Unneeded Vacation
ZD Writing Competition: Round 30
Theme: Tropical Islands
This is dull. Absolutely, entirely, unequivocally, unforgivably dull.
This mantra played on repeat in Tanya’s head. She sat reclining back, supporting her upper body with her arms. She was relaxing on a plush towel, protecting her skin from the hot sand. A large and colorful umbrella kept her cool in the shade here. An icy drink sat in the sand at her side, ready to quench her thirst. Her brand new bikini was comfortable and attractive. The beach around her was bustling and full of summer vigor.
And she was bored out of her mind. Hopelessly bored.
This is so dumb. I didn’t need this vacation.
She was so listless, she couldn’t even manage a sigh. Drops of sweat trickled down her forehead, but she didn’t bother to wipe them away. She was getting thirsty, but she didn’t feel like making an effort to reach for her beverage. She simply sat there, unmoving, staring at the ocean and watching the beachgoers frolic in the waves.
Tanya was not in the mood for summer merriment. She wasn’t in the mood for many things these days. Recently, nothing she did felt fulfilling anymore. She was struggling at work, she was arguing with her husband, she was constantly low on energy, and she found herself able to smile less and less.
Out of concern, her husband planned this island getaway for the two of them. He wanted it to be a special trip to brighten her spirits, and she did appreciate the gesture, but she couldn’t stop herself from feeling frustrated by the whole ordeal. She thought the money they spent on this trip would be a waste.
He’s sweet, but he really shouldn’t have bothered...
“Hey, babe, you’re lookin’ pretty lonely. What say I keep you company? It’s a beautiful day, after all.”
Tanya turned her head to see a ripped surfer bro smirking at her. His eyes looked ravenous as they scanned her up and down. She simply frowned.
“That the best you could come up with? Go away.” she said.
“Ouch, that was pretty cold. Maybe you need to heat up a bit in this sun.”
The bro grabbed her arm and yanked her to her feet. This made Tanya grow angry.
“Get the hell away from me.” she spat.
“Now, now, calm down. I’m just lookin’ for some fun.” he said, beginning to sound annoyed by her lack of cooperation.
“What are you doing to my wife?!” a gentle voice cried out.
Tanya turned to see her husband had returned with the ice cream he’d promised to get her. She felt a little relieved to see him.
“Aw hell, you’re married? Damn, no wonder you’re such a prude. I’m outta here.”
With a click of his tongue, the dejected surfer bro strutted away to find another unsuspecting woman to harass. Tanya couldn’t bring herself to sigh, despite her relief that the annoyance was gone. Her husband quickly came to her side, his face full of worry.
“Are you alright, honey?” he asked.
“Zeke, it was just a pushy guy. I’m not dying or anything.” Tanya assured him.
“Still, it looked like he grabbed you pretty hard. I hope it didn’t hurt.”
Tanya briefly bit her lip.
I already told him I’m fine. She felt a bit frustrated that he was continuing to push the issue. Zeke could see on her face that she was starting to get aggravated, and he appeared to be going through some choice words in his head. Before long, he just sighed.
“Here’s your ice cream. I know you like strawberry.” he said softly.
“Thanks.”
Tanya took the cone from him and sat back down on her towel. Zeke sat down beside her, and she slowly began lapping up the sweet cream. It tickled her tongue and brought a small sense of comfort to her. But, like everything else lately, that comfort was gone fast.
He went to the trouble of buying this for me... I should try to finish it.
Despite thinking that, Tanya could only force herself to get halfway through. Zeke watched her uneasily, and his worried expression only made Tanya more frustrated.
I hate it when he looks at me like that... Please just stop worrying about me.
“Aren’t you going to swim?” Tanya asked, trying to get him to go away for a bit.
“I’d rather swim with you.” he answered, gazing out to the sea.
“I don’t feel like swimming.”
“Then I’ll just stay here and hang with you.”
Tanya bit her lip again. “Why? I’m not doing anything.”
“Then I’ll do nothing, too. I just want to be around you, Tanya.” he said.
He called me by my name instead of a petname... He’s seriously gonna stay put here, huh? He’s so stubborn.
Tanya hugged her knees and rested her head on her arms. She felt guilty, as if she were depriving Zeke of the fun he could be having without her. She didn’t like it when he stayed at her side like that. She didn’t want to be on this vacation, but she wanted Zeke to enjoy himself at the very least.
And yet, that was the kind of man she married. That was why she married him. He would always drop everything to tend to her. Before, that always made her heart skip a beat, but now it just wracked her with guilt and feelings of frustration.
Why won’t he just have fun without me? I’m not interesting enough for him to want to sit next to me all day.
True to his words, Zeke didn’t move from her side. He didn’t say a word to her, allowing her to be with her thoughts like she had wanted to be, but still refusing to let her be alone. This was something he’d started doing only recently. It was like he was compromising, only giving her half of what she wanted.
Why does he bother? I just want to be alone... This stupid trip isn’t going to help anything.
