General Art The Reality

[navi_the_fairy]

Okay guys I just got this idea. It's kind of out-there, and it's my first fan fic so I'm not sure what you all will think of it. I'll only continue it if you guys like it. Please tell me what you think!


Chapter 1: The Awakening

Ugh...my head hurts.... What happened to me? I was just walking down my road and.... And what? I blacked out. I don't remember why though. That's not important now though, I need to figure out where I am....

I slowly opened my eyes and took in the scene around me. I was a massive bed with a canopy, but the curtains were drawn back. People were gathered around. Why are they dressed like that? Did I wake up in a Renaissance fair or something? Oh my God where am I?

"Good Ryli, you're finally awake," the man who stood closest to the head of my bed was the first one to speak. His voice had an air of command about it and he was wearing red and purple robes with intricate gold designs.

"Where am I?!" I shouted hysterically. My voice came out shaky, giving away how fearful I was. Probably not a good idea to show fear, I told myself.

"You are in Hyrule, Princess," the man said calmly. His eyes were soft and kind, as if he picked up on my fear and was wanting me to feel safe with him. This was lost on me after that last bit of information though.

"Hy-Hyrule?!" Hyrule isn't real....it's just a place in a video game! I know I'm awake because of the pain in my head....am I delusional? I live in America, not Hyrule.....

"Yes, I figured you wouldn't believe me...." He sighed heavily and looked away for a moment and appeared to be in deep thought. He turned his gaze back upon me, his eyes pleading this time. "You are the descendent of the Princess of Hyrule. You were born here, but things got much too dangerous for you to stay. You were taken from this country to one you know as home. It is safe here for you now. You must accept you heritage at last."

I couldn't think of a way to respond. I need proof. I got out of the bed and walked to a nearby window. The people in the room watched, but made no move to stop me. I recognized the landscape of South Hyrule from Twilight Princess immediately. From this room high up in the castle's main tower, I could see almost all the way to the Ordonna Province. I'm in Hyrule....I really AM in Hyrule....



That's all for this first chapter. Tell me what you think and if I should keep going with it please

 

[Nicole]

Sounds good so far. It's a common idea (world meets Zelda), but I like your style. The first chapter is pretty short, so I don't have too much to say yet. But I do want you to continue it. It's a good theme to work on.

Just a few nitpicks:

I slowly opened my eyes and took in the scene around me. I was a massive bed with a canopy, but the curtains were drawn back. People were gathered around, but why were they dressed like that? Did I wake up in a Renaissance fair or something? Oh my God where am I?

Just remember to differentiate between text and first-person thought. It can get confusing sometimes.

Also, just try and smooth out your writing a bit as far as grammar goes. For example, instead of "From this room high up in the castle's main tower, I could see almost all the way to the Ordonna Province," try "From the peak of the highest tower, I could the vast grasslands, leading up to Ordona Province," or something similar. Just to spice it up, you know?

Don't think too much about my nitpicks. I really do like your story. Keep it up!

 

[navi_the_fairy]

Actually, I really appreciate your nitpicks! The 1st one was just a typo that I didn't catch.

I was actually kind of nervous when I was writing because it's the first time I've ever done anything like this lol.

Thank you very much for your input! It is greatly appreciated! The next chapter will definitely be longer, I just wanted to know if people would actually be interested in this so I kept it kind of short this time. Future chapters will have more to them.

 

[*M i d n a*]

Hey, this sounds pretty darn good, if I say so myself. I don't know which Zelda game you are basing this off, but it looks cool, it is always good to read something about good old Hyrule and the Zelda characters, I wonder what you have in store for us with this new generation Zelda descendant character. Yes, I more than like this so far, so continue it please. ~Ao

 

[navi_the_fairy]

Hey, this sounds pretty darn good, if I say so myself. I don't know which Zelda game you are basing this off, but it looks cool, it is always good to read something about good old Hyrule and the Zelda characters, I wonder what you have in store for us with this new generation Zelda descendant character. Yes, I more than like this so far, so continue it please. ~Ao

Thank you! It's not going to just be based off one Zelda game...it'll be a mix of a bunch of them with things I come up with myself, but you'll see more of that later. I'll definitely keep writing as long as people keep reading. I'll post chapter two soon

 

[*M i d n a*]

Thank you! It's not going to just be based off one Zelda game...it'll be a mix of a bunch of them with things I come up with myself, but you'll see more of that later. I'll definitely keep writing as long as people keep reading. I'll post chapter two soon

Oh, is that right? A mix of of a bunch of games? Sounds very cool, good luck with it. Yes, please keep writing, it looks promising, Navi. I don't know about other members but I will read it. ~Ao

 

[Elvenknight]

Looks great so far! I hope you keep posting more! <not nagging>

 

[Blazestarre]

The idea of someone in the real world ending up in Hyrule is pretty common, but it's always fun to see what different writers can come up with to make their story unique. A few years ago, I attempted this kind of story, though it was never finished because I didn't plan out the story very well. So, from that and a few other experiences, one bit of advice to you would be to make sure you plan out ahead of time what you plan on writing. Make sure the story outline is detailed so you know exactly where you're going, but flexible enough so that you can make changes if an initial idea doesn't work. This just helps prevent too much writer's block and helps the story flow better.

You seem to have a good grasp on grammar, so I suggest playing with the sentence structure a bit to give the prose a bit of variety. Experiment with sentence fragments, too. Since this is in first person, you have a little more freedom. Think about how your character talks (the character's voice) and apply it to the prose. It'll give us a better understanding of your character's personality and make her more interesting.

Another thing that could help is slowing it down a bit. Right now, it's set up in a description-dialogue-description pattern. That's good for getting down what you want to happen, but try fleshing it out a bit. This is the first time we see Ryli and it's important to have a good first impression.

"Where am I?!" I shouted hysterically. My voice came out shaky, giving away how fearful I was. Probably not a good idea to show fear, I told myself.

This is a good example where your writing could really be fleshed out. While you do state her shaky voice, this is still pretty much telling us how she is feeling. Show more of how she was reacting. Was she thinking about what she was doing before she ended up there? How about her ideas of what could possibly be happening? Then you could have her realize the panicking isn't going to help and show how she's trying to calm herself. Doing this would give us more time to absorb what's going on and, like I stated before, learn Ryli's personality.

Last thing I want to say is to make sure to proofread and watch out for typos. Make sure all the words are completed and stuff like that. It gives a more polished look to the story.

PS: Sorry if this is a lot to take in. I've taken a few English classes where I had to edit other people's papers and I did this a lot in a creative writing class, so my inner-editor can be rather intense. I am intrigued by your story, though, and I'll continue to read!

 

[theothernavi]

Navi, this is a great work of fan fiction! Might I suggest fanfiction.net? There is fan fiction for almost everything there.:clap: