Would You Rather: Edition VII

Welcome back to another edition of “Would You Rather!” Last week we talked about creatures and although there was some disparity, it looked like the majority of you would rather have giant, carnivorous plants forever attempting to eat your feet. I still can’t decide, but if you missed out on the action, you can find last week’s edition here. It’s almost Christmas so this week there is a special holiday twist to our match up. If you are completely excited about opening up that mountain of gifts next week, it might just take you a bit to decide between our two options. Hit the jump to read more!

We all remember the most frustrating parts of Zelda games, and Nintendo just loves to fill our side-quests with infuriating, time-sensitive races and obstacle courses. The two most memorable of these races are against Dampe in Ocarina of Time and the Deku Butler in Majora’s Mask. Although there are others, these two races happen to be pivotal to theory creation and, in the case of Dampe, story progression. You can finish Majora’s Mask without the Mask of Scents, but you would be hard-pressed to complete a normal playthrough of Ocarina of Time without the hookshot.

Both Dampe and the Deku Butler float through ridiculous labyrinths containing many booby traps and obstacles, of which Dampe contributes to with his ghostly lantern. For many of us, these races took at least a few tries, and for some they incited quite the fit of gamer rage. But how would it be if you could spectate instead of try to force your way through a royal line up of flame-throwers, bottomless pits and more? Which leads us to our holiday-injected question for this week: would you rather bet your entire Christmas haul on Dampe or the Deku Butler in the best race ever seen?

Dampe v. Deku Butler

I know, this is a lot to take in. We are talking about the two fastest gentlemen in the entire Zelda series. Not only that, but people with deep and extensive stories that we explore as players and as theorists. This race would be more than the race of the century, and it’s anybody’s guess who might win. Unluckily for you, that is exactly what you must do! I know it’s hard, so I’ve compiled a list of attributes of both characters that may or may not help you decide. Because this is a toss up, I have included some items that may seem irrelevant, but this is gambling and people base their bets on less!

Dampe

• Supernatural speed for a supernatural entity
• Magic lantern that spits expanding fire balls
• Can close suspiciously regular-shaped doors in undiscovered caves
• Years of loneliness and isolation make the thrill of racing and winning higher than normal
• Has been wondering that cave for seven years, racing himself
• Equipped with generations of taunt material after being considered a pariah since his wife died

Deku Butler

• Spent an unknown number of years racing his son, so his skills are sharp
• Is an impeccable gentleman, but with the right race track, he doesn’t really need to antagonize you
• Knowledge of his own speed seems to make him faster
• He sports a cool, magic umbrella that makes him float through the air, nullifying physical obstacles
• The obstacle course he navigates, and possibly had a hand in creating or improving, is much more complex than that of Dampe, suggesting he may be more prepared for the unexpected in a race with him
• He also has a lantern, though we don’t know if it spits magic fire, adding an edge of mystery

This is a tough call, but I’m counting on you guys to settle the score. Who do you think would win, and why? Let us know in the comments what you think, and if you’re up for sharing tales of woe you could tell us about your own experiences racing these characters. Let the betting begin!