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Zelda Dungeon's Member Biographies

Joined
Jan 1, 2011
Hi guys, as we all know, we are friends with one another, and it's great that we do get along with one another, but there are some things that we do hide deep down that we don't want to share because we are shy/embarrassed/or never asked. So, I guess with you guys, I'd like to know what has happened in your life until now; how was your child hood? what things did you experience that was good and bad? What events took place that were very memorable and personal? Its one of those serious, heartfelt topics that should be discussed around here without anyone being negative to one another and should be respected. I know you guys are all secretive and such, but we are all friends and family, share your stories with us.

I'll gladly post my part, but I have to recollect everything since I was a wee lass.

If you have posted in here then I greatly appreciate sharing this with us, I know some things are meant to be personal, but it helps us, and yourself be better as a whole.
 

Majora's Cat

How about that
Joined
Sep 3, 2010
Location
NJ
So as not to mince words and to keep any potential readers interested, I'll keep this brief.

I was what you called "raised properly," strictly, and stereotypically by two Chinese parents, who had immigrated from China some years ago. Usually it was the privileged or talented members of Chinese society who left China for American soil, and these are very much what my parents claim to be. But when exhumed from their native environment and placed in a country with a foreign dialect and unfamiliar customs, they likely struggled to find their footing in the IT world due to communication barriers.

My mother gave birth to me around 8 am on August 1st, 1997, during a risky C-section surgery. After all, I was born one and a half months prematurely. I honestly can't remember much from my infancy or early childhood, except for some random moments that just stuck in my memory. Nothing substantial. Apparently my parents take me vacationing in pretty neat countries around the world, but it seems like wasted money and effort on a baby.

Anyway, I grew up with Chinese before learning English in preschool and had a pretty easy time assimilating into American society. I met my best friend (who I shall call "X" in the interest of privacy) in preschool and we generally just fooled around with wood chips and napped together. We entered the same elementary school and remained the best of friends. On my first day of kindergarten, I encountered a short Chinese child in my grade happily chucking wood chips at terrified girls. I joined in and we bonded over the tormenting of the opposite sex. In fact, that particular friend (I'll call him "Y") is still my friend today, is very intelligent, and is one of the de facto top fencers in the nation for his age group.

I proceeded through elementary school with an affinity for slapping butts. My friends often complained about it and found my existence a nuisance sometimes, so I got beat up by my own compatriots. Sad times. I also didn't share many of the same interests as they did. That all changed once I entered middle school; I was able to former stronger connections with all of my old friends but found myself a complete social outcast within my classes. The school even decided that I needed counseling for two years, which I happily attended in order to complain about friends and family life. Because my parents were so strict and had such high expectations, they sometimes beat me for my disobedience or failures in my early childhood. Counseling continued until the end of 6th grade, where they decided I was goofy and happy-go-lucky, a far cry from my outwardly depressed state the previous year. You could also that say I "grew" out of beatings when I started talking back and remained absolutely calm in most situations where my parents were angry.

I became self-conscious and frustrated in middle school, and was still somewhat socially awkward. My only source of pride was my academic awards, derived mostly from mathematical and literary prowess. If there was one thing I loved doing in my early years, it was winning and being better than everyone else. My goal was to garner as many awards as possible by the end of the year through the Scripps Spelling Bee, state and national mathematics competitions and the like to satiate my own desire for success. It kind of paid off in the long run, since I was able to tack some of my early achievements onto my academic camp applications for the coming summer.

Now by the time I finished middle school, I had parted ways with friend X. We used to hang out all the time, do everything together, but I was frequently annoyed by him. A lot of my friends asked why I still talked to him. What really tipped me over the edge was when prepubescent "popular" kids played an elongated prank on X. They pretended to be his friend for a good few months and planned to halt the ruse very suddenly so as to confuse him. During this time, friend X treated me like garbage. The circumstances really accentuated X's true colors and made me unwilling to accept his attempts at reconciliation after the affair. I haven't talked to him much ever since.

Now friend Y wanted popularity, and partially achieved it during middle school. He would deserve certain groups of friends for others higher up on the social ladder. It was during my middle school years that we drifted apart before walking and talking together again in high school. He matured, I became more normal, and we both ended up in a lot of AP classes. Speaking of which, high school has been wonderful. I found new friends and was able to start anew with people I hadn't met before. I found companionship with pretty much anyone and everyone I encountered in this new realm, and even improved relations with students from my middle and elementary schools after they realized I wasn't nearly irritating and weird anymore. (Let it be noted that I am still weird in innumerable ways on the inside, but maintain a pretty stoic demeanor nowadays).

The only problem was that I lost touch with my closest friends. As I found myself in all Honors classes in 9th grade and several APs in 10th grade and then all APs this year, I would never be placed in any of the classes my friends were placed in barring lunch, health and physical education. When I see them it seems like we were never apart, but in their absence I found the need to create new friends... and I did. Kind of. I made very few close associations this year and last year due to my inherent introversion and occupation with academic work. Friend Y even advises me to open up again and to make friends with people of all sorts. I refuse because I won't willingly befriend those who smoke, drink, love to party, and have no goals or moral rectitude. This was a rather recent change of heart for me, and you may call it conceited or arrogant or patronizing. I don't care. As of now, the constituents of the Millennial Generation piss me off and will continue to piss me off until they become adults, where the general ******baggery of youth fades away.

There really isn't much else to tell. I don't feel like recalling specific details. My life currently consist of SAT practice, homework, tennis, dancing, clubs, competitions, program applications and scholarships. It's the life of your stereotypical asian, but as far as you should all know, I'm anything but in a lot of ways. Life is dull, I don't have a girlfriend and never did and I'm watching way more anime than I should. I really wouldn't have it any other way.
 
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キラ

Yo!
Joined
Feb 14, 2014
Location
Illinois
I was born into the world with some issues with my heart. It had a tiny hole and was hooked up the wrong way... I was also born with clubbed feet. I had 3 heart surgeries. I now only have one ventricle and they had to take an artery out of my left arm for my heart as well, I think? It's been since I was born that I've had my surgeries so I don't remember much because it's been awhile since my parents told me the story. I got surgery on my feet to make them un-clubbed. I'm now literally flat-footed, but I'd rather be flat-footed than have my feet turned-in sideways. But I was a pretty normal child otherwise. I just took medicine (and still do). Blood thinners, medications to slow my heart rate, etc.

I grew up with video games and anime. It was so timely that one of the first games I ever actually really played was Ocarina of Time when I was 4-5 in 1999, a year after the game came out. But it was new to me. My brothers played it and I instantly clung to that game. I just thought it was so magical - I don't know why. I also thought it was just plain fun and I really liked the music a whole lot. I would hum Zelda tunes all day (I still do that too :lol: ). From then on, I played every Zelda game I could get my hands on - MM, LoZ, AoL, ALttP, OoS, OoA, WW, TMC, TP, etc. I became a fan for life because OoT (and Zelda games that I played afterwords) impacted me in such a powerful way. I also started to play other games around the time I played OoT, like Super Mario All Stars, Super Mario 64, Final Fantasy VII and VIII, all of the Resident Evil games, Pokemon, etc. ^^

I was happy all the time as a child. Life was pure bliss and I felt like nothing could hurt me. I was an honor roll student in elementary school. Everyone said I was so gifted and smart. I felt like I had a perfect family of two older brothers that would guide me and parents who were very loving. I felt like nothing could tear us apart. Well, my life flipped upside down...

Video games are what made me happy the most as a child. Yes, I had friends and I would go outside and play and smell the fresh air and look at the bright, blue sky. I loved that too. But yeah, video games were a main part of my happiness. But, around the age of 10, my oldest brother Adam became addicted to heroin. So things started to turn for the worse really fast and severely - for my family and myself. My brother stole my video game systems and video games from me. Some, I would be able to get back, but some I wouldn't. He was literally stealing my happiness. I would hate coming home from school, waiting to play a favorite game of mine to discover that it was missing. I would hate when I'd have to tell my friends what had happened to my games or game systems. I'd hate being sad about what had been happening, and it's not like I could escape into video games to make myself happy because most of them were gone a lot of the time. So, I would have to witness fighting in the household with nothing to distract me to keep me sane. I would just run to my room while hearing yelling, screaming, and objects breaking because I felt powerless - and at my age, I probably was. I would also hear fist fighting between my dad and my brother. The worst thing was that I would sometimes have to see it. My family members were so broken apart that they would fight like that, and it broke my heart. It also scarred me to see such viciousness and malice when my brother and dad fought. It scarred me to just see them punching each other. Those moments are still stuck in my head.

So, aroud 11 years old, I entered middle school and my grades fell to D's and F's. I didn't know why. I now know that my sadness and anxiety were getting to me pretty badly. One of the things I was anxious about was that I was afraid that when I'd come home, there'd be a fight. I'd think about that, and then I'd think about other things going wrong in my life. One bad thought after another, in a chain reaction. Eventually, it led to the visions in my head of the fighting... It was taking control of me. Around the age of 13, I began to develop depression. I noticed it right away. But I'd always bottle up my feelings because I didn't want anyone to know that I was sad because I didn't want to make the situation at home worse. I didn't want to make anyone else feel sad, even if they weren't the nicest to me, which was a lot... My mom always felt like Adam was her "baby boy" and she would do anything for him, including bail him out of jail and give him money when he took advantage of her. She didn't want to believe it was going to drugs but I bet she truly knew deep down inside that it was true. As a kid, I would sometimes ask for things from my mom and dad because that's what kids do. I'm not saying parents should constantly buy things for their children just because, but it used to happen sometimes, but it didn't happen at all anymore. I felt as though my mom would rather give my heroin addicted brother some money so he could buy more drugs than make me happy with a toy or candy or something. Whenever I'd ask, she'd yell at me and say "no" always. I remember I actually brought up to her one time when I wanted a Yu-Gi-Oh Duel Disk that she would give Adam money that he was probably spending on drugs but would never give any for me to make me happy. She didn't care and would yell at me. I guess this kinda sounds immature but it gets worse. Whenever I did do well in school or did something good, she would never say anything good about it. She would never say she was proud of me. She would always defend her baby boy Adam though. Defend him for him to stay in the house, even with what he is doing. She could go on and on about the good things about Adam, but never about me. I never got any attention anymore, and throughout such a crucial part of my life too (adolescence). My dad also worked until late at night every night for years at that time. But Adam, the guy who steals from the family is praised by my mother. It made me feel horrible.

Yet, I would still bottle up my feelings because I felt that it was for the best because I still didn't want her sad or anyone else sad. But I did leave hints. A lot. I would be in my room all the time, listening to music or whatever, or just constantly looking down at my feet all of the time. I'd always rush back to my room after I wasn't needed for something to do anymore. My depression was getting worse, my grades were still bad. I just wanted to kill myself now. I wanted to be dead. DEAD! I wanted it so badly!!! She never picked up on it because she was always focused on Adam. That guy was still in our house after he would steal stuff like nothing happened. Isn't that messed up?

He also stole from my grandpa. Multiple checks and forged them too but he wasn't charged because my mom and my grandpa didn't want to press charges. I don't really blame my grandfather though, he just said it put too much pain in his heart to do it. Yeah, it might have been the same for my mom too, but my grandpa actually made me feel like I mattered...

