Writing Community Competition Week 29

[Ganondork]

Greetings, Ganondork here. I apologize for not posting this yesterday, I was out of town and had no access to a computer. For the third week, we've received a very good turn out. I thank everyone for their involvement in the competition. Here's this week's entries:

Hero of Time

Game Over

When I had entered Ganon's chamber, I expected nothing but the sweet taste of victory, but instead all I tasted was my own blood. I coughed up more and more as equal amounts poured out from the wound in my left pectoral. My tunic turned an ugly shade of brown and became soaking wet on the wound and in the area around it.

Why did you reach for your fairy, stupid? I asked myself. I couldn't answer that question; all I could do was lie on the ground and regret my decision as Ganondorf loomed over me, grinning deviously.

He looked into my horrified face and said coolly, "I don't know why you're so scared. You should be grateful I'm not making you live to see my reign over Hyrule. It's something most people would die for!" He followed this was evil laughs.

How could I let this happen? What about Zelda? How could I leave her with this thief as her ruler?

My only chance at salvation was to run for my life. But Ganondorf had his sword drawn; if I moved an inch, there was no doubt he would pulverize me with one quick strike. But it was my only chance at survival - and the kingdom's survival along with it.

"Any last words, punk?" he snarled.

I snickered. "You better hope you locked the door."

Ganondorf was confused for a split second, and I took advantage of it.I immediately ran for it. In moments, I was closing in on the door. I could hear his heavy footsteps growing closer and closer. My loss of blood had drained my energy. I was gasping for air by the time I was twenty feet away.

I could see the light beyond the door. Fifteen feet away. Ten feet. Five feet. I reached for the knob as I came to a halt directly in front of the large door. I felt the cold, bronze knob in my pale hand. Right as I began to turn it, the thing I was running from became a reality. The steel blade of Ganondorf penetrated my back and didn't stop until it had passed through my abdomen and pierced my skin a second time on the other side.

My whole existence went numb. I felt nothing but the frigid grasp of the hands of death. As my world faded to black, I heard the last words spoken to me by my victorious enemy.

"Game over."

Thareous

Downfall

Blades struck each other, and lightning from the brewing storm outside Hyrule Castle flashed, as if generated by the intensity of the ongoing battle. The blows the two warriors traded rang out like the thunder that went off thereafter. One warrior was swift and dauntless, while his combatant was larger and more powerful. Together they attacked with equal ferocity, so much that neither could overcome the other. They would circumvent, parry, or altogether dodge every endeavored strike.

But then the larger opponent Ganondorf, being of Power, therefore greater endurance, recognized the tiredness exhaustion of Link. Some old contempt stirred from within. This is his best? he mused, defending a blow. And you thought I could be thrashed again. Pathetic... With that he threw all his strength against his foe, sending him flying backward. As Link hit the floor Ganon bounded toward him and kicked the reprehensible Master Sword from his hand. Quickly reaching down, he seized the "hero's" neck in his grasp.

"Well, well..." Ganondorf jerked his victim from the flagstones and watched as he squirmed. "I'll say it again, Kid; you've some real guts about you. Wonder what'd come out of you if I cut you open. Oh, that's right: guts. You're only a pompous mortal, after all. On the other hand, I'm so much more." He raised his free hand to display the shimmering triangle.

Link grunted, exasperated, and pounded on his arm.

"Oh look, the churl can't take defeat," Ganon said. A sneer curled up his face, but dropped into a grimace. The fury that erupted from him was unexpected to them both. "Complacent brat! Stop struggling! What do you think you're righting for? This land is mine. It was ordained as mine, until scoundrels like you rose up from nothing. And you go around sporting this "destiny" to receive praise from others. Do you even realize how much I loathe your arrogance, HATE YOU?"

A cry of pain escaped Link as his grip tightened, and Ganondorf strode out into the rain, out onto a balcony. He thrust Link over the railing, still seething with hatred, his voice roaring over the storm. "Now all will see you for the fraud you are. They'll at last acknowledge me as the true master! Do you hear that, Boy? I'm even Master above you! So prepare for the 'Hero's Downfall.' No pun intended..."

A_LINK_IN_TIME

Fallen Warrior

The sword lay on the ground before him but he could not muster the strength to stand up. The Triforce on his hand no longer appeared to possess the radiance it once exerted and he could only grope in pain as the princess shouted to him across the flames. A seven year trek. And for what?! Nothing. Wiping the blood from his hands, he stood up and withdrew a bow of purity with the hope of slaying the principal denizen once and for all.
“Rrr,” cried the beast. Its arms extended out as the blades of massacre shone in the moonlight. Too many people had lost their life at the hands of this villain, beast monster! Gasping for breath, the hero shot once, twice, thrice into the demon’s back end. Soon both fighters were on the ground, scurrying to rise.

