Funny Quotes from Real Life

[Beauts]

"Somebody just passed out next to me in Best Mangal, which made my order take longer to prep. The level of interest I have for this paralytic girl is 0%. It's hard to mask apathy in a confined space" a rant by my friend who cared only that he got his chicken shish

 

[Linkmaster30000]

My friends and I went to Perkin's once for late night eating. Here's the conversation between the waiter and one of my friends (named Jake):
Jake: "I'd like a piece of french silk pie, please."
Waiter: "Did you want that heated up? Say no - it melts."
Jake: "...No?"
Waiter: "Good choice."

 

[Fraxinus]

I am bumping this, just because my sister says the weirdest ****. Here're some highlights from playing Mario Kart 8:

Pink Gold Peach sounds like she's drowning in water all the time.

*is racing on Moo Moo Meadows* There're more bananas on this course than cows!

...Oh! I get why [Roy]'s gay...! Roy G. Biv...

Pink Gold Baby Cat Peach.

Is Lemmy for equality? He has an equal sign and rainbow hair.

Bonus:

me: *is playing The Wind Waker* *jumps off a high platform*
my sister's boyfriend: "Link, you have the strongest ankles I've ever seen."
my sister: *laughing* "...He has cankles!"

 

[pkfroce]

So my friend and I take down and fold the flags at the end of school everyday. One day, this happened.

*My friend and I, folding flags.*
*Principal walks by.*
Principal: "Wow, good job boys. Thank you for your work."
Me: "YES."

 

[pkfroce]

Oh also:

"NAH MAN DUN WORRY I GOT THIS ****," I say as I'm just beginning to write my speech the period before it's due.

 

[Mellow Ezlo]

This was at school about a month ago, during one of our drum performance classes.

My friend: "Alcohol is the best drug of all, who wants to go get a beer after class"
Another friend: "Alright"
Me: "Yes, let's all go do alcohol and **** later'
My teacher: "Did you bring me some?"

idk why it was so funny, you have to have met my teacher to understand. We were killing ourselves, we didn't even realise he was there lol.

 

[TheHerbivoreWaffle]

Reading this post makes me realize how uninteresting my life is.

 

[Dio]

My training partner has been drinking huge amounts of blended fruit and he said how bloated he has been feeling.

I told him 'You'll probably get diarrhoea because of the huge increase in fruit that you're not used to'

He replied 'Oh excellent, sometimes you just need a good bout don't you?'

 

[Dio]

This is one from my school days. We had a supply teacher in his 60's. We used to love him as he would write the answers on the board and we never actually had to do any work.

One of the other students asked him if he had ever done cocaine. He replied 'Now that...thats an experience I'm saving for when I'm a bit older'