Years pass and Adam still is on heroin, still steals, and has been in jail for a few times at the point of 11th grade in high school. And I'd have to live with him still all the time while not getting any attention or praise at all, and instead even sometimes getting lectures from my mom that I wasn't responsible just because my room was messy. But, oh! Anyone ever talks about Adam and it's just out of line! Still suicidal a lot. Depressing thought leading to flashbacks, etc. Except it was now everything freaking waking moment of my entire life and I could never concentrate in school. And I now was guilty and sad because of myself because I knew that I probably wasn't going to graduate. Sometimes. Sometimes, I would realize that this is just what depression does to you - you lose all motivation. It hurt so badly inside because I knew I was smart! I'd sometimes think that I wasn't smart anymore. Both of those thoughts tore me up inside and would lead to other sad thoughts and flashbacks in the chain and I felt like I was trapped inside my depressing bubble and I wanted to die so badly, even more so now because of my guilt.

I eventually went to an alternative school for people with bad grades to catch up. I felt as though the teachers here really cared. The teachers at my normal high school never asked me any questions if I looked blue. One day, in Biology class, I just felt like I couldn't take life anymore. I was really about to cry. I have never acted this way in school before but I just felt so awful. The teacher actually asked me if I was okay. I couldn't believe it. I was really happy about that - a teacher actually cared. I told him that I wasn't at all, while still looking down at my desk. He set me up to see the school psychologist (we had one here). I talked to her. Her name is Ellen. She was very nice and I told her many things... She convinced me to let her tell my mom that I've been depressed for a long time and that I needed to seek help. When my mom got that call (it was after school, when I was home), she came to me and, for once, was really sad. I don't know if it sounds sick or not, but I was freaking glad. SO much. I wanted her to feel bad so much because she didn't give a **** before! But, then, I became angry. I couldn't believe that it took this to make her realize that something was wrong with me after all of the hints that I dropped over the years. I just thought "It really took this much for you to see!? You really didn't pay even ONE bit of attention to me!? EVER?! AT ALL!? REALLY!?"

I eventually went up seeing a psychologist. I can't believe my parents allowed me to. I talked to him about a lot and he was really helping me out. He did convince me, after a few weeks, to let him tell her that I was having suicidal thoughts. I saw her start to cry as he was saying that. I guess it sounds kind of sick, but I was kinda happy about it because I felt like I actually mattered to her for once and felt like she should feel bad. She actually did start to change for me a little bit. During therapy, I finally learned to just let my feelings out. I would sometimes just tell my mom why I felt the way I felt and she would get so pissed because she felt like she had nothing at all to do with it. After she learned about my suicidal thoughts, she actually started to reflect upon herself and take some blame... for a week... and then was back to saying "It was never my fault." Ugh...

But she did finally learn how to deal with the Adam situation, sort-of. She knew he couldn't live here and would have to be charged if he committed a crime. I don't know when she came to this realization. But, my brother Adam recently stole checks from my grandfather for the second time. Forged them. And he broke into my house and stole my Xbox 360 (adding onto the list of my N64, Gamecube, Wii, Gameboy Color, Gameboy Advance, DS, 3DS, and Playstation. I got some of them back though). My grandpa wasn't going to press charges but my uncle made him and we encouraged him to do the same. He has recently been sentenced to 3 years in prison (he could have gotten more years and I don't know why he didn't). Maybe this will allow me to take more control of my life a bit, as well as have the rest of my family some time to heal as well. I have already gotten better in the last year though, because of my therapist. I'm no where near cured, but I'm not suicidal anymore. So that's good. I didn't graduate, and I was doing the tests to get my GED but something went wrong at the education office so I think I have to do all of the tests over again and pay for them too. I have a job now, but I don't really like it at all. The work is hard for my heart condition. I only took the job because my friend's sister works there. I don't like one of the managers a lot because he is constantly on my case... But, you know, I just gotta go through every moment the best I can, right? That's all I can do.

...And that's my life.
 
Joined
Jan 1, 2011
Thank you guys for posting this. It is really giving a more clear view on you guys, I know its hard to post that, but it really means a lot to me <3
 

Violet Link

takumi was a mistake and so are the S supports
Joined
Feb 18, 2012
Location
insert fictional world
Long post.
(I'll be calling these people in initials, except Karen and Iqa. I might have left some important things here too. but bleh. I'm bad at constructing a story.)

I am raised in a normal, but somewhat strict family. You get the point, right?

I was born in this world at 21st November 2001 in 5:25 pm. I had some mumps on my neck when I was a few months older, but since my family is somewhat wealthy, they had enough money to afford it all.

I couldn't remember what happened when I was still an infant, so I'll move along to the early kindergarten life. All I could remember is that I always get bullied by my 4 other older siblings.

But all I know is that I never had enough attention given by my parents.

When I started to join kindergarten, I was around 5 and at that time was when my perspective on everything.. changed. I attended an Asian kindergarten school. There were a lot of lively kids, just like me, but there were also some serious looking kids, too. On the first day of school, I sat next to a girl, whose name is J. J is somewhat overweight, had a sly face, and she had a really odd hairstyle, which caught my attention. I wanted to have friends, since I was the loner there.. so I started to introduce myself to her. I thought she was actually nice, but.. turns out she controlled me like a puppet, after all. She demanded my lunch money every day, but I had to give it to her, because I felt I was weak. That was the day when I made up my own habit, a habit which I regret follow. A really, bad one:

'If the person is happy treating you like trash, then you just have to get along and get used to it. If they're happy about it, then why change?"

I always thought of that, over and over and over and let it sink in my mind. I knew I was pathetic. I knew I was weak. I had to follow my habit, because that was the only thing I could do. J had a control of my life, and I couldn't do anything to stop her.

But I also had some really great moments when I was in kindergarten. I was kinda happy , that my grades in kindergarten were more above than average. I was the smartest one there and believe it or not, I was a dancer. I danced on the stage with those really funky looking clothes, I danced through calming music. I was in a group of dancers and I performed in malls. But I stopped, because I started to feel insecure about my self.. I started to get anxious when I danced, so my teacher had to change me to something that was much more creative. That was the time I started to draw. I drew a lot of things, I colored them, and my teacher loved them. It boosted my self-confidence and it made me happy. I also sang on stage too, but that only happened once.

One day, when I was happily drawing alone, J came to my table. I started to feel uneasy about it back then. We talked, and talked, until she took the paper and ripped it all up into pieces.. I started crying, but.. no one really seemed to help me. Teachers didn't saw what happened. At the same day, when I was home.. I almost took out my life.

Basically, J ruined a quarter of my life.

Elementary School made it worse.

I was 7 when I was in my first day of elementary school. It was kinda sad... I came to school late, dragging my bag, hair looking very messy, uniform being untidy.. I got scolded by my teacher on the first day and was told to sit behind. No one bothered to talk to me. No one bothered to cheer me up. Until I met Karen. My first impression of her was that she was bubbly and optimistic. When I got my school bag stolen, she was the one who got it back for me. But.. on the second year of elementary school, she started to use me as her own personal puppet. Every day, she would ask me 3/4 of my lunch money. She would force me to hurt someone. She would beg me to buy something expensive. She would blame every bad thing she had done to me. Despite of this, I had no friends. I was jealous to see people who had friends. This made me start up to shape self-loathing thoughts in my head, despite I was still 8 years old. My parents weren't a big help. Every time when I wanted to tell my parents, they always say "Honey, I think she's just playing around with you.". That was the same answer, all over and over again. I wasn't worth my parents's time. I was nothing, but a mere waste of time. It was hopeless to ask friends for help, despite I really had no friends at that time. It was pointless, and it was useless. My grades were slowly dropping.

And because of this, my parents started to praise Karen. My parents started to compare me between Karen. They loved Karen more than me..

On my third year, I did have a few friends, but they weren't close. They really weren't a big help. But they were fun and friendly, and I loved hanging out around them. I wished I stayed with them closer... Karen actually had a punishment for me because I was hanging out with other people, and not her. The punishment was I had to give her all of my lunch money, and if I didn't obey her orders, she would rip out my homework.. so I had to starve on the recesses. My third year was basically the worse thing ever. Even my grades dropped to Cs and Ds. There are Fs, too. I was placed last in the first class.. so because of this, the school had to rank me down to another lower class for my fourth year. I started to feel worthless. I started to feel that I'm a disappointment. I cried and cried, because I had to go to a lower class. Because of this.. my mother started to beat me up. But hey. If they want to treat me like trash.. then I'll let them be. So.. the third year of my elementary school life made me had self-hate thoughts, lowered my self-esteem, and lowered my self confidence. And at this point I started to have mild thoughts of suicide..

On the fourth and fifth year, everything felt like a nightmare. I was getting bullied for being in a lower class (despite I was in the first class), so my reputation on my school dropped greatly. But this made me force myself to be the best. I studied from day to night, I attended night classes.. I just did everything I could to be at the first class again. But.. Karen? She was a big bother. She bothered me. A lot. I had a huge fight with V. She was a very wonderful girl, and she was the one who taught me to never give up.. yet, despite this, Karen started to get mad at her and made a punishment for me: Ignoring V. I really didn't wanna hurt anyone.. I really didn't wanna hurt Karen.. I really didn't wanna hurt V.. but I had to follow what Karen says. It was an order from her, so I had to follow her. But I made a really bad decision. I ignored V too much, until we broke our friendship. Of course, this made Karen really happy. She's the puppet master. I'm the puppet.

"It's the two of us again. No one can steal you. IF anyone steals you again, I will sure that their life with you ends."

Because of that line, I started to get too close to Karen, despite that we have different classes. I thought that I would have freedom. But she stole it away, once again.. I began to not make new friends because I was scared that I might ruin other people's lives, just like how I treated V's life. I started to label myself as someone cruel, and I had to live on my life with that label on me. Since V wasn't my friend anymore... she said that I wasn't worthy enough as her friend, and this broke me down... But at least, on that year, my grades were above than average. I ranked 1st in class, and the school had me going to the first class for my fifth year. But I had a feeling that I didn't deserve to be first.

But I regretted everything in the fifth year. I was starting to feel like my existence is nothing but a bother. I was bothering Z and Iqa's friendship. They were so happy together.. but why, why did I ruined it? And Karen tighten up my puppet strings.. Because of this, she made me cry almost every single day and it was hard to not cry. My grades started to drop greatly at this point. And I just felt like shutting down, right after.

And here comes the important part. Sixth year of Elementary.

At this point, I had 2 friends who were close to me. Z and Iqa. The 3 us were really happy together, and nothing couldn't break us up. Until..

One day in March, Z told me that she had a fight with Iqa, and she wondered if I could sit next to her. Karen protested at first, but she agreed anyways. We talked and talked and talked. I started to get close to her, and we became best friends. We talked about anime, chatted about the boys in the class, asked about homeworks.. she was very.. different. To me, I felt like Z was the girl that I was looking for in my life. She had that very cheerful personality. She had the wonderous optimistic smile. And she never gave up trying to make me happy. She even wanted to put a stop on Karen's acts towards me, so I was very glad to hear that.

But Karen.. on the sixth year, she kept wanting me to punch other people. But.. I had to do it... because it was a punishment...

Z started to gather a few people to help me out. She even had plans with her, and she really wanted me to be happy once more. So I was glad that someone cared for once. She was the one who introduced me to a lot of anime. She was the one who taught me how to draw in a better way. She was the one who complimented my drawing and didn't teased it. I was glad that I found a person like her.

