Well, typically I'm not one to wear pants, being that I'm a nudist; however, I'll attempt to respond to this most intriguing prompt to the best of my ability.
When I was born on May 5, 1997 in Dayton, Ohio, I was a pretty awesome baby, and just like Superman, I was a baby with a decision: would I use my right leg or left leg primarily? Now, after several years of thought and being incapable of walking (that circumcision had me out, man), I began to walk. However, I still had a few years to decide as my mother continued to dress me. A couple more years passed, and the time came. I had to put on my first pair of pants.
It was a difficult day. I cried a few times, sat around in my diaper, just stunned at the plethora of options. Would I choose the thick, juicy right leg, or the underdog left leg with its glorious birthmark? I fixed my crotch, stood up, and made my choice.
I put my right leg in that pair of pants first, then I fell on the ground like a *******.
HoT's Advice Column #4
Don't trust kids to put on their pants without falling.
Good evenings.