* * *
The evening came quicker than Tanya would have liked. The day was almost gone already, and she felt like she wasted the first day of their vacation by doing nothing but sit on the beach. What’s more, she felt like she’d wasted her husband’s day by keeping him at her side. She blamed herself for him staying. If only she hadn’t worried him, he would have gone off to have fun. It was all her fault.
Zeke, perceptive as ever, could tell Tanya was bothered. He suggested they go out to dinner together. He’d read great reviews about a beachfront diner with a superb view of the sunset. She agreed to go, knowing that he’d just get even more worried if she turned him down.
No longer in a bikini, Tanya found herself sporting a black v-neck dress. The sleeves were very short and frilled, and it went down a little past her waist. It was something she’d picked out for herself after hearing Zeke comment on it at a department store once. She wanted him to see her in it and feel at ease so he’d stop bothering her.
Her husband wore a white polo shirt, a direct contrast to her own wardrobe. He wasted no time complimenting her, as always. Tanya couldn’t bring herself to appreciate the kind words. She couldn’t have felt more different from him. Zeke’s fluffy brown hair bounced as he walked, while her own black curls hung downcast over her eyes. Her dark skin felt concealed in the evening’s light, while his pale skin seemed to shine. Even his blue eyes seemed to sparkle in the streetlights. Everything about him looked radiant, and she felt as though she were drab in comparison.
We look so weird next to each other... Why did I agree to go out in public like this? I don’t want to be here...
They were almost to the diner when Zeke suddenly stopped them.
“... You don’t want to go, do you, Tanya?” he asked.
“... I do. Let’s go.” she lied.
Zeke didn’t respond right away. She could feel his eyes on her, full of worry again. It made her want to crawl under a rock and hide. She felt increasingly aggravated.
Why can’t he just listen to what I say? Why does he have to be so nice to me all the time? These thoughts were growing bigger and bigger inside her, but Zeke’s calm voice settled them for a moment.
“Let’s take a walk on the beach together. Just for a bit.” he said.
Tanya met his eyes, and was surprised to see the worry all but gone. He looked focused, like he had everything all figured out. She wasn’t sure if that was more or less frustrating than his worried face.
She nodded, and he took her hand in his and led her away from the diner. They stepped off the boardwalk and into the sand. They were both wearing shoes now, so walking across the beach was a little awkward, but it didn’t deter either of them.
After a bit of time, Zeke let go of Tanya’s hand and walked a bit ahead of her. She gazed at his back, which looked bigger in front of her than it used to. She was already a whole head shorter than him, but she felt completely eclipsed by his size in this moment.
She turned her gaze away and looked out to sea. The setting sun had almost disappeared past the horizon. The light that remained glittered on the water’s surface, and the quiet waves created a lovely sound as they rolled along the shoreline.
This sight did nothing for her. She felt like she should appreciate the island’s beauty, but none of it got through to her. She felt like she were walking along a set path in a movie, where everything that moved around her was just a prop. With none of it real, it would explain why it didn’t move her. But then what did that mean for her? Was she also not real? She felt a suffocating sense of uncertainty.
“Tanya.” Zeke said, stopping and turning toward her.
Tanya also stopped walking, and she began to feel a little afraid. What did he want to say to her? He was going to yell at her, she was sure of it. That was why he brought her out here, where there was no one around to hear it. He was going to be angry with her for sucking all the fun out of their trip. He spent all this money on her and she wasn’t the least bit grateful. Surely he hated her. Surely this was going to be the end of their marriage. She could feel it coming. Of course it would come.
Fine. It’s over, then. At least he can go be with a girl that’s actually happy.
“Tanya, I want to tell you I’m sorry.” Zeke said.
“... Excuse me?” she said, confused.
“I should have talked this trip over with you more. I thought a relaxing getaway would help you feel better, but that was just wishful thinking. I’m sorry that you’re not having fun.”
“It’s not your fault. Don’t worry about me, just have fun on your own.” she said.
“No, I won’t do that. It’s not any fun without you.” he said.
“Don’t be dumb. I’m boring. I suck the fun out of everything.”
“Why would you say that about yourself?”
Zeke looked hurt by her words.
Why are you looking at me like that? Stop it. Tanya bit her lip harder than she should have.
“I’m sorry I didn’t realize how you felt sooner. Tanya, you’re not just unhappy, are you?” he said.
“What does that mean? I’m fine.” she spat.
“You’re not fine. You’re not enjoying anything you used to like anymore, you’re irritable, you’re not sleeping well, you’re just-”
“Stop it. I don’t want to hear it.”
Tanya really felt angry now.
What, is he gonna say I’ve got depression or something? Don’t be ridiculous. I can’t have that. I’m fine. Just shut up and leave me alone.
Zeke watched her quietly for a moment before he continued. “I thought this trip might relax you, but I guess it only made you feel worse. I’ll try to do better and catch on to these things sooner. I promise.”
“Stop being so nice when I’m the one who made you do this.” Tanya said, mistakenly out loud.
Oh, damn it, now he’s just gonna get more worried about me. I’m so stupid...