When she put her plan into motion, H tried to bait Karen, and C tried to drag me up and make me stop being friends with her. Of course, this was very, very hard for me to do. I know this was an only once in a life time thing, but.. at the same time, I was going to hurt her feelings and make her hate me for eternity. I didn't want that to happen. I just wanted her to be happy, no matter how depressed I felt. But I couldn't afford to lose my other friends too, so it was clearly the hardest choice I made in my life.

The time came. It was the time where I have to face her once more.

And I said it. "Let's stop being friends."

Bad things happened, like.. she wanted to threaten me. She threw a hockey stick at me, too. She threw a tantrum, and she threw every single thing towards me. After that day, she stopped talking to me..

And I didn't expect something much more worse to happen.

My relationship with Z started to crumble.

We fought, and fought, and fought. Our friendship was nothing but a mere light switch. One second she wanted to be with me, but one second later she hated me. But it kept happening and happening until the switch broke. We weren't friends anymore and.. it was hurting me a lot. I cried so much.. and she said that one of the biggest reasons why she hated me now is because I said I hated her and ruined her friendships in the fifth year. If only I didn't say it. If only I didn't spit it out.

The cheerful optimistic girl that I used to know became.. messed up. And it was all my fault for messing her up. She hated me so much and she would send papers to me saying that I wasn't worthy of her friendship. And it really did pierced my heart. I was guilty for everything. It was painful to see her go.

What pains me the most is that I had to act like she didn't exist. I had to act like she was a stranger. I was avoiding her..

I regret it so much. It was all my fault.

My grades dropped greatly because I couldn't focus.

After I lost Z, everything in my life just.. shattered. My grades dropped, and it never went up again.
She was gone and I couldn't do anything to get her back.

It was official. My self-esteem just disappeared, as if it never existed. I didn't have any self-confidence. And I had self-loathing and suicidal thoughts.

Mom started to act and treat me as if I wasn't even her child. She kept calling me a living disappointment. I knew that I'll never be good enough for everyone.

I felt messed up. I felt like killing myself. I had everything to do so. I had blades, I had pills.. I had them to injure myself so I could do it. So.. I cut. I self harm. I used blades to cut my wrist now and then. I deserved the pain. I deserved the loneliness without her. I had to cut. I was sick of how I always ruined things. I was sick that I always ruined relationships and people. I was sick of being cruel, and I knew how 'cruel' was actually a part of me. I was sick of it so much. I wanted to shatter and break myself. The feeling when you look at the blood come out felt great. I always wanted to kill myself. I didn't care about anything that much anymore. I wanted to die. That was the main mission I had in mind. I wanted to end myself. i just want the pain to stop. I didn't deserve any happiness because all I do is ruin it. All I do is ruin love. All I do is corrupt happiness. I can't even keep up with a simple, little relationship and I was sick of it so much. I wanted to explode. I just wanted to die. No one would care. They would grieve and forget. They would be happy when I died. I did everything I could to end myself. I'm nothing, and I'll always be nothing. I started to think differently about myself. I felt inferior. And I felt like I will never be good enough for anyone. I'll never be okay. I'll never be who I was used to be anymore. My tears didn't matter, so there was no point in everything. And I realized that I felt these emotions for almost 9 years.. (I don't really know if I should call this depression or not, because self diagnosing is bad, right?) It was my fault. It was my fault that this stupid thing happened. It was my fault that my friends's personalities are a wreck.

But the only one who stayed was Iqa. And since she was the only one left, I never wanted to leave her. I never want to lose her. I don't want history to repeat by itself again. Iqa was the girl who prevented my suicide. Even though that we were also experiencing similar personal problems, but we promised together that we won't ever, ever leave. She even reminded me of Z.. Iqa was the only last hope I have left, so if she leaves me.. then.. I really don't know what to do anymore. She regretted leaving Z on March.

Iqa was my last light. She told me to never give up. She was the one who inspired me to draw more. She was the one who inspired me to be strong. If it wasn't for her then I really don't know what will happen to me.

And lastly, on the day of the UPSR results.. I got 2As and 3Bs. It was actually a surprising result... I started to cry.

When mom knew that I got 2As and 3Bs, she kept beating me up. But I deserve it.

When H and C knew that they got higher grades than me, they acted like they forgotten about me. But I deserve it.

And I was the only girl in the class who was the lowest. It hurts so much.

But I deserved it. I deserve to feel painful. I deserve to get humiliated. I deserve to get beaten up.

Even though it hurts, I just have to say that I deserve it. If my life treats me like trash, then okay. I deserve to get treated like trash.

Yet, at the end, Iqa still said I'm already worthy. So.. I'm glad that she's still here with me.

Now, I really don't wanna talk about how my current school life goes, because.. you know enough.

The results from everything? I'm now an empty kid who's faking her happiness. I'm an empty kid who doesn't have any particular self-confidence.. Till this day on, the scars I had on my wrist are fading away.

But at least, Iqa is still here with me.

Now you know.
 
Last edited:

キラ

Yo!
Joined
Feb 14, 2014
Location
Illinois
Long post.
(I'll be calling these people in initials, except Karen and Iqa. I might have left some important things here too. but bleh. I'm bad at constructing a story.)

I am raised in a normal, but somewhat strict family. You get the point, right?

I was born in this world at 21st November 2001 in 5:25 pm. I had some mumps on my neck when I was a few months older, but since my family is somewhat wealthy, they had enough money to afford it all.

I couldn't remember what happened when I was still an infant, so I'll move along to the early kindergarten life. All I could remember is that I always get bullied by my 4 other older siblings.

But all I know is that I never had enough attention given by my parents.

When I started to join kindergarten, I was around 5 and at that time was when my perspective on everything.. changed. I attended an Asian kindergarten school. There were a lot of lively kids, just like me, but there were also some serious looking kids, too. On the first day of school, I sat next to a girl, whose name is J. J is somewhat overweight, had a sly face, and she had a really odd hairstyle, which caught my attention. I wanted to have friends, since I was the loner there.. so I started to introduce myself to her. I thought she was actually nice, but.. turns out she controlled me like a puppet, after all. She demanded my lunch money every day, but I had to give it to her, because I felt I was weak. That was the day when I made up my own habit, a habit which I regret follow. A really, bad one:

'If the person is happy treating you like trash, then you just have to get along and get used to it. If they're happy about it, then why change?"

I always thought of that, over and over and over and let it sink in my mind. I knew I was pathetic. I knew I was weak. I had to follow my habit, because that was the only thing I could do. J had a control of my life, and I couldn't do anything to stop her.

But I also had some really great moments when I was in kindergarten. I was kinda happy , that my grades in kindergarten were more above than average. I was the smartest one there and believe it or not, I was a dancer. I danced on the stage with those really funky looking clothes, I danced through calming music. I was in a group of dancers and I performed in malls. But I stopped, because I started to feel insecure about my self.. I started to get anxious when I danced, so my teacher had to change me to something that was much more creative. That was the time I started to draw. I drew a lot of things, I colored them, and my teacher loved them. It boosted my self-confidence and it made me happy. I also sang on stage too, but that only happened once.

One day, when I was happily drawing alone, J came to my table. I started to feel uneasy about it back then. We talked, and talked, until she took the paper and ripped it all up into pieces.. I started crying, but.. no one really seemed to help me. Teachers didn't saw what happened. At the same day, when I was home.. I almost took out my life.

Basically, J ruined a quarter of my life.

Elementary School made it worse.

I was 7 when I was in my first day of elementary school. It was kinda sad... I came to school late, dragging my bag, hair looking very messy, uniform being untidy.. I got scolded by my teacher on the first day and was told to sit behind. No one bothered to talk to me. No one bothered to cheer me up. Until I met Karen. My first impression of her was that she was bubbly and optimistic. When I got my school bag stolen, she was the one who got it back for me. But.. on the second year of elementary school, she started to use me as her own personal puppet. Every day, she would ask me 3/4 of my lunch money. She would force me to hurt someone. She would beg me to buy something expensive. She would blame every bad thing she had done to me. Despite of this, I had no friends. I was jealous to see people who had friends. This made me start up to shape self-loathing thoughts in my head, despite I was still 8 years old. My parents weren't a big help. Every time when I wanted to tell my parents, they always say "Honey, I think she's just playing around with you.". That was the same answer, all over and over again. I wasn't worth my parents's time. I was nothing, but a mere waste of time. It was hopeless to ask friends for help, despite I really had no friends at that time. It was pointless, and it was useless. My grades were slowly dropping.

And because of this, my parents started to praise Karen. My parents started to compare me between Karen. They loved Karen more than me..

On my third year, I did have a few friends, but they weren't close. They really weren't a big help. But they were fun and friendly, and I loved hanging out around them. I wished I stayed with them closer... Karen actually had a punishment for me because I was hanging out with other people, and not her. The punishment was I had to give her all of my lunch money, and if I didn't obey her orders, she would rip out my homework.. so I had to starve on the recesses. My third year was basically the worse thing ever. Even my grades dropped to Cs and Ds. There are Fs, too. I was placed last in the first class.. so because of this, the school had to rank me down to another lower class for my fourth year. I started to feel worthless. I started to feel that I'm a disappointment. I cried and cried, because I had to go to a lower class. Because of this.. my mother started to beat me up. But hey. If they want to treat me like trash.. then I'll let them be. So.. the third year of my elementary school life made me had self-hate thoughts, lowered my self-esteem, and lowered my self confidence. And at this point I started to have mild thoughts of suicide..

On the fourth and fifth year, everything felt like a nightmare. I was getting bullied for being in a lower class (despite I was in the first class), so my reputation on my school dropped greatly. But this made me force myself to be the best. I studied from day to night, I attended night classes.. I just did everything I could to be at the first class again. But.. Karen? She was a big bother. She bothered me. A lot. I had a huge fight with V. She was a very wonderful girl, and she was the one who taught me to never give up.. yet, despite this, Karen started to get mad at her and made a punishment for me: Ignoring V. I really didn't wanna hurt anyone.. I really didn't wanna hurt Karen.. I really didn't wanna hurt V.. but I had to follow what Karen says. It was an order from her, so I had to follow her. But I made a really bad decision. I ignored V too much, until we broke our friendship. Of course, this made Karen really happy. She's the puppet master. I'm the puppet.

"It's the two of us again. No one can steal you. IF anyone steals you again, I will sure that their life with you ends."

Because of that line, I started to get too close to Karen, despite that we have different classes. I thought that I would have freedom. But she stole it away, once again.. I began to not make new friends because I was scared that I might ruin other people's lives, just like how I treated V's life. I started to label myself as someone cruel, and I had to live on my life with that label on me. Since V wasn't my friend anymore... she said that I wasn't worthy enough as her friend, and this broke me down... But at least, on that year, my grades were above than average. I ranked 1st in class, and the school had me going to the first class for my fifth year. But I had a feeling that I didn't deserve to be first.

But I regretted everything in the fifth year. I was starting to feel like my existence is nothing but a bother. I was bothering Z and Iqa's friendship. They were so happy together.. but why, why did I ruined it? And Karen tighten up my puppet strings.. Because of this, she made me cry almost every single day and it was hard to not cry. My grades started to drop greatly at this point. And I just felt like shutting down, right after.

And here comes the important part. Sixth year of Elementary.

At this point, I had 2 friends who were close to me. Z and Iqa. The 3 us were really happy together, and nothing couldn't break us up. Until..

