Link Floyd
ᵒⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ʳᵘⁿ
- Joined
- Sep 23, 2014
Hey guys! I started writing again. :3 This is part of a story I've been working on for years. I hope you enjoy!
Mrs. Rosenburg VS. The 2016 Election
[Stand-Up Comedy – A Continuation]
The year is 2016. The month is November. The political climate: Pathetic with a chance of stupidity.
Mrs. Rosenburg, the government teacher, stomped into the room with a worried expression. She was clutching what seemed to be a small stack of flyers, but nobody in the classroom really gave a ****.
She sat down at her desk and waited for the bell that signaled the beginning of class. She observed the classroom like a hawk, only to notice that a particular seat in the back of the room was empty.
The bell rang. She stood up, as airplanes flew across the aisles and backpacks were thrown under desks.
The class carried on with their personal conversations.
“Class,” Mrs. Rosenburg began.
They still carried on.
“HEY!”
The class finally went silent. A young man with a mohawk named Jeremy sitting next to the empty desk, however, rummaged through his backpack and pulled out some paper and a bag of mysterious green leaves. He began rolling the paper secretively.
“Now, as you all know, tomorrow will be the 2016 presidential election,” Mrs. Rosenburg began.
“It’s 2016? I didn’t know…” some smart ass sitting next to Jeremy hollered out.
Mrs. Rosenburg disregarded him.
“I made something for you all that may help you understand the democratic process a little better. After all, this is a government class.”
Suddenly, a young boy with a bright red beanie came through the door (in slow motion, I might add). He had large, dark eyes hiding behind glasses that seemed to match the color of his hat. He seemed to sparkle, like a cute anime guy would. A few of the girls in the room turned their attention to him, while others swallowed in disgust.
Mrs. Rosenburg turned to him and sighed, so perfectly as if she had been rehearsing for it.
“Felix, what have I told you about hats during school hours?” she said.
“That they’re not allowed,” he responded, hurrying to his seat as if nothing happened.
“Take it off!” she screeched as Felix had his back turned to her.
Felix removed the hat quickly, looking defeated.
“If hats aren’t allowed, then why can teachers have tattoos?” Felix mumbled, hoping Mrs. Rosenburg wouldn’t hear.
“What was that?” Mrs. Rosenburg asked fiercely, rubbing her leg against her other leg which had a tattoo close to her knee of some Chinese symbols. How original.
“I said, why are teachers allowed to have tattoos and show them off when I can’t even wear a stupid hat?” Felix replied.
“Felix, students will not only learn facts in the classroom here, but they will also learn discipline. Wearing a hat in class is disrespectful and disruptive.” Mrs. Rosenburg explained in a very superior manner.
“But no one gives a **** about that,” Jeremy said kind of quietly, trying to hide the paper and green stuff under his arms on his desk.
“Shut up! You will follow the rules. Now, as I was saying—”
“But Mrs. Rosenburg, I don’t remember “learning discipline” being in the syllabus,” Felix mentioned.
Mrs. Rosenburg rolled her eyes and put her hand on her hip.
“Not to mention I don’t think I’ve learned any facts either,” he added.
“Well, clearly you haven’t, based on your current grade in this class.”
The entire class got crazy and began hollering and jumping up and down.
“Ooh, Mrs. Rosenburg, you get ‘em!” some random boy yelled from the back of the room.
Jeremy got up and began wrestling with Felix over an empty desk.
“Gay,” a young man with an afro on the other side of the room said to himself.
Mrs. Rosenburg didn’t notice the comment. She was like a bull in that moment, triggered by the tomfoolery going on in front of her.
“Deven! Get your ass over here and help me!” Felix yelled to the boy with the afro. Deven smiled and shrugged his shoulders, remaining in his seat.
“That’s enough!” Mrs. Rosenburg hollered.
Jeremy and Felix finished and sat back down.
Mrs. Rosenburg then grabbed the stack of flyers she had been holding when she entered the room. She began walking down the aisles and gave small portions of the stacks to each row and ordered the kid at the front to pass them back.
“I want you to take a good look at these. I put descriptions for all of the candidates for tomorrow’s election on this paper so you understand who you will be voting for. I hope it helps you in your decision.” she explained.
“But Mrs. Rosenburg,” Felix began.
“What,” she replied, sounding very annoyed.
“Where’s Trump?” he asked, searching through the paper with his eyes thoroughly. “He’s my nigga!”
