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Zelda Art Into the Twilight...

Meego

~Dancer in the Dark~
Joined
Jan 30, 2010
Location
England
This is a short story that I wrote in English Enjoy! PG rating.
Into the Twilight…
As I tiptoed up the path it was in the corner of my eye. It was like a piece of irritating dust inside my eyelid that wouldn’t go away no matter how much I tried. The mansion ominously crept into view. It towered above me, a mammoth. The windows glared at me like livid eyes. A black substance outlined the house, like a gas floating up into the sky then disappearing. I paused for a moment, trying my best to think about what it may have looked like when someone was living in it. That was easier said than done. I could not imagine anyone living there; anyone normal anyway. There were trees but the branches were bare and they creaked and snapped. A cold shiver tickled my spine and my mouth turned dry. My heart missed a beat. There was something in the bushes. I heard it, I swear I did. “Hello?” My voice echoed. But no reply came. I was alone. I began shivering at the thought of what was inside. But I stood up straight and took a deep breath; I remembered I must do the dare. I had no other choice.

I approached the mildewed door cautiously, and suddenly everything lay silent. Nothing could be heard except my own heart - beating like a drum. Beads of sweat started to form on my forehead and my heart got faster inside my body, my lungs were burning. I froze. There was something behind me. I could sense it and its shadow showed up in front of me. Tears welled up in my eyes. Fear took over my whole body and my spontaneous decision was to run inside the house. I pressed my lips together and swallowed. I didn’t dare open my eyes yet. I couldn’t pluck up the courage. I heard squeaking and something brushed past me. “Open your eyes…” a voice rasped. My eyes flickered then opened completely. I gazed upon what used to be the foyer of the mansion. The stain glass windows were spectacular, hand crafted. It must have taken years to make. I approached them. Forgetting for a moment where I was. I turned around to explore the next room. Suddenly the glass smashed and shot out at me, hitting the back of my head. I screamed. I felt my head, as I brought my hand away it was stained red. Blood. I felt faint and staggered into the next room, hoping to find a cloth to put on my cut.

The next room was candle lit with ripped curtains and a faided carpet. I decided that seeing as it was light in there that maybe I ought to spend the night there. The fear of what future rooms may hold scared me too much, and my head was making me feel drowsy. Everything turned pitch black…

“Are you dead?” I heard a voice say. “Umm, no. That is a silly question to ask…” I replied. “What’s your name?” The voice asked.
“Ella… what about you?”
“Hazel. Are you okay?” I opened my eyes to find a bat hovering above me, but it wasn’t an ordinary bat, it had a glistening gem on its forehead. I screamed. “Oh my god!” The bat vanished into smoke. “What?” I was really confused. Then there was a blinding light and a shadow wolf appeared with the same gem on its head. “Hazel? Is that you?” I whispered.
“Yes…in twili form…”
“Twili?” I asked, puzzled by the unfamiliar word.
“Don’t you know where you are?” She said, shock in her voice.
“No, no I don’t.”
“Well, you will soon find out….”
And with that Hazel puffed into smoke and didn’t come back.

I rocketed out of the room as fast as my legs could carry me. I then entered the nearest room. The door slammed shut behind me. A digital – like black portal was generated in front of me. It called out to me in a hushed, breathy tone. And a glittering symbol shone like pure gold. It was three triangles fused together. It beared the words triforce above it. And the portal dragged me in.

I was being tossed around inside darkness. A voice whispered: “You are a true hylian…” It repeated those words over and over again until I was catapulted out into a forest. A sign read “Ordon Village”. The whole place was dark, with the same black substance as before, the houses were exactly the same as the one I had seen before. One of the villagers yelled “The twilight is here!!!” I tried to take a step but I fell to the ground with a crash. I looked at my hands, only they weren’t there anymore. I had paws. I felt lower to the ground and somehow I could smell things that were all new to me. I limped to the nearest house and my reflection was a wolf…
 

Xixor

Warrior of the Past
Joined
Dec 22, 2009
Location
Texas
Pretty good, try using less similes and more metaphors. Unless you like similes.

Seemed a little bit rushed, though, especially at the end. But great work!
 

Meego

~Dancer in the Dark~
Joined
Jan 30, 2010
Location
England
Like I said, I had 30 minutes and it was an english lesson, we had to use simlies...
 

NorthApple

GIVE ME THE APPLE!!
Joined
Jul 15, 2009
Location
UK :D
Wow, I like it. There's some slightly awkward sentences here and there, and it does seem to suddenly come to a conclusion at the end (and the 'dare' theme is slightly cliched, but I'm guessing that was your prompt?)- but I completely understand... I know how it is, having to write things in English lessons xD In fact, it's more than I could have written in 30 mins and still produce something okay XD

Anyway, you have some really great description in there (especially the house at the start, and the portal~), and I love the almost casual-narrative tone you take in some places... it works really well with the short sentences~ And it's a fairly interesting plot twist too.
Yup, for what it is it's done well :3 Good job xD
 

Eduarda

Srishti is annie is eduarda right?
Joined
May 28, 2010
Location
Ontario, Canada.
That was AWESOME! Amazing story! Loved it! Better than what I could ever write. Forget about in only 30 mins!!! XD
 
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