One day in March, Z told me that she had a fight with Iqa, and she wondered if I could sit next to her. Karen protested at first, but she agreed anyways. We talked and talked and talked. I started to get close to her, and we became best friends. We talked about anime, chatted about the boys in the class, asked about homeworks.. she was very.. different. To me, I felt like Z was the girl that I was looking for in my life. She had that very cheerful personality. She had the wonderous optimistic smile. And she never gave up trying to make me happy. She even wanted to put a stop on Karen's acts towards me, so I was very glad to hear that.

But Karen.. on the sixth year, she kept wanting me to punch other people. But.. I had to do it... because it was a punishment...

Z started to gather a few people to help me out. She even had plans with her, and she really wanted me to be happy once more. So I was glad that someone cared for once. She was the one who introduced me to a lot of anime. She was the one who taught me how to draw in a better way. She was the one who complimented my drawing and didn't teased it. I was glad that I found a person like her.

When she put her plan into motion, H tried to bait Karen, and C tried to drag me up and make me stop being friends with her. Of course, this was very, very hard for me to do. I know this was an only once in a life time thing, but.. at the same time, I was going to hurt her feelings and make her hate me for eternity. I didn't want that to happen. I just wanted her to be happy, no matter how depressed I felt. But I couldn't afford to lose my other friends too, so it was clearly the hardest choice I made in my life.

The time came. It was the time where I have to face her once more.

And I said it. "Let's stop being friends."

Bad things happened, like.. she wanted to threaten me. She threw a hockey stick at me, too. She threw a tantrum, and she threw every single thing towards me. After that day, she stopped talking to me..

And I didn't expect something much more worse to happen.

My relationship with Z started to crumble.

We fought, and fought, and fought. Our friendship was nothing but a mere light switch. One second she wanted to be with me, but one second later she hated me. But it kept happening and happening until the switch broke. We weren't friends anymore and.. it was hurting me a lot. I cried so much.. and she said that one of the biggest reasons why she hated me now is because I said I hated her and ruined her friendships in the fifth year. If only I didn't say it. If only I didn't spit it out.

I regret it so much. It was all my fault.

My grades dropped greatly because I couldn't focus.

After I lost Z, everything in my life just.. shattered. My grades dropped, and it never went up again.

It was official. My self-esteem just disappeared, as if it never existed. I didn't have any self-confidence. And I had self-loathing and suicidal thoughts.

Mom started to act and treat me as if I wasn't even her child. She kept calling me a living disappointment. I knew that I'll never be good enough for everyone.

I felt messed up. I felt like killing myself. I had everything to do so. I had blades, I had pills.. I had them to injure myself so I could do it. So.. I cut. I self harm. I used blades to cut my wrist now and then. I deserved the pain. I deserved the loneliness without her. I had to cut. I was sick of how I always ruined things. I was sick that I always ruined relationships and people. I was sick of being cruel, and I knew how 'cruel' was actually a part of me. I was sick of it so much. I wanted to shatter and break myself. The feeling when you look at the blood come out felt great. I always wanted to kill myself. I didn't care about anything that much anymore. I wanted to die. That was the main mission I had in mind. I wanted to end myself. i just want the pain to stop. I didn't deserve any happiness because all I do is ruin it. All I do is ruin love. All I do is corrupt happiness. I can't even keep up with a simple, little relationship and I was sick of it so much. I wanted to explode. I just wanted to die. No one would care. They would grieve and forget. They would be happy when I died. I did everything I could to end myself. I'm nothing, and I'll always be nothing. I started to think differently about myself. I felt inferior. And I felt like I will never be good enough for anyone. I'll never be okay. I'll never be who I was used to be anymore. My tears didn't matter, so there was no point in everything. And I realized that I felt these emotions for almost 9 years.. (I don't really know if I should call this depression or not, because self diagnosing is bad, right?) It was my fault. It was my fault that this stupid thing happened. It was my fault that my friends's personalities are a wreck.

But the only one who stayed was Iqa. And since she was the only one left, I never wanted to leave her. I never want to lose her. I don't want history to repeat by itself again. Iqa was the girl who prevented my suicide. Even though that we were also experiencing similar personal problems, but we promised together that we won't ever, ever leave. She even reminded me of Z.. Iqa was the only last hope I have left, so if she leaves me.. then.. I really don't know what to do anymore. She regretted leaving Z on March.

Lastly, on the day of the UPSR results.. I got 2As and 3Bs. It was actually a surprising result... I started to cry.

When mom knew that I got 2As and 3Bs, she kept beating me up. But I deserve it.

When H and C knew that they got higher grades than me, they acted like they forgotten about me. But I deserve it.

And I was the only girl in the class who was the lowest. It hurts so much.

But I deserved it. I deserve to feel painful. I deserve to get humiliated. I deserve to get beaten up.

Even though it hurts, I just have to say that I deserve it. If my life treats me like trash, then okay. I deserve to get treated like trash.

Yet, at the end, Iqa still said I'm already worthy. So.. I'm glad that she's still here with me.

Now, I really don't wanna talk about how my current school life goes, because.. you know enough.

The results from everything? I'm now an empty kid who's faking her happiness. I'm an empty kid who doesn't have any particular self-confidence.. Till this day on, the scars I had on my wrist are fading away.

But at least, Iqa is still here with me.

Now you know.

You don't deserve any of this. You're wonderful. You deserve to be happy more than anything. There is nothing wrong with you at all.

:hug:
 
Joined
Jan 1, 2011
Born. Ate cake. Played Zelda. Enjoyed Maths. Wrote this. Found a blue Ocarina. Played a song. Born again. Ate the same cake.....etc..etc....

That's about it :P
I know you're trying to be silly but as I posted in the OP it is a more serious thread than the others in this board. So don't put silly things like this in here. thank you~<3

and here is my story:
Okay I guess I'll get started with my bio, like I said in the OP. Mine is fairly long so I'll be using alot of the spoiler tags for certain reasons, and for more clarification, I'm going to start before I was born and have it start with my sister and mom's issues, it will eventually make sense as I write along.

okay so I'm going to start with my mom. Before I was considered of being born, she was married to my sisters father. To leave it unknown, I'm going to call him Kale for now. From what my mom has told me, Kale was a smart guy, albeit he was pretty abusive. My mom would be scared to do anything to upset him so she would just be the victom every time she would do something wrong in Kale's eyes. Eventually Kale and my mother did have a daughter, my elder sister. I honestly have no clue when and how they got divorced but they did. Knowing my mother, she stayed with my Oma because she is a lazy housewife, and now since she has a daughter to look after, she stayed with her more often and my Oma would just help them with any income.

After the 3-4 years of taking care of Scarlet, my mother got remarried to my father. My father got stationed out in Frankfurt/Mainz and they hit it off. Details are a little unclear to me how all of this worked, but while my mother was pregnant with me she was visiting her mother and then poof, I was born in Germany. Now knowing my mother, I knew she didn't want me, I knew that I was some disappointment to her because after a year of me being bored, it seemed like she got tired of me real quick. My oma would watch me and take care of me when we would visit back to Germany, and my mother would grow tired of this. Me, getting more attention than her. The hate and despite that was running through her was killing her, I knew it was, but me being a toddler, how was I supppose to know that like I did now?

This is where it all went down... my first words were in German. I was speaking German to my mother and Oma. But what about my father who was American and spoke English and barely understood German? My mother didn't really speak in front of me in English because she would speak it with my sister and I just happen to be there. When my father would want to talk to me, my sister or my mother would have to translate, I think it was one of the worst things I had to experience, not knowing what my father was going to say to me or even try to. I felt so lost and helpless and I couldn't do a damned thing about it since I was very young.
Grade School Education
Before I enrolled in my classes, I had to learn to speak English somehow. I knew a few words that I heard from my father and mother use but it was still hard to communicate. I did watch cartoons like rugrats to help a bit but I was still lost. So, I decided to pick up one of my sisters old baby books and start reading from there. I was able to keep up with it but taking it very slow was hard on my part. A 5 year old trying to do this by herself was pretty hard but I was able to manage without my mother assistance since she usually keeps me isolated by myself when she would have company. I knew there was some despite going on still but there was nothing I could do. A weak little me would just get picked on more and I wanted to avoid that at all costs.

When I was placed in Kindergarten it was hard to make friends since I was very different, my speech, my choice of clothing, and how I was. I did get teased but not as hard as most do. When students would try to say my name Aurelia, they eventually called me that girl, or just simply say "hey" to me to get my attention. I was that one girl who was just complicated. When teachers would call my name, and ask me questions, I would give them the right answer but my speech was so dreadful to where they thought I was just ******** or illiterate. So they decided to give me a test to see if I was so I could be placed in a different class more suitable for my status. I pasted the test and they were surprised that I knew more than expected. So, they just put me in a speech class to help with my talking. I was apart of those classes till my 4th grade year. It was terrible, after I would get the hang of talking I would still get teased for having a German accent, I would say idea as idear and other words of some sort differently so they tried enforcing the Texan accent on me, which was a disgrace. AND SINCE I LIVE IN AMERICA I NEED A MORE CIVIL WAY OF TALKING VS MY SPEECH which was disrespectful towards me and everyone else who has a accent. I know there were a few Mexicans in my class who had that accent, but they didn't bother with it but apparently I was a special case. Still being ignored, still being unloved by my mother, still alone.

Junior High Year
My 6th grade year, I was still bullied and ignored, but more drasically since classes have been merged from different areas. It just seemed like I was that one girl that no one really wanted to be around with. So, I dyed my hair black, wore make up, and wore black clothing all of the time. I wanted people to know yes, I am still here, I am strong and you won't bring me down, albeit they still found ways to hurt me, deep down inside I was crying out for help. I tried telling my mother about it, but she just told me to ignore it and try to make friends. Much help she showed. When my 7th grade year came, I decided to partake in athletics, to try and relieve this stress and anger I had in me, and I did. I was in volleyball and I enjoyed it, I expressed it very well. I was happy for once and I had a team who sort of appreciated having me apart of their group. Coaches told me to try out for basketball. I was terribly uncordinated but I did, I did make the team but I was barely put out on the court because I was a terrible player, like worse than expected but I had fun with it.

So 8th grade year game, I played volleyball again and I got a lot of praise. My team was happy I joined them again and they did cut me some slack from the bullying. But I was still getting it, but I'm not taking it as hard as I used to. Coaches came back to me after the season and asked me again, "Aurelia, please partake in basketball again." I looked at her and I said sure. I have improved from last year with my cordination. Before school and after my coach asked me to come to the gym so we could pratice more so I can get better, and I did. It was extrodinary. I was able to do layups without fault, free throws, and everything. Soon, I because that one girl who was on both teams at my school (A and B team, thats how we called it). I was that one white girl that could play which made it even more extrodinary. I felt welcomed back into my team and I felt like they were my family. As graduation came, I was going to miss playing with them because majority of them said they will not partake in High School sports due to health reasons or just not wanting to.
As for my acedemics, it was always good, I ignored the crowd and forcused on what I needed to get done so throughout the school I stayed with A's and a B here and there. I was in an art class and I honestly didn't know how to draw till I might a girl who drew manga supurb. She sat next to me so I would watch her draw and I'd tell her how much her draws are really pretty, she had the stances and anatomy flawless and I wanted to know how to draw, so she taught me. Who knew I had a hidden talent that would blossom over the years? She was a great person, but after she taught me the foundations, she had to move to a different school which made me greatly upset. But I never stopped drawing hoping she would one day see my artwork at a foundation or on the internet, but I highly doubt she'd remember me

High School/ College
High School wasn't as bad as expected. I was still apart a group I didn't want to be with but I had no choice if I didn't want to get picked on. So I'd stayed with them. I made a few friends and I did love them, problematics happened between the group I was with vs my friends and I pretty much choosed my friends over them. I still partake in sports and I was still improving with my skills. As a Freshman, I was first placed in Junior Varsity because I was a great outside shooter and as the praticing when on, I became better with my basketball dribbling. I had what was given to me, albeit as the season started, I was barely put in because no one didn't really have much chemistry with me because I was still new so I wasn't put out to play as much. It was killing me, I wanted to play so badly to where I was about to quit. But after 3 weeks into the season, my coach started to play me, more and more and more to where I got better with my skills to the point I was a starting person, and then eventually captian of the team. I was happy, but there was jealousy in the team to where a few did quit. It made me upset, but hey thats how it goes, you fight for your position in a sport its not handed to you.

