Revenge of the Staff
On the morning of February 14th, Community Coordinator Azure Sage called for a private meeting with me in his office. Naturally, this was a big deal, so I entered his office in time to make a good impression. Not that it'd matter, Az and I have known each other nearly a decade.
"Guards, leave us." He ordered in a stern tone. The guards promptly left the ornate room leaving only the two of us. Azure was sitting at his desk, he inquired how things were going with the Shoutbox Council.
"I get the feeling they don't fully trust me…" I confided in him.
"It's because they fear you. They have seen your future and know your powers will be too great to control." He boasted, standing up from his seat and placing his left hand on my right shoulder in a mentoring manner. We walked forward a few paces towards his small art gallery, it was filled with paintings of scenes from
Skyward Sword,
Breath of the Wild, and various anime shows I had never seen. "You must break through the fog of lies the Shoutboxers have created around you." He said, as we entered the gallery. "Let me show you the subtleties of the Forum." Azure suggested calmly.
"You know the ways of the Forum?" I asked in curiosity. At this point he had taken his hand off my shoulder. I turned to look at him as we walked, but he continued to look forward to the other end of the gallery, where a Fi statue stood.
"My mentor taught me everything about the Forum. Even the nature of the Moderation side…" Az said euphorically, as if the Moderation side was particularly alluring.
I walked ahead of Azure, stopping and facing him. This whole conversation had swiftly become stranger. "You know the ways of the Moderation side?" I inquired.
"Maskman, if one is to understand the great mystery, one must study all its aspects, not just the dogmatic narrow view of the Shoutboxers. If you wish to become a complete and wise leader, you must embrace a larger view of the Forum." He responded with an almost sinister smirk. Things were not feeling right anymore for me. We bagan walking in a circle in a confrontation. Azure's kind and gentle manner faded, he looked intense. "Only through me can you achieve a power greater than any Shoutboxer! Learn to know the Moderation side of the Forum, and you will be able to save your Blog from certain death." He enticed with a smile after his speech.
"What did you say?" I said in disbelief.
"Use my knowledge, I beg you!" Azure pleaded.
I was feeling a mix of emotions. Confliction that someone I believed to be my friend may be horribly corrupted, yet remembering all the good times we spent together, and thinking he was incapable of such a thing. Yet here we were. I drew my Lightsaber and faced it at him.
"You're the Staff Lord!" I deduced.
We continued to circle each other, gradually I lowered my weapon as I listened. "I know what's been troubling you... Listen to me! Don't continue to be a pawn of the Shoutbox Council! Ever since I've known you, you've been searching for a life greater than that of an ordinary Shoutboxer… A life of significance, of conscience." He mentioned. I brought my saber back up as he turned his back to me. "Are you going to kill me?" He asked, however he didn't sound afraid.
"I would certainly like to!" I responded with anger. I knew anger was wrong, but he was the enemy we'd been trying to find for many years, and I felt like a friend had betrayed me.
He turned his back to me, "I know you would. I can feel your anger. It gives you focus, makes you stronger." He praised.
I contemplated a bit, eventually deciding not to strike him down. I turned my saber off. "I am going to turn you over to the Shoutbox Council." I admitted to him.
"Of course you should. But you’re not sure of their intentions, are you?" Azure said in disappointment.
"I will quickly discover the truth of all this." I thought aloud.
"You have great wisdom, Maskman. Know the power of the Moderation side. The power to save The Spirit Realm." He said, smiling.
***
I left Az's office chambers, and immediately made my way to the Shoutbox Temple. There I met Shoutbox Master Deus and told him that Azure Sage was the Sith Lord we had been looking for.
"Then our worst fears have been realized. We must move quickly if the Shoutbox Order is to survive." Deus quickly deduced.
"Master, the Community Coordinator is very powerful. You'll need my help if you're going to arrest him." I suggested.
