[Rosa Luxemburg] rekt

[Malia]

OoC: Okay Rosa. I am making this RP for us. I put a lot of effort into this and have spent hours and hours of my life thinking this character out, and the storyline. I hope you can feel how hard I worked on this.

---

Despite the battle arena being filled to the point of being crammed, with thousands of spectators, silence smothered the air--like the time I carried a mother and her 10 babies from their burning horse carriage that then exploded, but it was okay because I had the mother and her 10 babies safely in my arms, and they were absolutely silent for so in awe they were--no one said a word as I walked with long, deliberate strides to the center of the stadium. No breath was drawn for they feared if they were to breathe in my scent, they would die from absolute euphoria. I do not blame them. It is difficult to contain my Man Aura because it is made up of all things Man, and all things excellent, but especially all things Man.

Stopping dead-center of the arena, I lift my exquisitely chiseled chin and square jaw, and look unto those who watch me with hope, with love, and with all their dreams and hopes in their eyes. A ray of sun breaks through the thick barrier of clouds and bathes me in the light suited only for one like me; a god among men with a heart of humility and thirst for justice.

I open my mouth, and before I can even speak, three men from the audience cry out that their blindness is cured for being in my presence was enough to lift the veil of darkness that covered their eyes all their lives. Gasps of astonishment cut through the air, but I am silent because last time it was five men. Today I am reserving my Man Aura.

And I reserve it for good reason.

For my opponent is one so fierce, one so despicable, one so cold-hearted that she is likely the reason these men were blind in the first place. I will need my Man Aura for this fight. By God, I will need it.

Finally, I speak, and my voice rains down on those around me like Mana from heaven:

"I am here to fight Waliagi! I am here to destroy her! She is nothing to my Man Aura! I fight for you--my people, my life, my love! I fight for justice!"

"I am Losa Ruxemburg! Hear my name and TREMBLE, mortals!"

The eruption of applause and cries from the audience was deafening, but Losa did not hear it. His entire focus was on the woman about to enter the arena. And he would fight her. And kill her. And win. And kill her.

Come Waliagi. Let us fight.

 

[Rosa Luxemburg]

It was a somber Saturday afternoon when Waliagi picked up her hammer and sickle and clashed them together. "I will crush this pathetic worm who dared challenge me." With the sickle she adjusted her hat, straightening it so it aligned with the stars of victory in the sky. Mortal eyes could not see past the sun, but Waliagi's did: she transcended mortal existence many aeons ago when she slew Death upon his throne.

"I am Losa Ruxemburg! Hear my name and TREMBLE, MORTALS!"

With a grin on her face Waliagi left the prepping room and entered the arena. Immediately, her fanfare began and the crowd cheered.

"Well then, Losa ****semburg. Tell me, who do you fight for? Are you pro-gamergate? An egalitarian? Speak to me who your master is so I may smite him once I am through with you."

 

[Malia]

"Smite!?!? HAHAHAHAHAHA" I laugh and laugh as I tip my fedora, "what do you know of SMITING? Nothing! And speak not of my master for you are not worthy to even breathe in His direction, let alone be graced with His name. But fear not--while you will not know His name, you will know the source of my power."

And in this moment, I lift my glorious face and reveal Ark of the Covenant--the Holy Grail--the very cross Jesus Christ had carried on his shoulder--the spine of that cowardly **** who just hides on Skype and *****es about people because they're a spiteful little penis who talks **** but can't back it the **** up--the absolute alpha and omega of all things in this universe:

My neckbeard.

Spectators fall to their knees, in wonder and terror and awe because my neckbeard emanates Man Swag so strong, it rises to the heavens and blocks out the sun, eclipsing all light so that all that is left are my eyes alight with the fire of Freedom and Justice and Constitutions and guns.

Swiftly and manly, I propel myself forward, neckbeard at the ready, charging at this dirty, dirty socialist that reeks of the Sarkeesian Plague.

"I WILL END YOU!"

 

[Rosa Luxemburg]

"So you think your neckbeard can stop me, Losa?" Waliagi cracks her neck and calculates Losa's charge. At the last moment she steps off to the side and delivers an upstroke with her sickle. Losa's neckbeard flies off high into the hair, the crusty unshowered hairs dispersing into the crowd. The spectators peer out from their hiding places; shocked eyes and gasps filled the air. Losa rubbed his hands across his face in a panic.

"My neckbeard! MY NECKBEARD! This cannot be!"

Waliagi knew it would not be long before it grew back and Losa would be back at maximum efficiency; already the coils of hate within his body throbbed with blood lust. Sheathing her weapons, Waliagi grabbed Losa and flipped her upside down.

After throwing her to the ground Waliagi stood back up and addressed the crowd.

"And now let me reveal, my dear spectators, the true nature of this sexist, patriarchal bastard of a man." Waliagi lifts her hammer high and a lightning bolt struck her hammer, causing it to glow with the red light of justice.

"It's almost as if feminism isn't always right, Losa. Am I correct? Tell me now, before I end you. Speak it true. Did you become a man because of how much you hate women?"

 

[Malia]

[OoC: ohmygod did you just cut off my NECKBEARD?

L M A O

give me a moment because I shot water out of my nose as I was drinking when I read that. Your feminism burns the nostrils, Chris. Like gasoline.

... You cut off my neckbeard.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA]

 

[Rosa Luxemburg]

Ooc: The close shave of proletarian justice. No shaving cream necessary.

 

[Malia]

OoC: Nothing can shave Losa because this situation with Waliagi has gotten kinda hairy.

 

[Malia]

Losa answered, "You tried so hard, and you came so far, but in the end... did it really matter?"

In one swift motion of excellent manliness, Losa rose to his feet and dusted off his muscles so large, they basically had their own gravitational pull, and said "You come at me with all this heavy-handed nonsense, but you cannot penetrate my Privilege Shield; I am guarded from all harm, from all that could possibly go wrong, because my Privilege Shield--spun from the golden, unbreakable thread of Self-Righteousness--can never break."

"And my darling Poochie--Yes, yes, that is why I am a man, and what a glorious specimen of a man I am."

With a battle cry that shook the earth and sea and sky and Feminist Agenda, new god-like beard hairs shot out of Losa's neck, growing in size and thickness and blinding all who saw with its iridescent sheen. And then. Without warning. The hairs became spikes that shot out of Losa's throat and in the direction of Waliagi, tips pointed at her chest.

And I would think "heart", thought Losa, except this she-beast does not have one.

Chortle. I am so clever.

 

[Rosa Luxemburg]

Waliagi let out a guffaw. "Privilege shield? That one is simple enough." With a gesture of her hammer, Waliagi summoned an avatar of Anita Sarkeesian. With each spike that slammed into the avatar, it let out a shout of "Ethics! The finest Ethics in Gaming Journalism! Finest in Orzammar!" The spikes kept up a relentless assault but Waliagi moved forward, her avatar growing in size. "Don't you understand, Losa? The stronger your misogyny the larger feminism becomes. You cannot defeat it."

Waliagi and Losa stood a mere ten feet from each other. "I know just the spell to get rid of that pesky shield... "I AM NOT YOUR SHIELD!!!! (hashtag)"

Red energy shot forth from Waliagi's hammer and came into contact with the shield. Within moments the shield was obliterated and there was an opening in Losa's defense.

"WOMEN DO NOT MAKE UP FALSE RAPE ACCUSATIONS!!" Waliagi shouted, charging forward with her weapons poised to strike.