Holidays: Does Anyone Actually LIKE Their Relations?

[Shadsie]

Lately, there's the same kind of article I've been seeing around news sites and advice blogs, over and over again:

"Tips for getting along with your relatives this holiday," or "How to handle holiday stress from your relatives."

And all I can think about is "Have we become so disconnected as a society, so wrapped up in ourselves that the things that were originally meant to be fun and togetherness have turned into an annoyance, a mere obligation for people?"

All I can think in answer to that is "Yes," but on a personal level, I don't get it, or at least, I feel weird because I actually *LIKE* the people I spend holidays with.

In the last several years, that's been my fiancee' and his adult nephew. We typically get together on Thanksgiving (since the nephew has other family that hijacks him for Christmas) and we basically geek-out. We have food, we watch movies and anime, play video games, and make a whole lot of inside jokes about our geek hobbies and other things that can get downright (but delightfully) bizarre. I'm in my bedroom now, but earlier, I was in the living room just talking about random stuff with them and were basically were laughing and carrying on like drunken idiots without a drop of booze in the house!

Okay, so my guy's nephew is fond of telling us that he enjoys hanging out with us while his other set of relatives is a chore because none of them are geek-types and they tend to put him on babysitting duty for the younger cousins, but still... Holidays from my end of the things seem to be very much enjoyment.

Back when I was a kid, too... with my natural family I've not seen for years... Back when my grandmother was alive (she was basically our matriarch), my family had extended-family get-togethers and I'd always look foward to seeing my sweet grandma and playing magical cheerleaders in the backyard and dressing up our cats in baby clothes and other weird stuff kids in my family used to do with my cousins. Even as we got older and folks in my family started drifting apart (after my grandmother died), even as I got to a point where I feared for my life from my psycho-abusive older brother (not an exagerration, I moved to an opposite coast to be with my fiancee' for reasons besides just love)... on holidays, at least parts of my family could gather together and actually enjoy each other's company. (My brother, though psycho, was very proud of his barbeque skills and would calm down and become personable when people ate his cooking).

I don't know. With all the news articles about "How to talk sense into your stupid relatives when they start to talk politics" and "How to survive your family this season" - I feel weird that I actually LIKE people I spend time with for holidays and always have, even when those people have changed. Is there anyone in the world, whether their family is born-into or chosen who actually likes said family or am I just lucky?

 

[Terminus]

Honestly? Not too much. My mom's side of the family practically doesn't exist, and my Dad's side is full of very elderly people. In fact, the only time I see my relatives anymore are at funerals for people I don't even know.

Also, since my dad's side of the family is from the very rural part of Northern California, they are mostly religious Republicans, so we tend not to mix very well. I can't say how well we've got on recently, since we haven't attended a "proper" family function in years.

 

[Clank]

There is one person that I don't like, but I mean she is just plain rude to everyone(even her kids), I mean I love her but I can't stand her, if that makes sense...

Other than that I have some pretty cool relatives, some of them I rarely see(aka only for weddings) others I see every few weeks, but yeah, they are all real cool

 

[Seth]

Just because one doesn't get along with family doesn't mean we are disconnected as a society. There are plenty of good reasons people don't get along.

I like my family and I do get along with them, though I could never live with them again without going crazy. My mother especially, we don't do well living together in the same house but in small doses for holidays we get along fine.

 

[Wolf Sage]

I've never been a big 'people person' or the family-oriented type. Most of the times I've spent with family members were forced, because I had no power to refrain from attending family get-togethers and all. But since I became an independent adult, I've tried to avoid family gatherings and such altogether. Perhaps it'd be neat if my family wasn't so dysfunctional, but the cards just weren't dealt that way. Trying to force ourselves to get along with each other for something as brief as a mere holiday is inconceivable (good thing I don't observe holidays). In short, my family and I get along much better when we're apart.

I believe the paradigm of family togetherness has deteriorated over the years, and there are numerous generational factors that play into that, one of which just so happens to be looking us right in the face at this very moment.

 

[Sheik]

Well, my extended family on my mom's side get along perfectly. We see each other a lot (yes, today, also), we're all very friendly, and we just love to hang out. My problem, and this just applies to me, is that I've always been the youngest. I'm the youngest in my close family and also the youngest in my mom's family. All of my siblings are at least four years older than me, and all of my cousins are at least ten years older than me. I wouldn't call myself an antisocial person, because I have tons of friends at school, it's just that there are certain people whom, even though I like, I can't really seem to socialize well with, or at least hold a conversation with that doesn't fill up with awkward silence. This mostly applies to people outside my age group, and since nobody in my entire family is near my age, I, personally I, can't seem to talk to them normally. Social issues :awkward:

I do have cousins around my age on my dad's side, but that's the problem. My dad's side.
You see, we don't see my dad's family often (aside from my grandmother). The only two days of the year we ever actually get together are Christmas Eve and Easter, but no other time of the year. Ever. You see, my cousins and uncles and aunts on my dad's side are all, well, wealthier than us. Heck, they go on a cruise ship at least three times a year, and they have three babysitters for my cousins, even though my aunt doesn't work. And, what's worse, is that, excluding those two holdiays, they pretty much don't acknowledge our existance. For instance, they'd walk right past us in church and not even wave or say "hi". Well, this mostly applies to my cousins, whom I consider to be kinda rude. Oh well, that's why we see my mom's family more often, I suppose...