“You didn’t make me do anything. Tanya, I planned this trip because I wanted to. Don’t blame yourself.”
“I also made you stay next to me all day when you could have been having fun swimming in the ocean. I know you like to do that. I wasted your day.”
“My days spent with you are never wasted.” he said without batting an eye.
“Oh come on, why aren’t you angry at me? I don’t deserve how nice you’re being to me.” she said, more annoyed than ever.
“You don’t deserve it? Tanya, are you serious? Are you seriously saying that?”
His bewilderment only served to make Tanya even angrier. “Yes, I’m seriously saying that! Why can’t you get it? I just want to be alone, but you won’t leave me alone! Why are you always so nice? It’s not fair!”
She couldn’t stop herself from shouting.
Why doesn’t he get it? I’m just a bother. He needs to stop acting like he’s happy to be with me.
“Well? You brought me out here, for what? To tell me stuff like this? To make me feel better? Well, guess what! It didn’t work! Nothing works! I’m just... I’m not worth your time. Just hurry up and find someone better than me. Someone happy. I’m just in the way...”
Zeke looked stunned, which only made Tanya feel worse.
Why does he look like that had never occurred to him before? He’s been acting long enough. He must be tired of me after I yelled at him like that. How much longer does he want to drag this out? I’m so sick of this!
“This is all my fault. This whole day is ruined now because of me. All because of this dumb vacation. So much for that, huh? I couldn’t just be happy and enjoy what you did for me, huh? I’m the worst, aren’t I? Say it, I’m the worst!”
Tanya continued yelling at her husband. His expression softened now, and he seemed to be patiently listening to her. That just made her even angrier.
Why won’t he get mad at me? After everything I’ve said, he has to hate me now. So why? Why does he still have that same dumb worried look on his face? Why...
Tanya collapsed to her knees at last. Her head hung over the sand, and her eyes were beginning to cloud with tears. She tried to force them back, but she couldn’t stop them from rolling out. She couldn’t stop her body from shaking, either. She tried like hell to hold the sobs in, but they came out against her will.
The first ugly sob shook her heaving chest. The next made her arms feel like jelly. The third sob finally broke down the floodgates, and she wailed into the sand. An outpouring of anguish erupted out from within, from somewhere she didn’t know she’d been keeping it all. Her face became messy and wet with snot as she struggled in futility to make everything stop.
At last, Zeke embraced his wife. Tanya tried to shout something that sounded like a no and began pounding on his back with her balled up hands, but he didn’t flinch or loosen his hold on her. She quickly lost the strength to resist and collapsed into his chest, crying uncontrollably. His shirt was getting stickier with her mucus and tears by the moment.
As she cried, she could feel him stroking her hair, running his fingers through her short curly locks with gentle attention. She remembered he once held her like this and did the same thing the day her dog died. It was so easy for her to cry in front of him back then, but now it was a terribly embarrassing ordeal. She hated him seeing her like this.
Still, he didn’t let go of her. No matter how big the mess on his shirt got, no matter how long or how loudly she cried, he didn’t let her go. And finally, as the tears slowed down, he began to speak.
“Tanya, I want you to know how much I love you. You deserve to feel as loved as you are. It isn’t fair to you that you’re feeling like this. There isn’t much that can make it better, and I know this trip didn’t help much. But one thing it did do for us was it finally got you to open up to me. I love you, and you make me happy to be around you, even when you feel like this. I’m not going to leave you alone. You don’t deserve to be alone. I’m here for you whether you like it or not. Let’s go home and we’ll get you some help.”
“But...” Tanya managed to get out between sniffles. “But... What about the trip... The money you spent...”
“You’re more important, honey. Let’s get packed and go home tomorrow.” Zeke reassured her.
Tanya felt something welling up in her chest that she hadn’t felt in a long time. Finally, she felt a little sense of security. If Zeke didn’t want to leave her after seeing her like this, maybe he was actually going to stay after all. She was so sure he was going to leave her, just like her dog had left, and how her father had left before that. But he was going to stay. Zeke wasn’t going anywhere that she wasn’t going.
“I’m so sorry, Zeke... I’m sorry for everything I said.” Tanya stammered.
“You don’t have to apologize. I know this isn’t easy for you. Let’s get back to the hotel. I’ll just order us some pizza or something.” he said gently.
“... With olives and peppers?” she asked quietly.
“Just for you, dear.” he laughed.
Zeke lifted Tanya up in his arms, which made her feel even more embarrassed. She clung to his shirt, still sticky from her crying fit. This vacation to a tropical island didn’t go how either of them expected, but perhaps that was for the best. In that moment, as Zeke marched through the sand while cushioning her shaking frame in his arms, she was reminded of something she once heard about the beach.
It was once said the beach had a special way of smoothing out a person’s ragged edges. That a person could find themselves changed by its temperable tranquility. Tanya felt as though this trip was unnecessary, but Zeke had said it was what got her to finally open up. Maybe she’d been smoothed out like the saying said.
Whatever the case, she finally found something to feel happy about again; her loving husband’s warm and gentle embrace. And she had this vacation to thank for that.