Why Do People Refuse To Say "I'm Sorry"?

[Azure Sage]

I have seen a lot of people over the years who, in getting in an argument, just flat-out refuse to swallow their pride and say "I'm sorry" even if they don't want to argue. They usually say things like "I have nothing to apologize for" and just keep the argument going because they can't be the one to say those words.

Are you that kind of person? Or are you willing to say you're sorry even if something is not your fault? I will gladly say I'm sorry if that's what it takes to resolve a conflict, regardless of whether I have something to apologize for or not. To be honest, it's really infuriating to me to see someone who can't swallow their pride and say it. So much time wasted arguing could have been better spent making up if they'd just say those simple words.

So are you the kind of person to apologize even when you're not in the wrong? Or will you stick to your guns to the end and refuse to say "I'm sorry" to end an argument?

 

[Terror Drone]

A lot of people don't say it because they think it makes them less of a person. But by not saying sorry it does make them less of a person, when I beat someone at a game of Street Fighter and someone gets angry they message me some stuff that is way beyond pg-13, they don't even apologise. I guess people just don't like being beat.

 

[Justac00lguy]

Humans are stubborn. Well I know sure as hell I am.

Maybe it's a pride thing, we'd like to think what we're saying is right and even when we're wrong we'll try and convince ourselves that we're still right. Obviously that's a huge generalisation, not everyone's like that, but you've probably done it in the past.

Me myself, as I said before, I'm stubborn. I very rarely ask for help when it comes to my own problems, and yeah I can be stubborn when it comes to saying sorry. Maybe I won't directly say sorry, but I'll certainly make it seem as If I am, lol.

 

[Beauts]

I'll apologise if I've actually done something wrong. You might say that makes me 'one of those people'. But it has nothing to do with pride and everything to do with the other people involved in a dispute. Also I believe that an apology when warranted means a lot more when you actually apologise to that person and don't make a big show of it just so everyone will think oh look they are the bigger person. I'm much more likely to personally apologise to someone I've offended somehow because it's them I owe the apology to, not the entire world. I am not egotistical enough to want everyone to think oh well done Beauts you have said sorry. If I'm wrong, I will hop skip and chance to say I am wrong about something. That's called self-education. You know what I won't do under any circumstances, publically or otherwise though? Say sorry when I'm not sorry.

Take this as you will. I'm just saying instead of assuming people who don't make grand gestures of apology are heartless b*tches or have too much pride, maybe consider they might be more tactful and thoughtful than you give them credit for.

 

[Batman]

This is my pet theory and I'm not sure if psychologists and biologists would agree or not, but I think they would. Humans are naturally defensive and when we have our actions or beliefs challenged, it challenges our status and power standing to our peers, and we have instincts to combat such challenges, which has obvious evolutionary advantages. So people are stubborn to admit they were wrong because it shows signs of weakness (intellectually, of course it shows strength, but our primal instincts don't care about such abstractions). So it's hard for some people to admit they are wrong, i.e., weak on something important.

I struggle with pride like most people, and I am definitely stubborn about things, but I do try to say stuff like "Okay, that's a good point, I'll think about it" if someone points out a flaw in my position and then I ruminate on it and will often change my mind or alter my original convictions. I always try to apologize when I realize I've crossed a line or even if I haven't crossed a line but others are nevertheless hurt or bothered by what I've said, I'll make it clear I don't mean to cause them distress.

I wish we humans had a "Vulcan mode" or something where we could turn off our egos temporarily and think more objectively about issues.

 

[Malia]

I used to be like that, just absolutely refuse to say sorry, like I had some much pride it was basically leaking out of my ears lmao. Not so much these days. I've gotten to a point in my life where if I'm sorry, I'll say sorry. If there's any wait time between the argument and the apology, that's usually me calming down, though THAT specifically is something else I struggle with. I can have a disturbingly fierce temper, but once that passes, I'm fine to sit down and sort my issues out with the other party. I'm a strong believer in forgiveness and being at peace with yourself/others.

That said, I think what I should note is just because sorry is said, that doesn't necessarily mean all things go back to the way they were. For example, I had a friend where our friendship was actually very unhealthy for me--I have bad days with self-image, and so did she, but I've come to the resolution that if I wanna make a change, I need to put the effort in ie eat right/work out, and I do these regularly now. But when we were friends, we would talk about our views on our self-image, and I would take the wrong kinda comfort in that, meaning I would use someone else's similar experience to validate my own lack of drive to get up off my ass and get moving. She did the same thing. Eventually, we had a fallout, but even upon apology we both realised that it was much healthier if we kept that relationship at more of an acquaintance level--the apology was more to make peace between us, no bad blood, and then we move on. I am very much for understanding when to let go of something, and when to fight for it, but I am also a avid follower of maintaining peace if you can because, in the long run, it's just so much better for your life in general. Or it has been for me.

In the case the -other- party refuses to meet me halfway or if I'm in the wrong, I'll give them some time, but eventually I'll make my peace with them regardless, and if they choose to reject that or ignore it, that's fine. That's on them. They aren't obligated to respond, and so I do what I think is best--I move on.

If it's that the -other- party ****ed up, and they should apologise to me, rather than me them, then like I said earlier, I need time to calm down. After that, I'm good to talk to, though how it all ends is dependent on circumstances as I mentioned in the second paragraph.

It's actually not easy to be humble or forgiving or to seek forgiveness--I found it a lot easier to just be pissy, but I find the effort worth it, in the end, and in the long run, to embrace and strive for the higher road. Humility and forgiveness are virtues, but being virtuous is difficult lol, and I still have tough days, don't get me wrong--but that doesn't mean I shouldn't try regardless.

 

[Mipha]

It's due to stubbornness.

I have a hard time saying sorry,but only cause I'm Hotheaded and shy...

 

[fairyfountain]

Honestly in my experience,it's either because of pride or stubbornness. Some people are just really hot-headed and egotistical.

I've always been someone who says 'sorry' too much,even for things that aren't my fault so now I only apologize when I mean what I say and believe the other person deserves it.

 

[Musicfan]

I only say it when I meen it.

If I belive that's person does not deserve due to them starting the argument and I've only tried to defend my in the argument I will refuse to apologize.

I was will to if I had to sleep out side if I had to once.

 

[Masked Bastard]

Because they don't need to: its always the other person who should be saying it, even if they know that isn't true. They just don't want to admit it.

Down south I don't see this happen as much though, which may say something about life here. I dunno.

 

[onebizarrekai]

Well, you pretty much explained it already: because they refuse to swallow their pride. They refuse to swallow their pride because pride is keeping them from swallowing the pride that's keeping them from swallowing said pride. prideception

XD Sorry, I know this is supposed to be more serious. But really. People hate to admit that they're wrong, it's human nature. It does take a huge weight off your back once you do apologize, but some people don't like letting go of that. I know this all too well; when I was younger, I used to fight with my little brother multiple times a day. We still don't get along here and there, but it's not nearly as bad as it was. It probably would still be just as bad if we didn't have this whole 'apologizing' thing going on. Guess that means I became more humble? I dunno.

People are stubborn. It's just a natural tendency. It's not a good natural tendency and life would certainly be easier if it wasn't, but it is. ESPECIALLY on the internet…

 

[Blue Star]

It's because of pride that people don't apologize. There are other reasons too, I'm sure.

It kills me a little inside every time I have to apologize to someone I perceive as a jerk. So sometimes I don't do it.

 

[Naruko]

I think it's more than stubbornness. I'm incredibly stubborn and hardheaded, but I apologize like crazy for things that aren't even remotely my fault.