner and mumble nonsensical things aloud. The yak, Geraldine, had more personality than this pretentious one-note milktoast. Reminds me of how Franklin was in Fallen Kingdom, actually: terrified by anything short of a squeaky duck (aka everything) and constantly shrieking like a lil girl on the brink of getting everyone killed because of it. Why are you there, then? And no, it has nothing to do with your derma hue, mah brother.

Oh yes, and did I mention that half of the base film was in ancient Chinese without subtitles? I know I tend to enjoy the Asian mumble-jumbles from time to time, but at least have the courtesy to prepare translations for the general audience across the pond, eh wot. Well at least that one cool guy with the fancy earpiece can offer us a general overview--no wait, he can't because a decade has gone by and they've moved on to bigger and better things. Sorry, future viewers.

Nevertheless, I don't mean to rag too much on the negatives as anyone can enjoy the movie through a casual lens, and there are some pretty enjoyable and touching scenes that will impact the viewer in a meaningful way. It should also be noted that this is in no way "on par" with the commonly lampooned "around the world" action flicks such as Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom or Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull (although I enjoyed the latter, save for ze La Boof). Heck, I'd even recommend Dragon Emperor above the Tom Cruise film which should've homed in on the supernatural elements of the Universal Monsters, um, universe instead of being another action-jammed adventure starring Tom Cruise (female Mummy was the only saving grace, unlike Jet Li's attempt sadly). The one good thing to take away from this, however, is that the tried and true Uncharted formula will always win out over box office busts. As such, please look forward to the crossover movie in 2024, featuring God of War Kratos and his stepdaughter Ellen Page.

Now, back to marathoning Yahtzee reviews...

I only like the first one as a guilty pleasure and Brendan IS a bad actor.

 

[Dio]

Dragon Ball Super Broly 10/10

This is the best Dragon Ball has been in the 21st century so far.

Lies!

 

[Spirit]

Lies!

Oh you!

 

[Spirit]

Source Code - 7.5/10

Nice film, overdone concept but it's quite quaint and doesn't try to do much new, it just tries to be good at what it does, which is more than what most movies do.

 

[toonlink]

Bandersnatch. It was an alright movie, a fun enough watch. The theme of "free will is fake" is super overplayed in interactive media, so it wasn't too interesting an idea to think/talk about much after. Well made, don't get me wrong, but the themes and plot hardly held my interest. 7/10

 

[Spirit]

Rings- 3/10

This film was directed well and is visually on point but crappy acting do it no favours, nor does the literally nonsensical plot that completely disregards the lore of the previous films while still giving the occasional nod.

I'd not say it was as bad as the third American Grudge film but it pretty much is the next worst thing.

 

[Jotaro Joestar]

I watched Mama for the first time last night. It was so good. They might make a part 2.

 

[Spirit]

Flintstones the movie - 10/10

 

[Castle]

True Grit (Coen Brothers) 10/10

Local TV. I've seen both the original John Wayne version and the modern Jeff Bridges version. I gave the remake a hard time back before I was a raging Jeff Bridges fan for it being a remake, but as far as remakes go you just can't do better than True Grit. The original True Grit is an American cinematic classic and the Coen Brothers do it considerable justice. These days the Jeff Bridges version is my favorite. Matt Damon is a bit of a miscast but he does alright. Hailee Steinfeld is utterly brilliant and Jeff Bridges is Jeff Bridges I mean come on.

 

[Spirit]

Matilda - 10/10

An absolutely brilliant movie that I've loved all my life and, dare I say, much better than the book.

 

[Jotaro Joestar]

Silence of the Lambs

 

[Spirit]

Toy Story 1 - 10/10

Nostaaaaaaaaalgia.

 

[Jotaro Joestar]

MARA 1.5/10 bad plot but the actor who played Mara is the OG demon actor. He was in, Anabell, Nun, It, Crookedman, incideous, etc.

 

[andyz]

Happy Death Day 2U (2019) - 9/10

Quirky and funny with a great cast of characters, it’s an enjoyable and entertaining film.
The plot does lose pace a bit in the middle and the horror takes a back seat to the comedy, but the jump scares as still very well done and Rothe as the lead is just as likeable as ever.

 

[Spirit]

Ju-On The Grudge- 10/10

I love you Kayako!