This is a bit insensitive, but I do dislike seeing people grieving over something that happened in their life for a span that exceeds two months. I totally understand the complexities of emotion and all, but things happen in your life that you simply had, have and never will have any control over. Don't blame yourself or hate the world because of something that happened. It only makes things worse in the long run.
I think I understand what you mean, but I really, REALLY hope you make some exceptions.
I'll be blunt: I've known people who've suffered the death of a child - not just some cousin or whatnot in their family, I've known *parents* who've lost babies. When I was a teenager, I attended the funeral of my best childhood friend's baby.
From what I know/hear... that's a kind of loss people never completely get over. I mean, they do move on and live life, but a hole in the heart is always there. I haven't seen my friend in many years, we went our seperate ways in life long ago, but if I met up with her again and the conversation turned to her daughter and she started crying, I wouldn't look down my nose at her because she "hasn't gotten over it already, sheesh!" I'd hug her.
It's been... just about a month since the Newtown Massacre. In another month, if I saw you saying "Oh, those families should just get over it already!" I'd have to call you a sociopath with rusted iron for a heart and... avoid talking to you.
So, I really, really hope you make some exception for extreme cases.
Oh, yes I definitely make exceptions. I realize that people will never *completely* "get over" a loss, but my point is, they shouldn't dwell on it for too long and effectively make their life a functioning hell. My grandmother's uncle (I believe) was killed, my grandmother's dad died and my dad's dad died -- the latter two in my dad's arms. My father realizes they're gone from this world, but he still has a hard time when their subjects are brought up. Even so, he doesn't seclude himself or spite others for their deaths. I don't *know* these people personally, but I've read and heard many times of folks who have lost someone or something then proceed to start harming others in rage. It's not conducive, although I fully understand their pain and their need to grieve.
I guess I'm saying things the wrong way, though, so I'll shut up. :I
I see what you're getting that. You don't want to see people use something as an excuse to wreck their lives and to treat others badly, correct?
My older brother... has had a hard life, a lot of his hell being of his own making because, well, even though I'm blood, I won't hesitate to say that I think he's a psychotic a-hole. (If anyone remembers that thread about online relationships - how my falling in love with someone over the Internet saved my life when the one I loved decided to save me from abusive family? I lived - in fear for my life - with my brother). He learned, during his stay in prison, that he had bipolar disorder.
"But I'm bipolar!" became his excuse for *everything.*
I've had my own emotional problems all of my life and was never sure what they were. When they were getting really bad and I saw counselors and whatnot, I was diagnosed with things like "Avoidant Personality Disorder" and "Clinical Depression" by people because whenever they brought up the possibilty that I might be bipolar, I'd pretty much shout them down, say "No, no, no! My brother has that, I can't possibly have that because I'm not an a-hole like him."
That's why I didn't start getting the help I really needed until I was 26. I didn't want to admit to myself that I might have "the a-hole disease" when, yes, I have it.
I sometimes catch myself using it as an excuse for some things in my life. And, really, sometimes it is to blame. The disorder is characterized by very thick moods - ones that the bipolar brain can't just "snap out of" quickly like a normal brain can be made to do, and issues with impulse control. However, I really do try to NEVER, EVER use the condition as an excuse for doing wrong by people, intentionally hurting anyone.
If you ever see me doing that - say, picking fights on the board and going "You can't stop/blame/criticize me, I'M BIPOOOOOLAAAR!" Call me on it. Please, call me on it. I sort of have this vow of "I will not treat people like my brother has and try to weasel out of it" thing going on. I may have a sick brain, but I have personal honor.
