I buy everything online and I mean everything I possibly can! From clothes, to fast food. I can't stand going into shops any more. The entire environment is archaic, disgusting and quite barbaric when you think about it.
When you go inside a store you have to contend with people blocking the isles as they think for 10 minutes about what flavour of milk they want to purchase. Screaming little rug monsters that quite frankly need a fathers discipline, of course he's no where to be found as he doesn't want his head to be bitten off by the mantis that is the non-working single mother that stinks of McDonalds and diapers.
We then have the pestering store assistants that are paid for GoD knows what, but you would think they are given a criteria to help x amount of people when the day finishes or they'll loose their job and soul. The moment you enter the store they are like a fly on **** and will ask if you need any help, to which I always respond "No, thank you, I'll come to you if I need it". of course they have a habit of forgetting as no doubt they are in zombie mode due to having no real function, and so repetitively come back to ask if you need help.
Shops are also incredibly unhygienic places to be in. Just think how many people go inside a shop every day, sometimes it can range in the thousands. With that fact in mind, think how many farts are unleashed in a shop every day, and the amount of fecal matter you breath in is a horrific amount. A fart travels 10 feet per second so there's no running away from them, believe me, I've tried. You may as well just ask someone to fart into your mouth, it's the same experience as going inside a shop. Don't even get me started on sweat we breath in from other more lewd places.
When you finally get through the above you have to then contend with the checkout process. A line that is guaranteed to at least have one old person in it that will hold up the entire queue for 15 minutes, but that's no problem we all say whilst secretly wanting him to have a heart attack so we can walk over him and finally purchase our goods and escape the hell hole that is the shop.
There's that person holding a single packet of 40p crisps that gets your hopes up. You think to yourself it will only take him a second to shoot out two 20p coins and be on his way. What a champion you think, what an honourable man to not steal peoples precious time. Hell no! First he wants a packet of cigarettes but due to new laws here in England they are no longer allowed to be on display at all times, so rather than viewing the selection of cigarettes on offer whilst waiting in line, you now have to make the decision whilst at the checkout. Of course it takes them an eternity to decide. After that he wants a lottery ticket and or scratch card which again must be dispensed at the checkout. There are 30 different scratch cards to choose from (STOP giving people choices for such mundane items). Cue the line "I think I'm going to win tonight" and its million other variations, accompanied by it's soul mate the awkward chuckle from the cashier who hasn't heard that a million times every day in the last 6 years he's been working there.
Finally you get to the last stage of the hellish process of buying goods from a shop. Every cashier I come across however is an aspiring comedian for some reason. All cashiers feel the need to make a comment about what I'm buying as the goods we buy are a part of our very nature, there's a connection of sorts. Like the sick manipulative sociopathic souless demons chasiers are they will exploit this and tell me that they think the strawberry harribos i'm buying are tasty... just leave me the **** alone and let me buy my strawberry sweets in peace and let me be on my way, I've suffered enough.
That's why I shop online and avoid having all my senses assaulted.
