I don't know why I feel so empty. It is most likely my fly poop sized self confidemce and my extremely deep-rooted loneliness. I have nothing to be proud of either. I don't remember anyone saying "I'm proud of you" ever during my life and even if someone has, it propably was when I was just a kid. I just want to be part of community or group, who I would be comfortable in. With people greeting you if you greet them back and showing interest in your talking, which is in itself extremely confusing, since my self confidence usually stops myself from writing in fear being bullied and ignored. It has created this endless loop of wanting to became more social, active, getting to know people who like you and are enjoying talking to you, feeling proudness and confidence in your work and dealing with extreme shyness and timidness, which stops you from interctating with people and trying out new things in fear of failing and looking stupid. It is all spiraling out of control and making me loose all hope of change. I just feel lost in the endless loop of fading hope and negative feelings.
You can always try out new hobbies and look for new skill sets on your own, the internet has a library of knowledge. Accomplishing small tasks set for yourself can help boost your self-esteem. I understand your worry in regards to socializing. Going out to a setting like a bar or a restaurant wouldn't be easy as the focus tends to be on personal experiences and opinions.
Go somewhere that has you partake in an activity, you can then talk about the activity itself rather worry about having a spotlight centered on you. You can usually find open groups in your area that will run some sort of ongoing activity.
You will fail and you will look stupid, just like everyone else, it's normal. Learn from it and move on. Everyone ****s up. Try not to compare yourself to others too much, compare yourself to yourself a month or year ago and acknowledge any progression or achievements you've made during that time and don't forget them.
Everyone yearns to belong in a group, to receive and benefit from positive interactions from said group. Interactions with others is bartering at its core. You give, you receive, and being happier with yourself and keeping occupied will increase what you can give and receive.