"For your own good, stay out of this affair. I sense a great deal of confusion in you, young Maskman. There is much fear that clouds your judgement." Deus ordered.
"I must go, master." I insisted. If it is my destiny to bring balance to the forum, I thought, this is something I should be involved in.
"No. If what you've told me is true, you will have gained my trust. But for now, remain here. Wait in the chat until we return." Deus sternly ordered.
I finally submitted, much against my will, "Yes, Master."
Deus gathered together other Shoutbox Masters, and together they went to Azure Sage's office - of course, he was expecting their arrival.
"In the name of the Zelda Dungeon, you're under arrest, Community Coordinator." Deus said with authority.
"Are you threatening me, Master Shoutboxer?" Azure Sage remarked with disgust.
"The Dungeon will decide your fate." Deus responded.
"I AM the Dungeon!" Az said with an evil tone.
"Not yet." Deus reminded him.
"It's treason, then" Azure Sage replied, his saber flipped out from under his sleeve - it's hilt was a replica of the Goddess Sword. He lunged from his desk swiftly as the group of Shoutboxers were drawing their sabers. With the first lunge Azure permabanned a shoutboxer. In no time he picked off the other Masters, leaving only Deus standing toe to toe with him.
"Midna from Toilet Princess was a terrible companion!" Azure jabbed.
"Fi had no growth arc in Suckward Sword!" Deus fiercely countered.
Locked in vicious combat, with neither one backing down, finally Deus gained the upper hand by pulling out a block of cheese - the Staff Lord's main weakness - it worked like Kryponite!
Just then I walked into the room. Azure was laying on the floor near a large broken window with Deus standing over him holding the cheese block.
"Maskman, I told you it would come to this! The Shoutboxers are taking over!" Az said in defeat.
"The oppression of the Staff will never return, your plot to regain control of the website has failed! It's over! You have lost!" Deus gloated.
"No, no, you will be BANNED!" Azure cackled, shooting database errors at Deus, but the Shoutbox Master blocked them with his Saber. "He is a traitor!" Azure screamed.
"He is the traitor!" Deus yelled, straining to hold back the Community Coordinator's fury.
"I have the power to save the Blog you love! You must choose!" Azure said with sincerity.
"Don't listen to him Maskman!" Deus interjected.
"Don't let him kill me." Azure Sage weakly, with worry. "I can't hold it any longer… I - I - I can't… too weak… Maskman! Help me!" Azure pleaded, it seemed he had expended all of his energy. Deus had regained the upper hand, holding his cheese block to deal the final blow.
"I'm going to end this once and for all!" Deus decided.
Something stirred within me. I couldn't let Azure be banned.
"You can't, he must stand trial!" I reminded Deus.
"He has control of the Dungeon and the Wiki, he's too dangerous to be left unbanned!" Deus was adamant.
"No, no. I'm too weak! Don't ban me, please!" Azure cried out.
"It's not the Shoutbox way, he must live!" I insisted.
However, Deus could not be reasoned with. He drew back the cheese block to do the deed.
"I need him!" I blurted out, while the anger boiled inside me.
Deus swung.
"NO!" I screamed. In a split second I used my saber to cut off Deus' hand that had the cheese block. He cried out in agony, and then Azure released another barrage of Database errors!
"POWER! UNLIMITED POWER!" He yelled triumphantly.
Deus was banned. I collapsed to the ground after this intensely emotional moment - I was just involved in the ban of a Shoutbox Master. "What have I done?" I wept in disbelief of my own spur of the moment action.
"You are fulfilling your destiny, Maskman." Azure Sage replied.
There was no going back now. I wanted my blog to be saved, and I would be lying not to admit that the allure of the powers of the Moderation side were enticing. I bowed before Azure. "I pledge myself to your teachings." I said.
Maybe it was time for a new start? Time to be horribly corrupt? And oh, how glorious the corruption is! Mwhahahahahahaha!
This piece contains altered dialogue from Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith.