(APRIL FOOLS) Zelda Runners – The Name’s Runner… Speed Runner

Welcome back to your annual edition of Speed Runner – your one stop article for everything speed related! In this article, we’ll be taking a look at the new gender neutral fitness test the Air Force are considering using on all new recruits, taking a look at the double amputee looking to run a sub 3 marathon, and we’ll be counting down the top 5 speed runs of all time!

Now Running

A new fitness test, nicknamed the “Fitness-Fatness Index”, is being considered for use in the Air Force. The test uses a measurement of VO2 (a measurement of how efficiently the body uses oxygen) and the ratio between the candidate’s waist and height to determine how fit they are. Hopes are the introduction of this test in the future will remove the need for gender specific fitness tests.

Double amputee Brian Reynolds has claimed the record for the amputee Half Marathon. Reynolds, who has been an amputee since the age of 4 due to a blood infection, aims to run a sub 3 hour marathon, which he only missed out on in 2018 by a little over 3 minutes.

Top 5

This week we’re counting down the Top 5 Speed Runs. Fan of speed? This list is for you…

#5 Euan Crombie (1 Football Pitch Lap – Like 30 Seconds)

This happened, honest. My classmates will tell you it’s a lie, but they’re just jealous. I was wearing my bright green trainers with the orange go-faster stripe, so it made me extra speedy. No video evidence of this exists, but you guys believe me, right?

#4 Tyson Gay (100m – 6.69s)

The American was the second to win the 100m, 200m, and 4x100m Relay Golds all in one event, at the 2007 Osaka World Championships. He is currently the second fastest man on Earth.

#3 Roger Bannister (1 Mile – 3:59.4s)

Bannister was the first man with a sub-4 Mile to have his time verified. Since the record breaking run in 1954, the benchmark has been broken by over 1400 runners, and the current record stands at 3:43.13.

#2 Eliud Kipchoge (Marathon – 2:01:39)

Set in Berlin in 2018, this almost sub-2 hour run meant Kipchoge ran at an average speed of 13.1 mph (21.1 km/h). This record broke the previous by a huge 1 minute 18 seconds!

#1 Usain Bolt (100m – 9.58s)

Be honest, who else were you expecting to top this list? The fastest man alive has claimed this title many times over, last setting the World Record in 2009. Since then, he’s been part of the Gold Medal winning 4×100 Relay Team at the London 2012 Olympic games, and even tried his hand (or feet) at football!

That’s all from me this week, check back in two weeks for your next fix of (Checks smudged writing on hand) uhh Zelda Runners?

Euan Crombie is the author of Zelda Dungeon’s bi-weekly speedrunning series, Zelda Runners. He also thinks he’s 100% funnier than he actually is, and is perfectly aware that the only person that will have laughed at this article is his mum. Hi Mum!