EDIT: PLEASE note that this post is NOT intended to troll. It is simply an in-depth description of each utensil. It was a sort of dare, really.
EDIT 2: I am taking requests for utensils to be added. Send me a visitor message of the utensil you want to be reviewed and I will include your name and make a review on it.
Well, it depends on what you are using it for. Utensils can have many uses. I'm going to assume you mean for eating. You say eating utensils, but that just implies utensils that can be used for eating, and not really their uses as eating utensils. Let me know if you mean for weapons, discipline, or anything else. (in case you didn't realize, that was almost a friendly troll)
Now, forks. Forks are very handy utensils in my opinion, and really help with some certain things. They are like spoons, except you can hold onto things much better. I personally find them awesome for things like potatoes and green beans, because they are very easy to pick up a lot with by using a fork. They are also big enough to penetrate very effectively, thus allowing you to enjoy them a lot more than with a spoon. Forks also look pretty nice, and this is a great attraction for me. I use forks for most things that I eat. Ravioli, because it's easier to hold onto, once again. Using a spoon would slip it off of the spoon half the time. It's very convenient to have something that can hold onto it without worries. Green beans and potatoes, as I said. I also find it particularly good for things like spaghetti. Spaghetti is wonderful, and I find the fork to be very effective for eating it. I mean, you can stick the fork in there, and because of it's shape and length, you can roll it up into a big cylinder around your fork. This makes it very convenient and easy to eat. Not to mention it's easier to spear the hamburger and meatballs in the spaghetti. There are many other convenient uses while eating that you can think of with a fork, but that's where I'm going to leave off.
Then there are spoons. Spoons also have their own specific uses. Personally, I think they are under forks, but that's because forks are better for the foods I commonly eat. Can't use a spoon for lasagna! The serious debate between the two is because of this, however: Spoons can pick up liquids. Yes, that's right. Forks can't pick up liquids AT ALL. They have nothing to stay on. The spoons unique curve shape and lack of breaks make it perfect for being able to sit liquids into. You can use it for various soups and even drinks. It's also better for smaller foods that can't be grabbed as well by a fork. One of the things that immediately comes to mind is corn. I also find it more useful for mashed potatoes. You can't spear mashed potatoes, but they are clumped together so you can still use a fork. If you eat them with gravy, however, the spoon is the way to go. So, as I said, the spoon has it's certain uses, but I personally find the fork superior.
After that, we have an attempted breed between the two. They call this the spork. The spork isn't quite as effective as either of the two separate, though. The spoon part of the spork is smaller than the regular spoon, which means that it is much harder to get larger amounts of liquid or corn onto it. The fork part is also shorter. You can't get quite as many green beans on a spork because the tips are much shorter. You can't even get over-sized potato chunks on it. I absolutely LOVE the larger potato chunks. Especially in my green beans. Green beans with potatoes is absolute pure awesomeness. This makes me hate the spork, because it is almost useless as a fork and is not very effective as a spoon. Failed cross if you ask me. They should make over-sized sporks, so the spoon and fork could retain their size.
We also have some of the less important eating utensils. They have their own uses, but I feel that they are inferior to the main three. Knives are one of these. Knives are really unnecessary as an eating utensil if you ask me. They are very effective for chopping as a kitchen utensil, but not for eating. Anything you can do with a knife you can do with a little extra work from a spoon or a fork. If you ask me the knives are completely unnecessary. They just result in more money spent for the reduction of a few seconds of extra work. I can cut a steak with a knife, sure, but I can also cut a steak with a spoon or a fork. I could even cut it with a spork! Some of you may argue that butter knives have an actual use, though. Butter knives, however, aren't really eating utensils. They are used to prepare the food... spread jelly or butter. You don't really use them to help you eat, but rather to prepare the food you are about to it. Overall, knives are probably one of the worst eating utensils if you count out of these 4 main ones.
I'll continue on with chopsticks, requested by Xinnamin. Chopsticks are rather dumb as well, in my opinion. Everything they can do, a spoon, fork, or even a spork can do better. Not only are they difficult to use, but they are also ineffective. I can't eat the juicy goodness of the soup with chopsticks, and I can't eat green beans very well with chopsticks. Forks allow me to get more green beans than chopsticks, and spoons not only allow me to grab the noodles of a soup, but also to get the juice. You may argue with the fact that they are good with noodles that are not in juice, however. I will counter-argue, though. Forks are very effective at this job, even more effective than the chopsticks. Once again, you can stick the fork in and roll the noodles around it. This is absolutely win. Chopsticks are nowhere as good as spoons or forks. Not even as good as sporks! How am I to eat a potato with chopsticks? Stab it? That's using the chopsticks incorrectly, though. I disapprove of the incorrect use of utensils.
And by request of the wonderful Ms. Mandy, I have to add fingers into this analysis. Fingers are one of the most useful utensils, in my opinion. The only bad thing about them is that they get very dirty easily, and it happens to really annoy me. I can pick up nearly a whole bowl of green beans in my hands and eat them if I wanted to. The only that stops me from doing so is that I would then have to clean my hands. I suppose it's easier than cleaning dishes, but I don't do the dishes most of the time. I can also pick up potatoes, corn, mashed potatoes, soup, drinks, and everything else in my hands. All I have to do is cup them and I can get soup with the juice. They are very effective for all sorts of foods. I will admire anyone who can come up with a food that hands cannot be used effectively for.