Once again, the entire class got crazy with laughter and jumping. Mrs. Rosenburg looked at him in disgust.
“I did not include Trump for some very good reasons, and THAT is one of them.” she explained.
“What are you talking about?” Felix replied.
“There will be no blatant racism in the classroom.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Don’t ever use language like that in this classroom again. Or anywhere. Ever.”
“What? You mean “nigga”?” Felix said with a grin.
The entire class went even crazier than before with laughter and wild movement. A paper airplane flew by Mrs. Rosenburg’s face, barely missing her right eye.
“That’s it. You’re out. Get out of my classroom.” she said, glaring at Felix with fire in her eyes.
“But we say that stuff all the time, even my black—”
“OUT!”
Felix grabbed his backpack and red hat and headed for the door. As he opened it, he turned around and yelled, “Make sure you guys come to the detention room with “Free Felix” signs after school! If not, I’m taking names.”
“OUT!”
“Yay protests!” Felix finished, as if he were mocking Mrs. Rosenburg, who is known for being an old hippie of the 60’s. He finally closed the door and left.
Mrs. Rosenburg seemed to calm down immensely. She took a deep breath, looking around the room.
“Mrs. Rosenburg, I wholeheartedly agree with you. That sort of language should not be tolerated. Whatsoever.” a girl with long brown hair with blue streaks spoke.
“Thank you, Polly, I really appreciate it.” Mrs. Rosenburg said.
Polly smiled with content and opened her notebook to a page which contained a list of names. She grabbed her pencil and wrote down, “Felix Sokolov.”
“Alright, so does anyone have any questions about the flyer?” Mrs. Rosenburg asked the class.
“So why isn’t Trump on there, Mrs. Rosenburg?” a random classmate asked.
“Well, as you all know, Donald Trump is the Republican party’s candidate,” she began. “Unfortunately, I did not include him because he is a representation of white supremacy and bigotry, and I will not even give anyone the chance to try and vote for him.”
“But doesn’t that defeat the whole purpose of this paper you gave us? I mean, shouldn’t you inform us of that and give us reasons as to why we shouldn’t support him?” the student asked.
“I think Mrs. Rosenburg said it,” Polly began. “Do you want Trump to win? Do you want this country to become a place where minorities are oppressed and racism is tolerated?”
There was a fire in her eyes, the same shade of red that her face had turned.
“But doesn’t government in general oppress EVERYONE?” Jeremy proposed.
The entire class looked at one another and nodded in agreement.
“So who are you voting for, Mrs. Rosenburg?” another random student asked.
“Hillary Clinton, of course.” she replied.
Jeremy glanced over at her desk, which had a Bernie Sanders sticker on the side.
“But I thought you were voting for Sanders,” Jeremy wondered. “Didn’t Hillary and Bernie run against each other previously?”
“I’m voting for Hillary because she is against racism, and she stands for the people and the environment.” Mrs. Rosenburg explained.
“Wait…isn’t that the ***** who thinks Pepe the Frog is racist?” someone yelled out.
The entire class burst out laughing.
“Shut up!” Mrs. Rosenburg yelled. “That’s enough discussion for now. Besides, class is almost—”
Suddenly, there was a shadow moving quickly outside the window in Mrs. Rosenburg’s room. Everyone glanced over to see who or what it was, but quickly lost interest and went back to Mrs. Rosenburg’s droning about how the government can help people, blah blah blah.
That’s when it happened. The window popped open, and suddenly a leaf blower appeared sticking inside the room from outside. Before Mrs. Rosenburg could react, the leaf blower powered on and a hand threw a bunch of printed pictures in front of it so they blew all over the room. They were all copies of the Donald Trump Twitter profile picture.
“What...Who is this???” Mrs. Rosenburg yelled as she ran over to the window to see who was out there, swinging her arms to avoid being hit by the hundreds of Donald Trumps.
“It’s Donald Trump! Duh!” a familiar male voice yelled outside the window over the sound of the leaf blower.
As Mrs. Rosenburg tried to grab the leaf blower, whoever was controlling it turned it off and ran like hell. Whoever they were, they were wearing a red hat of some sort. Mrs. Rosenburg turned around, witnessing her classroom covered in pictures of who she considered to be “literally Hitler”.
“No,” she began, in a quiet tone.
“NO!”
Mrs. Rosenburg ran out of the room in tears.
The entire class sat silent for a moment, then began casually conversing.