It had been only moments before that everything seemed hopeless. Now, some dim pulse-a slight palpitation exited the warrior. He sensed there was a chance even if a narrow one.

“Where there’s a will, there’s a way,” he whispered to himself.

The beast lurched forward. Raising the blade he had received from the princess moments before, the hero in green raised the weapon to the sky and felt the power of the sages surge through it. This was his chance! With a last gasp of blood from mouth, the hero lurched forward and delivered the finishing blow. Unfortunately, his body had sustained too much damage during his earlier encounter with the dark queen. The hero of seven years collapsed, panting and breathing forcefully.

His funeral was held Sunday of that week at the Temple of Time. The cadaver had been inspected and it was found that serious wounds had pierced the warrior’s stomach. The princess had locked herself in her chamber for the week period in between his death and funeral. He would be buried in the castle garden later that day. Dressed entirely in black, she emerged from the palace with a solemn procession attending to her.

Link was dead but his memory lived in-A hero who had fulfilled the prophecy and whom the Master Sword never failed. Courage may have fled his veins but his heart was always evil’s bane.

***​

With this week's competition over, it's time for next week's topic:

Zelda in Another Game

How would Zelda characters interact in another game? How would the plot be altered? How would they adapt to this new environment?

This topic's word limit is 700 words; it's going to require a good bit of detail and development. It's due 2/26/12, remember to Private Message me your entry. Have a great day.

 

[A Link In Time]

Hero of Time: You wisely used the traditional Game Over setup the series is renowned for and in a very clever way, may I add. I was doubtful of your use of first person as I started reading, but it turned out excellent. I wish more people would follow your example and choose to enter this excellent ZD writing competition. Also, great verb synonyms for "spoke" used such as "snarled" and "snickered".

Thareous: Excellent juxtaposition of the characters of Link and Ganondorf. Very vivid descriptions as well, may I add. Ganon's words against Link were also a very interesting choice. It's certainly a new and bold perspective to see Link as arrogant. That's what sold it most to me. Although I must admit that "No pun intended..." sentence at the end was a very strange disclaimer.

Sad to see no GaroXicon this week. Oh well.

Hopefully, this competition blossoms into something more.

 

[Random Person]

Been a while since I looked at others literature, but here I go.

Hero of Time
First off, your overall theme is excellent. Game Over as the world fades to black... Ah, I see what you did there. I, Personally, did not like the first Person perspective of Link as it gave him characteristics that I normally don't see Link having. The assumptions that we give a silent character like Link go away when we can actually hear their thoughts and, for me, that's something that should remain. However, your suspense building skills are great. I could hear Ganon's boots.

Thareous
Dude, I loved the atmosphere of your story, but don't have the vocabulary to describe it like A_LINK_IN_TIME does . I pretty much agree with everything A_LINK_IN_TIME said as well. The only problem is the ending. Ganondorf actually saying "Hero's Downfall" took away from the implied pun. Basically it follows the rule that if you have to explain the joke, it makes the joke not funny. And the "pun not intended" sort of shifted the atmosphere from its tense position. Not saying that taking those out completely is the only solution. If Ganondorf had said "YOUR downfall," you described a scene of Link falling, and THEN he said "No pun intended" it would have still kept the proper atmosphere, but I get the feeling you wanted to leave the reader in suspense which is why you didn't show the actual dropping. Still, if you reread it in mind with a proper tone, it still works out well.

A_LINK_IN_TIME
Its interesting how your differs from the rest as it actually shows what happens after Link's death. I think the concept is great, but its execution wasn't. "His funeral was held on a Sunday" is too sudden. One thing that also threw me off was sometimes the diction seem a bit off (but this might be just me). In the first paragraph, the term "principal denizen" seems way out of place compared to most of the paragraph. Unless there was some purpose to that sentence being different, it upsets the balance of the story. I liked the poetic things you through in there "Where there's a will, there's a way." Courage is defined as "The will to overcome fear". And that last metaphorical part was interesting.

All in all, I must vote for Thareous. If it had not been for the last two lines, I would have loved practically everything about this story and even still, someone else might love those last two lines.

 

[Ronin]

Hero of Time: Your story has a very consistent atmosphere, and almost stands up to the tempo of mine. This means it was done extremely well considering it was done in first person. FP is a weakness of mine, because it involves telling of characters' perspectives other than mine. There's only one loose end that took the story out of place for a second—when Link mentions the fairy—but the reader can easily deduce he tried to save Navi. On the other hand I'll follow the trend of saying your ending finished in flying colors with the "GAME OVER" reference.