Our Varsity team made it to play offs and the Varsity coach asked if I could join them in the playoffs games and it made me almost cry because I felt like that was an honour for a Freshman to be able to play with Varsity, especially in the play offs, even if I barely played it was still great to watch them play. My sophomore year and my junior year I was placed in Varsity and I got a scholarship to go to Baylor to play for them, but there was an accident to where I had to get surgery on my ankle so after my Junior year I was unable to play my Senior year and could not go to Baylor to play basketball, I pretty much had a scholarship ruined and wasted on me, I was very upset and couldn't deal with it. But as my art and designs flourished, I was still going to school for art and I'd see where that would take me. A year after I graduated I got my bacholers degree (I started taking college classes my sophomore year so thats why I got it so early)
During and after my High School year into college, I stuck with good grades, I had my A's and B's but striving for straight A's is hard to do if you have other things to do, like jobs and everything.
Now, during all of my schooling and sports, things were drasically changing at my home, it was dropping and dropping with love with me. My mother was very jealous of me because my Oma would give me more affection and attention than her own daughter so my mom would constantly beat me and tell me that I'm worthless and wasn't meant to be born. I have done nothing but caused trouble in the family, just because she wasn't the centre of attenion in this family. It did hurt yes, but after awhile it just stuck there and I didn't bother with it. I would always be in my room and not bother with anyone because I felt like I was a burden to everyone, like my mother has told me. My father was always out and gone working 3-4 different jobs to keep this house stable because my mother demanded to stay at home and be a housewife and not bother with jobs anymore. She was incredible lazy and didn't care as long as she got what she wanted, which she did.
On the day's I was home and after school, she'd make me do the house work; clean floors, dishes, and lawn work. I mean this is a 7 year old doing all of these things, barely knowing what to do and constantly doing it till I was 14 till I got my first job. My sister, she was also lazy as well, she got my mothers snarky attitude and behaviour, and she make me do her work as well. I remember she once made me do her algebra homework... I mean what the hell? She was a delight to have around too, she was one of the biggest harlots I have ever met, losing her virginity at an early age and constantly having sex with other guys to get pregnant and have a reason to leave the house. I mean, in this household you can leave whenever you want but she craved that attention and always brings that wedge into the family of sepearating everyone. I'm always in the middle of everything and the beatings always inforced on me vs her. I remember one day when I was 12 years old, there was a guy who came up to me looking for her, insisting me to give her his number and the next time she is avalible. Like damn, she was running around like a freaking prositute. My mother got irritated with it to the point she almost got sent to boot camp, or a correction facility, but regardless it would take a miracle to reform that piece of work.
There were times where I have done things wrong around the house I would get a beating, doesn't matter with what, it could be kitchen utensils, a belt, a hand, or a whip that she has. It was torture to be around her and live in that house since is at its downfall. I was scared to come home at times because she would beat me right there as soon as I come home, it was degrating and embarrassing. She made me live with a terrible depression making me think that I was worthless and a nucense and my anxiety went through the roofs to where I would conflict self harm on me, popping pills, cutting myself, and just trying to kill myself. Living in that house was bound to kill me one way or another so I had to do something to get away from that. I almost got away with killing myself by taking ODing with my mothers medication but I stopped. I stopped because I was hoping there is something or someone out there that would truly appreciate for who I am and what I have to bring, and not bring me down for the falls I have.
When I was 14 I lost my virginity, like my sister did. The only reason why I did was because I wanted someone to love me, or at least think so, but as much as it was meaningless, I wish I never did it. I remember when my mother found it, she was furious with me, she told me "I knew you'd turn out like your sister, 18, still in school and pregnant with a ******** man who can even take care of himself. You're lucky you're still young, or I would of kicked you out." My father didn't really have much to say since he was always gone making money to satisfy my mother, but she never was.
I got plenty of jobs around in my area, but right now the only job that has been lasting was working at Dairy Queen, when I was 17 I've been working there and I got promoted after 4 months of working there. When December came, my mother kicked me out, she told me that she had enough of me and since I never do anything around the house, she has no use for me. All I had was the money I had in my safe, and a few boxes of belongings that I have. Since I had no where to go for that night, I asked a friend if I could stay the night at her apartment, and after that night I haven't had any feelings for my mother or even consdier her to be apart of my life anymore. If anything she is dead to me now. My friend asked if I can stay with her because she was getting low on rent money and she could use that extra help, so I stayed with her.
While I was working at Dairy Queen, I got into a relationship with a friend at school, we would do lots of things together, talk about everything and anything. As the year went by, we started to feel more and more comfortable with each other, until he got me pregnant. When I got pregnant by him, he seemed to be more abusive and demanding. I remember once he came into my work while I was working with a crew just filled with male workers and he literally threw a tantrum. I asked him to leave, and since he wouldn't, he pulled me from behind the counter and took me outside to have a word with me. He was saying along the lines "why are you cheating on me with them?" "am I not good enough for you?" yada yada crap and he slapped me across the face. A coworker came outside after me and pulled me back inside and told him that if he touches me again he will call the cops and then he left. Eventually things got worse and the stress was even more terrible. I wished I never got pregnant with him. 2 months later I miscarriaged with his child and I left his sorry *** since he never felt remorse for it. After that relationship, I get very uneasy when I'm around men in that sort of way. Its just impossible to hold up in a relatioship because I'm scared it will happen again, so I just isolate away from that.
After that relationship that I had with him, I got dire news from my friends mother. My best friend who has been living in Berlin had died from a car crash and her recovery was fatile. I died even more inside. I couldn't bear anything anymore and I just wanted to die and I almost did. it was unbearable to know how it happened and I didn't want to know what the injuries were. It would've just made me more depressed than I am and I just wanted the pain to go away...
After awhile of living with my friend, things really fell out and I moved out on my own, I couldn't tolerate the constant nagging and *****ing coming betwen us and I didn't want to ruin the relationship that we have so I left. Knowing that, I was on my own again. I looked for a cheap apartment, but also nice, and I did. I've been living here for almost a year, without any help from others, I have been surviving even though it will get tougher. I'd constantly get my sister to come by because she is having trouble with her problems so I'd let her stay for a night, but for some reason every time I let her stay something gets stolen and it makes me feel more less insignificant because of it. Its like my kindness and gratitude towards my family does get taken advantage of and it backstabs me in the back because I need to be more assertive towards them, I mean I shouldn't, they're my family and I should trust them.
Because I've been so lonely and needed attention, I decided to get me a dog. I went to the animal shelter to see if there was any puppies and there was. A 2 month puppy who was abandoned in my area where it is super busy with traffic and was ditched in a dumpster. I felt heartbroken for her so I took her. I don't regret it since we are pretty much the only family we have, since mine barely keeps in contact with me and her family abandoned her. I just love her so much...
My job as been really taking a toll on me, from the amount of stress it has put on me, to the people making it a living hell to go. After my previous boss has left, I was put on spot to be a General Manager for the DQ and I took it. I mean what else do I have left? I took on the position and made DQ a bit better than it previously was, it was very stressful and I had to work more hours, and do more things that the district manager wanted me to do... but I didn't get my pay raise? After a month of dealing with it, I told the company straight up, get someone else, since I'm pretty much bending my back for you, I do not want to continue doing it if there is no reward in the end. So we got someone else for my replacement, and boy she is a delight. Probably once of the worst GM's I have ever encountered. She is slow with the movement and barely knows whats going on, I had to teach her how to put paperwork into the computer countless times and pretty much bend over more just to help her. Again, I'm still not getting paid for this ****. Eventually she fired me because I was incapable to take a silly test and pass it for no reason. But the district manager over looked it and rehired me back. Since then me and boss lady has bad blood. I mean, she fired me before I almost got evicted from my apartment, I mean who does that?
Regardless, these are the certain things that makes me feeling bad for myself to feeling even worse. I can't being to start how thankful I should be knowing that there is possibly one person out there who will love me regardless.

and in all honesty, I took a lot of things out, because I just want to keep it short and simple
 
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Stitch

AKA Patrick
Joined
Aug 13, 2013
When teachers would call my name, and ask me questions, I would give them the right answer but my speech was so dreadful to where they thought I was just ******** or illiterate. So they decided to give me a test to see if I was so I could be placed in a different class more suitable for my status. I pasted the test and they were surprised that I knew more than expected. So, they just put me in a speech class to help with my talking. I was apart of those classes till my 4th grade year. It was terrible, after I would get the hang of talking I would still get teased for having a German accent, I would say idea as idear and other words of some sort differently so they tried enforcing the Texan accent on me, which was a disgrace.

I had a lot of trouble speaking when I was younger, too. I was in a speech class type thing well into middle school because it was so bad, I remember that even those closest to me had trouble understanding me. It totally screwed over my American accent and a lot of people make fun of me to this day for sounding "British". I often laugh it off now though, I don't find "British" to be that bad of a thing anymore. Sometimes I just have to hold my head up high and tell them that I could care less how I sound, it always sound more intellectual than them:P
 

CraptainFalcon

Bored to death
Joined
Jul 20, 2013
Location
2Fort
I was born October 25 1998. I had a difficult birth. Because of this I came out of the womb with a sort of squished head because the doctors used forces to pull me out. I wasn't breathing when they pulled me out and my parents thought I was gonna die. I didn't die. Instead, I'm here telling my life story.

My real name is Alejandro Hernandez, but people call me "Alex". My brother, Enrique, was born in 2000. He was planned by my parents because they wanted me to have a companion in my early years. I was raised properly by my parents. I never threw tantrums cause they would just beat me if I did (hey come on, they're Spanish parents). I grew up speaking Spanish around the house and because of this, I entered Kindergarten speaking little to no English. I learned eventually though. So, Kindergarten was great for me. I made friends and stuff and I even had a "girlfriend" (you know, childish crushes and stuff). I really don't remember much of my early years after that. I have very few memories of it. I just remember moving out of the apartment we lived in to live in a house across the Borough. Well, I left everyone behind there and never saw them again.

So I entered Grade 1 at a really ****** school. When I mean ******... It was a horrible school in terms of teachers, bathrooms and my hulk of a principal (read my first STORYTIME with CraptainFalcon blog post). Anyways, I spent like a week there before my parents found a babysitter who lived far from the school. I switched schools and the new school I went to was cleaner and was not ******. I loved that school (speaking of it, the city recently tore down the school to make way for something new). So, my babysitter took care of me and my brother for a whole year. She had a daughter my age whom I became friends with for a while (when I see her daughter now, damn... She has become a fine, good looking young woman). Despite this, I treated my babysitter like crap (and I regret it to this day). After a year, she said she couldn't take care of me and my brother anymore. So, I switched back to that crappy school. This was when I was gonna start Grade 2.