“I don’t understand what she’s so upset about,” Jeremy said to Deven. “Donald Trump is never going to become the president.”
Mrs. Rosenburg VS. The 2016 Election
[Stand-Up Comedy – A Continuation]
The year is 2016. The month is November. The political climate: Pathetic with a chance of stupidity.
Mrs. Rosenburg, the government teacher, stomped into the room with a worried expression. She was clutching what seemed to be a small stack of flyers, but nobody in the classroom really gave a ****.
She sat down at her desk and waited for the bell that signaled the beginning of class. She observed the classroom like a hawk, only to notice that a particular seat in the back of the room was empty.
The bell rang. She stood up, as airplanes flew across the aisles and backpacks were thrown under desks.
The class carried on with their personal conversations.
“Class,” Mrs. Rosenburg began.
They still carried on.
“HEY!”
The class finally went silent. A young man with a mohawk named Jeremy sitting next to the empty desk, however, rummaged through his backpack and pulled out some paper and a bag of mysterious green leaves. He began rolling the paper secretively.
“Now, as you all know, tomorrow will be the 2016 presidential election,” Mrs. Rosenburg began.
“It’s 2016? I didn’t know…” some smart ass sitting next to Jeremy hollered out.
Mrs. Rosenburg disregarded him.
“I made something for you all that may help you understand the democratic process a little better. After all, this is a government class.”
Suddenly, a young boy with a bright red beanie came through the door (in slow motion, I might add). He had large, dark eyes hiding behind glasses that seemed to match the color of his hat. He seemed to sparkle, like a cute anime guy would. A few of the girls in the room turned their attention to him, while others swallowed in disgust.
Mrs. Rosenburg turned to him and sighed, so perfectly as if she had been rehearsing for it.
“Felix, what have I told you about hats during school hours?” she said.
“That they’re not allowed,” he responded, hurrying to his seat as if nothing happened.
“Take it off!” she screeched as Felix had his back turned to her.
Felix removed the hat quickly, looking defeated.
“If hats aren’t allowed, then why can teachers have tattoos?” Felix mumbled, hoping Mrs. Rosenburg wouldn’t hear.
“What was that?” Mrs. Rosenburg asked fiercely, rubbing her leg against her other leg which had a tattoo close to her knee of some Chinese symbols. How original.
“I said, why are teachers allowed to have tattoos and show them off when I can’t even wear a stupid hat?” Felix replied.
“Felix, students will not only learn facts in the classroom here, but they will also learn discipline. Wearing a hat in class is disrespectful and disruptive.” Mrs. Rosenburg explained in a very superior manner.
“But no one gives a **** about that,” Jeremy said kind of quietly, trying to hide the paper and green stuff under his arms on his desk.
“Shut up! You will follow the rules. Now, as I was saying—”
“But Mrs. Rosenburg, I don’t remember “learning discipline” being in the syllabus,” Felix mentioned.
Mrs. Rosenburg rolled her eyes and put her hand on her hip.
“Not to mention I don’t think I’ve learned any facts either,” he added.
“Well, clearly you haven’t, based on your current grade in this class.”
The entire class got crazy and began hollering and jumping up and down.
“Ooh, Mrs. Rosenburg, you get ‘em!” some random boy yelled from the back of the room.
Jeremy got up and began wrestling with Felix over an empty desk.
“Gay,” a young man with an afro on the other side of the room said to himself.
Mrs. Rosenburg didn’t notice the comment. She was like a bull in that moment, triggered by the tomfoolery going on in front of her.
“Deven! Get your ass over here and help me!” Felix yelled to the boy with the afro. Deven smiled and shrugged his shoulders, remaining in his seat.
“That’s enough!” Mrs. Rosenburg hollered.
Jeremy and Felix finished and sat back down.
Mrs. Rosenburg then grabbed the stack of flyers she had been holding when she entered the room. She began walking down the aisles and gave small portions of the stacks to each row and ordered the kid at the front to pass them back.
“I want you to take a good look at these. I put descriptions for all of the candidates for tomorrow’s election on this paper so you understand who you will be voting for. I hope it helps you in your decision.” she explained.
“But Mrs. Rosenburg,” Felix began.
“What,” she replied, sounding very annoyed.
“Where’s Trump?” he asked, searching through the paper with his eyes thoroughly. “He’s my nigga!”
Once again, the entire class got crazy with laughter and jumping. Mrs. Rosenburg looked at him in disgust.