I have to also mention one other thing! Hands are actually more effective for many types of foods than other eating utensils. Just think, when was the last time you ate a chicken leg with a spork or chopsticks? You usually don't, do you? You pick it up with your hands and eat it, of course. People who don't care about the mess also eat things such as barbecued chicken with it, because it's more effective than utensils. Personally, I can excuse the mess if it's using it for a very good reason such as barbecued chicken. That is absolutely wonderful. It's much easier to pick it up and stick it in your mouth than it is to go through the trouble of picking it off bit by bit with a fork or(God forbid) a spoon. Fingers and hands can certainly be very effective, it just depends on the type of person. It is usually considered very disrespectful to eat with your hands. You should, depending on the type of food, use the utensils that are supposed to be used.
Now, by request once again, this time from our very own Jo, also known as Baysiderulez, I am going to add corn cob holders. I was kind of doubting putting this up, because they are limited to(of course) corn cobs for the most part. I personally really love corn cobs, and I think that the hands and the corn cob holders are the only things that are really any good at eating them with, so I guess I should include this. It's a matter of personal preference on whether you like them or not, and I happen to love them because I prefer not to constantly get my hands all messy and smeared with butter. The corn cob holders are very convenient for what I just listed I liked them for. Corn cobs are well-liked among many people, and these corn cob holders make it all the better because you don't have to deal with the possibility of it slipping right out of your fingers because of the slippery butter or getting all messy. They just stick right in there and are held firmly into place. A very good eating utensil for this, in my opinion. You can also use it for other foods if you wish, I suppose. There really is no limit on what you can use a certain utensil for, but it's certainly more effective when using it for certain types of foods. Corn cob holders happen to be designed for, of course, corn cobs, so may not be as effective on some foods as it is on the corn cob. That doesn't mean it's not impossible to pick up a green bean with a corn cob holder and eat it, though. They can be fun to play around just to be silly, I suppose. I've personally never used a corn cob holder for anything but corn, but I believe some people probably have. It can be used a sort of fork, I suppose. It only has two points and the handle is very short, however. This makes it less effective as a fork and more effective as a, well, corn cob holder. It's kind of like the spork argument, where it is less useful as a fork, but the spork happens to be a little better because of the spoon addition to it and the fact that it has more points than the corn cob holder and a longer place to grasp it on, therefore making it easier to grab a hold on your food. Overall, corn cob holders are a good utensil, but I would really only recommend them for corn cobs or a fork or spork substitute if you happen to be lacking them for whatever reason.
And, by request of Din, I'm going to add salad tossers. For all of you who have no idea what these look like, you can view them
here. I'm not going to describe what salad tossers are supposed to be used for, so don't look at me like, "wtf is he talking about." I'm going to describe the ways you can eat with them.
First of all, they look a lot like a fork. I guarantee you I could use this thing like a fork. The points are much larger than those of a regular fork, but I'm cool with that. I can still stab through things and eat them. Forks are absolutely godly, and these things look kind of the same way. I can get a bunch of stuff on this and just shove it all in my mouth and be like OM NOM NOM THIS IS WONDERFUL. I'll bet you I can so something else with these, too. They are called salad tossers, so I'll bet I can toss salad around with these, right? I can totally cup that thing under the salad and then toss it up into the air and land the salad right into my mouth. Now, I'm not a big salad eater, but I almost want to eat salad just to use these things. If you can toss salad with them, I'll bet you can also toss other things around with them. I don't have many ideas right now, but here's something. You know those turkey dinners with the gravy you can buy? You can totally cup that thing under there and toss it into the air and catch it in your mouth. I'll bet you can also take some shaved turkey or something and do that, too. You know what? I could probably use it for cut-up chicken, too. So, here's the scenario. I get some cut-up chicken and put it in my salad. Everything's all cool, and I've got my salad tossers in my pocket. I whip those things out and put one in each hand. I have absolutely no idea how to properly hold these things, but I don't care. I'll just cup under the salad and flip that thing in the air. Then, I take the other hand, and I do the exact same thing. I just keep alternating and catching them in my mouth as I go. Then, I move on to my green beans. What's the point of dirtying another utensil? I pick up my salad tossers and STAB THOSE GREEN BEANS RIGHT THROUGH THE HEART. Then I put them up to my mouth and eat them. I just keep alternating like that. This is the cool part about the salad tossers. I can hold and use one in each hand much more effectively than I could any other eating utensil. I would prefer to use a fork to eat my green beans, though. If I don't have salad to go along with it, then I'm going to stick with the fork. I can probably get more on a fork and not have to worry about ripping the green bean in half or anything.
Then, by request of Durion, we have the classic "facepalm the plate". All you have to do is have your face and position it so that when you bend forward it will smack right onto the plate. This is especially useful for cake. I've seen so many movies of fat kids doing this and even babies doing it all the time. You just plunge your face right down into the big chocolate cake that your mouth baked for you and ruin it for everybody else! They will all get angry after they are done laughing, but it's all chill. You've got a face full of icing and the taste of delicious caek in your mouth. If you can't find a cake, then you can use it with other things, as well. You can bend over and lick the corn right up from the plate you are eating it off of. Mashed potatoes are also a good candidate for facepalming your plate, too. You'll get them all over your face along with the gravy, but you will have the delicious taste in your mouth, too! It doesn't work very well with tall bowls, though. God forbid that you smack your face down onto your soup full speed and then crack your skull and shatter the bowl everywhere and get glass stuck in your eye and get sent to the hospital for trying to facepalm your soup. Hopefully none of you get that idea from reading this. Happy days facepalming!
I hope you've all enjoyed my very in-depth review on the 4 main eating utensils(+ a few by request).