 

[misskitten]

I personally love my family, look forward to whenever we gather and is sad when I miss out on the opportunity. My relationship with one of my older siblings can be a bit turbulent at times, as she just doesn't seem to own a filter and just burst out a lot of critical stuff directed at me, but I've learned to handle her, learned to mostly get along with her, so it's not really a problem for me anymore.

But I can understand how this mandatory family time can be a problem for others, who don't get along, but feel or are made to feel like they "have to" just because it's a holiday and holidays are supposed to be all about family. I think if people just were a bit more honest with themselves and each other, they could probably find better ways of spending the holidays if family gatherings only lead to misery.

AvatarFlygon - I know exactly how you feel. On my mother's side everyone is at least five years older than me, so I've always been on the sideline when it comes to conversation topics, which in turn has lead to me having anti-social tendencies at family gatherings. It's not that I'm not interested in being part of it, it's just that after a while I just start blending into the scenery as they start talking about people I have absolutely no idea who are, and I just don't feel like I'm part of the conversation anymore, and see no point in being physically present when I'm not present in other aspects. On my father's side I have two younger cousins, so I used to hide out with them, kind of using them as an excuse to leave the room after a while... I do occasionally get critisized for that, but that's just who I am. I'm happy to listen, but if I don't feel like they are talking to me or telling me something, then I just don't see a point in being present otherwise - and I don't really see how it should be a problem if I opt out when that happens.

 

[Ventus]

My family hates me because I'm a sociopath. But even so, I like them. I think we get along well during the holidays, except Christmas as I do not celebrate that, neither with Halloween because I don't trick or treat. A huge tip to getting along well with your family is to blend in. Don't display conflicting behavior/emotions/thoughts/beliefs when around your family.

 

[Vanessa28]

I used to see my dad's family every year for Christmas and Easter and then my parents divorced in 1984 and I hardly saw them. Later we saw my sister and her husband always at Christmas but it was always like a must. It was not the normal thing anymore. It changed into a habit and habits are there to break one day. Why spending quality time only with Christmas or Easter and not on other days as well? I don't tyhink we have changed into selfish persons but more breaking the habit that feels forced upon you

 

[Azure Sage]

We spend every Thanksgiving with my dad's side of the family up in Pennsylvania, and Christmas with my mom's side of the family down here in Delaware. I get along with them; that is to say, I don't dislike any of them. I've never really had any problems with them. My family really gets along well for the most part. Although, I don't really "enjoy" spending time with them. I have almost nothing in common with everyone in my family. There's no one that I can have really good talks with about the things I like.

For example, I'm the only person in my entire family who likes anime. Likewise, I'm the only person in my entire family who hates sports. I'm the only real Zelda fan in my family (I have a cousin who likes the games, but she isn't nearly as interested in them as I am) and every other family member who plays video games, plays games that I'm not interested in. We have no common ground for conversation.

I've been feeling really distant from my family for the past year or so because of this. During family gatherings, I usually play with my younger cousins because I'm good with kids and they're not boring. I rarely spend any time interacting with the others, though. There just isn't much to say. I usually retreat to my room when there's family over, or I stay away off on my own if I'm at someone else's house. It's been that way for a long time now.

I don't dislike my family, though. Like I said, we get along and there's hardly ever any problems. I do like my family. I just don't really enjoy my time around them.

 

[Dan]

Good grief! some of you suck the soul out of my christmas cheer, Anyway I guess I'm one of the rare people that love socialising with my family because well... I love them more than winter socks after being put near the fire for an extended period of time. Then again many of you aren't exactly social people ;p but hey ho to each their own as they say, but in my personal opinion family should be important unless they are mean to you.

 

[EeveeChan]

For the most part, I like hanging out with my family members. I don't have any trouble with most of them. I tend to see my dad's side only on holidays, but I end up seeing EVERYONE whenever this happens. I see/ talk to my mom's side of the family seperately, almost daily, but rarely see all of them together. The only real people I have problems with are my fraternal uncle & his son, who are the most sexist people you will ever meet. I can't talk to either of them about school or work without being told how pointless it a for me to be educated or to work. They even suggested for me to drop out of high school!