“I did not include Trump for some very good reasons, and THAT is one of them.” she explained.
“What are you talking about?” Felix replied.
“There will be no blatant racism in the classroom.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Don’t ever use language like that in this classroom again. Or anywhere. Ever.”
“What? You mean “nigga”?” Felix said with a grin.
The entire class went even crazier than before with laughter and wild movement. A paper airplane flew by Mrs. Rosenburg’s face, barely missing her right eye.
“That’s it. You’re out. Get out of my classroom.” she said, glaring at Felix with fire in her eyes.
“But we say that stuff all the time, even my black—”
“OUT!”
Felix grabbed his backpack and red hat and headed for the door. As he opened it, he turned around and yelled, “Make sure you guys come to the detention room with “Free Felix” signs after school! If not, I’m taking names.”
“OUT!”
“Yay protests!” Felix finished, as if he were mocking Mrs. Rosenburg, who is known for being an old hippie of the 60’s. He finally closed the door and left.
Mrs. Rosenburg seemed to calm down immensely. She took a deep breath, looking around the room.
“Mrs. Rosenburg, I wholeheartedly agree with you. That sort of language should not be tolerated. Whatsoever.” a girl with long brown hair with blue streaks spoke.
“Thank you, Polly, I really appreciate it.” Mrs. Rosenburg said.
Polly smiled with content and opened her notebook to a page which contained a list of names. She grabbed her pencil and wrote down, “Felix Sokolov.”
“Alright, so does anyone have any questions about the flyer?” Mrs. Rosenburg asked the class.
“So why isn’t Trump on there, Mrs. Rosenburg?” a random classmate asked.
“Well, as you all know, Donald Trump is the Republican party’s candidate,” she began. “Unfortunately, I did not include him because he is a representation of white supremacy and bigotry, and I will not even give anyone the chance to try and vote for him.”
“But doesn’t that defeat the whole purpose of this paper you gave us? I mean, shouldn’t you inform us of that and give us reasons as to why we shouldn’t support him?” the student asked.
“I think Mrs. Rosenburg said it,” Polly began. “Do you want Trump to win? Do you want this country to become a place where minorities are oppressed and racism is tolerated?”
There was a fire in her eyes, the same shade of red that her face had turned.
“But doesn’t government in general oppress EVERYONE?” Jeremy proposed.
The entire class looked at one another and nodded in agreement.
“So who are you voting for, Mrs. Rosenburg?” another random student asked.
“Hillary Clinton, of course.” she replied.
Jeremy glanced over at her desk, which had a Bernie Sanders sticker on the side.
“But I thought you were voting for Sanders,” Jeremy wondered. “Didn’t Hillary and Bernie run against each other previously?”
“I’m voting for Hillary because she is against racism, and she stands for the people and the environment.” Mrs. Rosenburg explained.
“Wait…isn’t that the ***** who thinks Pepe the Frog is racist?” someone yelled out.
The entire class burst out laughing.
“Shut up!” Mrs. Rosenburg yelled. “That’s enough discussion for now. Besides, class is almost—”
Suddenly, there was a shadow moving quickly outside the window in Mrs. Rosenburg’s room. Everyone glanced over to see who or what it was, but quickly lost interest and went back to Mrs. Rosenburg’s droning about how the government can help people, blah blah blah.
That’s when it happened. The window popped open, and suddenly a leaf blower appeared sticking inside the room from outside. Before Mrs. Rosenburg could react, the leaf blower powered on and a hand threw a bunch of printed pictures in front of it so they blew all over the room. They were all copies of the Donald Trump Twitter profile picture.
“What...Who is this???” Mrs. Rosenburg yelled as she ran over to the window to see who was out there, swinging her arms to avoid being hit by the hundreds of Donald Trumps.
“It’s Donald Trump! Duh!” a familiar male voice yelled outside the window over the sound of the leaf blower.
As Mrs. Rosenburg tried to grab the leaf blower, whoever was controlling it turned it off and ran like hell. Whoever they were, they were wearing a red hat of some sort. Mrs. Rosenburg turned around, witnessing her classroom covered in pictures of who she considered to be “literally Hitler”.
“No,” she began, in a quiet tone.
“NO!”
Mrs. Rosenburg ran out of the room in tears.
The entire class sat silent for a moment, then began casually conversing.
“I don’t understand what she’s so upset about,” Jeremy said to Deven. “Donald Trump is never going to become the president.”