A_LINK_IN_TIME: I loved the simple flow of your story. It wasn't that engrossed on the action, and actually had a more mellow, melancholy feel to it. As if we were watching the Hero's last moments in slow motion. I could envision a movie scene being made on the battle alone. Very well done in capturing that cinematic aspect. Though I can't be sure it was intentional; just how I came by to see it. :bleh:

Thareous: Although I must admit that "No pun intended..." sentence at the end was a very strange disclaimer.

Thareous
Dude, I loved the atmosphere of your story, but don't have the vocabulary to describe it like A_LINK_IN_TIME does . I pretty much agree with everything A_LINK_IN_TIME said as well. The only problem is the ending. Ganondorf actually saying "Hero's Downfall" took away from the implied pun. Basically it follows the rule that if you have to explain the joke, it makes the joke not funny. And the "pun not intended" sort of shifted the atmosphere from its tense position. Not saying that taking those out completely is the only solution. If Ganondorf had said "YOUR downfall," you described a scene of Link falling, and THEN he said "No pun intended" it would have still kept the proper atmosphere, but I get the feeling you wanted to leave the reader in suspense which is why you didn't show the actual dropping. Still, if you reread it in mind with a proper tone, it still works out well.

Yeah, I struggled on how the ending should play out. Showing Ganon let go of Link would've offended some of the viewers, so I wanted to make it more hinted at. The dialogue at the end is what got to me, and I hastily threw the "No pun intended" in. Otherwise the meaning might not have been understood as well. But at least it worked out well.

 

[Hero of Time]

Thareous

You started your story with a great comparison between the thunderstorm outside and the battle inside that really set the mood well. I also thought how you focused on Ganondorf throughout the piece was pretty unique and well-done. His dialogue was outstanding, but I agree with RP that the last 2 lines were kind of cheesy.

A_LINK_IN_TIME

Your story was nice, as well. I agree that the jump to the funeral was rather sudden - although adding in the funeral was a nice change from the tragic endings of Thareous's and mine. Other than that, I don't have any complaints. Good work.

There's only one loose end that took the story out of place for a second—when Link mentions the fairy

I know. =\ In my first draft I had that explained, but I had to condense it a lot to fit the word limit. It was actually that Link reached for a fairy in one of his bottles, but he got struck by Ganondorf as he did; and then he got mad at himself when he remembered that the fairy heals him automatically when he dies. But then I had to cut it out.

 

[A Link In Time]

Its interesting how your differs from the rest as it actually shows what happens after Link's death. I think the concept is great, but its execution wasn't. "His funeral was held on a Sunday" is too sudden. One thing that also threw me off was sometimes the diction seem a bit off (but this might be just me). In the first paragraph, the term "principal denizen" seems way out of place compared to most of the paragraph.

I'm not going to point fingers here, however, I believe the 400 word limit prevented further elaboration on the last bit. Also, for a piece I nearly forgot about, I believe I did pretty good. I'll promise to put more time and effort into this next 700 word piece. Sorry for the strange diction too.

Also, RP, I think you're a great writer and should consider entering. If GaroXicon and all of this week's former participants return, we could have five already. In addition, I'm pushing awareness among other members as well.

I loved the simple flow of your story. It wasn't that engrossed on the action, and actually had a more mellow, melancholy feel to it. As if we were watching the Hero's last moments in slow motion. I could envision a movie scene being made on the battle alone. Very well done in capturing that cinematic aspect. Though I can't be sure it was intentional; just how I came by to see it.

Thanks, Thar. Personally, action is something very hard to describe and therefore many writers including myself tend to stray away from it. Although I do see that you take a liking to it. Thanks for the compliments.

Your story was nice, as well. I agree that the jump to the funeral was rather sudden - although adding in the funeral was a nice change from the tragic endings of Thareous's and mine. Other than that, I don't have any complaints. Good work.

Thanks a lot, man. As I already stated, your piece transformed me from skeptic to believer.

 

[Garo]

Great batch of entries this week, but my vote has to go to Hero of Time. The idea of a sardonic, cunning Link - even an inch from defeat - is very amusing and I loved reading his entry. This isn't to say that I didn't enjoy the entries by Thareous and A LINK IN TIME, but I just appreciated the novel take on Link's disposition. All three were superbly written - as usual - and were a pleasure to read.

I really liked this topic and would have loved to participate, but I have been busy and ill - a rather disappointing combination of afflictions. Thus my writing time was rather limited, and I choose to finish up the first segment of this (shameless self plug, yup) instead - but rest assured, I have every intention of entering this competition whenever I can find the time!