I entered Grade 2 in this crappy school and surprisingly I made friends the first day. And... This is where I met this girl ( I really don't want to say her name because I'm scared my brother will see it). She was the girl who I'd be chasing after 10 years later with little success. She is the love of my life. But... I really didn't like her in Grade 2. There was something about her that I... Despised. But I don't want to go on about that. So, halfway through the year my parents decided they wanted to go visit their home country, El Salvador. Fast forward to December 2005 and we went to El Salvador. Many things happened here. I nearly broke my brother's leg, I blew up fireworks, met my cousins and uncles and aunts and grandparents and I came back to Canada with an infection on my face. It was a great experience overall. I came back to Canada in January 2006 with this freakin' infection on my face. It was disgusting.

Anyways, let's move on to Grade 3. I ended up with most of my friends from Grade 2 in my class, including the girl I would love 10 years later. Grade 3 was one of the best years of my life. It was so fun. So, this is where I actually started talking to this girl. She wasn't as bad as I thought! She was so nice to me and complimented me on my drawings.

Around mid-year, I became friends with this kid. If you've read my blog post "STORYTIME with CraptainFalcon", you'll know this kid as *namewithheld*. You know what, I'll say his name here. It won't hurt anyone.

His name was Tyrell. I got into so much trouble with this kid. I got suspended 3 times because of him. My grades went down because of him. And because of him, everyone hated me. I started to get bullied sometimes, including Tyrell. To remedy the problem, my teacher, Ms. Horley-Mcleod, got me into Bionicles. It was a new thing to me. I really got into Bionicles. I read the books, comics, watched the movies and collected a ******** of them. I was so grateful and I wish I could thank her for helping me through that time. Eventually, everyone warmed up to me and stopped bullying me.

Let's move on to Grade 6. I no longer talked to my future crush for she was in another class. All my friends ended up in the same class as I and my principal threw desks around the class one time (read my blog post STORYTIME with CraptainFalcon). It was the greatest year of my life. During Grade 6, I earned a reputation of being a "tough guy" and I would often fight with other kids. At the end of the year, My friends started calling me "abuser" and for some reason "gay".

This continued in Grade 7. It got to a point where I snapped. We were in the Cafeteria and I grabbed one of the kids. I twisted his arm badly, nearly breaking it. I didn't get suspended for it because I explained my reason for doing it. Eventually we made up and became friends again. And it was also at this time where me and my friends would visit our old ****** school. We still loved that school for creating such crazy, funny memories for us. My future crush also went to visit the school for she had to pick up her little brother. I started talking to her again after nearly 3 years.

So eventually, middle school went by and I entered high school... I don't feel like typing any thing else so I'll continue this in a blog post.

EDIT: You know what... I'm gonna continue this.

I entered Grade 8 and I ended up with a lot of my friends in the same class. And when you reach Grade 8 here in Canada, you have to start applying for high schools and stuff. I applied to this art school called Wexford... didn't get in. It was fine by me cause they just lost the greatest artist in the world (just kidding). Anyways, I had to go to my actual home school, David and Mary Thompson. Just letting you know, Thompson is one of the worst schools, not only in Toronto, but throughout all of Canada. I really didn't mind going to this school, but my parents did. They were scared I was gonna get shot there or something.

So... what did they do? They started searching for a new place to live so I wouldn't have to go to Thompson. We found a building and we moved right before the start of Grade 9 (like literally 3 days before the school year started). My home school was now a school called R.H. King Academy. It's a pretty nice school, but there are a bunch *******es that go here. Among them, a lot of my friends from middle school. And the one person who I actually care most out of them, my crush that I've known for 10 years now.

So, Grade 9 was the second greatest year for me. It's better than Grade 10.

Anyways, let's talk about my crush now. I've known her since Grade 2. She's the most beautiful young woman I have had the chance know. I walk with her after school a lot, but I do it because I want to spend time with her. I'm pretty sure she thinks of me as a friend but, what the hell right? I can still try. But I'm too much of a freakin' ***** to tell her. I don't even know how I became infatuated with her. Man...

Her name is... really don't wanna say it... Merrisa


Dammit...

Anyways, if you actually read all that then thank you for taking some time out of your day to read this.
 
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43ForceGems

Quid est veritas, Claudia
Joined
Feb 9, 2010
Location
Magicant
Ok, ok...
Note: I will be using people's real names, because why not. Nobody's gonna be able to look them up in any way shape or form. Now... let's get to it.

My name is Matthew. And I was born May 7, 1997, in Gresham, Oregon. My parents were both born and raised in California, and my older brother, Jacob, who's a year and a half older than me, was born in California. But they moved up here when my brother was like 3 months old, because of my dad's work. And so we live here now. And my little brother, Aaron, 3 years younger than me, was born here as well. Actually the same hospital as me. Anyways, I would say I was born into a Christian home, which is fundamentally true, but not technically. My mom became a Christian when I was 2, and my dad followed a few months after. So I had the usual, "Jesus loves you, Matthew." When I was 3. And I "asked Him into my heart" which is about as meaningful as nothing when you're that little, in my opinion :P Anyways, my upbringing was the most perfect upbringing you could think of. It makes me feel bad honestly cause a lot of people have some really crappy parents. My mom and dad are amazing, and I could never ask for better parent figures in my life.

My older brother was 4, and it was time to go to Preschool. So my mom signed him up for a Preschool really close to our house, but he didn't want to go alone. So my mom made me go with him... So I went to Preschool with my brother, and then went when it was kids my age. So i did Preschool twice :P And now I'll go ahead and touch upon a thing that has really played a part in my life. Me and my brother are 180 degree opposites. I'm super extroverted and outgoing, and if there's someone I don't know, I'll walk up to them and start getting to know them. He's introverted, he's super shy, he's the guy that just sits by himself and never talks to anybody. Seriously, I don't get how a person can live like that. I see people and I just want to talk with them! He's so different. And that plays a huge part later on, but that's way later on. Back to Preschool. I met this guy, Morgan, and he became my first friend ever. He had super cool hair. And we both had a crush on this girl, Kendra. My first love :puppy: Haha no, it was just a stupid little kid crush. I have never seen her once since Preschool ended. Anyways, I then began attending the school my brother went to for Kindergarten, the school I still attend to this very day. It is a private Christian school, K-12, and super super small. Only me and one other guy have been there since Kindergarten. His name is Jonah. And I swear I'm still gonna be his friend when we're 70. I met him... when we were like 4 or something at a church barbeque or something, I have no idea, I was 4 :P So anyways, school started in Kindergarten. And I had a crush on a different girl, Sienna. I promised her I'd marry her. Yupp... haven't seen her in 8 years XD XD XD Anyways, this is when my mom first started to see something in me... My temper... I had an awful temper. I'll tell this one story that my mom retells me. Everytime went to get our teacher's mail from her box down in the office, she had us go with a partner. But one time she told me to go by myself. And I said no we go with partners. And she told me she wanted me to go by myself. And apparently, I picked up my chair and threw it at her... Yeah, that's me. My mom said I used to throw things clear across rooms and scream and stuff. I remember throwing a big metal toy car at my friend because his baseball team beat mine. I literally just chucked it at him XD But yeah, I had a pretty bad temper. My mom tried to help me and stuff, but it stayed the same all through elementary school. But now we move on the 1st grade, same school, but... The first day of school... I was chillin with my guy friends, and I looked up to the other end of the field, and there was this girl... standing by a bush... and I was a goner. I walked over to her and asked her what she was doing. She said "Looking for tree hoppers." I asked if I could help, and she said yes. And I was in love. Her name is Ana. Oh Ana... **** you :P

ANYWAYS, all of elementary school is a blur to me. It was all the same old same old, and I really mean that. Oh wait, I forgot to mention a key thing though. My little brother has autism. And I don't feel like explaining what it is for people who don't know, and Google could do a better job than me anyways. Now, he's not super severe, but he's autistic. And it pisses me off a lot. A lot of times he could do bad things and my parents wouldn't punish him because he's "special". And it would piss me off. My older brother never got punished either, cause he was the good kid. I was the one who couldn't keep his mouth shut, beat up on my older brother, yelled at my parents, got in trouble at school, I got suspended once in 2nd grade for tipping a kid's chair over. He slammed his head on the ground really hard, it was pretty bad. But yeah, I wasn't like a SUPER bad kid, but compared to my brother, I was in trouble all the time. I threw a rock at his face once cause he wouldn't play a game with me. And just... well that's how it was. 1st through 7the grade, my life was the same. There were little things, I got glasses in 3rd grade, and I was like holy crap you're supposed to actually be able to read the board from your seat??? XD And this whole time I still had a crush on Ana. And I was still best friends with Jonah, I had other friends, but that was basically it. 6th grade was pretty bad in terms of me getting mad at people and in trouble, but 7th grade got better. And then.......... 8th grade.......

