Life, Videogames, and Relationships: Finding the Balance

One struggle that reared it’s head just the other day when it came to Fifa 13 is the balance of Videogames and Relationships. Beyond that, there is an entire world out there of work, family, and the like which I refer to as “life”. This is something I struggle with almost on a daily basis when it comes to balancing it all so every facet is satisfied.

Although, it’s not merely about satisfying those around us, but also making sure we are happy as well. There are all sorts of gamers out there, and not every situation I present from my personal experience will necessarily resonate with every gamer, but it still points out the importance of Life, Love, and Gaming.

I’ve been a gamer for 21 years. I started with Punch-Out on the NES all the way to my most recent games played in Mists of Pandaria, Madden 2013, and Dishonored (Last Nintendo game was New Super Mario Bros. 2). I’ve logged likely “a couple years” in terms of total time playing games. There was a year in a half in my life where I literally just played World of Warcraft. I had barely any friends, I did shower and eat, but I didn’t really live much of a life outside of the computer.

I still do marathons once in awhile, specifically when reviewing a game. I took time off and dedicated three days of my life to finish Skyward Sword. But I must admit that it’s hard indeed to find time to Game, to watch Sports (I’m a big sports fan), to spend time with my Girlfriend, and time to work and do things with the family.

Now, for some people it’s easier. It’s no secret that women play videogames, and if you can find one that is everything you ever wanted and happens to play the same games you do than more power to you. Or someone who likes the same sports as you do… even better. That alone alleviates most of the issues relationships have with gamers. Because you can spend quality time with your Girlfriend or Boyfriend while playing games or watching sports. My girlfriend, presently, doesn’t enjoy either.

That’s not to say we haven’t played New Super Mario Bros. Wii together, or some Just Dance 3. Of course we have. Heck, she made sure I had a second controller for the Xbox 360 so she could play against me in Madden. But there is a clear distinction between her as a gamer and myself. Personally, I could play a few hours of games every day. Heck, I could play all day if left to it. She can’t. Maybe once a week, maybe for an hour.

Many relationships get strained by video game players who don’t make time for their spouse. The sad part, of course, is those gamers don’t want to make time. They have more fun playing a game than being with their lover. Scary.

Back in my year and half straight of playing World of Warcraft, I found my way into one of the top guilds in America: Imperative (at the time anyways). The GM at the time, Blacksen, was a pretty cool dude. He knew everything there was to know about WoW. He was abrasive and an extremely aggressive raid leader. We all fed off of him to get the very best out of every player. It was a no nonsense guild. Newbies can replace long time vets if they outperform them on day one. This sort of pressure kept everyone on the top of their game.

He was always on. I thought I played WoW a lot (logging 12 to 16 hours a day), but he was always on not only for the duration of me being on, but before and after. I didn’t have a job, he did. I didn’t have a girlfriend… he had a fiancé. The amount of time he found to play WoW astonished me.

He’s at work, presumably a tech support type job, and he’s logged into WoW. He still performed his job (people idle all the time in WoW while doing other things), but clearly he was great at splitting his mind between being a GM and knowing all, and still getting his required work done. Long story short, he never made time for his fiancé, and she broke up with him after giving him an ultimatum when it came to WoW. It was essentially “you can still raid, but after that you’re done you come be with me”. He chose World of Warcraft. Seems insane right? Well, turns out it happens a lot. People choose a video game over their lover, because to them the game is more fun than a relationship. It certainly was for me that year and a half I lost.

I have a lot of fun playing video games. I probably always will. It’s just part of my DNA. However, after reexamining my life it turns out that while games are fun, it’s my relationship with others that makes me happy. Presently, I’m in a very serious relationship with who I feel is the love of my life. One smile from her and I am more happy than I am at any point playing a video game. Watching a sport. Hell even masturbating. That smile is an amazing thing, and I try to live every day to make her smile as much as possible.

If I could, I would spend every waking hour holding her in my arms. But there is an itch. I long to play a video game. I have to turn that Packer game on every Sunday (or Thursday… or Monday). I still play Fantasy Football. So then the question becomes how do I enjoy everything in my life, including the things that she doesn’t prefer doing, while still maintaining a nice balanced life?

It wasn’t easy at first, but it’s second nature now. I go to work 8 to 4pm Monday through Friday. I have weekends off, and while ideal to maybe play some games, I instead dedicate my weekends to my girlfriend. Why not? I love her, and we have so much fun together. I happen to live with her too, so we do see each-other quite a bit.

Once I am done with work, I come home and spend another 2 hours working on ZI roughly an extra 10 hours or a so a week. That doesn’t count the times I sneak away during work to get a few things done as well. I’ll watch a movie with my girlfriend on the couch, she goes to bed, and I stay up for about another 30 minutes. In that 30 minutes I play a game of my choice.

I know 30 minutes doesn’t seem like much, but that’s 2 and half hours a week. Casual playtime? Maybe, but there is nothing casual about what I am playing. Skyrim, Dishonored… it may take awhile but I will beat those games. I still get my days here and there to game more. Sometimes after work the girlfriend is out with her friends, maybe she’s with family. So naturally I am going to play some games. Some days she is gone most the day (even on a weekend), naturally, it’s game time.

May seem odd when you look at it like that, but if she’s around I would rather spend time with her, but if she isn’t… why not play games? They are fun after all. Of course I am slowly getting her interested in gaming, and there may be a day we play games together more often, but for now I found a great balance. She still gets most of my attention, but she is understanding that I enjoy working on ZI I’m going to do that. She knows I enjoy sports, enjoy video games, and she understands that I’m going to play them.

She understands me. I still spend some time with my parents for dinner and such here and there. I still usually find one night a week to go out and spend time with friends. Maybe that’s not as frequent as it was when I was younger (you know, where you spend every day with your friends)… but I’m an adult now. I have a wonderful girlfriend, a beautiful and amazing daughter, a family really.

I still have friends. I still hang out with them. Just not like I did back during High-school. That’s the way the adult world works – you still have the same time you did when you were younger, but you have more important things to worry about. My family comes first, and I enjoy being with them more than anything. Then comes my time with friends and none immediate family, and lastly my hobby of ZI, Videogames, and Sports. I find time to make it all work in my constantly busy and evolving life.

It’s sad that some, like Blacksen, like the UK Fifa players, put more emphasis on video games than reality. I’ve been there, and it never brought me true happieness. Video games are a lot of fun, but they shouldn’t actually BE your life. Just a part of it.

P.S. I know editorial work has been lacking lately. Trust me we have some great things in the works for you folks. Stay tuned!