5 Years Later.(PG-13)

[eponafan]

this is a story of after WW. I know PH was a sequal, but that was a different universe.

CHAPTER 1
PART: PILOT
Setting:Outset Isle

This was it.It's been five miserable years.She was there.She was at Outset Isle.(sorry, I cant remember link's starting Isle.)

Ayrll was having an okay life. Till the incedint 4 years ago. And now, she saw her nightmare. The one who promised never to come back. But here she was! Aryll knew it was her. Tetra was back.

"You know why i'm here."said Tetra. "FORGET IT!" said Aryll. You caused him to go off...and think he's a hero...""I'm not leaving till I see him.""...go to the forest. the last tree. in the hole, there is a string. open it to reveil a chamber. I should go with you." so when they get there, Aryll showed she had been training.she stole Tetra's sword."get in the chamber!" she demanded. after getting in there, Tetra saw two things, the first, was a stone. Aryll saw her look at it."hi, grandma..." she whispered.and the other,scared Tetra.
"LOOK WHAT YOU DID!!!"screamed Aryll, as she struck Tetra's legs.As she was on the ground, she saw something.A sign. and it read: RIP, LINK.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Tetra should have (hey!)listened!



THANKS FOR READING!
STAY FOR 1-2!

 

[ChargewithSword]

You have many grammar mistakes and at least two spelling mistakes. The sentences are horribly incomplete. There is also the problem with how you mapped Aryll. She is a sweet girl who hung out with Tetra's pirates and even waved her brother goodbye when he left. She knew he was off on adventure and that he could end up dying (since that is the point of adventure) so why would she be mad at Tetra? It's not that this is a bad fic though, the concept is interesting and has many opportunities, your just using the wrong character to scream at Tetra.
Speaking of Tetra, you got her mapped down perfectly with a hint of mystery behind herself. I say you should stick with the personality set there.

 

[eponafan]

CHAPTER 1
PART: 2: the truth

"Ayrll. Enough."
"w-who's there?" asked Tetra.And then, a man emerged from the shadows. "s-sorry big brother.""b-brother....?" Then, Tetra looked. "L-LINK!" she screamed."l-link?"she stared.He looked different."After what happened 5 years ago, i don't trust you.""That WASN'T my fault!""big brother, what DID happen?""oh, ill tell you!"
It was a nice noon on Tetra's ship.Then, a giant octo apeared. No prob. Then, another pirate ship showed up. Big problem.So, when shooting the pirates, Tetra shoved me off the boat!
"LINK!" Tetra bellowed."The tentacle was going to smash you!"".....I floated to Beedle's ship and he brought me home...and I told Aryll that Tetra was never allowed here again, so we practiced this skit for you...I..I..I didn't know you saved me." Link said."Why are you here, anyway?" "I..."Tetra began."tetra?tetra?TETRAAAAAAAAA!" link shouted.


NOTE:I will post one part a day, and two on weekends(FRI and SAT) unless i dont feel like it.

 

[TreeHuggerPanda]

Okay, I'm really confused on this. You have a general idea of you think is going to happen, but I don't think you have the right words for it. You really didn't capture Aryll's personality as she was in Wind Waker, but keep trying and make sure you keep a dictionary in handy! (ya' know... just in case...)

 

[eponafan]

im probably going to quit this and start a different fic, a NON-sequal.