8th grade began, and I didn't just have a childish crush on Ana anymore. I was freaking madly in love with her. To the point where every waking moment I was thinking of her, and I knew she didn't like me back. It's kinda the classic setup, but honestly it depressed me really bad. And during all this, Jonah loved her too. But because I knew for a fact she didn't like me, my mind made up illusions that she liked Jonah. Which she didn't. But... I began to hate Jonah for it. But I still stayed his friend, because you know those people that you hate because they have something you don't, but you still like them because of it? It's weird to explain, I still have a couple people like that in my life today, but anyways, back to 8th grade. There was also this other kid in my class... Taylor... Taylor Taylor Taylor. I hated him. Now I want to talk about something. There is love, and then there is true love. And I believe there is hate, and there is true hate. I think not many people ever experience true hate. I never say I hate anybody, because I know what it feels like to truly with your guts hate somebody. Because I truly hated Taylor. True hate is much like true love, every waking moment you're thinking about them. With love it makes you depressed. With hate it makes you angry. You know that mood you get in where you're so agitated, but keeping it in, and then you like reach to turn on a light switch, and you miss, AND YOU JUST WANT TO KILL ALL THE MOTHER EFFING LIGHT SWITCHES IN THE WORLD!!! I know you all know that edgy feeling, and I felt like that 24/7. I literally did. And one time we were playing basketball in PE, and he kicked me in the leg, and to me it looked on purpose, so I started yelling and stuff. The teacher came over and asked what happened, and I said "He kicked me like that!" As I kicked him as hard as I could in the shin. And then he punched me in the face. And we were both suspended for 2 days. Another time, we were playing football in PE, and I tripped and fell on the ground. And I was just done with life. So everyone came over to see if I was ok, and I jumped up and cussed them all out and threw my lock of my locker at them when we got back to the locker room, and I ALMOST got suspended again for that one. But yeah, I was incredibly angry all the time and incredibly depressed all the time. I had true depression. It was real, and it sucked. And so I would try and ya know hang out with Ana sometimes, but avoid Taylor for the life of me. But they were always in the same group of people. So I always had to decide, which was stronger in me, love or hate. I chose both equally times. But a lot of times I chose to avoid them, and it caused me to hang out with a guy who I was kinda friends with, but I got to know him more, out of being forced to hang out with at least somebody, and now we're like best friends. So now I'll talk about Ana. Ana is beautiful. I'll give spoilers now and say she still goes to my school, and I'm actually really really good friends with her. And she truly is one of the prettiest girls I have ever seen in my life. She's nice, she's humble, she's funny, and I was so in love with her it killed me. And now is when I'll say, if it weren't for two things, I literally would have committed suicide. I almost did once, I was going to jump out my window, headfirst onto the concrete below. I had the screen off and everything. But then a song stopped me... A song by a band that saved my life that year. They're called Tenth Avenue North, you may have heard of them, you may have not. Their album The Light Meets The Dark is what saved me. That one album, I would listen to over and over and over and bawl tears. Specifically one song: On and On. It's a song about God talking to us, but to me, I was singing it to Ana. Listen to it and you'll see what I mean. I cried myself to sleep every single night listening to that song over and over. And the one other thing that literally kept me breathing every day was... Earthbound. That is why it is not just a game to me. It is much more than a game to me. And everytime I... gosh... that game has such a special place in my heart, I'm almost in tears right now just thinking about Smiles and Tears... But funny thing is, I never played it. I didn't have the means. I watched Chuggaaconroy's Let's Play of it like 4 times though. And that's how I survived. Once I finally got my hands on the Virtual Console copy last year, I was so happy. I've played it twice since then, and that game is just so special to me. I viewed Paula as Ana, and me as Ness. And at the end, when you drop her off at home, and you know she wants to say "I love you" but she doesn't... After all you've been through... It just killed me. But also kept me alive. So that year pretty much SUCKED. There were little things too, I ran away from home once, my brother was in the same situation I was with a girl he really liked, but because of his shyness, he wasn't able to talk to her. And it made him super depressed as well. I to this day don't know if he still loves her or not... Aaaanyways... I had grown up like a typical Christian kid right? Follow the rules, don't cuss, and read my Bible. But in 8th grade, I really hated God. I really did. I would stand in my room and yell at Him and cuss Him out and ask Him why He was doing this to me, I never did anything to deserve this. I would yell and yell, and I hated him so much. And one day, in about April or May, I was just done. I was done with this God crap. He was useless, He didn't love me, **** Him, I hate Him. So I grabbed my Bible and I was going to rip out every single page one by one. I flipped open randomly in the middle and grabbed the page. But... my eye caught 9 words... "Oh Lord, do not rebuke me in your anger." I let go of the page... and kept reading. "Have mercy on me Lord, for I am weak." I started tearing up. "Save me for Your mercies' sake! Oh Lord, how long!" "All night, I drench my bed with tears!" And I fell on my face on my floor. And I can confidently say that I have never ever cried harder than that day. Gosh how I wish I knew exactly what day it was... Anyways, what I read was Psalms 6, which now has such a special place in my heart as well. It is the most meaningful Scripture in the world to me. I couldn't have lived without it. But... I was still depressed. 8th grade promotion happened though, Ana looked INSANE, and summer started... I got depressed again. Actually hold on a second.
IMG_4772.jpg
There. I'm the ****** on the right, and that's Ana on the left. That was at 8th grade promotion. So, then summer started, and I honestly spent a lot of time staring at that very picture. But... time passed... and... love faded. I slowly became un depressed. And then, in August, I went to Trout Creek Bible Camp, with my best friend Calen. And Friday night, we were singing songs. And I was so overtaken by God, so overwhelmed by His love and mercy and that I was forgiven and loved by Him and that all He wanted was me to finally reach out and take His hand, so we could go live life in joy together. I felt this surge of electricity run through me and I collapsed to the ground on my face, bawling my guts out of my eyes. August 19, 2011, the day God scooped me up on His arms, called me His child, and I swore my life to the allegiance of Jesus Christ. 9th grade started, and my depression was over. I wasn't in love with Ana anymore, God took it away. I didn't hate Taylor anymore, God took it away. He saved me from my hell, and it made me love Him all the more. Gosh I love You, God.

Well then I actually started talking to Ana and getting to know her, and I also got to know a couple of her girl friends that I had never talked to before. One of whom, is... well... Her name is Megan. And I kinda started liking her. Eventually, on Febuary 29, 2012, I started really feeling in love with her. And this time it felt more real than Ana. It didn't make me feel dead and depressed, it made me feel alive and joyful. Near the end of our Freshman year, she started liking me too. And we hung out a TON over the summer, and, merely for the satisfaction of people, started calling ourselves official in the Fall of Sophomore year. I love Megan. She is so pretty and understanding and she always listens to me and she's so perfect. I'm not dating her because I want a girlfriend, I'm dating her because she's just too beautiful to let go.

During Sophomore year, I had a teacher, who is one of my favorite men on this earth. He changed me entirely, and I owe a lot of who I am to him. He is an amazing man, and I'm so sad that he moved away. But anyways, he made me question myself. I had always just been a Christian, since August 19 that is. Ya know, don't cuss, ignore the gay people, abortion's wrong, and Jesus is the way the truth and the life hallelujah praise the Lord don't ask any questions, just come to church on Sundays and you'll go to heaven. But Mr. Winningham, my teacher, one day in class started talking about why gay marriage needs to be legal. And all the "Christians" got super pissed at him. But I just sat there... And thought. I'm a thinker. And I talked to him about it, and it really intrigued me. And that inspired me to think a little more. And then, when Track started in the Spring, we had a new coach, Scotty, and man he changed me too. I talked with him a lot about politics and stuff, and he made me think, oh DANG did he make me think. And then, over the second half of my Sophomore year, over the summer, and really continuing throughout my Junior year, I don't accept ANYTHING on anybody's claim. This is why I personally get mad when Laz says in the MD that all religious people are mindless followers that don't think for themselves. Because I used to be that. But then I started wondering... What does the Bible actually say? I was SO SHOCKED!!!!! The Bible doesn't say so much that people say it does! And it SAYS things a lot of people don't ever talk about! It's insane to me how blind people are! My entire philosophy has entirely and totally been changed, the only thing I think the same about since Freshman year is that I love God and He loves me. But now, I believe what I believe, because I actually believe it. I have chosen to believe what I believe, and if you call me mindless, I swear to you that I am not. Because I do research, I read my Bible, but I don't force myself to ;) That's another stupid thing, "Devotions"? Really? You force yourself to care for 20 minutes every morning and then go and treat people like crap the rest of the day. Yeah, you're really following Christ, keep it up. (obvious sarcasm should be obvious). I could go on and on about the laundry list of things that "Christians" these days have totally distorted and how they're growing away from God every single day, but I'll spare you. Cussing is another big one though. Cussing is not a sin. And it's actually starting to piss me off that people say it is. Because it simply is not.

Really quickly, I want to say one more story though. Sophomore year kinda sucked though, because me and Megan got in a lot of fights. Spring that year was some of the worst 3 months of my life. We would get in a fight every single night. Literally. I would yell at her, cuss her out, tell her I was leaving, break her heart, and then everything would be forgiven and we'd try to smile at school the next day, but that night it would all happen all over again. I think it was because she was putting so much into the play that year, she was playing the lead role in Pygmalion after all. And I was working my butt off in Track. We were both so drained, and we didn't have the strength to maintain a relationship. We got healed over the summer though, and all of Junior year has been bliss for me. I got depressed last August for absolutely no reason at all, but now, satan just can't touch me. Megan's life is falling apart drastically, but I won't go into it because that's not my life to tell. She's crying herself to sleep every night though, and she's going through depression as well. I'm trying to be here for her, but it's hard...

But here is my final conclusion on life so far: "Life is what you make of it." You'll hear me say that from time to time. And what I mean is that, if we are happy, we'll be happy. Make sense? Probably not. If we only look for the bad in things, and then dwell on it when we find it, that's all we'll see. If you just say "I hate Johnny because he does that. I hate Johnny because he does that." JUST SHUT UP! Stop saying that! Look! Johnny's a super funny cool guy! I think disliking people is so stupid. Yes, there are still some people that I still dislike, but it's so stupid. If you repeat how stupid someone is, they're not gonna get any better. You can't change them, you can only change how you see them. Because life is what YOU make of it. And if we learn how to look at life through God's eyes, DAMN is it an amazing experience.

I am Matthew
Megan is the love of my life
I play piano
Owl City is a freaking genius
And I belong to God, all my heart and my soul

If you actually read all this... I pity you :P You just completely wasted a good hour of your day

But thank you for listening, if you did
I love you

~43ForceGems
 

sailormars109

Finding Love by the Moon
Joined
May 28, 2012
Location
Macy, Indiana
GET YOUR FEELS READY.

My story actually begins before I was born. Around the time my mom got pregnant with me, my dad was diagnosed with Lymphoma (lymph node cancer). That caused a lot of stress during her pregnancy and we both think that's why I have so many problems now. She also didn't want to know what gender I was going to be because she likes surprises like that. Now onto my story.

I am Julia Brooke McAlister. I was born on January 11, 1996. My parents were originally going to name me Brooke, but they couldn't think of a middle name to go with it, so my dad suggested Julia and it stuck. I weighed 6 pounds 13 ounces and was 19 inches long. I was also born with red hair! I have one biological brother, Cameron, that was getting ready to turn 6 when I was born.

When I was born, my dad was going through chemo-therapy. Within two months of my life, he was admitted to the hospital. He did come home but he got re-admitted shortly after his discharge. On May 17, 1996 he passed away at 11:00 PM. Apparently, I had woke up around this time and started crying. I find this really ironic. His death really shattered my mom and my brother. My mom calls me her miracle baby because I was so little and needed her to take care of me. I was her reason to keep moving and not to just lay in bed and never get up again. Yes, she did have my brother, but he could take care of the necessities on his own for the most part.

My dad and my step-dad (Jim) were best friends and before my dad died, he had told my step-dad to look over my mom, brother and I. Well, when Jim called, he and my mom talked for a really long time and ended up falling in love. They got married on June 14, 1997 and have been happily married ever since. I have three step-brothers now because of that, Jimmy, Michael, and Steven.

Apparently, my first word was kitty. I guess my brother had a cat when I was a baby and I was fascinated by it. I also really liked sausage. I used to scream if I didn't have sausage in front of me. I also would scream if my brother was in the same room as me.

When I was little, I was spoiled. I was the baby of the family and the only girl. Naturally, I usually got a lot of the things I wanted. Plus, I was really cute. I think that also was a factor in letting me get away with a lot of things.

Sometime when I was 3 or 4, my brother Steven sexually harassed me. I'm not quite sure what he did, but apparently it was pretty bad. He got kicked out of the house and was sent to live with his mom. The thing that happened with him almost split my parents apart. I haven't talked to him since and I don't even remember what he looks or sounds like.

My mom bred English Springer Spaniels while I was little. I remember the first litter we had. I picked out a liver and white male that had a white spot on his hip. I remember begging my parents to let me keep him. I got to keep him and we named him Ollie. Ollie was my first dog and friend.

When I started school, I was bullied a lot. I was the smallest kid there. I was in preschool and getting bullied by other kids that weren't that great either. It progressed further when I proceeded to kindergarten. I got made fun of because of the things I liked. Some kid on the bus always picked at me because of my size and because I had a crush on a fourth grader. At some point I started hating riding the bus. I would always ask my mom to take me to school, but she didn't understand. I remember I cried on the bus and my brother had to sit with me to calm me down.

At some point during kindergarten, I started bowling. That was fun.

Before first grade, we went to Disney World in Orlando, FL. That was amazing.

In first grade is when I started feeling a lot like a bother. I didn't fit in. I had trouble finding people I could be friends with. I remember on multiple occasions I wouldn't have anyone to play with. That really sucked. I got in trouble because I said something wrong. In first grade is when I got really sick. I had a virus that made my tonsils swell up really bad. It also kept coming back. I remember I started getting sick around my birthday and it kept coming back until March. I remember seeing a specialist about it too. That was weird.

In second grade, I was kind of getting friends. I was part of the "popular" group. However, they weren't my real friends though. I think they were only my friends just to manipulate me.

In the summer between second and third grade, we traveled to Dallas, TX for bowling nationals. My brother had qualified and managed to place 4th in the country. I loved being in Texas. It was perfect there.

In third grade though, I kind of started sticking out again and didn't have many friends anymore. Third grade was also when I started having anxiety and chest pains from it. I was qualified to go to state bowling that year though. However, I got really sick and had to stay home. Sometime in May, we adopted a dog from a lady my mom went to college with. The dog was brindle coated, female Boxer that didn't have her ears cropped. She was two years old when we got her. Her name was Sadie. My dad was actually on a business trip in Alabama when we got Sadie, so he didn't get to meet her until he got home at midnight. We had only had Sadie for a day and immediately she became a guard dog for her new family. She ran out into the kitchen and growled at my dad. She then farted and turned around to look at her butt as if she was wondering if she did that. That's how her and my dad became best friends.

In fourth grade, I began to make different friends. I remember making myself go up to a new kid and introduce myself. Because of that, I was her first friend at school. Her name was Katie. I also met my friend Megan that year. We used to play with our Tamagotchi and Gigapets. We became best friends and she was my first real friend. Later on that year, Megan, Katie, and I had a little slumber party and went to the Children's Museum in my state.

In fifth grade, my grades started to slip pretty bad. I was just losing motivation to do anything and really didn't feel like I belonged anywhere. My parents were starting to be more harsh on me as well.

Sixth grade is when my depression started to develop. I was basically emotionally abused by everyone because of what I thought. I didn't really have anyone that I could be friends with. No matter what I did it, it was wrong. I had really bad grades and at some point, I contemplated suicide. That contemplation would go to last for quite a while before I would actually attempt it.

During 7th grade, I really hit a dark spot. I started dressing a lot darker. I started listening to different music. I went from being a die hard Jonas Brothers fan to only listening to My Chemical Romance. I started writing music and singing more passionately. I knew that year that I wanted to become a performer. I joined color guard and learned how to perform. Most of the people in color guard were in high school. Actually, there were only two other people in middle school besides me. So from there, I learned how to perform. Color guard is what helped me find what I am destined to do. I am destined to perform.

I already have written down the majority of 8th grade to now.

However, I have more to add.

During my junior year between Keith and Brad, I dated Lord Vain. I was going through a lot and I was seriously contemplating suicide. So I think that's why I started to feel differently about him and ended things.

Around the time that Vain and I broke up, Keith had just stopped talking to me. I felt like I had lost everything. I felt so alone in this world. I decided that I was going to commit suicide. I felt so unwanted and invisible. My parents had also been really hard on me as well. I went into my dad's cabinet and grabbed his Tramadol (He has 50 mg size pills). That night, I only took ten. It was only enough to make me really sick. I also broke out in a rash. At the time, I didn't know that breaking out in a rash was just a reaction to the overdose so I thought I was allergic to the medication. I remember the whole time I was sick, I kept taking more pills too. It made me numb. It made me sleep. In a way, I was miserable but happy.

In July during Circus Week, I had just gotten to play first chair flute and piccolo for the woman that usually does it. However, my mom had decided that I didn't do something right and told me that I couldn't do Circus Band anymore. My parents have never understood Band and the fact that everyone is needed, so that didn't go over well. I basically got told by Jim that I was going to end up in prison because I didn't clean my room. When I got home, I was an emotional wreck. I was talking to Brad as we had just started dating. I told him that I was going to take "my special remedy" to calm myself down. He believed that lie. Honestly, it was another attempt at suicide. I took at least 15 Tramadol and I added 2 of my mom's muscle relaxers. I remember I would be in the middle of a conversation and just fall asleep. At some point, I think my mom came upstairs and yelled at me while I was asleep. I remember waking up and crying and Brad said that she had yelled at me. I didn't understand why though.

In September, there were drum major auditions. I felt like I was really the only one qualified to be drum major. However, even though she knew that I had wanted to be drum major since my first year of high school band, Jessica went against me and won. That really tore me apart.

Fast forwarding to now, I have been enrolled in Alternative School because of my anxiety and depression making my attendance bad. My principals decided that I couldn't do band or guard. That really crushed me. I have been in band and guard longer than anyone else. I have been in guard 6 years and high school band 5 years. I was also guard captain. They also had the nerve to tell me I couldn't go on my Senior Trip because they think my anxiety is too bad. They have never been around me when I am depressed or have anxiety, so they have no clue what I am like. Basically they're acting like I'm not a member of my senior class.

I am Julia Brooke McAlister. I play flute, piccolo and piano. I grew up on anime and Scooby-Doo. I love Zelda. I am 18 years old. I am strong and will live my life to its fullest. If I didn't have Fig, Jessica, my family, and my other friends from here and Fun For Freedom, I wouldn't be here. Stay strong, life is worth the fight.
 

pkfroce

Skelepuns
Joined
Nov 25, 2012
Location
The Underground
Gender
Male
I was born on November 13, 1998 in Chino Hills, California. My full name is Albert Leandro Andres, and I'm basically full Filipino. I think I'm 1/8th Chinese, but meh. I didn't have any problems with my birth that I really know of. I mean, I'm pretty much a normal 15 year old right now. I have a mom, a dad, and a younger sister. That's my introduction I guess.

When I was a kid, I think my parents thought of me as a crybaby. And, to be honest, I kind of was. I cried at nearly everything. I was scared of everything and I especially hated being alone. When they tried to put me in a daycare, I cried because I thought they had left me for good. According to them, I cried literally the entire day. Because of that, I only went to daycare for like 2 days. I was really shy as a kid too. I've been shy for the majority of my life actually. You'll here more about that later, I think.

I started school at the age of 4. Earlier than most of the other kids at my school. I went to school on an Air Force Base as my dad was in the AirForce at that time. And I stayed in the same School District until I began high-school. I was always the youngest in my classes. Despite that, I was always one of the best students. I was a really good kid and I never really struggled with anything that my teacher taught us. (Well, I sucked at drawing and coloring, but eh.) As I said before, I was pretty shy. However, I somehow made a lot of friends. A whole bunch of them moved since their families were in the military. Then began 1st grade.

Again, I was still doing really well in school, nothing much to say here. Nothing super important happened in this stage of my life.

2nd grade I was, again, doing well in school. Our teachers introduced AR Reading to us. AR Reading is a program where books that were registered as AR Books could be read, tested on, and you'd get points for doing that. Each book was worth a different amount of points. Well, there was a prize at the end of the year where the student with the most points got am award. My teacher really liked me and REALLY wanted me to win. She was basically shoving books down my throat to read. It was the first time that I ever really felt pressure in my life. I didn't like it. But I was scared to tell my parents because I was scared of having my teacher not like me. So I finished up the list of books she gave me and decided to read a bigger book for more points. That's when I started the Harry Potter series. I really liked it, and I ended in liking it for a while. Anyway, I did win the award at the end and I also took part in a Spelling Bee. I won that too, but it was close. Long story short, 2nd grade was a successful year for me. I was still happy as ever.

3rd grade is when I started playing Basketball. I really liked to play, and my coaches praised me for my defense. I wasn't the best at shooting and dribbling yet though. That's when I first started noticing that people were judging me. They said I was bad because I couldn't shoot well. That's when I met this really nice guy who lifted me up and taught me about shooting. I felt a lot better, and we became really good friends. Still nothing important happening with my family.

I continued to play basketball up until 8th grade, but I'll talk about that later. 4th grade was another successful year for me. I was put into a 4th/5th grade combo class. Our teacher called it the "gifted" class. I didn't see it that way though. I just saw it as any regular class, but with older kids. I entered another spelling bee that year. I won 1st place in my school and I went on to the District Spelling Bee. This time there were a few high-schoolers and I was nervous since I was only a 4th grader. I won first again and I was expecting to go further, but I didn't. I still don't know why... Other than that, not much else important happened that year.

I was put into another combo class in 5th grade. This time 5th/6th combo. That's when I met my first legitimate crush. She was a grade ahead of me and also Filipino. (Idk if this is weird, but almost all of the crushes I've ever had were Asian.) I reaaallly liked her, but I was really shy so I never actually talked to her. So... That didn't last long. 5th grade is also where I met my current best friend. His name is Anthony. We both liked the same things. Pokemon, Naruto, and basically gaming in general. He was the one who introduced and taught competitive Pokemon battling to me. I looked at him as a role model. He was outgoing and I wanted to become less introverted. I stuck with him for the rest of the time that I was at that school district.

Nothing changed in 6th grade. I made more friends, and I was kind of stepping put of my bubble. Other than that, nothing much changed.

Middle school for me was 7th to 8th grade. 7th grade was when all the progress that I had made in becoming less introverted just got washed away. All of my friends had changed. There were a bunch of new people and they were really judgmental. Everyone was always making a big fuss about what you were wearing, what you did, the people you hung out with, etc. I was completely unprepared for this. My clothes were, "not cool enough." No one was into Pokemon that much anymore. I started trying to work on my image. I wanted to fit in. I didn't want to be that guy that no one liked. Anthony supported me, but criticized me at the same time. It wasn't hurtful criticism though. It was more to help me look better I guess. I bought different shoes, shirts, jeans, and a new backpack. I was still doing well in school. I just didn't fit in, and I didn't want to be an outcast. It was like I formed a bubble inside my bubble.

In 8th grade, I began to play guitar. I really began to like music. I began to make progress again. I became much more social while still maintaining my nerdy side. I was motivated to become someone at my school. A lot of people knew me, but it wasn't really in a good way. I was kind of "that kid who hangs out with Anthony." I wanted to build a reputation. It worked. People knew me as Albert. People thought I was funny. People knew me. I really liked that feeling. I also met my first girlfriend in 8th grade. Her name was Celena. She was Asian and really pretty. She liked me a lot and I liked her a lot. We met at the restaurant her family owns after my guitar practices. My friends joked around with me because she was really skinny, but I'm not (Woops accidentally posted without finishing.) As I was saying, I'm not one to go for a girl because of her figure. 8th grade was a nice year. I was finally becoming a more outgoing and fun person. However, my grades began to drop. I started to procrastinate on everything because I was busy with my friends. I stopped studying. My test scores plummeted. My parents were really angry at me and they decided to send me to a private high-school. I started getting frustrated with my parents. I got angry with how they have high standards for me. Around this time, my sister had gotten into dancing. My parents were praising her for how well she was doing. I kind of felt like my family and I were drifting apart. I was really stressed because I didn't want to leave my friends and my grades were falling. I was angry and frustrated because of how much my parents expected from me. I felt like I was alone and the world was just beating down on me.

I began high-school at a private Catholic school. I was really reluctant on going to this school. I was alone at the beginning. No one knew me because they knew their friends from their old schools. No one wanted to hang out with me. I was alone. I was determined to get better grades here though. I really wanted to become a better person. So I worked hard. I had 3 Honors classes and I was ahead of my other classmates in Spanish. I made new friends and built a new reputation. I was still that funny guy, but I was also maintaining my grades. My friends were much more supportive at my new school. I learned that you can have fun and maintain your grades if you put enough effort. I've become an overall better person since going to this school. It really relieved my stress. I became less angry at my parents. I became much more grateful for everything I have.

I know this isn't as deep and personal as some of the others, but I guess I just wanted people to know more about me. :)
 
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